Friend bringing kids and dogs on our girls weekend trip

[Anonymous]

A long time friend and I have a beach rental reserved for 4 days over Memorial Day weekend. We planned this a few months back and I’ve been looking forward to it. She is a single mom - this rental price was a stretch for her but she really wanted this getaway and agreed to it. She has already paid me for her half. It is non refundable.

I get a text today and she says she has no sitter for the kids that weekend and will be bringing them along. Plus this sitter who backed out would’ve been watching the dog and now the dog has to come with too.

This is a smaller beach house but it will sleep 4. There are two bedrooms with two double beds and the house accepts pets but with a $150 fee (I think she will gasp at that price) Only one bathroom.

This changes everything about this trip. What was a girls getaway is now a family trip. We would’ve had our own rooms and now I will be sharing a double bed with her.

I don’t even know what to do. I haven’t text her back yet. Do we split this 4 ways now? I don’t even want to go anymore, I’m so mad.

[Anonymous]

Did you consider she cannot afford a dog/kid sitter if this is a stretch for her? Ask her to pay the pet fee. One bathroom is fine. You get a room, she gets a room. She can bring air mattresses for the kids for her room.

[Anonymous]

I’d tell her to bring air mattresses for the kids and have her pay the pet fee. If you’re paying half you should at least get your own room.

[Anonymous]

How many kids and how old are they?

If you honestly don’t want to go anymore (and I don’t blame you, I say that as a single mom myself! Lol) then I think you should tell her you’re not going anymore and ask her to pay you back for your half. That’s the least she can do since she completely switched this sh!t up on you like this at the last minute.

Also don’t plan any future trips with her since she’s shown you her true colors. I wouldn’t be surprised if she never had a real sitter for the dog and kids in the first place, and was just looking for a weekend getaway at a discount for her and her kids.

How long have you known this woman?

[Anonymous]

OP here, I believe it was her sister who was supposed to sit for the kids and dog, and I don’t think she pays her. I don’t think she has or knows else to watch them.

I do like the air mattress idea. But the vibe of this getaway will completely change. When kids are involved, everything revolves around their needs, which was the intent of a “getaway” to begin with.

[Anonymous]

Same PP here. Another alternative is to give her back her half, and you find someone else to go with, if that’s possible. Or go solo and enjoy. I love my solo getaways.

[Anonymous]

Does she not have time to find another sitter? Or did she have a potentially free sitter (family member?) that now can’t do it? I feel like she should be trying to find another option, but I also understand it’s hard to leave your kids for 4 days unless it’s someone you really know and trust. If you are dead set against doing this trip with her and her kids + dog than just call her and say you were looking forward to the R&R with just her and will just cede the rental to them for the weekend (and obviously she covers the full cost). If you are willing to do the trip- you should still get one bedroom and she and her kids get one even if that means kids on air mattresses in the room. How old are the kids? Their ability to totally disrupt the trip I guess varies by age.

[Anonymous]

It’s weird. Agree with ceding her the rental, as she completely changed the purpose of the trip. I can’t imagine why she thinks you’d want to vacation with her family. I wouldn’t want someone tagging along on my family vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you consider she cannot afford a dog/kid sitter if this is a stretch for her? Ask her to pay the pet fee. One bathroom is fine. You get a room, she gets a room. She can bring air mattresses for the kids for her room.

This. You each get a room. How old are her kids? I’d be unhappy about this whole situation too. Bringing kids changes everything.

[Anonymous]

How is this non refundable?

Where are you staying that cancelling 6+ weeks isn't refundable?

[Anonymous]

OP here, the kids are 6 and 10 and they are very rambunctious. She also will need to pull the kids out of school for a day since we have the rental Thursday through Mon.

I’d love to go solo and that might be what I will need to do since I already have the money. If I cede it to her, getting her to pay my cost + the pet fee will probably send her over the edge. I also worry about this because it is all on my cc and what if any damage occurs? It’s on me.

I’ve known her since we were in 6th grade. We are mid 40s now.

Ugh, I hate awkward money situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is this non refundable?

Where are you staying that cancelling 6+ weeks isn't refundable?

Probably Airbnb, lots are non refundable. One reason I don’t use them!

[Anonymous]

If you want to preserve the friendship and finances are a stretch for her, options would seem to be:
1. Kids and dog come, they all share a room, you get your room, she covers pet fee. You do your best to let go of the original trip you planned and, as a friend to an overtaxed single mom, help her have a nice weekend.
2. If you’re feeling generous, you could give the kids a room and share a room but I don’t think that’s necessary (and sounds like she probably could afford the split $ you propose in that scenario)
3. You go alone (nice thing to do is absorb her cost if you can, but understandable if you can’t)
4. You invite someone else to come with you

Yes, it totally sucks. Understandable that you are upset. Sounds like she has few options though and all you can really control is your attitude about what to do now. You’ll have a better time is you can come to peace with the outcome, whatever it is, before you go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does she not have time to find another sitter? Or did she have a potentially free sitter (family member?) that now can’t do it? I feel like she should be trying to find another option, but I also understand it’s hard to leave your kids for 4 days unless it’s someone you really know and trust. If you are dead set against doing this trip with her and her kids + dog than just call her and say you were looking forward to the R&R with just her and will just cede the rental to them for the weekend (and obviously she covers the full cost). If you are willing to do the trip- you should still get one bedroom and she and her kids get one even if that means kids on air mattresses in the room. How old are the kids? Their ability to totally disrupt the trip I guess varies by age.

Same poster- saw the reply about her sis being the free sitter. If she’s struggling financially and you’re not, I would just “let her off the hook” and say you’ll try to do a girls trip another time and Venmo back her 1/2. If the full cost is out of reach for you also (as I imagine it is for her), then maybe you see if there’s a way to cancel and just lose a deposit rather than the full cost since they have plenty of time to rebook before Mem day. FWIW I like hotels for trips with uncertainty or moving parts like child care bc you can be so flexible with cancellation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, the kids are 6 and 10 and they are very rambunctious. She also will need to pull the kids out of school for a day since we have the rental Thursday through Mon.

I’d love to go solo and that might be what I will need to do since I already have the money. If I cede it to her, getting her to pay my cost + the pet fee will probably send her over the edge. I also worry about this because it is all on my cc and what if any damage occurs? It’s on me.

I’ve known her since we were in 6th grade. We are mid 40s now.

Ugh, I hate awkward money situations.

Tell her you are sorry her sitter fell through, but you still want a relaxing weekend and 2 kids and a dog do not make for a relaxing weekend. Then tell her you will refund her half. If it’s on your card, I would not even giver her the option of taking over the rental.

If she was a really good friend, then maybe suck it up. But it sounds like you will be subsidizing her family vacation, not to mention like helping with the kids and dog.