I’m a black man married to a white woman: Ask me anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so bizarre to me. I had friends with mixed race parents, growing up 30-40 years ago. Granted it was more unusual then, but my high school was very diverse, so everyone I knew dated someone from another race at one point or the other. Everyone. And now I live in the DC area, and mixed race families are completely normal. I don't get how this is something to even be curious about??

Where was it you grew up? I grew up in Europe and when I moved to DC in 1998, I was shocked at the obvious prejudice against mixed race couples (and the fact that there weren't many then). It's definitely more common 15 years later, but the fact there is even a thread here on the topic suggests it's still considered unusual or "shocking". It wasn't anything unusual for me growing up overseas.

But surely you know not everyone is from DC. I'm white, my parents are white, everyone in my family is white, all my parents friends who I've ever met are white. It was a big to-do when someone was a different religion. I have some friends who are mixed or in mixed relationships, or adopted kids of another race, but I don't feel close enough to any of them to ask all my questions. I've never been inside a black person's home - the closest I came was having a black roommate for three months in college. So this IS interesting to me, and IS something very unusual to me. I worry that I'm racist all the time when interacting with people who aren't white. I read these threads eagerly, PP, hoping for something I can't quite articulate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do u have $$$$? DO u feel superior? Are u educated? Are u from the same SES? Does your family like her?

We are doing relatively well together - but not rich. No one is superior to anyone else. I am educated. We are from very different SES - I grew up very poor, she was upper-middle class. My family LOVES her!

There's an obvious follow up question to that. How does her family feel about you and your family?

OP here. Yep, that was the catch - her mom was cool, dad not so much. He tried tried to mask his prejudice by voicing concerns about how mixed families face huge difficulties, but his family saw through that. It took him a couple years before he was at ease. I think he got to know me as a person and realized his ignorance. Today, we both get along very well. We have fun laughing together. I do admire that about him considering where I know he came from. People can change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is a question for OP: Are you and/or your white wife friendly to black women? I ask because there are quite a few interracial couples at DD's elementary school. A couple are BW/WH, but the majority, as with the population as a whole are BH/WW. I am a black female, and in my experience, in the couples where the wife is black, both spouses are relatively friendly and engaging. But the couples where the wife is white, both parties are very standoffish. I have tried for years to make friends with some of these people, and they are very distant. I barely get a smile or a hello. And the black husbands are even less friendly than their white wives. What is up with that?

OMGGGGG so true!!!! My bf was married to a ww and had a child. THe child was never around any blk women just blk men. All of the couples they associated with were just like them. WW was sooooo insecure when it came to blk women. She didnt even want the child to have a relationship with the women in her husband's family. It got old really quick. They divorced not just b/c of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the wife overweight and blonde?
That seems to be the type of woman I see with black guys.

Is the wife over weight bottle blond and has the job?

I don't think I understand your question. But yes, she has a job.

The job. The one that pays the bills.

[Anonymous]

if you guys were a tv couple who would you be? Anything like the interracial couple of ABC's Happy Endings. Love them.

Do you have a female blk best friend, friends or work wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will you get pissed when she insists on keeping her Paula Deen cookbooks? Or is that a deal breaker.

OP here. Hysterical! We loved watching Paula. Don't know what to think of her, now. She can throw down in the kitchen - truth-be-told, the irony here is that she's learned a lot of that from black folks in the South, IMO.

Or stole it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP here... fairfax underground is another one. DCUM is FFU lite. This sitr isn't so bad after all. Please post over there in some of the threads where blacks are called horrible names, and ask them why don't they care about being called racist.

Oh my FFX is horrible. Are those Adults posting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the wife overweight and blonde?
That seems to be the type of woman I see with black guys.

Not OP, but this irks me. I'm the blonde but not overweight wife of a black man, and I think people literally expect me to have five chins and be living in a trailer park. Such a gross and unfair stereotype.

Well, in fairness you've proven 50% of the stereotype. And the other part is open to negotiation on when it will start...

Hehehehe

[Anonymous]

Why do you think it is so much more common for a black man to marry a white woman than for a black woman to marry a white man?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did she only marry you because she honestly believed she could never go back?

LOL

NP. LOL.

White women have any of you tried to go back? This would make a great book.

I went brown, so part of the way back. Does that count?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:google the stats. it's true.
are there any stats that show white "wimen" look horrible when they age? my guess is no.

It's not quantifiable, but let's face it: A little more melanin would help us age more gracefully!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so bizarre to me. I had friends with mixed race parents, growing up 30-40 years ago. Granted it was more unusual then, but my high school was very diverse, so everyone I knew dated someone from another race at one point or the other. Everyone. And now I live in the DC area, and mixed race families are completely normal. I don't get how this is something to even be curious about??

Where was it you grew up? I grew up in Europe and when I moved to DC in 1998, I was shocked at the obvious prejudice against mixed race couples (and the fact that there weren't many then). It's definitely more common 15 years later, but the fact there is even a thread here on the topic suggests it's still considered unusual or "shocking". It wasn't anything unusual for me growing up overseas.

But surely you know not everyone is from DC. I'm white, my parents are white, everyone in my family is white, all my parents friends who I've ever met are white. It was a big to-do when someone was a different religion. I have some friends who are mixed or in mixed relationships, or adopted kids of another race, but I don't feel close enough to any of them to ask all my questions. I've never been inside a black person's home - the closest I came was having a black roommate for three months in college. So this IS interesting to me, and IS something very unusual to me. I worry that I'm racist all the time when interacting with people who aren't white. I read these threads eagerly, PP, hoping for something I can't quite articulate.

I appreciate the honesty of this post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think it is so much more common for a black man to marry a white woman than for a black woman to marry a white man?

Not the OP, but my understanding has been that there is greater stigma for black women to date/marry white men because in the history of slavery, rape of black enslaved women by their white owners was so common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think it is so much more common for a black man to marry a white woman than for a black woman to marry a white man?

Not the OP, but my understanding has been that there is greater stigma for black women to date/marry white men because in the history of slavery, rape of black enslaved women by their white owners was so common.

Abigail part of it is that the beauty ideal in this country is the white woman. So black men are conditioned to be attracted to white women, but white men are not conditioned to find most black women attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think it is so much more common for a black man to marry a white woman than for a black woman to marry a white man?

Not the OP, but my understanding has been that there is greater stigma for black women to date/marry white men because in the history of slavery, rape of black enslaved women by their white owners was so common.

Abigail part of it is that the beauty ideal in this country is the white woman. So black men are conditioned to be attracted to white women, but white men are not conditioned to find most black women attractive.


Lol not true.