Tell me about being a mistress

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I've never cheated on anyone nor facilitated cheating. I'm just tired of the heartache that comes from love and relationships. Even in the case of a FWB situation, there's a (strong) chance that feelings will develop within one of the two parties, or both. A married man seems "safe" because there's no future - that's part of the deal.

I wish there was a way to verify if a married guy had a wife who was happy to look the other way, or had her own extracurricular activities going on. I don't want to blow up someone's (seemingly) perfect home life.

Ohhhh, YEAH! Affairs with married men NEVER get complicated! Feelings of jealousy and resentment never build there, nuh-uh. You definitely won't feel hurt and left out when you give him a blowie on Dec. 23 and then he ignores you Christmas Eve through the day after New Year's.

These days are often divided between the two woman. I read a blog of a woman man with a known cheating husband, he had to work late on Christmas eve so the family met him at the train station. Classic story, working late the day before the holiday. Gotta make a run to the office on the holiday to take care of something, etc.

Don't fool yourself, dear wifey. She gets hers. He gets the place in the city, so he can commute easier to work. Late hours, toilet bag that you never see (hint, it contains lube and massage gel), google gmail account, alternate Facebook page for "gaming," chat apps, that doctors appointment when he comes back from a work trip to check for stds, the sidden interest in funding your special project that will never make money (to keep you busy and out of his hair), the work reoccurring trips abroad and feeling so rested when he comes back.

I am not a cheating spouse, but i have many male colleagues that are. I politely smile at the wives, buy the latest at the boutique, and wonder if i really want to exchange my simple life for theirs.

They know i won't tell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I've never cheated on anyone nor facilitated cheating. I'm just tired of the heartache that comes from love and relationships. Even in the case of a FWB situation, there's a (strong) chance that feelings will develop within one of the two parties, or both. A married man seems "safe" because there's no future - that's part of the deal.

I wish there was a way to verify if a married guy had a wife who was happy to look the other way, or had her own extracurricular activities going on. I don't want to blow up someone's (seemingly) perfect home life.

Ohhhh, YEAH! Affairs with married men NEVER get complicated! Feelings of jealousy and resentment never build there, nuh-uh. You definitely won't feel hurt and left out when you give him a blowie on Dec. 23 and then he ignores you Christmas Eve through the day after New Year's.

These days are often divided between the two woman. I read a blog of a woman man with a known cheating husband, he had to work late on Christmas eve so the family met him at the train station. Classic story, working late the day before the holiday. Gotta make a run to the office on the holiday to take care of something, etc.

Don't fool yourself, dear wifey. She gets hers. He gets the place in the city, so he can commute easier to work. Late hours, toilet bag that you never see (hint, it contains lube and massage gel), google gmail account, alternate Facebook page for "gaming," chat apps, that doctors appointment when he comes back from a work trip to check for stds, the sidden interest in funding your special project that will never make money (to keep you busy and out of his hair), the work reoccurring trips abroad and feeling so rested when he comes back.

I am not a cheating spouse, but i have many male colleagues that are. I politely smile at the wives, buy the latest at the boutique, and wonder if i really want to exchange my simple life for theirs.

They know i won't tell.

And i get my nice bonus each year. Not my monkeys, not my circus. .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:31 yo DH here that has a mistress with permission from DW. There is something special that a married man offers a mistress that a single man cannot. Knowing that he is in a stable committed relationship gives a certain element of security and personal safety that some random single dude cannot. I believe that this allows her to feel more free to give and take what satisfies her needs. This creates a firy and primal connection between he and the mistress that leaves both feeling an increased level of satisfaction.

However, the mistress may develop feelings as others said. In my case, I warned mine not to because I would end it without second chance. So far so good for all.

And what happens when you discover you have developed feelings for your mistress?

Mistress and I are completely incompatible for anything beyond the physical, thus the dynamic works for us. It may not work for everyone or in every case, which is why we are not indiscriminate in these mutual decisions. The trust and confidence my wife and I have has been unshakeable going on 14 years and we don’t see that changing anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:31 yo DH here that has a mistress with permission from DW. There is something special that a married man offers a mistress that a single man cannot. Knowing that he is in a stable committed relationship gives a certain element of security and personal safety that some random single dude cannot. I believe that this allows her to feel more free to give and take what satisfies her needs. This creates a firy and primal connection between he and the mistress that leaves both feeling an increased level of satisfaction.

