Anyone else feel like their spouse despises them?

[Anonymous]

He’s clearly going through it and I’m sure there is a discussion to be had about how you can show each other respect, support , appreciation in your day to day lives.

BUT His response to you was inappropriate, disrespectful, and he needs to work on regulating himself in these moments. I’m so sorry you are dealing with this.

I’ve been there and it’s brutal to feel this way. Therapy has helped my DH a lot. In my case DH makes more money but by about 75k. I’d trade in that extra 75k for a kind husband every day of the week. I stay because therapy has helped and I hope it keeps helping and we have young kids and there is no way I’m splitting custody time.

[Anonymous]

It’s “you’re welcome,” not “your welcome.”

[Anonymous]

Men need attention and you were not giving it to him. Keep an eye on him, this is how men justify cheating.

[Anonymous]

What he is saying is: I earn more than you so I should get more attention from you. You should prioritize me over other people including your kids. You should praise and admire me for my job. My ego need more stroking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He gets angry very easily and overreacts to the simplest things. His words are hurtful and feel cruel.

Two nights ago, I made dinner. During dinner he was talking about his day at work and DC refused to eat their veggies. I asked him to pause for a second, while I turned to DC and instructed them to eat their veggies and explained that everyone was done but them.

He supported me and told them to please finish their food.

He went to talk more, and I see DC cross their arms and just this there pouting. I then turned to them and scolded them for doing so.

He got irate. He said that no one ever listens to their stories. Why does he even bother etc..Got up and stomped over to the sink to start doing the dishes (we have a rule, if I cook he cleans and vice versa).

DC and I sat stunned at his reaction. He mumbled what sounded like harsh things about me and then said things like “Thanks to me, we have everything we have.” and then stomped over and leaned over us, mostly directed to me and said, “YOUR WELCOME!!” He was again with that red angry snarl when he gets in the awful moods. He went back to the sink, mumbled again, about how he takes care of everything and the only reason we have what we have is because of him. and he did it again..stomped over and angrily shouted “YOUR WELCOME” above my head.

Meanwhile, I felt so beat down to the point I felt unworthy of the food sitting in my stomach.

I do work but my income has been affected by the current administration. I otherwise make around $115k a year. He makes a lot more.

I am not imagining things. These are his true feelings and he absolutely hates me, right?

His overreaction was disproportionate and inappropriate. However, you were also rude as Hell.

How often do you talk over your DH? He was trying to tell you something and you ignored him. Did you have to correct your child when your DH was obviously trying to tell you about his day at work? Was it vital to correct your kid in that moment? Your DH is the one feeling unappreciated and unheard. I don't know if your DH despises you, but if you treat him like this consistently it makes sense that he's very unhappy about it. Now you're trying to make it all about you. To me it sounds like you're self centered, and everything revolves around you.

My guess is this happens a lot in your household and your DH finally snapped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d leave and find an adult man with emotional regulation skills. If my DH ever pulled a stunt like you described I would assume an alien had taken over his body because:

Who talks like that in front of their child???
Who says such demeaning things to their spouse over such a minor perceived slight???

A man baby does. I don’t care how much $$ he makes or how much appreciation he needs, his behavior was 100% inappropriate.

And, to all of the women on this thread who coddle their man baby husbands, I feel very sorry for you. Dump these losers and find new husbands. There are plenty of men who make good money and are true partners and don’t act like man babies.

Men have so many needs and are really just large children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He gets angry very easily and overreacts to the simplest things. His words are hurtful and feel cruel.

Two nights ago, I made dinner. During dinner he was talking about his day at work and DC refused to eat their veggies. I asked him to pause for a second, while I turned to DC and instructed them to eat their veggies and explained that everyone was done but them.

He supported me and told them to please finish their food.

He went to talk more, and I see DC cross their arms and just this there pouting. I then turned to them and scolded them for doing so.

He got irate. He said that no one ever listens to their stories. Why does he even bother etc..Got up and stomped over to the sink to start doing the dishes (we have a rule, if I cook he cleans and vice versa).

DC and I sat stunned at his reaction. He mumbled what sounded like harsh things about me and then said things like “Thanks to me, we have everything we have.” and then stomped over and leaned over us, mostly directed to me and said, “YOUR WELCOME!!” He was again with that red angry snarl when he gets in the awful moods. He went back to the sink, mumbled again, about how he takes care of everything and the only reason we have what we have is because of him. and he did it again..stomped over and angrily shouted “YOUR WELCOME” above my head.

