BIL called DH’s Mom a B****

[Anonymous]

A couple of months ago, we were visiting DH’s sister’s house when my MIL made an insensitive comment and as a result, her husband got very upset and called my MIL a b**** in front of everyone (including grandchildren). DH harbors a lot of resentment towards him as a result of that incident. He cannot get over it. When it happened, we were all shocked as we come from a strict immigrant culture where parents are always respected.

DH is livid and wants to decline their invitation to have us come to their state to celebrate the holidays. Should I counsel him to look past his BIL’s behavior to keep the peace?

[Anonymous]

Umm, yeah I'd decline the invitation. Has his sister called to hash things out with her brother or her mother?

[Anonymous]

Did he apologize for the insult?

Is MIL in the habit of making insensitive comments, in which case they might have felt bullied and this was the last straw, and it's really all MIL's fault?

Or is MIL usually never rude, and BIL has anger management issues and is not to be trusted?

Answers to these questions will give you clues on what needs to be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Did he apologize for the insult?

Is MIL in the habit of making insensitive comments, in which case they might have felt bullied and this was the last straw, and it's really all MIL's fault?

Or is MIL usually never rude, and BIL has anger management issues and is not to be trusted?

Answers to these questions will give you clues on what needs to be done.

+1

I’d really need to know that the insensitive comment was.

[Anonymous]

What did the MIL say? Can't comment until we know what the MIL said.

Also, what culture is BIL from? Is he raised here? Is he the same immigrant culture as yours? FOB? 2nd Gen? What?

[Anonymous]

What’s the situation between MIL and her daughter’s husband?

Are they talking? Did he apologize? This is the type of outburst that should have resulted in an apology to the entire family. If that hasn’t happened, I wouldn’t be willing to overlook it so soon after the offense. It was REALLY disrespectful and inappropriate to do that.

[Anonymous]

Was it like screaming at her that she's a b*tch? or more like laughing at something outrageous she said and saying "Wow Mom, you're such a b*tch"?

Because the first one is a bigger deal than the second.

[Anonymous]

OP here. My MIL can push a lot of buttons. I believe the resentment had been building up all weekend and the last comment she made might have sent him over the edge.

Still, to have him cal her such a derogatory word shocked the entire family. He definitely has anger issues.

SIL was surprised and embarrassed at the name calling but then backed up her husband and had a huge fight with her mom which lasted hours.

MIL has since apologized but BIL hasn’t.

SIL won’t bring it up with DH and DH won’t bring it up because he knows SIL will get defensive and bring up the resentment she harbors towards MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was it like screaming at her that she's a b*tch? or more like laughing at something outrageous she said and saying "Wow Mom, you're such a b*tch"?

Because the first one is a bigger deal than the second.

Unfortunately, he screamed it in anger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Was it like screaming at her that she's a b*tch? or more like laughing at something outrageous she said and saying "Wow Mom, you're such a b*tch"?

Because the first one is a bigger deal than the second.

Unfortunately, he screamed it in anger.

Wow. Yeah I’d decline, and she probably is a B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did the MIL say? Can't comment until we know what the MIL said.

Also, what culture is BIL from? Is he raised here? Is he the same immigrant culture as yours? FOB? 2nd Gen? What?

OP here. MIL told them that she didn’t like the way they had done their patio and that it didn’t look good as someone else’s. BIL is from the same culture (Pakistani.)

[Anonymous]

Well, is she a B, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. My MIL can push a lot of buttons. I believe the resentment had been building up all weekend and the last comment she made might have sent him over the edge.

Still, to have him cal her such a derogatory word shocked the entire family. He definitely has anger issues.

SIL was surprised and embarrassed at the name calling but then backed up her husband and had a huge fight with her mom which lasted hours.

MIL has since apologized but BIL hasn’t.

SIL won’t bring it up with DH and DH won’t bring it up because he knows SIL will get defensive and bring up the resentment she harbors towards MIL.

What did MIL say? Because I don’t care how old you are or if you are the parent, if you say certain things you deserve to get cussed out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did the MIL say? Can't comment until we know what the MIL said.

Also, what culture is BIL from? Is he raised here? Is he the same immigrant culture as yours? FOB? 2nd Gen? What?

OP here. MIL told them that she didn’t like the way they had done their patio and that it didn’t look good as someone else’s. BIL is from the same culture (Pakistani.)

So she actually was being a B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did the MIL say? Can't comment until we know what the MIL said.

Also, what culture is BIL from? Is he raised here? Is he the same immigrant culture as yours? FOB? 2nd Gen? What?

OP here. MIL told them that she didn’t like the way they had done their patio and that it didn’t look good as someone else’s. BIL is from the same culture (Pakistani.)

So she was walking around insulting their home and your BIL finally cracked. Yeah, he was wrong but your MIL was more wrong.