Has anyone successfully convinced visiting family to stay in a hotel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like there are a lot of entitled boomer grandparents posting on here Op. Grandparents/family should want to help and lighten the load of the parents, not be catered to and put on a pedestal. 5 days is too much for any type of visit and your kids need their rooms. Letting your kids share a bed with a grandparent?! What?! That is beyond crazy.

Yet another poster attacking an entire generation indiscriminately while ignoring the fact that every next generation poster on here is nasty AF.

Nasty because our parents (now boomers) took no responsibility in raising us and could not care what happened to us and now want us to lay down at their feet and do what they want. They did not want the respect they think they are entitled too. My sister or my friends could come stay in my room and I would sleep on the couch but my parents and ILs can F off to a hotel.

I can’t wait until your kids treat you exactly the same way. Which they will. Because you’re modeling the behavior for them.

I'm a young boomer parent and just got back from a trip to the West Coast, where DH and I visited our son and daughter-in-law. They have an extra bedroom and we stayed in a hotel. That way we had our own space and we could all see each other frequently for fun things and good meals, but not be in each others' faces all the time.

+1 We do what our kids ask of us, when we visit. They both have guest rooms, so we typically stay in their homes. But prior to kids/marriage, we didn't sleep on their bed and make them sleep on the sofa---we stayed in a hotel nearby.

[Anonymous]

You could always do what my sister did: made us feel very unwelcome and put upon in her house. I'm not saying you're that mean, just that it was a terribly uncomfortable experience that led to never staying there again.

[Anonymous]

We used to live in a 800sf apt and after I gave birth to my second, I didn’t want MIL to come stay with us because we didn’t have space. She still insisted and stayed on our couch.

We now have a guest room and I have no excuses.

My single BIL has been successfully able to never host MIL stating space.

[Anonymous]

I think the issue is not just letting them stay in her kid’s room at their house, it’s that they are also bad, inflexible guests. Running the TV at all hours at a high volume when there are little kids trying to sleep? Or waking up at 5 and puttering around while, again, kids are trying to sleep? During the school/work week on top of that?? That’s just bad manners. If they were respectful of the kids schedule and quiet at night, and helpful with the kids when they visited - that would be another story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it was common to stay because it's cheap. Nowadays people are expected to have more disposable income, including for hotel stays when you travel. Gone are the days when you went to someone's home to "visit", contributed nothing and expected meals and entertainment. I'm Gen X and completely don't get the "I have to stay in your house" mentality. It's uncomfortable and inconvenient. Why don't you offer to invite everyone to an Airbnb or some trip if you want "togetherness", instead of positioning yourself to inconvenience your adult kids and grandkids. Btw, I was once forced out of my bed as a child to host family friends for a week. My bed ended up contaminated with bedbugs. I have never asked my kids to offer their beds to anyone, nor do I offer my own bed. You want to visit, you don't get to dictate.

One of the sacrifices of single income families… travel was modest.

[Anonymous]

I never understood how the in laws would pay for trips all over Europe and the US and then not be willing to pay $400 for a hotel when seeing us.

They would leave on a weekday at 4 am and say not to get up but of course we would get up to see them off and help with suitcases.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like there are a lot of entitled boomer grandparents posting on here Op. Grandparents/family should want to help and lighten the load of the parents, not be catered to and put on a pedestal. 5 days is too much for any type of visit and your kids need their rooms. Letting your kids share a bed with a grandparent?! What?! That is beyond crazy.

Yet another poster attacking an entire generation indiscriminately while ignoring the fact that every next generation poster on here is nasty AF.

Nasty because our parents (now boomers) took no responsibility in raising us and could not care what happened to us and now want us to lay down at their feet and do what they want. They did not want the respect they think they are entitled too. My sister or my friends could come stay in my room and I would sleep on the couch but my parents and ILs can F off to a hotel.

I can’t wait until your kids treat you exactly the same way. Which they will. Because you’re modeling the behavior for them.

I'm a young boomer parent and just got back from a trip to the West Coast, where DH and I visited our son and daughter-in-law. They have an extra bedroom and we stayed in a hotel. That way we had our own space and we could all see each other frequently for fun things and good meals, but not be in each others' faces all the time.

