Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are still supporting them, then you have failed.

We help support our kid who is going to school and working FT in a HCOL area. He did not finish college because he was in rehab, so his FT service job is stable, healthy for him, but not lucrative. He is alive, healthy, and working his way to becoming self-sufficient. I am so proud of him and feel like our ability to ensure he stays in school, goes to therapy, and has a supportive place to live is a great investment. I do not think I am failing in supporting him. I’m glad you didn’t have to make those choices.

Kudos to him and you. It's hard work to rebuild a life and stick through it day to day with work and school and therapy. So glad you have the means to provide this kind of support to help him do it. Wishing you all well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are still supporting them, then you have failed.

We help support our kid who is going to school and working FT in a HCOL area. He did not finish college because he was in rehab, so his FT service job is stable, healthy for him, but not lucrative. He is alive, healthy, and working his way to becoming self-sufficient. I am so proud of him and feel like our ability to ensure he stays in school, goes to therapy, and has a supportive place to live is a great investment. I do not think I am failing in supporting him. I’m glad you didn’t have to make those choices.

Well done and well said.

It is not one size fits all for kids as they age.

I wish your family all the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am planning to support my son (18) until he finishes grad school and then look at his income to figure out if he can afford to live on his own with his first income. The roommate thing is still an option. I know a 24 year old who has six roommates in a 2 bedroom rental house. His parents pay for his graduate education but not living expenses.

This is an absolute no.

How in the world will your kid become an adult

If they are going to graduate school they can work as well.

They can work a pt job in undergrad for gods sake how will they learn?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

Really, really not. I can offer a much smoother transition for my child and there is nothing wrong with that.

I know someone like you. Not one of their kids is a fully independent adult. Parents pay for almost everything because they are used to their parent's lifestyle, and want it as adults. Because parents didn't want their kids to struggle like they did, the started it in the early years. And here the kids are in their 40s still dependent on mom and dad.

Well I know over 10 kids whose parents help them (we are rich and so are many of our friends). All of those kids, including our 3, are fully functioning adults. All are "living within their means" based on their own income as adults. That means they can afford their rent and daily expenses. The main difference is that these kids are fully saving for retirement and building their non-retirement investments as well and they take fancier vacations (with family and with their friends at times). None of them are struggling to fully adult. If they didn't have the extra funding, they would simply save less. Also all are in great jobs and getting promotions and moving up in their careers. The extra help (if you raise your kids right) just means they know they can take more risks because they have a safety net in place and are not stressed about finances (no student loans, most got a car for college graduation).
These kids are 22-30ish and none are "dependent on mom and dad"

This post has been written hundreds of times. “Our 22 year old is making $500,000 out of college but we still gift and she saves it for retirement.” Such bull.

What’s bull? That they think their kid is making 500k at 22 or that you’re mad high income earning kids still get gifts?

We make 700k combined and still get our $18k/yr gift. It allows us to put half into their college account and use the other half for a wonderful vacation or home improvement splurge.

Our parents love doing this and seeing their money provide a tangible benefit to our lives.

My God are you burning through $700K/yr (minus taxes) so you need parents to gift you a vacation?

Eat the gd rich.

They can manage just fine. The gift allows them to have a few extras. Sounds more like you are jealous you don't have rich parents who are gifting you $$$ while they are still alive

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

This is also an attitude that results in zero generational wealth. Your belief that a hard life is required for self-worth may mean your grandkids won't be able to afford college or grad school or buy a home. It means that if they get really sick, they'll be burdened by medical bills and may not be able to make rent. Having a safety net for your kids and grandkids isn't creating entitlement, it means that they can live healthy, productive lives free of crushing debt.

This

I can only repeat that I specifically mention health issues would be considered differently. I really don't understand how people can't read.

