Pros/cons of divorcing before or after DCs graduate from HS?

[Anonymous]

DCS are middle school now. I’d probably look for a low income housing situation and move.

[Anonymous]

1) Low income housing can be hard to find, especially if you live in a more wealthy area. I wouldn't assume that you can get it right away or that it will be anywhere near your ex and their school.

2) Depending on school residency requirements, you could get into a situation where they have to change schools. Like if you lived in DC and then you moved to Maryland, if your ex also stopped living in DC they'd have to change schools. Do you want to tee that up?

I think there's a lot to be said for hanging in a little while until at least one of the kids can get around on public transportation independently. It's a real cluster trying to juggle all of the logistics of kid commutes and activities along with working a job. Or wait until they are both(all?) in the same high school so that the commute is a lot simpler. Really, really, really think through the logistics of how you will make your custody days work along with your job.

I'm not really a "stay together for the children" thinker, but staying together *because of* the children is different from staying together *for* the children. The advantage of waiting until they go to college is that you never have to deal with the annoyances of joint custody logistics at all. Don't underestimate it and don't assume your ex will pull his/her weight in this area. Check in with a financial planner and also plot out how you'd handle things logistically. You might not feel that *your* best interest is served by getting divorced now.

[Anonymous]

There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:1) Low income housing can be hard to find, especially if you live in a more wealthy area. I wouldn't assume that you can get it right away or that it will be anywhere near your ex and their school.

2) Depending on school residency requirements, you could get into a situation where they have to change schools. Like if you lived in DC and then you moved to Maryland, if your ex also stopped living in DC they'd have to change schools. Do you want to tee that up?

I think there's a lot to be said for hanging in a little while until at least one of the kids can get around on public transportation independently. It's a real cluster trying to juggle all of the logistics of kid commutes and activities along with working a job. Or wait until they are both(all?) in the same high school so that the commute is a lot simpler. Really, really, really think through the logistics of how you will make your custody days work along with your job.

I'm not really a "stay together for the children" thinker, but staying together *because of* the children is different from staying together *for* the children. The advantage of waiting until they go to college is that you never have to deal with the annoyances of joint custody logistics at all. Don't underestimate it and don't assume your ex will pull his/her weight in this area. Check in with a financial planner and also plot out how you'd handle things logistically. You might not feel that *your* best interest is served by getting divorced now.

What do you see as the difference between staying together for the children rather than because of the children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

PS if my kids want to visit me, great. If not, I won’t push them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) Low income housing can be hard to find, especially if you live in a more wealthy area. I wouldn't assume that you can get it right away or that it will be anywhere near your ex and their school.

2) Depending on school residency requirements, you could get into a situation where they have to change schools. Like if you lived in DC and then you moved to Maryland, if your ex also stopped living in DC they'd have to change schools. Do you want to tee that up?

I think there's a lot to be said for hanging in a little while until at least one of the kids can get around on public transportation independently. It's a real cluster trying to juggle all of the logistics of kid commutes and activities along with working a job. Or wait until they are both(all?) in the same high school so that the commute is a lot simpler. Really, really, really think through the logistics of how you will make your custody days work along with your job.

I'm not really a "stay together for the children" thinker, but staying together *because of* the children is different from staying together *for* the children. The advantage of waiting until they go to college is that you never have to deal with the annoyances of joint custody logistics at all. Don't underestimate it and don't assume your ex will pull his/her weight in this area. Check in with a financial planner and also plot out how you'd handle things logistically. You might not feel that *your* best interest is served by getting divorced now.

What do you see as the difference between staying together for the children rather than because of the children?

For them is when you are doing it to spare them the emotional upset or because they would have to change schools.

Because of the kids is because divorcing with kids is a giant pain and you don't want to deal with it. For your own well being. Divorce with minor children is, emotionally, logistically, and financially just a totally different animal for all involved.

[Anonymous]

At a time when their school performance is as important as it will ever be, you are going to give them one of the greatest distractions possible

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

PS if my kids want to visit me, great. If not, I won’t push them.

So you're planning to tell them they don't have a home with you, and force your spouse to have 100% physical custody, and you think your spouse will agree with that and it won't be emotionally damaging to the kids?

I don't see how you are going to afford much child support but if you aren't having any physical custody you will likely owe it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

PS if my kids want to visit me, great. If not, I won’t push them.

