Feminists make better MILs?

[Anonymous]

Feminists make better MILs or worse?

[Anonymous]

In theory, they should. No personal experience to warrant a comment. Looking forward to hear from others.

[Anonymous]

My very feminist MIL was a wonderful person who raised a great son.

[Anonymous]

I don’t know if feminist is necessary because that word Carrie’s different meanings for different people. But I think it helps if your MIL believes women are their own people, separate from their spouses and kids. I think it helps them see their DILs as people, for sure. But I also think it helps them feel better about themselves, and manage their feelings about their kids growing up and having their own families and being separate from them. I think a lot if the conflict between Boomer MILs and their DILs comes from a lot of Boomer women having been raised to believe their only goal in life should be family and to define themselves that way. It causes really intense empty nesting, makes them more intense and sometimes meddlesome grandmothers, and can cause them to feel competitive with or jealous if their DILs because they feel “replaced”. But a woman who embraces getting to move on to a new phase will have an easier time moving into a non-maternal role.

[Anonymous]

I am not sure if my MIL would describe herself as a feminist; however, she was the primary breadwinner working outside of the home while my FIL retired early and cared for the kids. She is a great MIL and DH does more than his share around the house and caring for our children.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is a feminist but she's also 75 and acts like it. She's stuck in her ways and her own traditions and blah blah. An MIL is an MIL, OP.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is amazing and a typical Italian American Catholic boomer in all ways. This is person dependent.

[Anonymous]

Feminism is about supporting women’s agency in making choices for their own lives, whatever they may be. If an MIL is a real feminist, she’ll embrace her DIL the way she is and become her supporter. I can’t think of a better gift than unconditional acceptance from any parent, no matter how they met their new child, by giving birth, by adoption or by law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure if my MIL would describe herself as a feminist; however, she was the primary breadwinner working outside of the home while my FIL retired early and cared for the kids. She is a great MIL and DH does more than his share around the house and caring for our children.

Same. Mine rarely cooks- lived to work (and still does- contracted back as a retiree) and was very A type and created an independent streak and strong work ethic in her kids. My DH cooks and cleans like his dad and also is the main caregiver now that my work has so much travel. I have a wonderful, capable DH (who also works full time) because of her and FIL.

The only down side- she would be horrified if I decided to quit, do nothing and take care of the kids at home- she never did it so would not understand/support that- but I think I'd feel the same as a MIL.

Feminism is all about the freedom to choose what you want- but we have a friend who just did this (quit job to take care of 2 toddlers) and now they are having to move in with her inlaws to pick up the dime because they can no longer afford their home/cars/etc because she decided to quit. Didn't sound too cool to us but it's not our marriage. I made a joke about doing the same and moving in with her to take care of us and we had a belly laugh.

[Anonymous]

Women deserve choices, feminism isn’t about having to accept what society seems acceptable. Modern push to become everything for everybody and having it all is unrealistic.

[Anonymous]

Feminist are all about women lifting other women up, you can’t find a better MIL than an authentic feminist.

[Anonymous]

If a MIL really understands the structural sexism of current society (lower earner paying higher taxes, etc.) and gives up the patriarchal expectations on her DIL— like she will be the social secretary and she will send cards and she will buy gifts and she will do dishes while the men talk— then she will be a better MIL.

I caution that feminism is more than “supporting all choices!” because plenty of MILs will want to make choices that subordinate their DILs rather than elevating them, and a “choice feminist” argument could be made to back that up. Rather I would say a feminist empowers the other women around her and does not behave in a manner underpinned by internalized misogyny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am not sure if my MIL would describe herself as a feminist; however, she was the primary breadwinner working outside of the home while my FIL retired early and cared for the kids. She is a great MIL and DH does more than his share around the house and caring for our children.

Same. Mine rarely cooks- lived to work (and still does- contracted back as a retiree) and was very A type and created an independent streak and strong work ethic in her kids. My DH cooks and cleans like his dad and also is the main caregiver now that my work has so much travel. I have a wonderful, capable DH (who also works full time) because of her and FIL.

The only down side- she would be horrified if I decided to quit, do nothing and take care of the kids at home- she never did it so would not understand/support that- but I think I'd feel the same as a MIL.

Feminism is all about the freedom to choose what you want- but we have a friend who just did this (quit job to take care of 2 toddlers) and now they are having to move in with her inlaws to pick up the dime because they can no longer afford their home/cars/etc because she decided to quit. Didn't sound too cool to us but it's not our marriage. I made a joke about doing the same and moving in with her to take care of us and we had a belly laugh.

I take it you are not a feminist. When you claim you would also be horrified of your DIL quit work, did nothing, and took care of kids…yuck! So, do you tell nannies and daycare workers they don’t have real jobs? Is is doing nothing until you get to elementary school teachers -I mean at least there they are educating kids to eventually earn money. You think you are progressive. You are just gross. And if your MIL harbors the attitudes you claim she does, she’s gross too. Women’s rights, but only for the right kind of jobs.

[Anonymous]

TERFs make the best MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Feminist are all about women lifting other women up, you can’t find a better MIL than an authentic feminist.

But there are some who believe themselves to be "feminists" who are all about women acting like the men of the 50s and will not support a woman who choses to SAH not matter what her reasons may be.