Should white women who marry "ethnic" men change their last names?
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Anonymous
| 3/4s of comments on DCUM lately seem to be trolling. Maybe Halloween’s coming early? |
Anonymous
| Christina el moussa |
Anonymous
+1 Same. I went from a super Anglo name to a common Asian last name. The amount of profiling and change in treatment is eye opening. No one’s doing it for “cultural appropriation”. Though I do like to make white jokes now. |
Anonymous
| My family is very racially mixed but skews AA and Latinx. The Asian-born women in my family who married AA military men and the AA women who married Latino men could write a book about the impact of a name change on how people treat you when they can’t see you. |
Anonymous
They ARE white. |
Anonymous
Not technically going to respond to this nonsense, but I often wonder how people can simultaneously believe that a Hispanic last name might benefit you (I.e you’ll be a diversity hire) and also argue for ‘easy to pronounce’ and ‘inoffensive’ names for their own kids. Also, verdict on Black or Hispanic-sounding names? You’re LESS Likely to get hired. https://hbswk.hbs.edu/item/minorities-who-whiten-job-resumes-get-more-interviews |
Anonymous
|
Ugh, OP, this is offensive. First off, don't call people ethnic. Everyone is ethnic in that everyone has an ethnicity. Also putting "ethnic" in scare quotes makes it worse.
Second, there are a million reasons women take their husbands name and a million reasons they don't. In a mixed-race marriage, those decisions can sometimes be easier, sometimes harder. Don't assume anything based on how a couple chooses to handle last name. Taking someone's name is not appropriation if you are marrying them. Finally, I do think there are white women who capitalize on their mixed-race marriage in order to both claim white privilege while also claiming an elevated status within liberal communities. It's an extension of the "I have black friends" phenomenon. I don't think it's the biggest issue on the race relations agenda, but I do sometimes get an icky vibe from white women who lecture other white people (and sometimes even people who are not white) on race based on their marriage. Informing and raising issues is great, but sometimes white ladies like to get up on their soapboxes and be experts in things, and being married to a person of color does NOT make you an expert on race. Neither does having kids who are minorities. It gives you a different and potentially very interesting perspective. But there can be a lot of entitlement in the decision to assert that perspective. |
Anonymous
I married into an Asian American family and took my husband's name because we wanted to have one family name. My SIL, whose first name is very Irish (like Maura or Bridget) married an Irish American man and changed her name too. When go out together, people get so confused. We've been given each other's credit cards at restaurants on more than one occasion. I also disappointed a woman from my husband's culture when I started at my current job. She worked there amd was hoping for someone she could speak her native language with. Her face fell when she saw me - she liked to tease me about that later. 
These days, though, intercultural marriages are not exactly rare, and I feel like people are much less surprised to see that someone with my last name is white - certainly less so than when we got married 25 years ago. |
Anonymous
Haha same, despite a traditional Latino last name no one ever thinks I am. It’s not too confusing for anyone. |
Anonymous
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I don’t get the vitriole directed at OP. I know a Jane Very Bland Last Name who took her husband’s last name just to stand out a bit. Had nothing to do with tradition.
I have never seen hyphenated last names or giving ‘ethnic’ first names to the kids. That indicates to me which direction the family wants to go. |
Anonymous
+1. Sone still have strong feelings. How do you feel about me? I took DH’s “lily white” last name. My parents and extended family were not happy that I now had an “American” sounding name. It was none of their business and none of yours, OP. People can take any name they want. But I’m white and he’s white so is this okay with you? |
Anonymous
| OP is a troll. She stole the story from a recent Reddit post. |
Anonymous
| Do whatever you want. What does skin color have to do with anything? Should someone named Christine who converts to Judaism change her name? Who cares! We live in a free country. If I want to take up cooking Chinese food and I am American, who cares! If I am white and want to open an Indian restaurant, I will! |
Anonymous
|
India is amazing, I’d strongly encourage you to go but ONLY if you can take three weeks there (four would be perfect but probably impossible). Three gives you long enough to adjust to the jet lag, which is no joke, and also to build in a couple “lets hang out in a fancy hotel and never step outside” days which you may (or may not) need. Because others are speaking truth: urban India can be overstimulating until you’re there long enough to tune it out, which usually takes a few months - too long for a holiday!
With three weeks, for your first trip, focus on seeing some famous stuff and some not so famous stuff. So, Fly into Delhi. See the old city, Agra/Taj Mahal/Fatehpur Sikri/Agra Fort, Jaipur. Explore other cities in Rajasthan: Jodhpur, Jaisalmer, Udaipur are the other big three fort towns, but you can’t go wrong with Kota and Chittor and Mt Abu, either. They’re just harder to reach. End by taking an express train to Mumbai for shopping, night life, and a tour of Victorian architecture. Fly out! And start planning your return trip to the Himalayas.... or Kerala and Hampi! |
Anonymous
| As a huge racist I'd say keep her name... But as a huge misogynist I'd say take his name.... Tough one op! |