Should white women who marry "ethnic" men change their last names?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is beyond dumb.

It is not dumb, it is actually very smart. You take Hispanic last name, claim yourself as Hispanic next whatever application you submit.

Funny story - my white as a ghost friend married a Hispanic man and took his name. She had a job interview and the interviewer was disappointed upon her arrival bc he thought she’d speak Spanish! She never claimed to be anything other than what she is on her application but they assumed.

I married into an Asian American family and took my husband's name because we wanted to have one family name.

My SIL, whose first name is very Irish (like Maura or Bridget) married an Irish American man and changed her name too. When go out together, people get so confused. We've been given each other's credit cards at restaurants on more than one occasion.

I also disappointed a woman from my husband's culture when I started at my current job. She worked there amd was hoping for someone she could speak her native language with. Her face fell when she saw me - she liked to tease me about that later.

These days, though, intercultural marriages are not exactly rare, and I feel like people are much less surprised to see that someone with my last name is white - certainly less so than when we got married 25 years ago.

Why would it confuse people that your SIL has both a typical Irish name and an Irish surname? That makes no sense. I had to read it twice to try to follow the logic.

She's Asian American, so she's not what people expect when Maura Fitzpatrick shows up.

[Anonymous]

OP. Really? You have lost it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have preferred to not change my name, but it meant a lot to my husband, so I did. Now I am a white woman with a typical Korean last name.

Koreans don’t even change their last name on marriage so it’s interesting that it was important to him! My husband is also Korean and it never even occurred to him or any of his family members to even ask if I would change my name. Which was great, bc I never intended on changing it, “ethnic” husband or no. The kids have his last name (because mine is literally Smith and I don’t particularly care about passing it on) and that’s the important thing to them.

I do think that since my husband is “ethnic” people are much less likely to automatically assume I took his name or that I have the same last name as my kids. So to the extent that’s ever a problem for other women, it never has been for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have preferred to not change my name, but it meant a lot to my husband, so I did. Now I am a white woman with a typical Korean last name.

Koreans don’t even change their last name on marriage so it’s interesting that it was important to him! My husband is also Korean and it never even occurred to him or any of his family members to even ask if I would change my name. Which was great, bc I never intended on changing it, “ethnic” husband or no. The kids have his last name (because mine is literally Smith and I don’t particularly care about passing it on) and that’s the important thing to them.

I do think that since my husband is “ethnic” people are much less likely to automatically assume I took his name or that I have the same last name as my kids. So to the extent that’s ever a problem for other women, it never has been for me.

A lot (probably a majority??) of Korean Americans women change their names after getting married...but yes, in Korea, the women don't but it all sounds very patriarchal to me the way they do it- by slapping a Mrs. on the front. I hate being called Mrs. even though I'm married.

[Anonymous]

This is why Trump will be re-elected. I feel like there are so few moderate liberals around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, OP, this is offensive. First off, don't call people ethnic. Everyone is ethnic in that everyone has an ethnicity. Also putting "ethnic" in scare quotes makes it worse.

Second, there are a million reasons women take their husbands name and a million reasons they don't. In a mixed-race marriage, those decisions can sometimes be easier, sometimes harder. Don't assume anything based on how a couple chooses to handle last name. Taking someone's name is not appropriation if you are marrying them.

Finally, I do think there are white women who capitalize on their mixed-race marriage in order to both claim white privilege while also claiming an elevated status within liberal communities. It's an extension of the "I have black friends" phenomenon. I don't think it's the biggest issue on the race relations agenda, but I do sometimes get an icky vibe from white women who lecture other white people (and sometimes even people who are not white) on race based on their marriage. Informing and raising issues is great, but sometimes white ladies like to get up on their soapboxes and be experts in things, and being married to a person of color does NOT make you an expert on race. Neither does having kids who are minorities. It gives you a different and potentially very interesting perspective. But there can be a lot of entitlement in the decision to assert that perspective.

Yes this. I know a white woman who is divorced from a Latino ex-husband and basically pretends like she can pass off as a minority because she still has her ex-husband's last name. She goes around lecturing her White and Asian neighbors about their privilege. I find it so offputting and ridiculously laughable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why Trump will be re-elected. I feel like there are so few moderate liberals around.

Agree. Leftism is self-parody at this point and is making things worse.

[Anonymous]

What a bizarre question.

Why would the person's decision be impacted by the ethnicity of their spouse?

You are way way off base in your thinking.

[Anonymous]

People may also be underestimating the insights you get from having a member of another ethnic group in your household.

It is not the SAMe as sharing their race, but you do see how they are treated up close and personal. And over the years you do assimilate in some ways.

I have seen this in my own family. So, the spouses you observe may actually have evolved from their experiences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why Trump will be re-elected. I feel like there are so few moderate liberals around.

Agree. Leftism is self-parody at this point and is making things worse.

I feel like this is a fake liberal trolling attempt, though. Plenty of that going on right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why Trump will be re-elected. I feel like there are so few moderate liberals around.

Agree. Leftism is self-parody at this point and is making things worse.

I feel like this is a fake liberal trolling attempt, though. Plenty of that going on right now.

PP here. Actually, upon re-reading the OP, I am positive it is a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is beyond dumb.

It is not dumb, it is actually very smart. You take Hispanic last name, claim yourself as Hispanic next whatever application you submit.

My lily-white ex-friend (with an Irish last name even) was born in Mexico (to her white, American of Irish descent parents) and claimed to be Hispanic.

She is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it bad form for a lily-white American woman who marries a man with an obviously Latino/Asian/Middle Eastern-sounding name to change to her husband's name or should she keep her own (anglo-American) surname? Of course some women today prefer keeping their maiden names anyway.

I don't know why, but something just rubs me as cultural appropriation or faking diversity when someone like Larla Jones gets married and becomes Larla Rodriguez, Larla Zhang, or Larla Al-Habib. It's like pretending not to be white.

You mean, like somehow it is preferable not to be white?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are many ‘lily white’ Hispanics. What’s your problem?

In fact a lot of hispanic people consider themselves white.

And the whole premise of thinking that descendants of European Spaniards (or other Europeans who just speak Spanish) should receive some kind of "minority" points is a joke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are many ‘lily white’ Hispanics. What’s your problem?

In fact a lot of hispanic people consider themselves white.

They don’t just consider themselves white, they are white! Hispanic = native Spanish speakers. Look at the Spanish Royal Family. They are blonde hair, blue eyed, white as can be Hispanics with the “last name” Borbón. Are they “ethic?”