Will I regret it if we downsize and I quit my job so I an be a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I recently quit to SAHP and my youngest (of 4) was in ES. I kept working because I loved my job AND because I thought it would get easier when the kids got older.

It doesn’t get easier as your kids get older - the demands just change. You are actually in the “easy” years right now - getting more sleep than when they were infants, and they don’t have real homework or activities. If you have good quality childcare, and your kids don’t have significant special needs, this is pretty much as good as it’s going to get - I found every month getting easier once my youngest turned 18 months, at least in terms of childcare.

I found things got trickier to balance in mid-elementary to middle school as my kids found activities they wanted to get better at. It happened at different ages for my kids, so there isn’t a specific age, just at they tried out different activities and decided to start working harder at them. One picked something they can largely do without classes/outside activities, but one picked an activity you can only do at a specific location (think horseback riding, although it’s not horseback riding). Academics also get harder each year, and social stuff get more complex and you feel it as your kids go through the emotional ups and downs of adolescence and young adulthood. And it’s not about having 4 kids - all my friends say the same thing - no one is getting enough sleep and everyone feels stretched.

If you are only looking at a 5-7 year horizon for quitting your job anyway, give yourself 3 more years and see how you are feeling then. Try to find another job of yours sucks. The time will fly.

OTOH, only you can decide how much the money and extra financial security matters to you. I made a good income and while DH makes much more, my contribution was still something. But I decided (and DH supported me) that all of my stress wasn’t worth the financial contribution. But no one can make that decision for you - my parents thought I was not smart to quit my job and SAH (for all the reasons people on this thread have already mentioned). I quit anyway, and I’m much less stressed and love being able to focus on my family.

I’m glad I quit because I was “on” all day at my job, and then “on” all evening with my kids, and I had nothing left to give.

What you love is not having to work, having 8:30 - 3:30 or whatever your kids school hours are to yourself as me time to do whatever you want, and having access to someone else's money. You aren't a SAHM, there are no kids at home during the day. I doubt your husband gets 6-7 hours of me time a day while working to pay for all your lives and expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I recently quit to SAHP and my youngest (of 4) was in ES. I kept working because I loved my job AND because I thought it would get easier when the kids got older.

It doesn’t get easier as your kids get older - the demands just change. You are actually in the “easy” years right now - getting more sleep than when they were infants, and they don’t have real homework or activities. If you have good quality childcare, and your kids don’t have significant special needs, this is pretty much as good as it’s going to get - I found every month getting easier once my youngest turned 18 months, at least in terms of childcare.

I found things got trickier to balance in mid-elementary to middle school as my kids found activities they wanted to get better at. It happened at different ages for my kids, so there isn’t a specific age, just at they tried out different activities and decided to start working harder at them. One picked something they can largely do without classes/outside activities, but one picked an activity you can only do at a specific location (think horseback riding, although it’s not horseback riding). Academics also get harder each year, and social stuff get more complex and you feel it as your kids go through the emotional ups and downs of adolescence and young adulthood. And it’s not about having 4 kids - all my friends say the same thing - no one is getting enough sleep and everyone feels stretched.

If you are only looking at a 5-7 year horizon for quitting your job anyway, give yourself 3 more years and see how you are feeling then. Try to find another job of yours sucks. The time will fly.

OTOH, only you can decide how much the money and extra financial security matters to you. I made a good income and while DH makes much more, my contribution was still something. But I decided (and DH supported me) that all of my stress wasn’t worth the financial contribution. But no one can make that decision for you - my parents thought I was not smart to quit my job and SAH (for all the reasons people on this thread have already mentioned). I quit anyway, and I’m much less stressed and love being able to focus on my family.

I’m glad I quit because I was “on” all day at my job, and then “on” all evening with my kids, and I had nothing left to give.

What you love is not having to work, having 8:30 - 3:30 or whatever your kids school hours are to yourself as me time to do whatever you want, and having access to someone else's money. You aren't a SAHM, there are no kids at home during the day. I doubt your husband gets 6-7 hours of me time a day while working to pay for all your lives and expenses.

School only gives you about 940 hours of covered childcare per year.
That’s 2.5 hours per day per year of ‘me time’. It’s chore time. No one is taking it easy as a sahm unless your partner makes $500+ and you have a nanny, cook, and housekeeper on staff.

[Anonymous]

Cue all the hateful misogynistic men and women suckling from the teat of the patriarchy… you all make this board completely insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cue all the hateful misogynistic men and women suckling from the teat of the patriarchy… you all make this board completely insufferable.

Why are you on here? You aren’t a parent and you clearly won’t/don’t have kids. Surely there are more useful websites for you. To most of us your life seems sad, meaningless and lonely, and it’s weird you don’t mind that your line ends with you. You can put ‘at least I wasn’t a sucker!’ on your tombstone, I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Cue all the hateful misogynistic men and women suckling from the teat of the patriarchy… you all make this board completely insufferable.

Why are you on here? You aren’t a parent and you clearly won’t/don’t have kids. Surely there are more useful websites for you. To most of us your life seems sad, meaningless and lonely, and it’s weird you don’t mind that your line ends with you. You can put ‘at least I wasn’t a sucker!’ on your tombstone, I guess.

Uh wut? I am a parent.

[Anonymous]

I think the economy is really going to go south so I would take that into consideration when quitting your job or buying a new, even smaller house, depending on the interest rate you have for your current mortgage.

