Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?

[Anonymous]

We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Did your daughter ask you to pay for the daycare because they cannot handle it financially? Maybe her husband needs to revisit his child support agreement due to his new child and his income? Is there a way to do that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wonder about this as well. My son graduated last May from a top school and got a job paying $78K a year that he started in September. He's currently living at home to save some money. Lots of his co-workers (similar jobs, same experience) have apartments in Clarendon and Dupont. I just don't know how these kids afford it and still have a social life. My son, granted, is putting a lot of money away. He would really like to buy a condo vs. pay rent, but interest rates are too high right now. I do wonder how many of these kids with their own apartments are getting help from parents. We could easily afford to help him, but I'm not quite there with it. We would definitely help with a down payment on a condo though.

Much smarter for him to live at home with you (assuming commute is doable) and save a ton. He can still hang out with friends, and he will actually have some $$ to do so a few times per month since he can live rent free, all while still saving to buy

+1
Our DS is a recent grad also living at home and saving $$ and I think it enables his social life more tbh. He can afford his used car and has a place to park. He has spare money to go out with friends more. His gf lives at her parents' home and they regularly stay over at each others' places so it's kind of nice to have time with both of them and time where the house is more empty. If they stay together, they will likely move in together when they have saved enough for a down-payment. Lots of his friends who are in a stable romantic relationship are doing something similar but there are a few couples who have family money that have their own apartment and they tend to host the gatherings. It kind of reminds me of my parents' generation (except that s.o.'s are allowed to stay over which was not the case for my parents' era/social milieu and there's no pressure to marry before moving in together). His friends who are single though are more likely to rent and share an apartment with several friends. And I think if DS were to break up with his gf he would be more likely to move in with friends and rent because living with your parents might cramp a dating lifestyle--but who knows?

[Anonymous]

We gift the annual exclusion every year to our adult children. One needs the money, the other just invests it into their 529..so effectively we are paying for our granddaughter's college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Did your daughter ask you to pay for the daycare because they cannot handle it financially? Maybe her husband needs to revisit his child support agreement due to his new child and his income? Is there a way to do that?

No idea. But how is that fair to the other kids? The short, blunt answer is my daughter and her husband made an emotional decision to have a child and did not consider the financial implications.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Did your daughter ask you to pay for the daycare because they cannot handle it financially? Maybe her husband needs to revisit his child support agreement due to his new child and his income? Is there a way to do that?

He needs to revisit child support or quit his job and take care of the child since he is not contributing.

If he quits his job, how does he pay child support for the other 2? Her salary cannot pay all their existing expenses even if he becomes a SAHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

I can tell you what to do about it. Stop enabling them and if they want to have children, they have to be able to afford it.

Having children is not an addiction problem so enabling is not the correct word here. I think you mean cut them off and withdraw support.

I expect you will never need any sort of help or support and plan to live forever, PP. Good luck with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Did your daughter ask you to pay for the daycare because they cannot handle it financially? Maybe her husband needs to revisit his child support agreement due to his new child and his income? Is there a way to do that?

No, he has to pay for all of his children and if he doesn’t, he goes to prison. That’s how child support works, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am planning to support my son (18) until he finishes grad school and then look at his income to figure out if he can afford to live on his own with his first income. The roommate thing is still an option. I know a 24 year old who has six roommates in a 2 bedroom rental house. His parents pay for his graduate education but not living expenses.

6 adults in a 2 bedroom house may be a bit far, but I shared a house with friends throughout my 20s. I lived in London and there was zero expectation that young people would rent an entire flat by themselves. I don't think there is anything wrong with living with friends until you couple up and get a place of your own, perhaps in your mid or late 20s, or even early 30s.

I wasn’t suggesting otherwise, but as I noted, this person’s parents are funding private grad school in full. That’s very generous imo. I hope to be able to do that.

[Anonymous]

This has always been a HCOL area. I made $15,000 per year in my first job in 1996. I supported myself and lived in group housing and was able to have a great social life. Then I got married. I have never had my own place. I didn't know anybody in DC who had their own apartment straight out of college. I'm sure these unicorns exist, but, they were rare in my experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks everyone, I am asking from a financial planning perspective as our kids will be graduating high school soon. I know it depends on the kid/degree/their job/location etc but wanted to get a general sense of what others end up doing.

I support two adult children with chronic illnesses who live at home. One has a telework job, albeit low paying. The other unfortunately is unhireable at present.

I'd rather be paying for childcare for a grandchild.

[Anonymous]

We didn’t until they each were married and then we started giving them annual gifts that they invest. We also fund grandkid 529 plans. They don’t need to money but they certainly appreciate it and I have no desire to ever pay estate taxes.

[Anonymous]

Off our phone plan when they went to college. Neither had a car in college. They entered into leases based on their own income, after college.

[Anonymous]

We do. We pay apartment so DS can work a low paying internship in another city while he waits to hear about grad school. And I assume we will fund grad school as well. If you can afford it - why not? Why make kids struggle if they don’t have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We didn’t until they each were married and then we started giving them annual gifts that they invest. We also fund grandkid 529 plans. They don’t need to money but they certainly appreciate it and I have no desire to ever pay estate taxes.

You won't ever pay because you will be dead.

[Anonymous]

One DC lived at home for 3 years while working. Now married and fully independent. The other has been independent and living in another city since college graduation. Neither has college/grad school debt because we paid for college/grad school.

We do pay for some travel expenses, vacations, etc. And yes we still pay for cell phones - not sure if that will ever end. We will give some money towards a house purchase - maybe $50-75k. They both get the gift limit from a grandparent every year.