However, the mistress may develop feelings as others said. In my case, I warned mine not to because I would end it without second chance. So far so good for all.

This.

Huh? This guy will definitely feel it when the mistress dumps him for a single guy. Then again, he probably has his sights on who will take Mistress #1's place.

I genuinely wouldn’t be upset in any way. We’ve had fun!
I’m not actively propositioning anyone (in fact mistress approached me) but won’t close the door on a potential good match.
How about it OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:31 yo DH here that has a mistress with permission from DW. There is something special that a married man offers a mistress that a single man cannot. Knowing that he is in a stable committed relationship gives a certain element of security and personal safety that some random single dude cannot. I believe that this allows her to feel more free to give and take what satisfies her needs. This creates a firy and primal connection between he and the mistress that leaves both feeling an increased level of satisfaction.

However, the mistress may develop feelings as others said. In my case, I warned mine not to because I would end it without second chance. So far so good for all.

And what happens when you discover you have developed feelings for your mistress?

Mistress and I are completely incompatible for anything beyond the physical, thus the dynamic works for us. It may not work for everyone or in every case, which is why we are not indiscriminate in these mutual decisions. The trust and confidence my wife and I have has been unshakeable going on 14 years and we don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Huh? #irony "trust and confidence"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:31 yo DH here that has a mistress with permission from DW. There is something special that a married man offers a mistress that a single man cannot. Knowing that he is in a stable committed relationship gives a certain element of security and personal safety that some random single dude cannot. I believe that this allows her to feel more free to give and take what satisfies her needs. This creates a firy and primal connection between he and the mistress that leaves both feeling an increased level of satisfaction.

However, the mistress may develop feelings as others said. In my case, I warned mine not to because I would end it without second chance. So far so good for all.

This.

Huh? This guy will definitely feel it when the mistress dumps him for a single guy. Then again, he probably has his sights on who will take Mistress #1's place.

I genuinely wouldn’t be upset in any way. We’ve had fun!
I’m not actively propositioning anyone (in fact mistress approached me) but won’t close the door on a potential good match.
How about it OP?

I'm in DC this coming week.

[Anonymous]

I think if you truly want a man whose wife is ok with it then you will need to find someone with a true Open Marriage. The only way to confirm this 100% is to meet with the wife in person and work it out.

I would suggest a FWB thing with someone you already know as a clothes-on friend.

[gentry]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:31 yo DH here that has a mistress with permission from DW. There is something special that a married man offers a mistress that a single man cannot. Knowing that he is in a stable committed relationship gives a certain element of security and personal safety that some random single dude cannot. I believe that this allows her to feel more free to give and take what satisfies her needs. This creates a firy and primal connection between he and the mistress that leaves both feeling an increased level of satisfaction.

However, the mistress may develop feelings as others said. In my case, I warned mine not to because I would end it without second chance. So far so good for all.

This.

Huh? This guy will definitely feel it when the mistress dumps him for a single guy. Then again, he probably has his sights on who will take Mistress #1's place.

I genuinely wouldn’t be upset in any way. We’ve had fun!
I’m not actively propositioning anyone (in fact mistress approached me) but won’t close the door on a potential good match.
How about it OP?

I'm in DC this coming week.

Perhaps you'd like to know more then

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I've never cheated on anyone nor facilitated cheating. I'm just tired of the heartache that comes from love and relationships. Even in the case of a FWB situation, there's a (strong) chance that feelings will develop within one of the two parties, or both. A married man seems "safe" because there's no future - that's part of the deal.

I wish there was a way to verify if a married guy had a wife who was happy to look the other way, or had her own extracurricular activities going on. I don't want to blow up someone's (seemingly) perfect home life.

Men with perfect home lives don’t have affairs. That’s just something their wives say as they canonize themselves St Cheated-Upon. The problem might not be what you think (usually the wife is at least giving up maintenance sex every other week), but there are always problems.

