Pros/cons of divorcing before or after DCs graduate from HS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

PS if my kids want to visit me, great. If not, I won’t push them.

So you're planning to tell them they don't have a home with you, and force your spouse to have 100% physical custody, and you think your spouse will agree with that and it won't be emotionally damaging to the kids?

I don't see how you are going to afford much child support but if you aren't having any physical custody you will likely owe it.

The senior home is within walking distance of our house. This would be a place I could afford, and it doesn’t allow young people to reside there.

Also, as I said before, it is low income housing for seniors.

You can't just force 100% physical custody on your ex because you want a cheaper apartment. It sounds like you need a financial planner and a lawyer to help you understand your state's divorce and child support laws.

My dad refused joint custody. His family (not mom’s) who went to the hearing confirmed it. I will contribute what I can but I don’t have much. I suppose I could take them part time if i live out of a van.

It sounds like you can't afford a divorce. Maybe you should focus on increasing your income.

Courts will make me stay married bc I’m too poor?

[Anonymous]

How about we get back to the pros/cons on whether to divorce before or after DCs are in high school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

PS if my kids want to visit me, great. If not, I won’t push them.

So you're planning to tell them they don't have a home with you, and force your spouse to have 100% physical custody, and you think your spouse will agree with that and it won't be emotionally damaging to the kids?

I don't see how you are going to afford much child support but if you aren't having any physical custody you will likely owe it.

The senior home is within walking distance of our house. This would be a place I could afford, and it doesn’t allow young people to reside there.

Also, as I said before, it is low income housing for seniors.

You can't just force 100% physical custody on your ex because you want a cheaper apartment. It sounds like you need a financial planner and a lawyer to help you understand your state's divorce and child support laws.

My dad refused joint custody. His family (not mom’s) who went to the hearing confirmed it. I will contribute what I can but I don’t have much. I suppose I could take them part time if i live out of a van.

It sounds like you can't afford a divorce. Maybe you should focus on increasing your income.

Courts will make me stay married bc I’m too poor?

Courts will tell you to get a job and reduce your expenses. And the government can seize your assets and tax refunds if you owe child support and don't pay.

If you really cannot work, try to get on disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about we get back to the pros/cons on whether to divorce before or after DCs are in high school?

I think the question is more "How can I avoid paying for or parenting my children".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

PS if my kids want to visit me, great. If not, I won’t push them.

So you're planning to tell them they don't have a home with you, and force your spouse to have 100% physical custody, and you think your spouse will agree with that and it won't be emotionally damaging to the kids?

I don't see how you are going to afford much child support but if you aren't having any physical custody you will likely owe it.

The senior home is within walking distance of our house. This would be a place I could afford, and it doesn’t allow young people to reside there.

Also, as I said before, it is low income housing for seniors.

You can't just force 100% physical custody on your ex because you want a cheaper apartment. It sounds like you need a financial planner and a lawyer to help you understand your state's divorce and child support laws.

My dad refused joint custody. His family (not mom’s) who went to the hearing confirmed it. I will contribute what I can but I don’t have much. I suppose I could take them part time if i live out of a van.

It sounds like you can't afford a divorce. Maybe you should focus on increasing your income.

Courts will make me stay married bc I’m too poor?

Courts will tell you to get a job and reduce your expenses. And the government can seize your assets and tax refunds if you owe child support and don't pay.

If you really cannot work, try to get on disability.

Ok. There won’t be anything to take as I won’t be taking anything from the home except the clothes on my back, maybe some old family pictures/papers.

[Anonymous]

I felt (and my ex agreed) that it was a pro for our kids to live in calm homes where there wasn't constant fighting and they weren't constantly scared. The kids changed school districts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I felt (and my ex agreed) that it was a pro for our kids to live in calm homes where there wasn't constant fighting and they weren't constantly scared. The kids changed school districts.

Fortunately (?) no fighting in our household. Spouse doesn’t engage with any of us in any meaningful way. There is zero emotional attachment between us — well, spouse is probably more attached to me than vice versa. Keeps to themselves in home office almost all day but comes to talk to me for an hour before going to bed. If it weren’t for me our kids would not know relatives on either side of the family. I’m in my 60s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a low income senior place (I fit the minimum age requirements) in my town with openings. My kids can stay with my spouse.

