Nanny bringing child on vacation with us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's worth noting that at least per the original OP, the daughter is just coming along to the destination. She doesn't want to hang out with the kids and may not even want to hang out with her mom. It doesn't sound like OP is actually being asked to pay for anything - she's just worried that will happen. With good communication and clear expectations, it won't.

I used to accompany my husband on business travel all the time. Sometimes it was appropriate to join a business dinner, other times not. Sometimes he was occupied until midnight with business stuff, other times we did things together. The purpose of tagging along when he went to LA was to go to the beach, not his meetings. I'd imagine the teenager wants to be going to the beach, not babysitting OP's children in exchange for an overpriced steak.

No, read it again. Nanny wants meals paid.

According to the original post, the Nanny expects to cover the costs of her daughter’s meals.The OP is concerned that she might end up covering some of these costs. Where are you getting the idea that the “Nanny wants meals paid” from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's worth noting that at least per the original OP, the daughter is just coming along to the destination. She doesn't want to hang out with the kids and may not even want to hang out with her mom. It doesn't sound like OP is actually being asked to pay for anything - she's just worried that will happen. With good communication and clear expectations, it won't.

I used to accompany my husband on business travel all the time. Sometimes it was appropriate to join a business dinner, other times not. Sometimes he was occupied until midnight with business stuff, other times we did things together. The purpose of tagging along when he went to LA was to go to the beach, not his meetings. I'd imagine the teenager wants to be going to the beach, not babysitting OP's children in exchange for an overpriced steak.

No, read it again. Nanny wants meals paid.

She asked if she can bring her teenage DD with her and cover her costs (meals, etc.). In addition to transportation challenges and changing the group dynamics, I question whether we’ll actually end up paying for her DD’s meals

I read that as the Nanny wants to cover her daughter’s meals. OP is worried that won’t happen and at the end OP will have to pay.

The nanny is not asking for OP to pay for her daughter’s meals or expenses.

Nanny should be working 8 hours a day. After that you give her a stipend for her meals outside of yours. I suspect nanny is expected to be with them all the time. Just leave the kids home with nanny.

[Anonymous]

Why can't OP take care of her own kids on vacation? Does she even like her kids?

[Anonymous]

I would rather clean motel rooms with a toothbrush than be a nanny for this entitled lady or the people who support her.

I, also, need to ask: doesn't she even like her own kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why can't OP take care of her own kids on vacation? Does she even like her kids?

Seconding this. I have childcare for my kids when I'm working but on vacation? Are you guys incapable of handling your own kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As additional context, the nanny and her husband live together with their kids. The kids who still live at home are high school aged or older. My impression is the DD simply would like to join her mom on this trip. Nanny contract does not require vacation work, so this is an additional request. This would have no impact on vacation to which she is otherwise entitled. We take more than one vacation per year, and she'll have time off the next time we vacation without her, in addition to other time off to which she's entitled.

Side note, I am chuckling at the suggestion that people who have means to live comfortably are not entitled to try to save money where they can.

All good points until “ chuckling at the suggestion that people who have means to live comfortably are not entitled to try to save money where they can”!!! I mean, come on, how much money are you saving buying an extra dinner or lunch for a teen!


I think the truth is ( and it’s ok) is that the daughter changes the dynamics - which you stated earlier. Just own it and tell the nanny no. If not, you’ll be annoyed, frustrated, angry every time the dd is in your presence. It was ok for nanny to ask and it’s ok for you to say no. A few extra meals is not saving you money…. Like you are putting that in your Roth😀😀😀

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't OP take care of her own kids on vacation? Does she even like her kids?

Seconding this. I have childcare for my kids when I'm working but on vacation? Are you guys incapable of handling your own kids?

The parents probably do this so they can actually have a “vacation” instead of watching kids all the time. Have you ever had a relaxing vacation with young kids?
However it seems kind of unfair to the nanny unless they pay her well and don’t expect her to be there 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't OP take care of her own kids on vacation? Does she even like her kids?

Seconding this. I have childcare for my kids when I'm working but on vacation? Are you guys incapable of handling your own kids?

The parents probably do this so they can actually have a “vacation” instead of watching kids all the time. Have you ever had a relaxing vacation with young kids?
However it seems kind of unfair to the nanny unless they pay her well and don’t expect her to be there 24/7.

