To the woman in Michaels at seven corners who told their daughter to grab your purse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here . I’m also AA. I probably perpetuate it but I’m so used to it that if you ask me for help while we are in the store I loudly tell you “stop being racist. I don’t work here” (how much is this, where is this in the store questions)
I also snatch my purse when I see older white people coming toward me. And I lock and unlock my car doors when I see groups of whites coming toward my car. Nobody ever notices but I giggle.
Yes. I am not on the good list this year.

I think your first example is potentially unfair. I’m a white woman ho has been mistaken for a store employer countless times. I think there are some of us who just give off “I am a service worker” vibes wherever we go. Your other two subversive examples are hysterical.

I get asked where stuff is too! I always try to help though.

White middle aged woman here who is frequently asked for help at the grocery store— like how to pick the best fruit, etc. Also, location of things in the store. I am not offended and try to be helpful. Not sure why this is insulting to people.

Another white middle-aged woman here. This happens to me regularly. I just respond that I don’t work there, and then I help the person get their question answered. I’ve been doing this for years.

Funny, I usually tell people to ask the actual employee following me around the store.

Where are you shopping that there are enough employees to do this and that actually care about shoplifting? Most places are pretty bare bones these days, insufficiently staffed, and indifferent to shoplifting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She said for her daughter to grab her purse because she realized when you came by that she idiotically left her purse where anyone could take it. You are making an assumption that her decision was based on race. Don’t vicitimize yourself.

I totally agree. I had my wallet stolen out of my open purse. I stepped away from my cart and purse to get something on a shelf when it happened. I saw the guy as I turned around and he was out of the store in 2 seconds. BTW he was a POC . Now I don't leave my purse in the shopping carts regardless of where I am or who is around.

BTW he was a person of color! Are you kidding me? Are you learning anything from this thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She said for her daughter to grab her purse because she realized when you came by that she idiotically left her purse where anyone could take it. You are making an assumption that her decision was based on race. Don’t vicitimize yourself.

I literally saw the way she looked at my face. If you haven't lived this experience, you wouldn't understand.

Agree with the PP. By the objective details you describe I don’t see anything racist. But now you are claiming she looked at you in a racist way so she must be a racist. That is subjective. Maybe she is or isn’t racist I don’t know. You are letting yourself believe that and letting it bother you. Just let it go. No insults were said, no police were called, no one was touched. What is there is be angry about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She said for her daughter to grab her purse because she realized when you came by that she idiotically left her purse where anyone could take it. You are making an assumption that her decision was based on race. Don’t vicitimize yourself.

I totally agree. I had my wallet stolen out of my open purse. I stepped away from my cart and purse to get something on a shelf when it happened. I saw the guy as I turned around and he was out of the store in 2 seconds. BTW he was a POC . Now I don't leave my purse in the shopping carts regardless of where I am or who is around.

BTW he was a person of color! Are you kidding me? Are you learning anything from this thread?

She’s learning she can’t say what race the thief was for fear of being called racist. Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here . I’m also AA. I probably perpetuate it but I’m so used to it that if you ask me for help while we are in the store I loudly tell you “stop being racist. I don’t work here” (how much is this, where is this in the store questions)
I also snatch my purse when I see older white people coming toward me. And I lock and unlock my car doors when I see groups of whites coming toward my car. Nobody ever notices but I giggle.
Yes. I am not on the good list this year.

I think your first example is potentially unfair. I’m a white woman ho has been mistaken for a store employer countless times. I think there are some of us who just give off “I am a service worker” vibes wherever we go. Your other two subversive examples are hysterical.

I get asked where stuff is too! I always try to help though.

White middle aged woman here who is frequently asked for help at the grocery store— like how to pick the best fruit, etc. Also, location of things in the store. I am not offended and try to be helpful. Not sure why this is insulting to people.

Another white middle-aged woman here. This happens to me regularly. I just respond that I don’t work there, and then I help the person get their question answered. I’ve been doing this for years.

