Pros/cons of divorcing before or after DCs graduate from HS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can your spouse afford the mortgage on their salary only? Divorcing and living in a van, not sharing custody is a pretty crappy deal for your kids. If you get along, I’d stay put. You also can’t contribute what you can, you will have to provide a specific amount monthly.

Spouse can completely afford the house. I cannot. I will leave without a penny from the house which we jointly own presently (along with the mortgage bank). Since DCUM is oppose to me moving into the low income senior housing that I could afford, I would share physical custody and the DCs would live in the van home when they are with me.

Did y’all catch that part? Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can your spouse afford the mortgage on their salary only? Divorcing and living in a van, not sharing custody is a pretty crappy deal for your kids. If you get along, I’d stay put. You also can’t contribute what you can, you will have to provide a specific amount monthly.

Spouse can completely afford the house. I cannot. I will leave without a penny from the house which we jointly own presently (along with the mortgage bank). Since DCUM is oppose to me moving into the low income senior housing that I could afford, I would share physical custody and the DCs would live in the van home when they are with me.

Did y’all catch that part? Troll.

Not so. A PP said that moving into the senior place for 55+ was abandoning my kids. They’d be a mile away. Totally walkable or bike-able.

[Anonymous]

OP, go for it. Apply for the housing and see if they will accept you. If you have no income, how will you pay for food, utilities and rent? It is not free. If you are married when you apply, they will count your husband's income. Or, are you expecting alimony?

No judge is going to agree to you living in a van.

This is fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can your spouse afford the mortgage on their salary only? Divorcing and living in a van, not sharing custody is a pretty crappy deal for your kids. If you get along, I’d stay put. You also can’t contribute what you can, you will have to provide a specific amount monthly.

Spouse can completely afford the house. I cannot. I will leave without a penny from the house which we jointly own presently (along with the mortgage bank). Since DCUM is oppose to me moving into the low income senior housing that I could afford, I would share physical custody and the DCs would live in the van home when they are with me.

Did y’all catch that part? Troll.

Not so. A PP said that moving into the senior place for 55+ was abandoning my kids. They’d be a mile away. Totally walkable or bike-able.

But they can't live with you, so they'll live full-time with your ex. How do you know your ex is going to agree to that? For some people, the benefit of divorce is child-free time. Not caring for children with no help all the time.

[Anonymous]

What if your ex moves into senior living before you do, OP?

[Anonymous]

Stay married and living together until your children graduate from high school and hopefully are away at college. In the meanwhile, OP, get a job and start squirreling away money. Have a better plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about we get back to the pros/cons on whether to divorce before or after DCs are in high school?

Actually I would like to know how your marriage is so bad that low income senior rental houses is the better option. Yikes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stay married and living together until your children graduate from high school and hopefully are away at college. In the meanwhile, OP, get a job and start squirreling away money. Have a better plan.

+1. There is no alcohol/drug issues, no abuse issues - Yes, it’s far, far better to stay married until the kids are out of high school. And you really need a job, OP.

[Anonymous]

Given the scenario that you have described, it would be better to wait until your kids graduate high school. If you divorce now they will be living with an emotionally detached parent or will be staying with you in a van. If they are in college then it really won’t be an issue, as their primary residence will be at school.

It sounds like both parents have significant challenges. I can’t really make heads or tails is this scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At a time when their school performance is as important as it will ever be, you are going to give them one of the greatest distractions possible

In HS or college is the absolute worst time to destabilize their lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

PS if my kids want to visit me, great. If not, I won’t push them.

So you're planning to tell them they don't have a home with you, and force your spouse to have 100% physical custody, and you think your spouse will agree with that and it won't be emotionally damaging to the kids?

I don't see how you are going to afford much child support but if you aren't having any physical custody you will likely owe it.

The senior home is within walking distance of our house. This would be a place I could afford, and it doesn’t allow young people to reside there.

Also, as I said before, it is low income housing for seniors.

You can't just force 100% physical custody on your ex because you want a cheaper apartment. It sounds like you need a financial planner and a lawyer to help you understand your state's divorce and child support laws.

My dad refused joint custody. His family (not mom’s) who went to the hearing confirmed it. I will contribute what I can but I don’t have much. I suppose I could take them part time if i live out of a van.

If you are old enough for senior housing. Are you saying that something that happened 40+ years ago means you can do that today?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can your spouse afford the mortgage on their salary only? Divorcing and living in a van, not sharing custody is a pretty crappy deal for your kids. If you get along, I’d stay put. You also can’t contribute what you can, you will have to provide a specific amount monthly.

Spouse can completely afford the house. I cannot. I will leave without a penny from the house which we jointly own presently (along with the mortgage bank). Since DCUM is oppose to me moving into the low income senior housing that I could afford, I would share physical custody and the DCs would live in the van home when they are with me.

Did y’all catch that part? Troll.

Not so. A PP said that moving into the senior place for 55+ was abandoning my kids. They’d be a mile away. Totally walkable or bike-able.

But they can't live with you, so they'll live full-time with your ex. How do you know your ex is going to agree to that? For some people, the benefit of divorce is child-free time. Not caring for children with no help all the time.

+1

The biggest motivator fir your ex to seek more custody is child support. But it sounds like you have no money. You should grit and bear it while they are in HS and use that time to find a job to improve your financial situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, go for it. Apply for the housing and see if they will accept you. If you have no income, how will you pay for food, utilities and rent? It is not free. If you are married when you apply, they will count your husband's income. Or, are you expecting alimony?

No judge is going to agree to you living in a van.

This is fake.

Not expecting alimony. Spouse can have my 401k and my share of the house. They can have it all — minus the cost of the van if I go that route. I will be collecting social security soon, and could live frugally off that and odd jobs.

Why wouldn’t a judge allow me to live in a van? I’ve been a van life / tiny house fan for awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, go for it. Apply for the housing and see if they will accept you. If you have no income, how will you pay for food, utilities and rent? It is not free. If you are married when you apply, they will count your husband's income. Or, are you expecting alimony?

No judge is going to agree to you living in a van.

This is fake.

Not expecting alimony. Spouse can have my 401k and my share of the house. They can have it all — minus the cost of the van if I go that route. I will be collecting social security soon, and could live frugally off that and odd jobs.

Why wouldn’t a judge allow me to live in a van? I’ve been a van life / tiny house fan for awhile.

The judge will not allow the children to live in a van. A tiny house, or even an RV, would be different because it has a little kitchen, toilet, and beds.

I'm still unclear on whether you have a job and why you aren't taking any assets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can your spouse afford the mortgage on their salary only? Divorcing and living in a van, not sharing custody is a pretty crappy deal for your kids. If you get along, I’d stay put. You also can’t contribute what you can, you will have to provide a specific amount monthly.

Spouse can completely afford the house. I cannot. I will leave without a penny from the house which we jointly own presently (along with the mortgage bank). Since DCUM is oppose to me moving into the low income senior housing that I could afford, I would share physical custody and the DCs would live in the van home when they are with me.

Did y’all catch that part? Troll.

Not so. A PP said that moving into the senior place for 55+ was abandoning my kids. They’d be a mile away. Totally walkable or bike-able.

But they can't live with you, so they'll live full-time with your ex. How do you know your ex is going to agree to that? For some people, the benefit of divorce is child-free time. Not caring for children with no help all the time.

My kids will be out of HS in a few years. The DCsare far more self sufficient than pre-pandemic while my spouse traveled a lot of the time, and routine was gone before they got up and home after the DCs went to bed when not on travel. The DCs don’t need someone at home with them.