To the woman in Michaels at seven corners who told their daughter to grab your purse

[Anonymous]

Hey, fellow white people telling OP not to get upset or coming up with explanations about how this wasn't racist: Shut up and stop arguing with the person who was actually there after a lifetime of being on the receiving end of racism.

OP, I'm sorry this happened to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One time at the grocery store, I left my purse in my cart so I could look at the cakes for a friend's bday party. An AA woman picked it up and walked it over to me and said, "You shouldn't leave this in your cart". We were in the Vienna Giant it it was pretty empty - no one was going to steal my purse and run. I don't know why she felt the need to do this.

That said, I didn't let it ruin my day.

WTF????

DP here. I haven’t had someone touch my purse but I have had older women come tell me I shouldn’t stand so far away from it. They were just trying to be motherly I suppose, I just said thanks even though I found it annoying. These are the same women who feel compelled to tell you your baby needs socks in July.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She said for her daughter to grab her purse because she realized when you came by that she idiotically left her purse where anyone could take it. You are making an assumption that her decision was based on race. Don’t vicitimize yourself.

I totally agree. I had my wallet stolen out of my open purse. I stepped away from my cart and purse to get something on a shelf when it happened. I saw the guy as I turned around and he was out of the store in 2 seconds. BTW he was a POC . Now I don't leave my purse in the shopping carts regardless of where I am or who is around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One time at the grocery store, I left my purse in my cart so I could look at the cakes for a friend's bday party. An AA woman picked it up and walked it over to me and said, "You shouldn't leave this in your cart". We were in the Vienna Giant it it was pretty empty - no one was going to steal my purse and run. I don't know why she felt the need to do this.

That said, I didn't let it ruin my day.

WTF????

DP here. I haven’t had someone touch my purse but I have had older women come tell me I shouldn’t stand so far away from it. They were just trying to be motherly I suppose, I just said thanks even though I found it annoying. These are the same women who feel compelled to tell you your baby needs socks in July.

So true. I've had women tell me not to leave my purse, and I do know better but sometimes just need to grab something a few feet away. Usually because someone is blocking the aisle. But I don't demand they move their cart for me. I either move it myself or find a way around it. Life is way too hard for some people. And it ruined your day? OMG the drama.

[Anonymous]

One time in Costco, two security guys came up to me and told me to take my purse out of the cart. They said people were cartlifting purses. I appreciated that they were looking out for customers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The woman was definitely rude, and probably racist but not because she grabbed the bag, but because she didn’t move the cart for you. She grabbed the bag because she probably caught became aware when you approached her how close you were to the cart and the bag and she hadn’t noticed you until you spoke to her. So anyone could have just grabbed the bag, and she wouldn’t have been the wiser.

She was far away; her daughter came and took the cart. I gave her a chance to realize her misstep and apologize. She didn’t.

Well, op, if they were far from the cart and the purse was IN the cart, of course she’s going to tell her daughter to grab the purse.

Who leaves their purse in a cart and is far? Of course she’d realize that she needs to keep her purse with wallet, credit cards, and driver license, insurance cards, and who knows what other documents close to her. Not because you appeared, but because your appearance and calling her out on the card, made her realize how stupid she was to leave her purse behind. Anyway, I am not defending the woman. She was wrong, but her reaction of sending her daughter to bring the purse closer is natural to me - someone who holds close to my purse when I put irrespective where.

Why wouldn't you send your daughter to bring the cart closer?

That’s what I’d do, and this is what the woman per op did as well.

Why didn't OP just walk another way? That's what I would do just so I don't have to interact with people or get so close to them in case they are Covid +. OP - if you are always looking for someone to hurt your feelings, you will always find it.

Because when you see OP coming you better part the seas. She's a VIP and nothing better get in her way. She'll give you but one chance to apologize and mend your ways. Didn't you know she's very important and must get her Michael's shit ASAP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The woman was definitely rude, and probably racist but not because she grabbed the bag, but because she didn’t move the cart for you. She grabbed the bag because she probably caught became aware when you approached her how close you were to the cart and the bag and she hadn’t noticed you until you spoke to her. So anyone could have just grabbed the bag, and she wouldn’t have been the wiser.

She was far away; her daughter came and took the cart. I gave her a chance to realize her misstep and apologize. She didn’t.