I never get asked questions, but I normally look pissy and wear sweats. It's unintentionally a customer repellant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One time at the grocery store, I left my purse in my cart so I could look at the cakes for a friend's bday party. An AA woman picked it up and walked it over to me and said, "You shouldn't leave this in your cart". We were in the Vienna Giant it it was pretty empty - no one was going to steal my purse and run. I don't know why she felt the need to do this.

That said, I didn't let it ruin my day.

No, she was right. Lots of people get their bags stolen at the grocery store. It’s a thing.

Yep, there are criminals that specifically target bags left in carts at grocery stores, target etc.

I’ve also had this happen a couple times. I think a few things are at play here.

Black people are aware, on some level, that when something does get stolen, they will be targeted as suspects due to the color of their skin. They are more likely to be arrested and more likely to be convicted.

Black people must be more alert regarding their surroundings. They are less likely to be taken seriously if crimes are committed against them and some studies have suggested that black people are more likely to have crimes committed against them. This is particularly true if they have experience living in a lower income area as this is associated with a higher crime rate.

In short, I think a lot of UMC white people live in a world where they feel safe and somewhat protected. They are more oblivious to the potential for a crime to be committed against them. Black people don’t inhabit this world and often have to operate on the defensive.

I don't think OP was being defensive, rather confronatational. Being confrontational is much more likely to escalate a situation from bad to worse. How does that make one feel safer in their surroundings?

I was not confrontational in my tone, rather explaining. It's interesting that women are always told to stick up for themselves, but I guess that's only if they're white. FYI, I am continuing to engage, just in case I can help even one person change their mind or their behavior.

And you still haven't learned. You should have left that woman alone instead of engaging her more. I doubt it was anything to do with race, more like your overbearing attitude.

[Anonymous]

I recall the time I was at a Whole Foods and a very petite AA lady asked me to get her something on an upper shelf. She asked like it was a normal request for her, given her petite stature. I didn't mind one bit - happy to help.

Then there was the incident this past summer where I had to get the last remaining bottle all the way at the back of a top grocery store shelf. I was sadly wondering how to get it, when who should enter my aisle but a very, very tall AA man - maybe a former Redskins player. I gratefully asked him if he could get it for me, he smiled, grabbed it, and handed it over.

People helping people. Isn't that what life should be about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She said for her daughter to grab her purse because she realized when you came by that she idiotically left her purse where anyone could take it. You are making an assumption that her decision was based on race. Don’t vicitimize yourself.

I totally agree. I had my wallet stolen out of my open purse. I stepped away from my cart and purse to get something on a shelf when it happened. I saw the guy as I turned around and he was out of the store in 2 seconds. BTW he was a POC . Now I don't leave my purse in the shopping carts regardless of where I am or who is around.

BTW he was a person of color! Are you kidding me? Are you learning anything from this thread?

DP

Sometimes the thief is white, sometimes the thief is black.

If you are robbed by someone, that image sticks in your mind and makes you more fearful. If the local news cycle focuses on crime committed by certain races, that fosters your own perception and bias.

Duh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One time at the grocery store, I left my purse in my cart so I could look at the cakes for a friend's bday party. An AA woman picked it up and walked it over to me and said, "You shouldn't leave this in your cart". We were in the Vienna Giant it it was pretty empty - no one was going to steal my purse and run. I don't know why she felt the need to do this.

That said, I didn't let it ruin my day.

No, she was right. Lots of people get their bags stolen at the grocery store. It’s a thing.

Yep, there are criminals that specifically target bags left in carts at grocery stores, target etc.

I’ve also had this happen a couple times. I think a few things are at play here.

Black people are aware, on some level, that when something does get stolen, they will be targeted as suspects due to the color of their skin. They are more likely to be arrested and more likely to be convicted.

Black people must be more alert regarding their surroundings. They are less likely to be taken seriously if crimes are committed against them and some studies have suggested that black people are more likely to have crimes committed against them. This is particularly true if they have experience living in a lower income area as this is associated with a higher crime rate.

