Anyone else feel like their spouse despises them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, here.

1. I stand corrected. I typed quickly and upset and likely had other grammatical errors.
2. We have an ongoing issue with DC dragging out dinner time by eating super slow and not eating certain vegatables. Both parents correct this behavior and have discussed the need to do so.
3. He has already taken the nuclear option. Has told me I am worthless, has told me that I am riding his coattails, etc.
4. I have an advanced degree. He does not. However, my career required frequent travel overseas AND he could not handle caring for our DC. He would explode often when I couldn’t control the crying when DC was a baby to the point I never left him alone with DC until 2 1/2.
5. I gave up my amazing globetrotting career flat out because he could not handle caring for DC while I was traveling. Grandmas came for the first few trips but it was apparent he was not capable so we both decided that I quit and pivot to some simple local job, which of course was not my specialty and paid much less.
6. I reinvented myself, created mew career but now am impacted by the current administration so take home funds are near nothing right now. We do have excellent health insurance through me and I do 70%+ of the home management and caretaking (always have done most of it regardless of how much I work and bring in)
7. I get that it was rude to interrupt but we both do it to correct DC. Will work on not doing it again to keep the peace for him and DC.
8. My mind is seeking excuses and reasons to stay but my heart knows this man doesn’t care about me. He has said disparaging things to me in front of the kids. Had a brief affair with younger coworker that I discovered. Older DC despises him and flat out told me she wants nothing to do with him when she moves out.
9. Nothing else to do but get my ducks in a row and prepare to leave him once some things are in place and younger DC is a bit older.
10. One can treat their spouses however they wish but I certainly will not be applauding my husband for working. He would do it regardless if he has a family to support or not because he is obsesed with power and money.

Ma’am divorce
Stop w the excuses. Mr. husband is not going to change

[Anonymous]

My wife despises me. She lets me know everyday how mad she is that she has to work. How unfair it is. Constantly tells me that this is not the life she pictured for herself at all.

I rarely travel for work, but when I do she tells me how ridiculous it is that she has to rearrange her schedule for me. There are options that would allow her to not rearrange her schedule, she just doesn't like them. By travel for work, it is fly out late one night spend the night fly back the next evening. So it is really just one day of dropping kid off and picking him up at school. Teen so pretty self sufficient outside of that.

[Anonymous]

He might be cheating again. Sometimes people will start arguments to purposely push the other person to leave, so then they get to be with their affair partner without the guilt of having broken up the relationship themselves.

[Anonymous]

OP there's a really great book written by a doctor called Smart, Successful, and Abused about how dynamic, high-earning women can get sucked into relationships with controlling, emotionally abusive men. I suggest you check it out.

[Anonymous]

Let your kid sit at table no fussing. Set a time. When it's up pick up plate.
Is there any reason it wants longer dinner? Is it the only time family is all present?

[Anonymous]

Chiming in here as well - OP just educated yourself on the literature and see if you detect any patters - a PP mentioned a book called Smart, Successful, and Abused; I have not read that - but I have read "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patrician Evans and it convinced me to leave a bad relationship.

Ignore the PPs who think you are a troll - your post resonates with me - what happens is the "frog in a frying pan" effect where incrementally the behavior gets worse, but normalized, and so you think it is normal when it is not. It is very confusing and can leave you feeling uncertain if you are over/under reacting.

He may well well despise that you are not the perfect version of him that he wants you to be. Becuase you are an individual.