Daughter got in a fight at school - how to help her defend herself next time?

[Anonymous]

My daughter is in middle school. She is a sensitive kid and not physical at all. I was worried when she started at this school since it is known for kids with bad behavior. I told her to ignore and stay away from the troublemakers. Well, they found the weak one and started picking on her. We notified the school right away when we realized that it was getting out of hand. Not soon after, the tormenting went from emotional to physical. A girl attacked her, my daughter fell to the ground and started crying and that was basically it. She wasn't really hurt except her ego is very bruised and she feels humiliated. She tried to fight back but she was overpowered.

We are dealing with the school on next steps but I am sure it will happen again. i want her to be ready. Is karate the answer? I took karate when I was young and it certainly didn't help me defend myself. Is there another type of self defense class that will help her build her confidence and allow her to protect herself?

She can't practice with sibling due to special needs and I personally am not a fan of violence - but she really needs to get tougher.

We are in montgomery county - any suggestions on classes would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Karate is totally useless. Boxing. If it's a boy, kick him in the balls.

[Anonymous]

Look at aikido which is all about deflecting and not attacking; or try a self defense class.

[Anonymous]

Why aren't you trying to find her a new school? Why would you keep her at a school where she is being physically attacked?

[Anonymous]

Is there another school that's an option? As a bullied middle schooler, I just got the same feeling in the pit of my stomach reading your op as I did on Monday mornings ages 12-14. And I was just verbally bullied. There has to be a different school option.

[Anonymous]

She is in public school so I don't think there is a way to change schools. And moving isn't an option. We live where we can afford and that is the state of the schools in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is in public school so I don't think there is a way to change schools. And moving isn't an option. We live where we can afford and that is the state of the schools in this area.

Then you need to post in the schools forum, we live in this area, how can I find a better school for my child so she won't get beat up.

[Anonymous]

No need for elaborate self-defense lessons in most cases. For bullies, a quick straight punch right on the nose will generally deter them from future aggression. The question is less one of technique than will.

Also, in this kind of situation, it matters less how well she fights, what is important is *that* she will *really* fight. You say she tried to, but my guess is she didn't really, and needs both permission and encouragement to fight back if attacked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No need for elaborate self-defense lessons in most cases. For bullies, a quick straight punch right on the nose will generally deter them from future aggression. The question is less one of technique than will.

Also, in this kind of situation, it matters less how well she fights, what is important is *that* she will *really* fight. You say she tried to, but my guess is she didn't really, and needs both permission and encouragement to fight back if attacked.

Yes. I'm the one who said to do boxing. It's punching OVER AND OVER and then? OVER AGAIN. She needs to get past the mental hurdle of punching another person. She should give ONE warning. "Touch me again, and I'll make you regret it." And if the person pushes/punches/whatever, she needs to look them straight in the eyes, and punch as hard as she can, using follow-through. You don't retract on contact.

[Anonymous]

Jujitsu

It is a martial art that is based on self defense and since most fights end up on the ground it teaches you to defend yourself from the ground.

Also, think about it .. If a boy is going to assault a girl most likely she is lying down.

Girls can effectively punch so I would not do boxing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No need for elaborate self-defense lessons in most cases. For bullies, a quick straight punch right on the nose will generally deter them from future aggression. The question is less one of technique than will.

Also, in this kind of situation, it matters less how well she fights, what is important is *that* she will *really* fight. You say she tried to, but my guess is she didn't really, and needs both permission and encouragement to fight back if attacked.

How do I get her to have the will? She doesn't want to hurt anyone and is very self conscious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is in public school so I don't think there is a way to change schools. And moving isn't an option. We live where we can afford and that is the state of the schools in this area.

I teach for MCPS. Here is the bullying form http://www.montgomeryschoolsmd.org/departments/forms/pdf/230-35.pdf. I'm at a W-feeder midle school and we fill them out all the time. Like weekly. Mostly for girls and cyber-bullying. In your case, submit for every incident your DD can recall, not just the fight. Send a google calendar item to the principal's mcpsmd.net address to follow up in 48 hours to discuss a COSA.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Yes, Jujitsu, Aikido, and Krav Maga are great for not aggressive kids. But any girl before she goes to college must learn how to physically defend herself. A good teacher will talk to her how to act before you get into a physical fight.

Someone suggested a punch on the nose... What happens if the bully falls back and hits her head on a concrete step? be careful what you suggest.

[Anonymous]

What about a basic self defense class. Also there is a website, stopbullying.gov with resources on how to work with the school if your child is being bullied. Document everything and follow through with filling out the forms that PP referenced.

[Anonymous]

Karate. For a boy, teach her to go for the balls.