It's not just health issues, though, it could be that the car breaks down and needs replacement, or daycare costs $2K/month/child and your DD will have to mommy-track or quit her job to care for her children, or the basement floods and the bill is $20K, etc., etc. These are hardly frivolous expenses, but they are expenses that can really burden a young family and set them back.
I've noticed that a lot colleagues who are really able to succeed in their careers and in their family life are people who have family supporting them. They have parents who are happy to take the kids when a parent has to fly out of town for a work conference, or to take the family on vacations for some much-needed down time, or help with that downpayment on a condo so their kids can start building equity.
I'm not saying it's impossible; DH and I have done well for ourselves despite the lack of family help, both monetary and otherwise. But it has been unnecessarily stessful.

Folks, do what you want with your money. However, don't credit your kids' success to really anything they have done on their own when you are paying for everything. I have yet to actually meet any of the "successful" people referenced above that get massive parental welfare. It is weird when you reference the various life events above as somehow so hard for young families...did you receive a ton of $$$s from your parents for all these things?

The few I know live comfortable lives, but don't have high-powered careers, nor are any of them the type willing to start a company or really take any life/career risks. Of course, their comfortable lives are directly related to still getting allowances as adults.

Again, it's fine. I mean, nobody thinks it is weird when scions of the Disney or Johnson&Johnson families transfer hundreds millions or even billions to their kids. I guess if you have so much money that you are struggling with what to do with it, then it seems more acceptable/rational to create elaborate trusts and other tax schemes to preserve it.

This is so weird. The situations I outlined in my post certainly do not constitute "paying for everything." Helping to pay for a replacement car, helping with childcare, or a downpayment on a condo are not "everything." Kids still need to pay for their housing, food, insurance, etc. But having parental help as a safety net or as a springboard is a huge help and a big part of establishing or maintaining generational wealth. As parents, we are not expecting to pay for all of our kids' living expenses as adults, but we definitely plan to be there to help them out.
The refusal to think of money in this way reminds me of parents on the college forum who are adamant that SLACs are inferior to large universities even when extremely well educated and well-off parents and even professors are advising that SLACs are just as good, if not better, than large universities. You don't need to take anyone's anonymous advice, but it's advice probably worth mulling over rather than digging in your ignorant heels and rejecting outright.

Not sure how you remotely equate the two. Raising kids and securing shelter certainly seem like most of the core functions of parents and the vast majority don't rely on parent handouts. Again, if your kid can't pay to replace a car, then your kid is seriously struggling.

I fully appreciate the value of Williams vs. Ohio State. I don't understand at all why you would equate the two.

In most worlds, paying $2K/month for childcare is a lot of money for a young family. And helping with a downpayment is not the same as paying a mortgage. I don't see why as a parent you prefer to see your kids and grandkids struggle unnecessarily. I'd rather see my kids spend time with their children than have to take on overtime, moonlight, or take on a part-time job.

1000%

Simply do not understand the "dont' help them they cannot/are not fully adults if you provide any extra assistance" If you have the money and want to gift them $$$, go ahead and do it.
If I can help my kids have a higher quality of life with their family and grandkids why wouldn't I do it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t mind if my parents invite us on vacation and pay for it. If we go, we’re there as their guests. We didn’t plan it or decide where to go.

If we plan and go on our own vacation, obviously they don’t pay for that.

People underestimate the tuition tax advantage. For anyone with an estate likely to exceed the lifetime exemption, paying tuition for grandkids is a no brainer. I’m not saying it should be that way, but that’s what policy is encouraging.

And if policy changes, they'd just fund a 529 over the years (superfund and then yearly up to $18K per grandparent to each grandkid), to help with estate tax planning.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

Really, really not. I can offer a much smoother transition for my child and there is nothing wrong with that.

I know someone like you. Not one of their kids is a fully independent adult. Parents pay for almost everything because they are used to their parent's lifestyle, and want it as adults. Because parents didn't want their kids to struggle like they did, the started it in the early years. And here the kids are in their 40s still dependent on mom and dad.