This.
I’m an only child w my parents only grand kids with a home w space and they stay in a hotel.

Also when we visit we stay in a hotel.

It’s easier on everyone and works perfectly.

[Anonymous]

I book and pay for a hotel closest to us , and pay for the Ubers or a car rental. Has always worked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the issue is not just letting them stay in her kid’s room at their house, it’s that they are also bad, inflexible guests. Running the TV at all hours at a high volume when there are little kids trying to sleep? Or waking up at 5 and puttering around while, again, kids are trying to sleep? During the school/work week on top of that?? That’s just bad manners. If they were respectful of the kids schedule and quiet at night, and helpful with the kids when they visited - that would be another story.

This 1000%! If you are a guest in someone's home, you should try to be respectful of their schedules especially with kids in the house who need to sleep well. If you are not willing to do so, then you stay at a hotel (leave at 7:30/8pm and return for breakfast)

[Anonymous]

It's your house. You are running a family now and you make the rules.

"That won't work. Sorry, but we need to do a hotel."

I would never make my kids leave their rooms for guests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like there are a lot of entitled boomer grandparents posting on here Op. Grandparents/family should want to help and lighten the load of the parents, not be catered to and put on a pedestal. 5 days is too much for any type of visit and your kids need their rooms. Letting your kids share a bed with a grandparent?! What?! That is beyond crazy.

Yet another poster attacking an entire generation indiscriminately while ignoring the fact that every next generation poster on here is nasty AF.

Nasty because our parents (now boomers) took no responsibility in raising us and could not care what happened to us and now want us to lay down at their feet and do what they want. They did not want the respect they think they are entitled too. My sister or my friends could come stay in my room and I would sleep on the couch but my parents and ILs can F off to a hotel.

You might be surprised to hear how abused your parents (boomers) were growing up. Most were treated like dirt.

[Anonymous]

I agree that this is only a little bit about sleeping arrangements and more about how they pushed back when you gently suggested alternatives. That’s what’s weird here.

Are they your parents or your in laws, OP?

And, have you said if you have a 4 BR house or are we all assuming? If so, then the two big kids (whatever, boy/ girl doesn’t matter) and the little one is on an air mattress in your room. Grandparents are in the other room.. on a twin and an air mattress if you don’t have a full/queen.

And why not tell them that the TV is a little loud?

Sorry, though, OP- sounds hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think 95% of the global population would be amazed at the lack of resilience here where the idea of the inconvenience of not having your own room for a night or two is such a major stressor that children and families would not be able to cope or function and people’s lives would be incredibly disrupted.

95% of the global population is raised to value family. But this site skews towards takers and if the gparents aren’t doing everything to help their fragile children, then the gparents can go eff themselves.

Sounds good to me!😀👍

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents here. One of our kids lives in a large house w guest quarters. They told us the only time they have together is after the kids are in bed and asked us to stay in a hotel. We took it upon ourselves to rent a car as well. They are crazy busy and I’m grateful they were honest.
A lot (most) of our friends do not realize the stress on young families and that it is not the same world we raised our kids in.
to them. No one wants to stay where they’re not wanted. If they get angry, they’ll get over it.

Not takers. Don’t care if wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like there are a lot of entitled boomer grandparents posting on here Op. Grandparents/family should want to help and lighten the load of the parents, not be catered to and put on a pedestal. 5 days is too much for any type of visit and your kids need their rooms. Letting your kids share a bed with a grandparent?! What?! That is beyond crazy.

Yet another poster attacking an entire generation indiscriminately while ignoring the fact that every next generation poster on here is nasty AF.

Nasty because our parents (now boomers) took no responsibility in raising us and could not care what happened to us and now want us to lay down at their feet and do what they want. They did not want the respect they think they are entitled too. My sister or my friends could come stay in my room and I would sleep on the couch but my parents and ILs can F off to a hotel.

You might be surprised to hear how abused your parents (boomers) were growing up. Most were treated like dirt.

So you stop the cycle. That does not give them any excuses to continue treating their own kids and grandkids like dirt.