Tell me about being a mistress

[Anonymous]

What's wrong with a FWB? Why does he have to be married?

That kind of thing seems like it's more trouble than it's worth when there are tons of single guys around who'd love to f*ck without commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's good to recognize that--as someone who would seriously consider sleeping with a married man--you are not worthy of being married or in a long-term relationship, but you can work on that, you know.

Of course she's "worthy", being married isn't s a special thing that you have to prove you are good enough for. Anyone can, and does, get married. She's not ready for a good relationship, and she has some things to work through clearly, but it's not about being worthy.

Yes, it is. I previously sought out what OP is seeking. It ended up hurting me. But it also forced me to recognize I had a problem. I didn’t think I was worthy of a real relationship and wasn’t able to connect with a man. Once I fixed myself I fell in love and got married. I can assure you marriage is way better than being a man’s side thing.

You said it yourself- you didn't "think" you were worthy, and you got that thinking corrected (kudos to you for that!). You were never actually unworthy.

[Anonymous]

I’ll tell you about being a mistress!
Your self esteem and respect are so low that the only way you’ll feel valuable is if you get attention from someone else’s husband. It’s sad and pathetic!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's good to recognize that--as someone who would seriously consider sleeping with a married man--you are not worthy of being married or in a long-term relationship, but you can work on that, you know.

Of course she's "worthy", being married isn't s a special thing that you have to prove you are good enough for. Anyone can, and does, get married. She's not ready for a good relationship, and she has some things to work through clearly, but it's not about being worthy.

Yeah, no. Anyone who would deliberately contemplate sleeping with a married man, like literally seeking out the "married man experience," is immature, selfish, manipulative and damaged. It's one thing to fall to temptation and to get in over your head; it's another thing to seek out a married man in a calculated way. I'm not saying OP can't work on her problems and eventually overcome them, but someone who would deliberately seek that out is, in fact, not ready for and unworthy of a marriage or a long-term commitment to another person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:31 yo DH here that has a mistress with permission from DW. There is something special that a married man offers a mistress that a single man cannot. Knowing that he is in a stable committed relationship gives a certain element of security and personal safety that some random single dude cannot. I believe that this allows her to feel more free to give and take what satisfies her needs. This creates a firy and primal connection between he and the mistress that leaves both feeling an increased level of satisfaction.

However, the mistress may develop feelings as others said. In my case, I warned mine not to because I would end it without second chance. So far so good for all.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:31 yo DH here that has a mistress with permission from DW. There is something special that a married man offers a mistress that a single man cannot. Knowing that he is in a stable committed relationship gives a certain element of security and personal safety that some random single dude cannot. I believe that this allows her to feel more free to give and take what satisfies her needs. This creates a firy and primal connection between he and the mistress that leaves both feeling an increased level of satisfaction.

However, the mistress may develop feelings as others said. In my case, I warned mine not to because I would end it without second chance. So far so good for all.

This.

Huh? This guy will definitely feel it when the mistress dumps him for a single guy. Then again, he probably has his sights on who will take Mistress #1's place.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I've never cheated on anyone nor facilitated cheating. I'm just tired of the heartache that comes from love and relationships. Even in the case of a FWB situation, there's a (strong) chance that feelings will develop within one of the two parties, or both. A married man seems "safe" because there's no future - that's part of the deal.

I wish there was a way to verify if a married guy had a wife who was happy to look the other way, or had her own extracurricular activities going on. I don't want to blow up someone's (seemingly) perfect home life.

[Anonymous]

You are going to spend a fortune on thigh-high boots and leather corsets.

[Anonymous]

I’ve been involved with a married guy for three years. We see each other regularly, go out for drinks/dinner occasionally, communicate daily. He’s about 15 years older than I am so he gives me perspective about work and personal issues. He’s attractive and we have good (though not necessarily great) sex. I don’t ask about his home life. I know he’s a serial cheater, though.