Well I know over 10 kids whose parents help them (we are rich and so are many of our friends). All of those kids, including our 3, are fully functioning adults. All are "living within their means" based on their own income as adults. That means they can afford their rent and daily expenses. The main difference is that these kids are fully saving for retirement and building their non-retirement investments as well and they take fancier vacations (with family and with their friends at times). None of them are struggling to fully adult. If they didn't have the extra funding, they would simply save less. Also all are in great jobs and getting promotions and moving up in their careers. The extra help (if you raise your kids right) just means they know they can take more risks because they have a safety net in place and are not stressed about finances (no student loans, most got a car for college graduation).
These kids are 22-30ish and none are "dependent on mom and dad"

This post has been written hundreds of times. “Our 22 year old is making $500,000 out of college but we still gift and she saves it for retirement.” Such bull.

What’s bull? That they think their kid is making 500k at 22 or that you’re mad high income earning kids still get gifts?

We make 700k combined and still get our $18k/yr gift. It allows us to put half into their college account and use the other half for a wonderful vacation or home improvement splurge.

Our parents love doing this and seeing their money provide a tangible benefit to our lives.

My God are you burning through $700K/yr (minus taxes) so you need parents to gift you a vacation?

Eat the gd rich.

They can manage just fine. The gift allows them to have a few extras. Sounds more like you are jealous you don't have rich parents who are gifting you $$$ while they are still alive

I think PP answered quite poorly...it did sound a little pathetic that on one hand they claim to make $700k, but on the other only go on a nice vacation if their parents gift them some $$$s. 99.9% of people making $700k take nice vacations regardless of any parent transfers.

[Anonymous]

I come from an extended family with considerable wealth, and if there’s one thing I can say anecdotally about parents who support/give money vs those who don’t, it’s that it seems to make little difference. In fact there’s more variation in life outcomes among siblings than across family units with different approaches on this front.

I’m not saying that if you could do a real experiment you might not see differences (though of course you can’t do that experiment). But I don’t think it’s as big a factor as some people believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I come from an extended family with considerable wealth, and if there’s one thing I can say anecdotally about parents who support/give money vs those who don’t, it’s that it seems to make little difference. In fact there’s more variation in life outcomes among siblings than across family units with different approaches on this front.

I’m not saying that if you could do a real experiment you might not see differences (though of course you can’t do that experiment). But I don’t think it’s as big a factor as some people believe.

I like it…take one sibling and put them on the street and lavish the other and see how it turns out.

I will bet you the usual amount ($1) on the outcome.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m an immigrant. Came to the U.S. as a foreign student. My parents paid for tuition and housing in college while I worked on campus all other expenses (food, going out, etc.). Once I got my first job a couple of months after graduating ($25,000 a year; this was over 20 years ago), I told them I didn’t need any more financial support. It was such a huge financial undertaking to send me the to US that becoming financially independent asap was all I could think of during college.

So honestly, it really depends on your kids and their expectations. I expect to pay tuition and most housing expenses throughout college for my kids now. But I also expect them to work to finance everything else, food, clothes, entertainment, cell phone, etc. They are always welcome to live at home to transition from college or to save for a down payment.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

Really, really not. I can offer a much smoother transition for my child and there is nothing wrong with that.

I know someone like you. Not one of their kids is a fully independent adult. Parents pay for almost everything because they are used to their parent's lifestyle, and want it as adults. Because parents didn't want their kids to struggle like they did, the started it in the early years. And here the kids are in their 40s still dependent on mom and dad.

Well I know over 10 kids whose parents help them (we are rich and so are many of our friends). All of those kids, including our 3, are fully functioning adults. All are "living within their means" based on their own income as adults. That means they can afford their rent and daily expenses. The main difference is that these kids are fully saving for retirement and building their non-retirement investments as well and they take fancier vacations (with family and with their friends at times). None of them are struggling to fully adult. If they didn't have the extra funding, they would simply save less. Also all are in great jobs and getting promotions and moving up in their careers. The extra help (if you raise your kids right) just means they know they can take more risks because they have a safety net in place and are not stressed about finances (no student loans, most got a car for college graduation).
These kids are 22-30ish and none are "dependent on mom and dad"

This post has been written hundreds of times. “Our 22 year old is making $500,000 out of college but we still gift and she saves it for retirement.” Such bull.

