Pros/cons of divorcing before or after DCs graduate from HS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m taking nothing of marital assets. I will get a converted van, and I’ll take the kids I guess. I currently have 3 pairs of shoes (trainers, dress and flip flops), 5 bottoms, 10 tops and three sweaters. It is one in, one out with clothes, so there really aren’t clothing expenses. Don’t eat out. Don’t have subscriptions except Amazon prime. I have no debt except what we jointly owe on the house.

Okay, so where will you and the kids live? In the converted van? Honestly it sounds like it doesn’t really matter whether you divorce or not- they’re screwed either way.

Yes, all 3 of us will in a converted van.

First of all, you must be a troll. If not, there are only “cons” to this divorce plan. Just wait until they graduate.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you have a job? This is very weird. Why are you taking none of the marital assets?

If you try living in a van you will likely be visited by child welfare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can your spouse afford the mortgage on their salary only? Divorcing and living in a van, not sharing custody is a pretty crappy deal for your kids. If you get along, I’d stay put. You also can’t contribute what you can, you will have to provide a specific amount monthly.

Spouse can completely afford the house. I cannot. I will leave without a penny from the house which we jointly own presently (along with the mortgage bank). Since DCUM is oppose to me moving into the low income senior housing that I could afford, I would share physical custody and the DCs would live in the van home when they are with me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I felt (and my ex agreed) that it was a pro for our kids to live in calm homes where there wasn't constant fighting and they weren't constantly scared. The kids changed school districts.

Fortunately (?) no fighting in our household. Spouse doesn’t engage with any of us in any meaningful way. There is zero emotional attachment between us — well, spouse is probably more attached to me than vice versa. Keeps to themselves in home office almost all day but comes to talk to me for an hour before going to bed. If it weren’t for me our kids would not know relatives on either side of the family. I’m in my 60s.

And you’re planning on abandoning your two children in a home where their new primary caregiver has no interest or attachment to them??
That’s how you build a monster.

There should really be a battery of examinations before people are allowed to have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have a job? This is very weird. Why are you taking none of the marital assets?

If you try living in a van you will likely be visited by child welfare.

So?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have a job? This is very weird. Why are you taking none of the marital assets?

If you try living in a van you will likely be visited by child welfare.

Then there will be more for the DCs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DCS are middle school now. I’d probably look for a low income housing situation and move.

Parents getting divorced affects kids just as much as adults.

The only difference is that your kids will be able to get support and there will be understanding and sympathy from pretty much everyone. Not to mention, when they act out it won't affect their futures as much.

My cousin's parents waited until she was finished HS to get divorced. She ended up failing out of college because she was so depressed. She's doing better now but it was really rough for awhile.

Don't do this to your kids. Either get divorced or don't. Don't wait around for some mythical time that's "best". It doesn't exist.

[Anonymous]

So … I guess after HS is better? DCs will be in HS next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCS are middle school now. I’d probably look for a low income housing situation and move.

Parents getting divorced affects kids just as much as adults.

The only difference is that your kids will be able to get support and there will be understanding and sympathy from pretty much everyone. Not to mention, when they act out it won't affect their futures as much.

My cousin's parents waited until she was finished HS to get divorced. She ended up failing out of college because she was so depressed. She's doing better now but it was really rough for awhile.

Don't do this to your kids. Either get divorced or don't. Don't wait around for some mythical time that's "best". It doesn't exist.

Thank you for that. My parents divorced when I was in MS, and I was still a wreck in college.

[Anonymous]

The right time is when you have a realistic plan to support yourself and care for your children. Right now OP doesn't.

OP, do you have a job? Why wouldn't you take any assets? If you can only afford a van, wouldn't you qualify for public assistance?

It sounds like you are in need of mental health care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCS are middle school now. I’d probably look for a low income housing situation and move.

Parents getting divorced affects kids just as much as adults.

The only difference is that your kids will be able to get support and there will be understanding and sympathy from pretty much everyone. Not to mention, when they act out it won't affect their futures as much.

My cousin's parents waited until she was finished HS to get divorced. She ended up failing out of college because she was so depressed. She's doing better now but it was really rough for awhile.

Don't do this to your kids. Either get divorced or don't. Don't wait around for some mythical time that's "best". It doesn't exist.

Thank you for that. My parents divorced when I was in MS, and I was still a wreck in college.

Would it have been better to live in a van, or to wait until your parent had some savings to live in a building?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCS are middle school now. I’d probably look for a low income housing situation and move.

Parents getting divorced affects kids just as much as adults.

The only difference is that your kids will be able to get support and there will be understanding and sympathy from pretty much everyone. Not to mention, when they act out it won't affect their futures as much.

My cousin's parents waited until she was finished HS to get divorced. She ended up failing out of college because she was so depressed. She's doing better now but it was really rough for awhile.

Don't do this to your kids. Either get divorced or don't. Don't wait around for some mythical time that's "best". It doesn't exist.

Disagree- when it involves minor children spending their custodial time with dad living in a convertible van there’s a clear benefit to keeping the status quo for a few more years until they have other options

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

Omg.

You have middle schoolers and you are thinking of moving into a Senior living facility? Wtf?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCS are middle school now. I’d probably look for a low income housing situation and move.

Parents getting divorced affects kids just as much as adults.

The only difference is that your kids will be able to get support and there will be understanding and sympathy from pretty much everyone. Not to mention, when they act out it won't affect their futures as much.

My cousin's parents waited until she was finished HS to get divorced. She ended up failing out of college because she was so depressed. She's doing better now but it was really rough for awhile.

Don't do this to your kids. Either get divorced or don't. Don't wait around for some mythical time that's "best". It doesn't exist.

My roommate Freshmen year in college has this happen. Her brother was a junior at same university and the two of them were messed up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DCS are middle school now. I’d probably look for a low income housing situation and move.

Parents getting divorced affects kids just as much as adults.

The only difference is that your kids will be able to get support and there will be understanding and sympathy from pretty much everyone. Not to mention, when they act out it won't affect their futures as much.

My cousin's parents waited until she was finished HS to get divorced. She ended up failing out of college because she was so depressed. She's doing better now but it was really rough for awhile.

Don't do this to your kids. Either get divorced or don't. Don't wait around for some mythical time that's "best". It doesn't exist.

My roommate Freshmen year in college has this happen. Her brother was a junior at same university and the two of them were messed up.

They would be way less messed up if they had lived in a van!