To the woman in Michaels at seven corners who told their daughter to grab your purse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One time at the grocery store, I left my purse in my cart so I could look at the cakes for a friend's bday party. An AA woman picked it up and walked it over to me and said, "You shouldn't leave this in your cart". We were in the Vienna Giant it it was pretty empty - no one was going to steal my purse and run. I don't know why she felt the need to do this.

That said, I didn't let it ruin my day.

No, she was right. Lots of people get their bags stolen at the grocery store. It’s a thing.

Yep, there are criminals that specifically target bags left in carts at grocery stores, target etc.

I’ve also had this happen a couple times. I think a few things are at play here.

Black people are aware, on some level, that when something does get stolen, they will be targeted as suspects due to the color of their skin. They are more likely to be arrested and more likely to be convicted.

Black people must be more alert regarding their surroundings. They are less likely to be taken seriously if crimes are committed against them and some studies have suggested that black people are more likely to have crimes committed against them. This is particularly true if they have experience living in a lower income area as this is associated with a higher crime rate.

In short, I think a lot of UMC white people live in a world where they feel safe and somewhat protected. They are more oblivious to the potential for a crime to be committed against them. Black people don’t inhabit this world and often have to operate on the defensive.

I don't think OP was being defensive, rather confronatational. Being confrontational is much more likely to escalate a situation from bad to worse. How does that make one feel safer in their surroundings?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One time at the grocery store, I left my purse in my cart so I could look at the cakes for a friend's bday party. An AA woman picked it up and walked it over to me and said, "You shouldn't leave this in your cart". We were in the Vienna Giant it it was pretty empty - no one was going to steal my purse and run. I don't know why she felt the need to do this.

That said, I didn't let it ruin my day.

No, she was right. Lots of people get their bags stolen at the grocery store. It’s a thing.

Yep, there are criminals that specifically target bags left in carts at grocery stores, target etc.

I’ve also had this happen a couple times. I think a few things are at play here.

Black people are aware, on some level, that when something does get stolen, they will be targeted as suspects due to the color of their skin. They are more likely to be arrested and more likely to be convicted.

Black people must be more alert regarding their surroundings. They are less likely to be taken seriously if crimes are committed against them and some studies have suggested that black people are more likely to have crimes committed against them. This is particularly true if they have experience living in a lower income area as this is associated with a higher crime rate.

In short, I think a lot of UMC white people live in a world where they feel safe and somewhat protected. They are more oblivious to the potential for a crime to be committed against them. Black people don’t inhabit this world and often have to operate on the defensive.

I don't think OP was being defensive, rather confronatational. Being confrontational is much more likely to escalate a situation from bad to worse. How does that make one feel safer in their surroundings?

Pp my comment was intended for the pp who had a black woman walk her purse over after she left it unattended. I’ve also had similar things happen.

I don’t think OP did anything wrong. I think calling out the woman’s actions could have led to confrontation but, if OP felt safe in saying something, I think it makes sense that she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
White people can't win for losing can they?

Yes. The lesson here is that life is hard for White people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One time at the grocery store, I left my purse in my cart so I could look at the cakes for a friend's bday party. An AA woman picked it up and walked it over to me and said, "You shouldn't leave this in your cart". We were in the Vienna Giant it it was pretty empty - no one was going to steal my purse and run. I don't know why she felt the need to do this.

That said, I didn't let it ruin my day.

No, she was right. Lots of people get their bags stolen at the grocery store. It’s a thing.

Yep, there are criminals that specifically target bags left in carts at grocery stores, target etc.

I’ve also had this happen a couple times. I think a few things are at play here.

Black people are aware, on some level, that when something does get stolen, they will be targeted as suspects due to the color of their skin. They are more likely to be arrested and more likely to be convicted.

Black people must be more alert regarding their surroundings. They are less likely to be taken seriously if crimes are committed against them and some studies have suggested that black people are more likely to have crimes committed against them. This is particularly true if they have experience living in a lower income area as this is associated with a higher crime rate.