What’s bull? That they think their kid is making 500k at 22 or that you’re mad high income earning kids still get gifts?

We make 700k combined and still get our $18k/yr gift. It allows us to put half into their college account and use the other half for a wonderful vacation or home improvement splurge.

Our parents love doing this and seeing their money provide a tangible benefit to our lives.

It wasn’t about people in your older age group. It’s about all the posters who claims that their children in their 20’s are all too successful to need help.

People are full of shit if they think their 25 year olds are all making salaries in the 99th% and are saving every dime their parents give them. It’s not reality. People in their 20s are spending the money giving to them by parents or grandparents. I know from experience and just common sense.

My oldest is in NYC and has her own apartment after living in a dorm. She’ll never have to pay her own household expenses and it’s not about a yearly gift. It’s about money in a trust and there are plenty of young people living that way. And plenty who receive money from parents have low income jobs.

That's probably the point of the gift. DH and I are discussing helping our parents out in the future so they can have a nice retirement, and we're worried they would just save the money rather than go on a nice trip.

I'm sure these other people are seeing their children use their gifts the way they were intended to be used, or they would stop giving them those gifts.

FWIW, any person would be proud of their child making top 1% of income from a non-family business. Why wouldn't they lavish their successful child with gifts if they could?[/quote]

This is the problem...it is never no strings attached. I mean, shouldn't a gift be used however the recipient wants? It's not really a gift if they can only use it for X and not for Y.

Also, not following your second comment...so if your 22 year old kid makes $500k working for Citadel and could easily be making $5MM within 5 years, you lavish them with money as a result?

I'm not sure if you're being purposefully obtuse but my post was in response to people saying that giving your children who are already successful lots of money was making them dependent on you because they are not saving the money and just spending it instead. I'm sure someone who makes 500K a year at age 22 is not dependent on their parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I’m an immigrant. Came to the U.S. as a foreign student. My parents paid for tuition and housing in college while I worked on campus all other expenses (food, going out, etc.). Once I got my first job a couple of months after graduating ($25,000 a year; this was over 20 years ago), I told them I didn’t need any more financial support. It was such a huge financial undertaking to send me the to US that becoming financially independent asap was all I could think of during college.

So honestly, it really depends on your kids and their expectations. I expect to pay tuition and most housing expenses throughout college for my kids now. But I also expect them to work to finance everything else, food, clothes, entertainment, cell phone, etc. They are always welcome to live at home to transition from college or to save for a down payment.

Good luck!

This is why many immigrants in this country are successful even with some tough obstacles in their way.

An example would be Boston Public High schools and their valedictorians. They are almost exclusively new immigrants. One South American student came to the US over the age of 13 with no English and ended up graduating at the top of the class.

There are 33:high school valedictorians in the city and the graduating class of 2023 are going to the following schools -

Harvard x2, Emory, BU, Wesleyan, Wellesley BHCC, Union College, Curry College,
UMass Boston, UMass Amherst, Centre College, John’s Hopkins x2, Wentworth, 13 of them going to Northeastern University. Northeastern has full tuition and room and board for Boston valedictorians.

Most want to stay close to their families and I don’t blame them. About a third were born outside the US from China, Dominican Republic, Haiti, Honduras, Indonesia, and Jamaica.



https://www.bostonpublicschools.org/site/default.aspx?PageType=3&DomainID=4&ModuleInstanceID=14&ViewID=6446EE88-D30C-497E-9316-3F8874B3E108&RenderLoc=0&FlexDataID=41603&PageID=1

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

Really, really not. I can offer a much smoother transition for my child and there is nothing wrong with that.