But regardless, there is no upside to married men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been involved with a married guy for three years. We see each other regularly, go out for drinks/dinner occasionally, communicate daily. He’s about 15 years older than I am so he gives me perspective about work and personal issues. He’s attractive and we have good (though not necessarily great) sex. I don’t ask about his home life. I know he’s a serial cheater, though.

I am single (divorced) and we are not monogamous. We have a deal about using protection with others (not his wife, though), and we both get tested regularly.

Things are winding down now between us just because after three years it’s a relationship and the point of this is that it wasn’t a relationship.

We care about each other but wouldn’t want to be together for real (at least I wouldn’t). He’s started talking about where he’d move if he gets divorced and I just tune it out.

This sounds scarily similar— down to the age difference and work advice— to a situation I can see myself falling into at work if I don’t stop while I’m ahead. Just curious, if the sex is just ok and you don’t see yourself wanting to be with him, what is the glue that keeps you together? My guy is actually my mentor, but lines are clearly starting to be crossed. At work he’s all business, but he totally switches it up away from work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I've never cheated on anyone nor facilitated cheating. I'm just tired of the heartache that comes from love and relationships. Even in the case of a FWB situation, there's a (strong) chance that feelings will develop within one of the two parties, or both. A married man seems "safe" because there's no future - that's part of the deal.

I wish there was a way to verify if a married guy had a wife who was happy to look the other way, or had her own extracurricular activities going on. I don't want to blow up someone's (seemingly) perfect home life.

You could I guess ask the wife directly?

That said I don’t see how a fwb relationship would differ from being with a married man in terms of you developing feelings. If someone is a FWB then there is frequently no future just like with someone who is married. You don’t really seem emotionally equipped for either situation. You need to get in a relationship with a psychiatrist!

[Anonymous]

Makes you feel alternately like the sexiest woman in the world and the most disposable woman in the world. Depending on whether he’s with you at the moment, or with his wife. Just don’t. BTDT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re going to do it, go for a very wealthy guy who has an understanding with his wife (she has her playthings, he has his). Otherwise it’s really not worth the hassle. With a regular joe, you have to deal with a pretty restricted schedule and very limited money. I know you say you just want sex, but “just sex” gets boring very quickly. You need other activities to help increase attraction. Also, he’ll be paranoid about getting caught, so if the parents of a kid in his class walk in the restaurant you’re at, you have to go hide (I speak from experience....)

Agreed successful men make the best APs and have more power in the marriage to not care so much what the wife thinks.

Anonymous wrote:Also keep in mind he’ll probably have a whole sob story about how his wife won’t have sex with him and is an all-around witch. You’ll feel sorry for him. Then one day, years from now when you’re married with kids, you’ll realize that the wife wasn’t the problem. There’s a reason wives lose interest, and it’s because their husbands are losers. Although, you may be able to find a guy whose wife would be thrilled if you have an affair, since it means he’ll stop bugging her for sex.

Explain how such "loser" husbands can attract an affair partner? Does not really matter WHY the wife lost interest anyway, once she starts feeling "bugged" for sex, both spouses benefit when he focuses on affairs rather than his disinterested wife.

Anonymous wrote:Overall, I don’t recommend it unless you can snag someone worthwhile. Way easier to just find a FWB. Single guys also tend to be much hotter than married guys (who generally let themselves go).

Married guys who aren't getting sex at home are highly motivated to NOT let themselves go, otherwise they have little chance of success attracting a partner. Single guys are usually single for a reason, and they don't need to be "hot" because they simply dangle the "committed relationship" carrot and easily find sex. Whereas married men must work at being "hot".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Makes you feel alternately like the sexiest woman in the world and the most disposable woman in the world. Depending on whether he’s with you at the moment, or with his wife. Just don’t. BTDT.

This post sums it up! Thread is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Makes you feel alternately like the sexiest woman in the world and the most disposable woman in the world. Depending on whether he’s with you at the moment, or with his wife. Just don’t. BTDT.

This post sums it up! Thread is over.

OP here. Clearly more trouble than it's worth. I'll focus on healing and then get back into the dating game - with other singles.