In short, I think a lot of UMC white people live in a world where they feel safe and somewhat protected. They are more oblivious to the potential for a crime to be committed against them. Black people don’t inhabit this world and often have to operate on the defensive.

I don't think OP was being defensive, rather confronatational. Being confrontational is much more likely to escalate a situation from bad to worse. How does that make one feel safer in their surroundings?

I was not confrontational in my tone, rather explaining. It's interesting that women are always told to stick up for themselves, but I guess that's only if they're white. FYI, I am continuing to engage, just in case I can help even one person change their mind or their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here . I’m also AA. I probably perpetuate it but I’m so used to it that if you ask me for help while we are in the store I loudly tell you “stop being racist. I don’t work here” (how much is this, where is this in the store questions)
I also snatch my purse when I see older white people coming toward me. And I lock and unlock my car doors when I see groups of whites coming toward my car. Nobody ever notices but I giggle.
Yes. I am not on the good list this year.

I think your first example is potentially unfair. I’m a white woman ho has been mistaken for a store employer countless times. I think there are some of us who just give off “I am a service worker” vibes wherever we go. Your other two subversive examples are hysterical.

I get asked where stuff is too! I always try to help though.

White middle aged woman here who is frequently asked for help at the grocery store— like how to pick the best fruit, etc. Also, location of things in the store. I am not offended and try to be helpful. Not sure why this is insulting to people.

Another white middle-aged woman here. This happens to me regularly. I just respond that I don’t work there, and then I help the person get their question answered. I’ve been doing this for years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
White people can't win for losing can they?

Yes. The lesson here is that life is hard for White people.

Especially in stores with narrow aisles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here . I’m also AA. I probably perpetuate it but I’m so used to it that if you ask me for help while we are in the store I loudly tell you “stop being racist. I don’t work here” (how much is this, where is this in the store questions)
I also snatch my purse when I see older white people coming toward me. And I lock and unlock my car doors when I see groups of whites coming toward my car. Nobody ever notices but I giggle.
Yes. I am not on the good list this year.

I think your first example is potentially unfair. I’m a white woman ho has been mistaken for a store employer countless times. I think there are some of us who just give off “I am a service worker” vibes wherever we go. Your other two subversive examples are hysterical.

I get asked where stuff is too! I always try to help though.

White middle aged woman here who is frequently asked for help at the grocery store— like how to pick the best fruit, etc. Also, location of things in the store. I am not offended and try to be helpful. Not sure why this is insulting to people.

Another white middle-aged woman here. This happens to me regularly. I just respond that I don’t work there, and then I help the person get their question answered. I’ve been doing this for years.

I am white and was asked by an elderly man who was not white at the store just today which Yogurt had the probiotics. I was happy to help him. This is not the first time I've been asked, it's usually by clueless men. Why isn't the inclination to be helpful rather than offended?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One time at the grocery store, I left my purse in my cart so I could look at the cakes for a friend's bday party. An AA woman picked it up and walked it over to me and said, "You shouldn't leave this in your cart". We were in the Vienna Giant it it was pretty empty - no one was going to steal my purse and run. I don't know why she felt the need to do this.

That said, I didn't let it ruin my day.

No, she was right. Lots of people get their bags stolen at the grocery store. It’s a thing.

Yep, there are criminals that specifically target bags left in carts at grocery stores, target etc.

I’ve also had this happen a couple times. I think a few things are at play here.

Black people are aware, on some level, that when something does get stolen, they will be targeted as suspects due to the color of their skin. They are more likely to be arrested and more likely to be convicted.

Black people must be more alert regarding their surroundings. They are less likely to be taken seriously if crimes are committed against them and some studies have suggested that black people are more likely to have crimes committed against them. This is particularly true if they have experience living in a lower income area as this is associated with a higher crime rate.