I know someone like you. Not one of their kids is a fully independent adult. Parents pay for almost everything because they are used to their parent's lifestyle, and want it as adults. Because parents didn't want their kids to struggle like they did, the started it in the early years. And here the kids are in their 40s still dependent on mom and dad.

Well I know over 10 kids whose parents help them (we are rich and so are many of our friends). All of those kids, including our 3, are fully functioning adults. All are "living within their means" based on their own income as adults. That means they can afford their rent and daily expenses. The main difference is that these kids are fully saving for retirement and building their non-retirement investments as well and they take fancier vacations (with family and with their friends at times). None of them are struggling to fully adult. If they didn't have the extra funding, they would simply save less. Also all are in great jobs and getting promotions and moving up in their careers. The extra help (if you raise your kids right) just means they know they can take more risks because they have a safety net in place and are not stressed about finances (no student loans, most got a car for college graduation).
These kids are 22-30ish and none are "dependent on mom and dad"

This post has been written hundreds of times. “Our 22 year old is making $500,000 out of college but we still gift and she saves it for retirement.” Such bull.

What’s bull? That they think their kid is making 500k at 22 or that you’re mad high income earning kids still get gifts?

We make 700k combined and still get our $18k/yr gift. It allows us to put half into their college account and use the other half for a wonderful vacation or home improvement splurge.

Our parents love doing this and seeing their money provide a tangible benefit to our lives.

It wasn’t about people in your older age group. It’s about all the posters who claims that their children in their 20’s are all too successful to need help.

People are full of shit if they think their 25 year olds are all making salaries in the 99th% and are saving every dime their parents give them. It’s not reality. People in their 20s are spending the money giving to them by parents or grandparents. I know from experience and just common sense.

My oldest is in NYC and has her own apartment after living in a dorm. She’ll never have to pay her own household expenses and it’s not about a yearly gift. It’s about money in a trust and there are plenty of young people living that way. And plenty who receive money from parents have low income jobs.

That's probably the point of the gift. DH and I are discussing helping our parents out in the future so they can have a nice retirement, and we're worried they would just save the money rather than go on a nice trip.

I'm sure these other people are seeing their children use their gifts the way they were intended to be used, or they would stop giving them those gifts.

FWIW, any person would be proud of their child making top 1% of income from a non-family business. Why wouldn't they lavish their successful child with gifts if they could?[/quote]

This is the problem...it is never no strings attached. I mean, shouldn't a gift be used however the recipient wants? It's not really a gift if they can only use it for X and not for Y.

Also, not following your second comment...so if your 22 year old kid makes $500k working for Citadel and could easily be making $5MM within 5 years, you lavish them with money as a result?

I'm not sure if you're being purposefully obtuse but my post was in response to people saying that giving your children who are already successful lots of money was making them dependent on you because they are not saving the money and just spending it instead. I'm sure someone who makes 500K a year at age 22 is not dependent on their parents.

Besides athletes and entertainers what 23 year old has that salary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you are still supporting them, then you have failed.

We help support our kid who is going to school and working FT in a HCOL area. He did not finish college because he was in rehab, so his FT service job is stable, healthy for him, but not lucrative. He is alive, healthy, and working his way to becoming self-sufficient. I am so proud of him and feel like our ability to ensure he stays in school, goes to therapy, and has a supportive place to live is a great investment. I do not think I am failing in supporting him. I’m glad you didn’t have to make those choices.

+1000, we have an almost identical situation with our young adult kid.

[Anonymous]

I am what you would call working poor, and still help my adult kids though they never ask me to. I mostly buy clothes for grandchildren, school/art supplies, send like $50 to buy new shoes, etc. My own kids have nice jobs and average incomes but kids are SO expensive, and with childcare, mortgage, after school, paid activities, food prices as they are, at the end they have less disposable income than I do. It gives me pleasure to give, even if only little.