Meanwhile, I felt so beat down to the point I felt unworthy of the food sitting in my stomach.

I do work but my income has been affected by the current administration. I otherwise make around $115k a year. He makes a lot more.

I am not imagining things. These are his true feelings and he absolutely hates me, right?

His overreaction was disproportionate and inappropriate. However, you were also rude as Hell.

How often do you talk over your DH? He was trying to tell you something and you ignored him. Did you have to correct your child when your DH was obviously trying to tell you about his day at work? Was it vital to correct your kid in that moment? Your DH is the one feeling unappreciated and unheard. I don't know if your DH despises you, but if you treat him like this consistently it makes sense that he's very unhappy about it. Now you're trying to make it all about you. To me it sounds like you're self centered, and everything revolves around you.

My guess is this happens a lot in your household and your DH finally snapped.

This right here!

[Anonymous]

It sounds like both of you are rude to each and child is also rude. Couples therapy and child needs some discipline. Also not a good idea to ruin family dinner by forcing child to eat if they aren't hungry.

[Anonymous]

You should have one on one time with your DH so that he can talk to you uninterrupted.

[Anonymous]

Cheating/Affair loading soon for that husband of yours OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have one on one time with your DH so that he can talk to you uninterrupted.

You should be his therapist and listen to him more because he earns more money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes it’s contempt. Don’t try to talk yourself out of what your heart knows. I nearly killed myself trying to please and cower before a man like this.

No one has the right to speak to others this way. Showing contempt and a lack of self regulation in front of your kid/s is wrong. You aren’t the problem- he is. I am so sorry OP but it doesn’t get better in my experience and the best thing you can do is get out. I say this as someone who held marriage as sacred and married for life: but abuse destroyed everything I held sacred.

This. Get out OP. My life looks different but wow I can’t believe I lived with contempt for so long (makes sense because my father treated me the same) and it eventually affected my health and I lost everything because of how he behaved… so my biggest fears were actualized during the marriage. Getting out was the solution.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t the best example because you were rude to him, especially the second time. Your DH was sharing something emotional for him and you prioritized the same old fight about your kid’s vegetables. That could have waited.

That said, your husband’s reaction was bonkers. He needs anger counseling and maybe you need help as a couple with communicating.

To answer your original question, yes, I did. And I sucked it up for years, became deeply depressed, then we finally split up. It feels magical no longer living with someone who makes you feel like garbage. Don’t stay in that situation without making some kind of change, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes it’s contempt. Don’t try to talk yourself out of what your heart knows. I nearly killed myself trying to please and cower before a man like this.

No one has the right to speak to others this way. Showing contempt and a lack of self regulation in front of your kid/s is wrong. You aren’t the problem- he is. I am so sorry OP but it doesn’t get better in my experience and the best thing you can do is get out. I say this as someone who held marriage as sacred and married for life: but abuse destroyed everything I held sacred.

This. Get out OP. My life looks different but wow I can’t believe I lived with contempt for so long (makes sense because my father treated me the same) and it eventually affected my health and I lost everything because of how he behaved… so my biggest fears were actualized during the marriage. Getting out was the solution.

But who likes someone talking over them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He gets angry very easily and overreacts to the simplest things. His words are hurtful and feel cruel.

Two nights ago, I made dinner. During dinner he was talking about his day at work and DC refused to eat their veggies. I asked him to pause for a second, while I turned to DC and instructed them to eat their veggies and explained that everyone was done but them.

He supported me and told them to please finish their food.

He went to talk more, and I see DC cross their arms and just this there pouting. I then turned to them and scolded them for doing so.

He got irate. He said that no one ever listens to their stories. Why does he even bother etc..Got up and stomped over to the sink to start doing the dishes (we have a rule, if I cook he cleans and vice versa).

DC and I sat stunned at his reaction. He mumbled what sounded like harsh things about me and then said things like “Thanks to me, we have everything we have.” and then stomped over and leaned over us, mostly directed to me and said, “YOUR WELCOME!!” He was again with that red angry snarl when he gets in the awful moods. He went back to the sink, mumbled again, about how he takes care of everything and the only reason we have what we have is because of him. and he did it again..stomped over and angrily shouted “YOUR WELCOME” above my head.

Meanwhile, I felt so beat down to the point I felt unworthy of the food sitting in my stomach.

I do work but my income has been affected by the current administration. I otherwise make around $115k a year. He makes a lot more.

I am not imagining things. These are his true feelings and he absolutely hates me, right?

What did you say before this? It seems like he was reacting to something, or did he just randomly come out with this?

How old is your DC?