In short, I think a lot of UMC white people live in a world where they feel safe and somewhat protected. They are more oblivious to the potential for a crime to be committed against them. Black people don’t inhabit this world and often have to operate on the defensive.

I don't think OP was being defensive, rather confronatational. Being confrontational is much more likely to escalate a situation from bad to worse. How does that make one feel safer in their surroundings?

I was not confrontational in my tone, rather explaining. It's interesting that women are always told to stick up for themselves, but I guess that's only if they're white. FYI, I am continuing to engage, just in case I can help even one person change their mind or their behavior.

I guess she stuck up for herself as well, because you explained something she already knew. That you weren't after her purse. You maybe thought this was a helpful educational learning experience. I doubt she saw it that way because you put a whole heap of assumptions on her that probably had nothing to do with her actual thought process.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't let trash ruin your day. Not worth it.

F them.

+1 Hugs, OP. Lots of hugs. I am so sorry this happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here . I’m also AA. I probably perpetuate it but I’m so used to it that if you ask me for help while we are in the store I loudly tell you “stop being racist. I don’t work here” (how much is this, where is this in the store questions)
I also snatch my purse when I see older white people coming toward me. And I lock and unlock my car doors when I see groups of whites coming toward my car. Nobody ever notices but I giggle.
Yes. I am not on the good list this year.

I think your first example is potentially unfair. I’m a white woman ho has been mistaken for a store employer countless times. I think there are some of us who just give off “I am a service worker” vibes wherever we go. Your other two subversive examples are hysterical.

I get asked where stuff is too! I always try to help though.

White middle aged woman here who is frequently asked for help at the grocery store— like how to pick the best fruit, etc. Also, location of things in the store. I am not offended and try to be helpful. Not sure why this is insulting to people.

Another white middle-aged woman here. This happens to me regularly. I just respond that I don’t work there, and then I help the person get their question answered. I’ve been doing this for years.

I am white and was asked by an elderly man who was not white at the store just today which Yogurt had the probiotics. I was happy to help him. This is not the first time I've been asked, it's usually by clueless men. Why isn't the inclination to be helpful rather than offended?

Bless your heart. You probably reminded him of his caregiver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You put your cart right in front of all stocking stuffers and then shopped elsewhere on the aisle while you looked for prizes for whatever. I asked if you could scoot your cart out of the way as I approached. I saw you look at my face, make a quick calculation, and tell your daughter to grab your purse. Not grab the cart, but grab your purse (that was in the cart). You didn't notice that I was wearing boden, northface, and brooks, just like your family, or that I had high end glasses. All you saw was the color of my skin. And when I told you, I didn't want anything out of your purse, I'm just here to shop, just like you, you quickly retorted, "I know," in a condescending way. So if you were wearing black croc flats, a coral coach bag, and your daughter had a fox boden sweatshirt on, yeah, I'm talking to you. You are racist and you ruined my perfectly nice day off. F. U.; you suck.

Dont let this ruin your day. I promise you she isn't thinking about you so waste no more time thinking about her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here . I’m also AA. I probably perpetuate it but I’m so used to it that if you ask me for help while we are in the store I loudly tell you “stop being racist. I don’t work here” (how much is this, where is this in the store questions)
I also snatch my purse when I see older white people coming toward me. And I lock and unlock my car doors when I see groups of whites coming toward my car. Nobody ever notices but I giggle.
Yes. I am not on the good list this year.

I think your first example is potentially unfair. I’m a white woman ho has been mistaken for a store employer countless times. I think there are some of us who just give off “I am a service worker” vibes wherever we go. Your other two subversive examples are hysterical.

I get asked where stuff is too! I always try to help though.

White middle aged woman here who is frequently asked for help at the grocery store— like how to pick the best fruit, etc. Also, location of things in the store. I am not offended and try to be helpful. Not sure why this is insulting to people.

Another white middle-aged woman here. This happens to me regularly. I just respond that I don’t work there, and then I help the person get their question answered. I’ve been doing this for years.