PS if my kids want to visit me, great. If not, I won’t push them.

So you're planning to tell them they don't have a home with you, and force your spouse to have 100% physical custody, and you think your spouse will agree with that and it won't be emotionally damaging to the kids?

I don't see how you are going to afford much child support but if you aren't having any physical custody you will likely owe it.

The senior home is within walking distance of our house. This would be a place I could afford, and it doesn’t allow young people to reside there.

Also, as I said before, it is low income housing for seniors.

You can't just force 100% physical custody on your ex because you want a cheaper apartment. It sounds like you need a financial planner and a lawyer to help you understand your state's divorce and child support laws.

My dad refused joint custody. His family (not mom’s) who went to the hearing confirmed it. I will contribute what I can but I don’t have much. I suppose I could take them part time if i live out of a van.

It sounds like you can't afford a divorce. Maybe you should focus on increasing your income.

Courts will make me stay married bc I’m too poor?

Courts will tell you to get a job and reduce your expenses. And the government can seize your assets and tax refunds if you owe child support and don't pay.

If you really cannot work, try to get on disability.

Ok. There won’t be anything to take as I won’t be taking anything from the home except the clothes on my back, maybe some old family pictures/papers.

The judge will likely say that you should reduce your expenses by moving to a low income housing in a lower cost area.

How do you plan to pay your share of the children's expenses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about we get back to the pros/cons on whether to divorce before or after DCs are in high school?

Okay cons are: you are basically suggesting that you plan to turn your back on/abdicate responsibility for your children which will probably cause them to have life long abandonment issues, lead many of your friends and acquaintances to view you as scum, and could have legal implications. Pros: if you get away with it you could save a bunch of money

[Anonymous]

I’m taking nothing of marital assets. I will get a converted van, and I’ll take the kids I guess. I currently have 3 pairs of shoes (trainers, dress and flip flops), 5 bottoms, 10 tops and three sweaters. It is one in, one out with clothes, so there really aren’t clothing expenses. Don’t eat out. Don’t have subscriptions except Amazon prime. I have no debt except what we jointly owe on the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about we get back to the pros/cons on whether to divorce before or after DCs are in high school?

Okay cons are: you are basically suggesting that you plan to turn your back on/abdicate responsibility for your children which will probably cause them to have life long abandonment issues, lead many of your friends and acquaintances to view you as scum, and could have legal implications. Pros: if you get away with it you could save a bunch of money

I don’t have family. Spouse never wanted to spend time with our friends, so those are inconsequential at this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m taking nothing of marital assets. I will get a converted van, and I’ll take the kids I guess. I currently have 3 pairs of shoes (trainers, dress and flip flops), 5 bottoms, 10 tops and three sweaters. It is one in, one out with clothes, so there really aren’t clothing expenses. Don’t eat out. Don’t have subscriptions except Amazon prime. I have no debt except what we jointly owe on the house.

Okay, so where will you and the kids live? In the converted van? Honestly it sounds like it doesn’t really matter whether you divorce or not- they’re screwed either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about we get back to the pros/cons on whether to divorce before or after DCs are in high school?

Okay cons are: you are basically suggesting that you plan to turn your back on/abdicate responsibility for your children which will probably cause them to have life long abandonment issues, lead many of your friends and acquaintances to view you as scum, and could have legal implications. Pros: if you get away with it you could save a bunch of money

I don’t have family. Spouse never wanted to spend time with our friends, so those are inconsequential at this point.

No nearby family. I have no close cousins (parents were only children).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m taking nothing of marital assets. I will get a converted van, and I’ll take the kids I guess. I currently have 3 pairs of shoes (trainers, dress and flip flops), 5 bottoms, 10 tops and three sweaters. It is one in, one out with clothes, so there really aren’t clothing expenses. Don’t eat out. Don’t have subscriptions except Amazon prime. I have no debt except what we jointly owe on the house.

Okay, so where will you and the kids live? In the converted van? Honestly it sounds like it doesn’t really matter whether you divorce or not- they’re screwed either way.

Yes, all 3 of us will in a converted van.

[Anonymous]

Can your spouse afford the mortgage on their salary only? Divorcing and living in a van, not sharing custody is a pretty crappy deal for your kids. If you get along, I’d stay put. You also can’t contribute what you can, you will have to provide a specific amount monthly.