Vent: “gift” of a trip that I don’t want and requires me to spend lots of money and time

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are retiring and turning 70, so they’ve announced that they’re taking the whole family on a trip to celebrate. I’m not excited at all because the trip is a national park that I have to fly my family of 5 to and take a week of vacation time for. I also have to rent a car. In-laws are paying for the Airbnb and food only. I’d much rather go on the vacation I had planned to take this summer but now can’t go on bc I don’t have enough vacation time. I’m going on my in-laws’ trip bc that is the right thing to do, but I’m so annoyed that they think they’re treating me to some amazing gift when it’s really their own egos they’re treating.

Vent over.

[Anonymous]

Families are about give and take.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I totally understand. At least next year if they try to do it you can say "Last year we spent over $2,000 to do the vacation you wanted and I was happy to do that to celebrate your retirement. But this year, we're going on a little family vacation to where we want to go." Or something like that.

I am going to wind up spending over $3,000 for a cross-country trip in April that I don't want to do, but it would be wildly inappropriate if I didn't, and would damage relationships with the family I'm closest with, so I am trying to think of it as investing in relationships important to me.

[Anonymous]

You don’t have to go!

[Anonymous]

My parents (read: mom) does the same thing, op. Pays for hotel but no travel expenses. I’m fine with it, but completely understand your and my siblings frustrations.

Fwiw, national parks are HUGE. You can go days and days without crossing paths with people unless you want to.

[Anonymous]

These are your inlaws--what does your spouse have to say about this?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

It amazes me that people on DCUM have such rich families they are disappointed the parents don't offer to pay for flights in addition to accomodations. I can't even imagine.

[Anonymous]

Why isn't your spouse asking for the in-laws to help pay for transportation? At least flights for the kids? We had a family wedding that would have cost us $1,000 just for flights and we told the in-laws only my DH was going (they were also paying for the AirBNB and food only), and suddenly they paid for the kids' flights. So we only had to pay for 2 flights (not 5) and a car rental (for us the $600 difference was huge).

You have to both be on the same page, though. Otherwise this won't work.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

DH handles

[Anonymous]

That's a whole lot of "I" and "me" in that whine. These are your husband's parents. Learn how to communicate and discuss these things with your partner so it's more of a "we" decision.

[Anonymous]

i hate stuff like this. i don't think OP is asking for a free flight handout. she's annoyed that she has to do a ton of work, and pay a lot of money, and her inlaws consider this a gift and credit themselves with the gift. that IS annoying. it should just be called what it is: an extended family group vacation.

[Anonymous]

I empathize OP and I am in a similar situation with my own parents.

It helped when I thought of it this way- my parents want to celebrate a major milestone for them and the way they want to do that is to have their family around them. They are asking us to participate in that celebration as a gift to them and doing a little bit to make it easier.

You are either willing to give them that gift, or not. Either answer is obviously OK. But where we landed was to give my parents that gift of letting them have their ideal celebration surrounded by family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It amazes me that people on DCUM have such rich families they are disappointed the parents don't offer to pay for flights in addition to accomodations. I can't even imagine.

she's not saying that. the money is not the issue. i'm from a middle class family mine pulls this same thing, so i get op. i should not have to spend time and money on my own present.

i also find, as the child of a teacher and a self-employed person, that some of the frustration here is also a lack of understanding of just how little vacation time/flexibility this corporate drone gets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i hate stuff like this. i don't think OP is asking for a free flight handout. she's annoyed that she has to do a ton of work, and pay a lot of money, and her inlaws consider this a gift and credit themselves with the gift. that IS annoying. it should just be called what it is: an extended family group vacation.

OP here. BINGO! This PP has it right. In-laws want to pat themselves on the back for doing this amazing thing for us, when that is far from reality. I’m gojng on this trip bc I think it is the right thing to do for family harmony, but damn, I’m annoyed and needed to vent. Thanks for the commiseration!