I am white and was asked by an elderly man who was not white at the store just today which Yogurt had the probiotics. I was happy to help him. This is not the first time I've been asked, it's usually by clueless men. Why isn't the inclination to be helpful rather than offended?

LOL, y'all. I am regularly mistaken for a service worker. And sometimes other things. The other day I walked into a 7-11 in a downtrodden part of town. A customer looked up at me as he was standing in line at the register and announced loudly "social worker." (I am not.) Man, that store cleared out in about 10 seconds flat. I had the whole darn place to myself. The guy running the register was still holding some man's change.

Anyway, OP. I get you. I am a white mom with black and Hispanic kids. I know my radar is super touchy because I never want my kids to experience the behavior you describe yet I can tell you it happens. Not all the time but often enough. We've come a long way but we still haven't come far enough imo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here . I’m also AA. I probably perpetuate it but I’m so used to it that if you ask me for help while we are in the store I loudly tell you “stop being racist. I don’t work here” (how much is this, where is this in the store questions)
I also snatch my purse when I see older white people coming toward me. And I lock and unlock my car doors when I see groups of whites coming toward my car. Nobody ever notices but I giggle.
Yes. I am not on the good list this year.

I think your first example is potentially unfair. I’m a white woman ho has been mistaken for a store employer countless times. I think there are some of us who just give off “I am a service worker” vibes wherever we go. Your other two subversive examples are hysterical.

I get asked where stuff is too! I always try to help though.

White middle aged woman here who is frequently asked for help at the grocery store— like how to pick the best fruit, etc. Also, location of things in the store. I am not offended and try to be helpful. Not sure why this is insulting to people.

Another white middle-aged woman here. This happens to me regularly. I just respond that I don’t work there, and then I help the person get their question answered. I’ve been doing this for years.

I am white and was asked by an elderly man who was not white at the store just today which Yogurt had the probiotics. I was happy to help him. This is not the first time I've been asked, it's usually by clueless men. Why isn't the inclination to be helpful rather than offended?

Bless your heart. You probably reminded him of his caregiver.

Ok, I can live with that. Why would that be a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You put your cart right in front of all stocking stuffers and then shopped elsewhere on the aisle while you looked for prizes for whatever. I asked if you could scoot your cart out of the way as I approached. I saw you look at my face, make a quick calculation, and tell your daughter to grab your purse. Not grab the cart, but grab your purse (that was in the cart). You didn't notice that I was wearing boden, northface, and brooks, just like your family, or that I had high end glasses. All you saw was the color of my skin. And when I told you, I didn't want anything out of your purse, I'm just here to shop, just like you, you quickly retorted, "I know," in a condescending way. So if you were wearing black croc flats, a coral coach bag, and your daughter had a fox boden sweatshirt on, yeah, I'm talking to you. You are racist and you ruined my perfectly nice day off. F. U.; you suck.

But if you weren’t wearing northface…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here . I’m also AA. I probably perpetuate it but I’m so used to it that if you ask me for help while we are in the store I loudly tell you “stop being racist. I don’t work here” (how much is this, where is this in the store questions)
I also snatch my purse when I see older white people coming toward me. And I lock and unlock my car doors when I see groups of whites coming toward my car. Nobody ever notices but I giggle.
Yes. I am not on the good list this year.

I think your first example is potentially unfair. I’m a white woman ho has been mistaken for a store employer countless times. I think there are some of us who just give off “I am a service worker” vibes wherever we go. Your other two subversive examples are hysterical.

I get asked where stuff is too! I always try to help though.

White middle aged woman here who is frequently asked for help at the grocery store— like how to pick the best fruit, etc. Also, location of things in the store. I am not offended and try to be helpful. Not sure why this is insulting to people.

Another white middle-aged woman here. This happens to me regularly. I just respond that I don’t work there, and then I help the person get their question answered. I’ve been doing this for years.

Funny, I usually tell people to ask the actual employee following me around the store.