I am single (divorced) and we are not monogamous. We have a deal about using protection with others (not his wife, though), and we both get tested regularly.

Things are winding down now between us just because after three years it’s a relationship and the point of this is that it wasn’t a relationship.

We care about each other but wouldn’t want to be together for real (at least I wouldn’t). He’s started talking about where he’d move if he gets divorced and I just tune it out.

[Anonymous]

I was a mistress unknowingly. We started dating and he would never spend the night. He told me he was still living with his ex GF and therefore could not take me home yet. I had never been to his place, but he talked a lot about the future and even my walking him on FB did not help finding out more. He had no pictures with women, nothing. We dated for a few months, then I thought it started getting a little too weird that he would leave my place at 3-4 am and decided to end it. He was very sad... cried... told me he loved me (had never said that before)... we broke up. After a bit a noticed a woman wrote something cute on his FB, I checked her out and guess what? She was his pregnant wife!!!! I felt HORRIBLE more for her than for me, but I felt guilty too.... this man was unbelievable, but I am sure typical too. Now they have two kids I think (as of a couple of years ago)...

Don’t do it OP... I am married now and happy with my own family (and hopefully loyal DH)... it is so much better.

Think about this man’s wife. Even if you don’t owe her anything, would you not feel guilty for causing her pain?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been involved with a married guy for three years. We see each other regularly, go out for drinks/dinner occasionally, communicate daily. He’s about 15 years older than I am so he gives me perspective about work and personal issues. He’s attractive and we have good (though not necessarily great) sex. I don’t ask about his home life. I know he’s a serial cheater, though.

I am single (divorced) and we are not monogamous. We have a deal about using protection with others (not his wife, though), and we both get tested regularly.

Things are winding down now between us just because after three years it’s a relationship and the point of this is that it wasn’t a relationship.

We care about each other but wouldn’t want to be together for real (at least I wouldn’t). He’s started talking about where he’d move if he gets divorced and I just tune it out.

Again, I will never inderstand slu*s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I've never cheated on anyone nor facilitated cheating. I'm just tired of the heartache that comes from love and relationships. Even in the case of a FWB situation, there's a (strong) chance that feelings will develop within one of the two parties, or both. A married man seems "safe" because there's no future - that's part of the deal.

I wish there was a way to verify if a married guy had a wife who was happy to look the other way, or had her own extracurricular activities going on. I don't want to blow up someone's (seemingly) perfect home life.

Ohhhh, YEAH! Affairs with married men NEVER get complicated! Feelings of jealousy and resentment never build there, nuh-uh. You definitely won't feel hurt and left out when you give him a blowie on Dec. 23 and then he ignores you Christmas Eve through the day after New Year's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been involved with a married guy for three years. We see each other regularly, go out for drinks/dinner occasionally, communicate daily. He’s about 15 years older than I am so he gives me perspective about work and personal issues. He’s attractive and we have good (though not necessarily great) sex. I don’t ask about his home life. I know he’s a serial cheater, though.

I am single (divorced) and we are not monogamous. We have a deal about using protection with others (not his wife, though), and we both get tested regularly.

Things are winding down now between us just because after three years it’s a relationship and the point of this is that it wasn’t a relationship.

We care about each other but wouldn’t want to be together for real (at least I wouldn’t). He’s started talking about where he’d move if he gets divorced and I just tune it out.

Get that money, Honey! She works HARRDDDDD for the money! $$$

[Anonymous]

It’s really not worth it, OP.

[Anonymous]

You can always find a FWB. I'm 28 and a consultant so I travel constantly and it's been very difficult to develop a relationship. I have a fellow consultant (different firm) who is in the same boat and over drinks one evening we discovered we were in the same lack of sex boat so we started to hook up. It is wonderfully uncomplicated and the sex is very good. Being someone's mistress is a losing deal. My plan is to switch jobs in a year or so so I can stop the traveling and hopefully get into a LTR.