In short, I think a lot of UMC white people live in a world where they feel safe and somewhat protected. They are more oblivious to the potential for a crime to be committed against them. Black people don’t inhabit this world and often have to operate on the defensive.

I don't think OP was being defensive, rather confronatational. Being confrontational is much more likely to escalate a situation from bad to worse. How does that make one feel safer in their surroundings?

I was not confrontational in my tone, rather explaining. It's interesting that women are always told to stick up for themselves, but I guess that's only if they're white. FYI, I am continuing to engage, just in case I can help even one person change their mind or their behavior.

And you still haven't learned. You should have left that woman alone instead of engaging her more. I doubt it was anything to do with race, more like your overbearing attitude.

You seem pretty confrontational to me. No one did anything wrong to you. Move on

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One time at the grocery store, I left my purse in my cart so I could look at the cakes for a friend's bday party. An AA woman picked it up and walked it over to me and said, "You shouldn't leave this in your cart". We were in the Vienna Giant it it was pretty empty - no one was going to steal my purse and run. I don't know why she felt the need to do this.

That said, I didn't let it ruin my day.

You're an idiot. What happened to you was a nice gesture. What happened to OP was a rude, racist gesture.

So taking your purse out of your cart when a POC is present is racist but leaving it IN your cart is something an idiot would do?

White people can't win for losing can they?

Leaving your purse in your cart is stupid. But being afraid of a POC stealing your purse, but not another white person, is racist.

So if we can all agree that leaving your purse in your cart is stupid, why is everyone outraged that the lady wanted her purse out of her cart?
[

NP. She was suspicious of OP because OP is black. There was nothing else different or objectively alarming about OP. Are you being deliberately obtuse?

OP, I'm sorry. It's crappy and you are justified in feeling upset. I'm glad you made a rant online and went on with your day. It's awful when this stuff happens. I myself have been trailed around stores by the store detective. (I was dressed for work - I was a book editor at that times, so office casual - and visited a boutique near work. Happened more than once to me at that store. After the second time I stopped shopping there. )

[Anonymous]

OP you should have ordered on Etsy and helped independent sellers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you should have ordered on Etsy and helped independent sellers.

It’s sad, but Etsy is now overrrun by drop shippers—the folks who set up quick-and-easy websites to get Alibaba to ship cheap junk directly to you. (Ask me how I know—my son set up one such site, it’s not hard if you know a little coding.) Some sites have clamped down on drop shoppers, but a few years ago Etsy made a decision to let them go wild. There’s an article on Vox (I think that was the place) about this.

[Anonymous]

The whole world does not revolve around you and your race OP. That woman probably spent less than a millisecond thinking about you and your skin color, and you’ve chosen to be offended for days and start this absurdly long thread on DCUM, I seriously feel like some perspective is in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The woman was definitely rude, and probably racist but not because she grabbed the bag, but because she didn’t move the cart for you. She grabbed the bag because she probably caught became aware when you approached her how close you were to the cart and the bag and she hadn’t noticed you until you spoke to her. So anyone could have just grabbed the bag, and she wouldn’t have been the wiser.

She was far away; her daughter came and took the cart. I gave her a chance to realize her misstep and apologize. She didn’t.

That reinforces it to me that she was racist. As soon as she realized the impression she had given, if she wasn't she would have been embarrassed (either because she did not intend it that way, or she did but was embarrassed to be caught out), instead she was, as you say, condescending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recall the time I was at a Whole Foods and a very petite AA lady asked me to get her something on an upper shelf. She asked like it was a normal request for her, given her petite stature. I didn't mind one bit - happy to help.

Then there was the incident this past summer where I had to get the last remaining bottle all the way at the back of a top grocery store shelf. I was sadly wondering how to get it, when who should enter my aisle but a very, very tall AA man - maybe a former Redskins player. I gratefully asked him if he could get it for me, he smiled, grabbed it, and handed it over.

People helping people. Isn't that what life should be about?

I get asked to help people at stores all the time. Some lady just asked me today what aisle dishwashing soap is on. I‘ve always thought it’s a product of looking non-threatening.