Well, op, if they were far from the cart and the purse was IN the cart, of course she’s going to tell her daughter to grab the purse.

Who leaves their purse in a cart and is far? Of course she’d realize that she needs to keep her purse with wallet, credit cards, and driver license, insurance cards, and who knows what other documents close to her. Not because you appeared, but because your appearance and calling her out on the card, made her realize how stupid she was to leave her purse behind. Anyway, I am not defending the woman. She was wrong, but her reaction of sending her daughter to bring the purse closer is natural to me - someone who holds close to my purse when I put irrespective where.

Why wouldn't you send your daughter to bring the cart closer?

That’s what I’d do, and this is what the woman per op did as well.

Why didn't OP just walk another way? That's what I would do just so I don't have to interact with people or get so close to them in case they are Covid +. OP - if you are always looking for someone to hurt your feelings, you will always find it.

Op wanted to look at stocking stuffers behind the woman’s cart. But yes, OP initiated the whole interaction by asking first calling out to the woman to scoot her cart, then proceeded to tell her that she’s not there to steal her purse and gave her a lecture about wearing same brands as op, and then stayed some more there to give the woman she’s been picking on “the chance to apologize”. She basically picked on the woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The woman was definitely rude, and probably racist but not because she grabbed the bag, but because she didn’t move the cart for you. She grabbed the bag because she probably caught became aware when you approached her how close you were to the cart and the bag and she hadn’t noticed you until you spoke to her. So anyone could have just grabbed the bag, and she wouldn’t have been the wiser.

She was far away; her daughter came and took the cart. I gave her a chance to realize her misstep and apologize. She didn’t.

Well, op, if they were far from the cart and the purse was IN the cart, of course she’s going to tell her daughter to grab the purse.

Who leaves their purse in a cart and is far? Of course she’d realize that she needs to keep her purse with wallet, credit cards, and driver license, insurance cards, and who knows what other documents close to her. Not because you appeared, but because your appearance and calling her out on the card, made her realize how stupid she was to leave her purse behind. Anyway, I am not defending the woman. She was wrong, but her reaction of sending her daughter to bring the purse closer is natural to me - someone who holds close to my purse when I put irrespective where.

Why wouldn't you send your daughter to bring the cart closer?

That’s what I’d do, and this is what the woman per op did as well.

Why didn't OP just walk another way? That's what I would do just so I don't have to interact with people or get so close to them in case they are Covid +. OP - if you are always looking for someone to hurt your feelings, you will always find it.

Op wanted to look at stocking stuffers behind the woman’s cart. But yes, OP initiated the whole interaction by asking first calling out to the woman to scoot her cart, then proceeded to tell her that she’s not there to steal her purse and gave her a lecture about wearing same brands as op, and then stayed some more there to give the woman she’s been picking on “the chance to apologize”. She basically picked on the woman.

I didn't do that. It's amazing how you contort fact to align with your world view.

[Anonymous]

^^^ that’s what’s written in your op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^ that’s what’s written in your op.

It’s very sad how you cannot read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One time at the grocery store, I left my purse in my cart so I could look at the cakes for a friend's bday party. An AA woman picked it up and walked it over to me and said, "You shouldn't leave this in your cart". We were in the Vienna Giant it it was pretty empty - no one was going to steal my purse and run. I don't know why she felt the need to do this.

That said, I didn't let it ruin my day.

WTF????

DP here. I haven’t had someone touch my purse but I have had older women come tell me I shouldn’t stand so far away from it. They were just trying to be motherly I suppose, I just said thanks even though I found it annoying. These are the same women who feel compelled to tell you your baby needs socks in July.

The WTF was about PP comparing her situation to OPs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hey, fellow white people telling OP not to get upset or coming up with explanations about how this wasn't racist: Shut up and stop arguing with the person who was actually there after a lifetime of being on the receiving end of racism.

OP, I'm sorry this happened to you.

