Anyone else feel like their spouse despises them?

[Anonymous]

He gets angry very easily and overreacts to the simplest things. His words are hurtful and feel cruel.

Two nights ago, I made dinner. During dinner he was talking about his day at work and DC refused to eat their veggies. I asked him to pause for a second, while I turned to DC and instructed them to eat their veggies and explained that everyone was done but them.

He supported me and told them to please finish their food.

He went to talk more, and I see DC cross their arms and just this there pouting. I then turned to them and scolded them for doing so.

He got irate. He said that no one ever listens to their stories. Why does he even bother etc..Got up and stomped over to the sink to start doing the dishes (we have a rule, if I cook he cleans and vice versa).

DC and I sat stunned at his reaction. He mumbled what sounded like harsh things about me and then said things like “Thanks to me, we have everything we have.” and then stomped over and leaned over us, mostly directed to me and said, “YOUR WELCOME!!” He was again with that red angry snarl when he gets in the awful moods. He went back to the sink, mumbled again, about how he takes care of everything and the only reason we have what we have is because of him. and he did it again..stomped over and angrily shouted “YOUR WELCOME” above my head.

Meanwhile, I felt so beat down to the point I felt unworthy of the food sitting in my stomach.

I do work but my income has been affected by the current administration. I otherwise make around $115k a year. He makes a lot more.

I am not imagining things. These are his true feelings and he absolutely hates me, right?

[Anonymous]

Yes it’s contempt. Don’t try to talk yourself out of what your heart knows. I nearly killed myself trying to please and cower before a man like this.

No one has the right to speak to others this way. Showing contempt and a lack of self regulation in front of your kid/s is wrong. You aren’t the problem- he is. I am so sorry OP but it doesn’t get better in my experience and the best thing you can do is get out. I say this as someone who held marriage as sacred and married for life: but abuse destroyed everything I held sacred.

[Anonymous]

You are not alone. As my DH has gotten older, he has gotten very sensitive and triggered by every little minuscule thing. I could see him being triggered if he was trying to tell a story and kept getting interrupted (even if the interruptions were warranted). He’d probably have a similar reaction to your DH. With my DH, hard to say if it’s how he really feels. In a way, it’s like his fragile ego feels rejected, and he’s just spiraling into negativity and worst case scenarios. Not saying it’s acceptable and he’s definitely being a d**k, but that’s separate than assuming it’s how he really feels.

[Anonymous]

I know the feeling. DH has gotten so sour and resentful in recent years. He’s made similar comments, as though he is doing everything financially and otherwise. This is not true and while, like you, I earn a decent salary, he does make more money. Its also not just me, he is irritated and deeply frustrated with everyone. don’t understand how or why he became this way and it’s so hurtful.

[Anonymous]

He just feels trapped and unappreciated.

You got your kid. Time to bail and get some child support.

[Anonymous]

You sound like you cause a lot of it. Maybe work on that?

[Anonymous]

He acts this way because he can.

He thinks you’re trapped with the DC and low at-risk income.

[Anonymous]

My DH got like this for a few years. It turned out that he was into porn during that time although he hid it very well and lied about it. It affected him a lot. I caught him one day, he stopped cold turkey (or I would have left) and things have been a lot better since then.

[Anonymous]

Your husband wants out.
Free him & yourself.

[Anonymous]

It’s hard to know what to do. I assume you feel trapped financially.

This behavior is not OK - for you - and especially not your child. Therapy, work through it so you can coparent.

I’d tell you to leave, but I should too, so I understand life is full of hard choices.

What I will tell you is that I almost left when my kids were under 5 and fast forward to teens, I should have: it did not magically improve. It got worse: if this is a pattern think about that a lot.

[Anonymous]

Your husband should definitely refrain from acting in this manner when your child is around.

This is very important as that behavior is very detrimental in regard to future behavior. 😠

[Anonymous]

You were having a nice dinner but you felt the need to ruin it by scolding the child for nothing. Twice at that

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t sound like a happy person? Why is that?

[Anonymous]

I've seen only ADHD/ASD men/women act like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He gets angry very easily and overreacts to the simplest things. His words are hurtful and feel cruel.

Two nights ago, I made dinner. During dinner he was talking about his day at work and DC refused to eat their veggies. I asked him to pause for a second, while I turned to DC and instructed them to eat their veggies and explained that everyone was done but them.

He supported me and told them to please finish their food.

He went to talk more, and I see DC cross their arms and just this there pouting. I then turned to them and scolded them for doing so.

He got irate. He said that no one ever listens to their stories. Why does he even bother etc..Got up and stomped over to the sink to start doing the dishes (we have a rule, if I cook he cleans and vice versa).

DC and I sat stunned at his reaction. He mumbled what sounded like harsh things about me and then said things like “Thanks to me, we have everything we have.” and then stomped over and leaned over us, mostly directed to me and said, “YOUR WELCOME!!” He was again with that red angry snarl when he gets in the awful moods. He went back to the sink, mumbled again, about how he takes care of everything and the only reason we have what we have is because of him. and he did it again..stomped over and angrily shouted “YOUR WELCOME” above my head.

Meanwhile, I felt so beat down to the point I felt unworthy of the food sitting in my stomach.

I do work but my income has been affected by the current administration. I otherwise make around $115k a year. He makes a lot more.

I am not imagining things. These are his true feelings and he absolutely hates me, right?

His overreaction was disproportionate and inappropriate. However, you were also rude as Hell.