WDYD with a teen party with alcohol?

[Anonymous]

If you become aware that a group of teens are throwing a party without adults visibly present and with alcohol present, is there an obligation to report? I am locked in a battle with my spouse.

We know the kids, and they've had a long history of being up to no good. DD went to that party with a group of her own friends and by the time I picked her and a friend up, the friend was wasted, passed out on a couch. I did my parenting best to talk about decisions, alcohol, situations that turn on a dime. DH was not home, and now he thinks I should have called the cops on the party after I picked up the girls. I'm pretty sure she will run into this again and again, and I want to maintain some sanity with her. I'd rather she volunteers where she's gong and what's going on than fear the consequences to the point she clams up. Yet given this particular group of kids' history, I do agree that sooner or later they will run into trouble. DH's point: how would you feel if you found that something happened later that night?

Opinions on this?

[Anonymous]

No, but my child would not be going over there and I"d let the parents of the drunk kid know.

[Anonymous]

Ditto

[Anonymous]

You should have called the cops. Some kid could have driven away from that party drunk, and killed himself/herself, friends in the car, total strangers in other cars. It's the exact scenario that you know you see in the news all the time. It's not some far-fetched possibility; it's very possible indeed. Telling the parents? Please. That's weak. Those parents need a call from the cops saying their kids are in custody, not another parent telling them sheepishly that their kids had alcohol in the house.

You seem scared that your DD will clam up about where she's going and what she's doing if she knows you ratted out these teens to the cops. You could have, as soon as you got home, stepped away somewhere and called without her knowing. it would be better if you could have done it in front of her (because: lesson, lawbreaking equals getting busted and mom is not scared of teen drunks who throw parties). But I do get that in the moment, it's hard for any of us to react that toughly and we don't want our kids to stop telling us things or calling us to be the ones to pick them up if there's trouble.

I would absolutely talk with DD about how she felt about all that drinking and seeing her friend THAT wasted. That's the level of wasted that can so easily end in a rape of an unconscious girl. Next time it could be your DD.

And before someone else here comes along to yell about how teens will be teens, they'll still get drunk another time, etc., well, I suspect people who think like that have never known someone who died due to a drunk teen or college age student getting behind the wheel of a car and driving. I have known someone killed that way. I wonder what would have happened if cops had broken up that party, that one night.

[Anonymous]

call cops - they won't take teens into custody but they will break the party up and make kids call parents.

you don't want another boy drowned in a ditch

[Anonymous]

I would have called the cops AND the host’s parents. But called the police anonymously then lie to the parents, “hey, as we were leaving, I saw the cops pull up.”

[Anonymous]

Parent of a 15 & 19 year old:

Team Husband
As another parent said, you don’t have to call the cops in front of your kid. But you have to do it. I could never live with myself if something happened later that night or even in the future at another party that these parents would host if they continued to go unchecked.

[Anonymous]

+1 for team DH. You wouldn't have had to tell your DD you were calling, but reporting could save a life. As for DD and her friend, my rule is always to make sure they know they can always call to be picked up (vs. fearing being in trouble for drinking and making a potentially fatal decision to get a ride home). You take care of them, hold their hair, give them water, get them to sleep, and deal with the punishment during the hangover phase.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have called the cops. Some kid could have driven away from that party drunk, and killed himself/herself, friends in the car, total strangers in other cars. It's the exact scenario that you know you see in the news all the time. It's not some far-fetched possibility; it's very possible indeed. Telling the parents? Please. That's weak. Those parents need a call from the cops saying their kids are in custody, not another parent telling them sheepishly that their kids had alcohol in the house.

You seem scared that your DD will clam up about where she's going and what she's doing if she knows you ratted out these teens to the cops. You could have, as soon as you got home, stepped away somewhere and called without her knowing. it would be better if you could have done it in front of her (because: lesson, lawbreaking equals getting busted and mom is not scared of teen drunks who throw parties). But I do get that in the moment, it's hard for any of us to react that toughly and we don't want our kids to stop telling us things or calling us to be the ones to pick them up if there's trouble.

I would absolutely talk with DD about how she felt about all that drinking and seeing her friend THAT wasted. That's the level of wasted that can so easily end in a rape of an unconscious girl. Next time it could be your DD.

And before someone else here comes along to yell about how teens will be teens, they'll still get drunk another time, etc., well, I suspect people who think like that have never known someone who died due to a drunk teen or college age student getting behind the wheel of a car and driving. I have known someone killed that way. I wonder what would have happened if cops had broken up that party, that one night.

+1 NP.

[Anonymous]

Teenage make bad decisions. As the adult you should have called the police. Oh and if your dd is hanging around these kids she is doing the same thing they are.

[Anonymous]

how old are the kids?

[Anonymous]

OP- see this thread

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/482180.page

[Anonymous]

I am truly interested in what kind of high school experience the call the police posters had. We drank all the time, went to top DC schools, went to great colleges, and were generally fine. We were drinking beer and, back then, smoking cigarettes. We weren't doing anything too crazy.

Did these posters not go to parties, and assume parties involved cocaine and sex trafficking or something? This level of outrage is such an extreme take on normal teen behavior. You have to teach your kid how to exist in the world. It's not your job to shut down teenage activity as a general matter.

[Anonymous]

I respect everyone's opinions and I appreciate the sobering answers. I will be better prepared should this happen again.

I will call the police to discuss what I saw, and maybe they can pay a visit to the home after the fact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am truly interested in what kind of high school experience the call the police posters had. We drank all the time, went to top DC schools, went to great colleges, and were generally fine. We were drinking beer and, back then, smoking cigarettes. We weren't doing anything too crazy.

Did these posters not go to parties, and assume parties involved cocaine and sex trafficking or something? This level of outrage is such an extreme take on normal teen behavior. You have to teach your kid how to exist in the world. It's not your job to shut down teenage activity as a general matter.

The OP is talking about parents supplying alcohol to teenagers. I don't know why you think that's all right, because it's not. You were lucky that nothing bad came of your frequent drinking as a teen; many aren't so fortunate.

Next time, call the cops, OP.