Yep sometimes it is racist. And sometimes it's just not. a few weeks ago I quietly and politely told a Black woman that hey you know your friend shouldn't leave her purse in the cart and walk away there are lots of people around you just don't know. She said something to her friend who was also Black, they glanced around and realized that yeah lots of people around who were all white btw and the woman came over quickly and grabbed her purse. Thieves are not a certain race or ethnicity and women shouldn't just leave their purses open in carts and walk away and it doesn't matter where it is or how many people are around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here . I’m also AA. I probably perpetuate it but I’m so used to it that if you ask me for help while we are in the store I loudly tell you “stop being racist. I don’t work here” (how much is this, where is this in the store questions)
I also snatch my purse when I see older white people coming toward me. And I lock and unlock my car doors when I see groups of whites coming toward my car. Nobody ever notices but I giggle.
Yes. I am not on the good list this year.

I think your first example is potentially unfair. I’m a white woman ho has been mistaken for a store employer countless times. I think there are some of us who just give off “I am a service worker” vibes wherever we go. Your other two subversive examples are hysterical.

I get asked where stuff is too! I always try to help though.

White middle aged woman here who is frequently asked for help at the grocery store— like how to pick the best fruit, etc. Also, location of things in the store. I am not offended and try to be helpful. Not sure why this is insulting to people.

NP. Obviously you’ve never been treated poorly due to race, since you have no understanding how it could be insulting. It’s the way it is asked - as if it’s my job to tell them where item X can be located, or the price of an item. “Hey, where can I find XXXX?” That is much different from being asked to share your knowledge of how to pick the best fruit. “Hey, how you decide which fruit is best?” [I have never been asked that, and have never heard of anyone being asked that either however.]

Anyway I know you’re probably trolling so I am responding mostly to show support for the OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here . I’m also AA. I probably perpetuate it but I’m so used to it that if you ask me for help while we are in the store I loudly tell you “stop being racist. I don’t work here” (how much is this, where is this in the store questions)
I also snatch my purse when I see older white people coming toward me. And I lock and unlock my car doors when I see groups of whites coming toward my car. Nobody ever notices but I giggle.
Yes. I am not on the good list this year.

I think your first example is potentially unfair. I’m a white woman ho has been mistaken for a store employer countless times. I think there are some of us who just give off “I am a service worker” vibes wherever we go. Your other two subversive examples are hysterical.

I get asked where stuff is too! I always try to help though.

White middle aged woman here who is frequently asked for help at the grocery store— like how to pick the best fruit, etc. Also, location of things in the store. I am not offended and try to be helpful. Not sure why this is insulting to people.

NP. Obviously you’ve never been treated poorly due to race, since you have no understanding how it could be insulting. It’s the way it is asked - as if it’s my job to tell them where item X can be located, or the price of an item. “Hey, where can I find XXXX?” That is much different from being asked to share your knowledge of how to pick the best fruit. “Hey, how you decide which fruit is best?” [I have never been asked that, and have never heard of anyone being asked that either however.]

Anyway I know you’re probably trolling so I am responding mostly to show support for the OP.

Nope not trolling. And I know I’m weird, but I like to be helpful to people. ( not always, of course, if someone has a bad attitude). I think I appear approachable for some reason. I have had people ask me in rude and condescending ways ( this happens sometimes no matter the race) and then I definitely set a boundary. Just trying to make a point that these happen and it is not always about race, IMO.
What’s that phrase, something about if you look for conflict you will always be able to find it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One time at the grocery store, I left my purse in my cart so I could look at the cakes for a friend's bday party. An AA woman picked it up and walked it over to me and said, "You shouldn't leave this in your cart". We were in the Vienna Giant it it was pretty empty - no one was going to steal my purse and run. I don't know why she felt the need to do this.

That said, I didn't let it ruin my day.

No, she was right. Lots of people get their bags stolen at the grocery store. It’s a thing.

Yep, there are criminals that specifically target bags left in carts at grocery stores, target etc.

I’ve also had this happen a couple times. I think a few things are at play here.

Black people are aware, on some level, that when something does get stolen, they will be targeted as suspects due to the color of their skin. They are more likely to be arrested and more likely to be convicted.

Black people must be more alert regarding their surroundings. They are less likely to be taken seriously if crimes are committed against them and some studies have suggested that black people are more likely to have crimes committed against them. This is particularly true if they have experience living in a lower income area as this is associated with a higher crime rate.

In short, I think a lot of UMC white people live in a world where they feel safe and somewhat protected. They are more oblivious to the potential for a crime to be committed against them. Black people don’t inhabit this world and often have to operate on the defensive.