You can have a relaxing vacation with young kids, you just plan in some low key time or after bed time. I just traveled with young kids and managed to read a few books after bedtime or during playground time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's worth noting that at least per the original OP, the daughter is just coming along to the destination. She doesn't want to hang out with the kids and may not even want to hang out with her mom. It doesn't sound like OP is actually being asked to pay for anything - she's just worried that will happen. With good communication and clear expectations, it won't.

I used to accompany my husband on business travel all the time. Sometimes it was appropriate to join a business dinner, other times not. Sometimes he was occupied until midnight with business stuff, other times we did things together. The purpose of tagging along when he went to LA was to go to the beach, not his meetings. I'd imagine the teenager wants to be going to the beach, not babysitting OP's children in exchange for an overpriced steak.

Not the same thing. You weren't working 24-7 for a week. This isn't a vacation for nanny.

My husband also was not expected to be working 24/7 on these trips. He was there to have meetings during meeting hours, not to be with clients 24/7.

Is the OP expecting the nanny to be providing round-the-clock childcare for a week? Is she not supposed to sleep or have any personal time? If so, the problem is not that she wants to bring her daughter. The problem is that her employer is awful.

[Anonymous]

OP ghosted after she got enough to give the answer she wanted to give all along (no).

I am curious what OPs expectations are for the nanny on vacation and why she would assume the nanny wants to accompany her family to fancy dinners. The absolute last thing I want to do with my employer is go out for a fancy meal where I have to be “on”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP ghosted after she got enough to give the answer she wanted to give all along (no).

I am curious what OPs expectations are for the nanny on vacation and why she would assume the nanny wants to accompany her family to fancy dinners. The absolute last thing I want to do with my employer is go out for a fancy meal where I have to be “on”.

I'm here, just enjoying watching this thread dissolve as the DCUM crazies come out from the woodwork.

We have a good relationship with our nanny. I think she would be offended if we did not include her in ANY restaurant meals, hence my original post. I agree with other commenters who pointed out we don't need to invite her to everything, particularly fancier meals.

I never suggested she is required to work 24/7 during the trip. I'm aware of what's market for taking nannies on vacation and we offered terms consistent with that.

But folks are right, we actually hate our kids so we're going to drop them off at the fire station tomorrow morning and enjoy this trip solo. Thanks for the revelation!

[Anonymous]

How incredibly sad and pathetic that you feel like you have to bring your nanny on vacation. Your poor, poor children. Learn how to take care of them yourself, mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP ghosted after she got enough to give the answer she wanted to give all along (no).

I am curious what OPs expectations are for the nanny on vacation and why she would assume the nanny wants to accompany her family to fancy dinners. The absolute last thing I want to do with my employer is go out for a fancy meal where I have to be “on”.

I'm here, just enjoying watching this thread dissolve as the DCUM crazies come out from the woodwork.

We have a good relationship with our nanny. I think she would be offended if we did not include her in ANY restaurant meals, hence my original post. I agree with other commenters who pointed out we don't need to invite her to everything, particularly fancier meals.

I never suggested she is required to work 24/7 during the trip. I'm aware of what's market for taking nannies on vacation and we offered terms consistent with that.

But folks are right, we actually hate our kids so we're going to drop them off at the fire station tomorrow morning and enjoy this trip solo. Thanks for the revelation!

It sounds like your nanny had already considered the likelihood that you wouldn't want to pay for her daughter's meals when she suggested that she cover those expenses.

You are the one choosing to doubt whether that will be true. If you would prefer not to have to worry about it, just say so. Don't sit here being all smug about fire stations as though you didn't come here looking for validation to tell her no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why can't OP take care of her own kids on vacation? Does she even like her kids?

Seconding this. I have childcare for my kids when I'm working but on vacation? Are you guys incapable of handling your own kids?

The parents probably do this so they can actually have a “vacation” instead of watching kids all the time. Have you ever had a relaxing vacation with young kids?
However it seems kind of unfair to the nanny unless they pay her well and don’t expect her to be there 24/7.

I actually enjoy spending time with my children, call me crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re going on a vacation, can afford to bring your nanny, and worried about the cost of her daughter’s meals?

Seems rather petty, doesn't it? Please mom, take care of your own brats on vacation