Might be best to wait a couple of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I recently quit to SAHP and my youngest (of 4) was in ES. I kept working because I loved my job AND because I thought it would get easier when the kids got older.

It doesn’t get easier as your kids get older - the demands just change. You are actually in the “easy” years right now - getting more sleep than when they were infants, and they don’t have real homework or activities. If you have good quality childcare, and your kids don’t have significant special needs, this is pretty much as good as it’s going to get - I found every month getting easier once my youngest turned 18 months, at least in terms of childcare.

I found things got trickier to balance in mid-elementary to middle school as my kids found activities they wanted to get better at. It happened at different ages for my kids, so there isn’t a specific age, just at they tried out different activities and decided to start working harder at them. One picked something they can largely do without classes/outside activities, but one picked an activity you can only do at a specific location (think horseback riding, although it’s not horseback riding). Academics also get harder each year, and social stuff get more complex and you feel it as your kids go through the emotional ups and downs of adolescence and young adulthood. And it’s not about having 4 kids - all my friends say the same thing - no one is getting enough sleep and everyone feels stretched.

If you are only looking at a 5-7 year horizon for quitting your job anyway, give yourself 3 more years and see how you are feeling then. Try to find another job of yours sucks. The time will fly.

OTOH, only you can decide how much the money and extra financial security matters to you. I made a good income and while DH makes much more, my contribution was still something. But I decided (and DH supported me) that all of my stress wasn’t worth the financial contribution. But no one can make that decision for you - my parents thought I was not smart to quit my job and SAH (for all the reasons people on this thread have already mentioned). I quit anyway, and I’m much less stressed and love being able to focus on my family.

I’m glad I quit because I was “on” all day at my job, and then “on” all evening with my kids, and I had nothing left to give.

What you love is not having to work, having 8:30 - 3:30 or whatever your kids school hours are to yourself as me time to do whatever you want, and having access to someone else's money. You aren't a SAHM, there are no kids at home during the day. I doubt your husband gets 6-7 hours of me time a day while working to pay for all your lives and expenses.

Dayum.

[Anonymous]

Do not downsize bc do not underestimate the amount of space kids take up as they get bigger. We have 4 kids and now that 3 are teenagers, we are actually moving for more space. It’s more fun to be the house that has space to host kids on weekends, before events, etc.
Ypu are truly in that worst of it for time spent on annoying things with logistics. Now, even my 7th grader gets the emails for sports and things sent straight to her. There is a ton less organizing during the work day. My kids also all do sports at school now so don’t get home until 6:30. I feel like I’d miss working during the day bc I do have the flexibility to attend their games.
You might need to outsource more? I’d much rather pay my cleaning person and she does a better job than if i tried to do it myself.
Finally, I question what types of activities your pre-k kid is in that need follow up or whatever? Ive seen so many parents over commit their oldest kids to activities. Don’t do it. They don’t need them and you’re just create hassles and stress!

[Anonymous]

I think should quit because you will have more time to actually be a present mother, and will also be modeling traditional values for your children. A woman’s place is in the home. I quit my job and thankfully my family and close friends were supportive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think should quit because you will have more time to actually be a present mother, and will also be modeling traditional values for your children. A woman’s place is in the home. I quit my job and thankfully my family and close friends were supportive.

Please troll better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think should quit because you will have more time to actually be a present mother, and will also be modeling traditional values for your children. A woman’s place is in the home. I quit my job and thankfully my family and close friends were supportive.

Please troll better.

Saying that children need their moms at home and that women shouldn’t work is trolling? Do you know any conservatives in real life? You don’t even have to be consultative to believe this—most of this thread is women extolling the benefits of exiting the workforce. So why is saying women belong at home a problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think should quit because you will have more time to actually be a present mother, and will also be modeling traditional values for your children. A woman’s place is in the home. I quit my job and thankfully my family and close friends were supportive.

Please troll better.

Saying that children need their moms at home and that women shouldn’t work is trolling? Do you know any conservatives in real life? You don’t even have to be consultative to believe this—most of this thread is women extolling the benefits of exiting the workforce. So why is saying women belong at home a problem?

Because saying a woman's place is in the home is not the same as saying children need a present mother. If you actually talk to many conservatives, you'll see that many understand this distinction, even if you don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think should quit because you will have more time to actually be a present mother, and will also be modeling traditional values for your children. A woman’s place is in the home. I quit my job and thankfully my family and close friends were supportive.

Please troll better.

Saying that children need their moms at home and that women shouldn’t work is trolling? Do you know any conservatives in real life? You don’t even have to be consultative to believe this—most of this thread is women extolling the benefits of exiting the workforce. So why is saying women belong at home a problem?

Because saying a woman's place is in the home is not the same as saying children need a present mother. If you actually talk to many conservatives, you'll see that many understand this distinction, even if you don't.

You just have a problem with the language, but the effect is the same. More women quitting their jobs to stay at home models to young women and girls that that is the right life path. You may believe you are a liberal or a feminist or whatever, but by staying home while your husband provides for you, you are proving that conservative thought is the right way for your family. I think it’s great, we can drop “women’s place” language but the effect is largely the same—you are a tradwife, whether you are feminist or not, which is ultimately good for society.

[Anonymous]

*I meant to say “whether you think you are feminist or not” because I do not believe that a SAHM/tradwife can be a real feminist, her very existence rebukes feminism, which has been nothing but destructive to the west.

[Anonymous]

Get a post up to protect your future lost earning power.