So you're planning to tell them they don't have a home with you, and force your spouse to have 100% physical custody, and you think your spouse will agree with that and it won't be emotionally damaging to the kids?

I don't see how you are going to afford much child support but if you aren't having any physical custody you will likely owe it.

The senior home is within walking distance of our house. This would be a place I could afford, and it doesn’t allow young people to reside there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

PS if my kids want to visit me, great. If not, I won’t push them.

So you're planning to tell them they don't have a home with you, and force your spouse to have 100% physical custody, and you think your spouse will agree with that and it won't be emotionally damaging to the kids?

I don't see how you are going to afford much child support but if you aren't having any physical custody you will likely owe it.

The senior home is within walking distance of our house. This would be a place I could afford, and it doesn’t allow young people to reside there.

Also, as I said before, it is low income housing for seniors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

PS if my kids want to visit me, great. If not, I won’t push them.

So you're planning to tell them they don't have a home with you, and force your spouse to have 100% physical custody, and you think your spouse will agree with that and it won't be emotionally damaging to the kids?

I don't see how you are going to afford much child support but if you aren't having any physical custody you will likely owe it.

The senior home is within walking distance of our house. This would be a place I could afford, and it doesn’t allow young people to reside there.

Also, as I said before, it is low income housing for seniors.

You can't just force 100% physical custody on your ex because you want a cheaper apartment. It sounds like you need a financial planner and a lawyer to help you understand your state's divorce and child support laws.

[Anonymous]

OP, look at it the other way. What if your spouse moved into no-kids housing and stuck you with 100% custody. Would you like that? Is this some kind of race to see who can move into senior housing quickest? Sorry but you can't just offload your parenting responsibilities to save money here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

PS if my kids want to visit me, great. If not, I won’t push them.

So you're planning to tell them they don't have a home with you, and force your spouse to have 100% physical custody, and you think your spouse will agree with that and it won't be emotionally damaging to the kids?

I don't see how you are going to afford much child support but if you aren't having any physical custody you will likely owe it.

The senior home is within walking distance of our house. This would be a place I could afford, and it doesn’t allow young people to reside there.

Also, as I said before, it is low income housing for seniors.

You can't just force 100% physical custody on your ex because you want a cheaper apartment. It sounds like you need a financial planner and a lawyer to help you understand your state's divorce and child support laws.

My dad refused joint custody. His family (not mom’s) who went to the hearing confirmed it. I will contribute what I can but I don’t have much. I suppose I could take them part time if i live out of a van.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

PS if my kids want to visit me, great. If not, I won’t push them.

So you're planning to tell them they don't have a home with you, and force your spouse to have 100% physical custody, and you think your spouse will agree with that and it won't be emotionally damaging to the kids?

I don't see how you are going to afford much child support but if you aren't having any physical custody you will likely owe it.

The senior home is within walking distance of our house. This would be a place I could afford, and it doesn’t allow young people to reside there.

Also, as I said before, it is low income housing for seniors.

You can't just force 100% physical custody on your ex because you want a cheaper apartment. It sounds like you need a financial planner and a lawyer to help you understand your state's divorce and child support laws.

My dad refused joint custody. His family (not mom’s) who went to the hearing confirmed it. I will contribute what I can but I don’t have much. I suppose I could take them part time if i live out of a van.

It sounds like you can't afford a divorce. Maybe you should focus on increasing your income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

PS if my kids want to visit me, great. If not, I won’t push them.

So you're planning to tell them they don't have a home with you, and force your spouse to have 100% physical custody, and you think your spouse will agree with that and it won't be emotionally damaging to the kids?

I don't see how you are going to afford much child support but if you aren't having any physical custody you will likely owe it.

The senior home is within walking distance of our house. This would be a place I could afford, and it doesn’t allow young people to reside there.

Also, as I said before, it is low income housing for seniors.

You can't just force 100% physical custody on your ex because you want a cheaper apartment. It sounds like you need a financial planner and a lawyer to help you understand your state's divorce and child support laws.

My dad refused joint custody. His family (not mom’s) who went to the hearing confirmed it. I will contribute what I can but I don’t have much. I suppose I could take them part time if i live out of a van.

You may find that laws have changed since then. You need to see a lawyer if you are serious about refusing custody. And how are you going to pay child support?