Would you hang onto a marriage with someone who doesn’t love you for the sake of kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No advice, just commiseration. I’m in this boat, too. My husband hates absolutely everything about me except that I make his life convenient and it makes me so sad that I don’t have someone to have a real relationship with right now, but I can’t bear the thought of not seeing my kids everyday. My youngest is only 5 and my plan is to try to cope until he’s a teen and then leave. I’m a SAHM and he obsessively controls all finances so that’s another added challenge to leaving. All of the paths seem hard, this is the hard that I’m choosing. I hope that I’m not too old to find a real partner and a real relationship once my kids are older.

Just know you aren’t alone!

Divorce is extremely traumatic for adolescents.

You are being selfish, and don’t want to face independence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorces are trashy. Unless there’s chronic abuse, stay together

Girlllll. Bye!

You sound like Jackie Kennedy.

There is no need to pay for a youthful mistake (ie, marriage to the wrong man) for a lifetime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I didn’t read any other post except your first one.

OP, do you belive you deserve better?

In normal relationship sometimes you falling in and out of love. It s pretty normal but you don’t keep telling your partner that I don’t love you anymore, I want out etc. Because at that points, it got to the point of no return.

However, your husband repeatedly did that. I believe you deserve better, OP. Even if you don’t find someone head over heels with you in the future, to me, be by myself is better than being with someone who doesn’t want to be with me.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorces are trashy. Unless there’s chronic abuse, stay together

Girlllll. Bye!

Your spouse definitely divorced from you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Divorces are trashy. Unless there’s chronic abuse, stay together

Girlllll. Bye!

It’s true. Divorce is trashy and lower middle class

Staying w a man who doesn’t want you, cares less about the kids and probably cheating is just as trashy…

Or maybe reserved for the rich.

For transactional women, with low self esteem maybe? 🤔

[Anonymous]

Parents love their kids. Some parents no longer love each other. Life is hard but I’m on team kids. Kids need both parents involved in their lives.

Once they launch, I assume we’ll figure out if we’re really committed to the lawn project.

[Anonymous]

OP, give us an update!

Does be have an anxious or avoidant attachment style? I went through this with my DH 10 years ago, he just wanted to move out, zoned out. I told him, fine, then go, like, go, go then, rent a cabin somewhere, go, i will be fine. Pure escapist fantasy and mid life malaise projected on to me.

I dont want to share time either away from kids. I have full life - friends, hobbies, travel, and DH is workaholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents love their kids. Some parents no longer love each other. Life is hard but I’m on team kids. Kids need both parents involved in their lives.

Once they launch, I assume we’ll figure out if we’re really committed to the lawn project.

+1. Very common

Often the driver is one dysfunctional parent, who cannot be trusted with the children.
They even go on to pester and make unreasonable, selfish demands of their adult children. Their nastiness yet dependency is unfortunately very real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents love their kids. Some parents no longer love each other. Life is hard but I’m on team kids. Kids need both parents involved in their lives.

Once they launch, I assume we’ll figure out if we’re really committed to the lawn project.

+1. Very common

Often the driver is one dysfunctional parent, who cannot be trusted with the children.
They even go on to pester and make unreasonable, selfish demands of their adult children. Their nastiness yet dependency is unfortunately very real.

Yes but adult kids can set boundaries. Young kids at home not so much. Get them launched well and they can choose to disengage from any parent who causes them distress.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I would. A grown man wanting to eschew his responsibilities to me and our children for the rest of our earthly lives because “Wahhhh I’m not in love anymore 🥺.” LOL.

[Anonymous]

I am so sorry, OP. However, it does not sound d ,Ike you have a choice in this. He’s said he wants a divorce, stayed for a bit after you asking him to stay, but now has brought it up again.

I would be thinking not if but when. You said he is a good dad so he will likely continue to be but you don’t know. You don’t know that you won’t have the dcs the majority of the time. They are 3 rd and 5 th grade, it not realistic to think you can persuade him to stay another 10 years.

You did not mention finances but two couples I know who did this were able to stay in same neighborhood so dcs just walked back and forth ( when age appropriate.)

Wishing you well when you are ready!