Who here is regularly supporting their adult children financially?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I plead the Fifth

Please stop doing this,

My younger cousins get help with living expenses from their grandmother and I never did. My parents use this to bully me into buying real estate that I cannot afford on my own with no help every time I see them.

This has ruined holidays. They can’t understand how someone making $15/hour can afford a one bedroom in NYC and I can only afford a 2 bedroom living in DC making 300k.

Every time I explain how common this is that other people do this, they call me entitled.

Finally I said the topic is off limits until they hand me a big check and told them that I never asked for their opinion.

That is your parents problem, not an anonymous posters problem. My in-laws kept asking why we never traveled with them like their friends kids do. We kept point out that their friends were funding the trips for their kids. At first I don’t think they believed us, but then asked around and lo and behold we were right. When they invited us on a trip they funded, we accepted.

We invite our kids (and their SO) on at least 1 vacation each year. We pay---at 22 and 25 we know there is no way they would be coming to a nice European vacation or Hawaii vacation if we didn't pay. Figure if we want to see the kids (they live 2-3K miles from us) we either travel to them and/or invite them to travel with us on our dime. Happy to do it and will continue. We invite, they decide if it works for them (and if they ask we adjust schedules as needed to accommodate)

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you everyone for your detailed replies. I am also an immigrant who came to the US in 2006. I come from a Mediterranean country where family ties are very strong and you are expected to financially support not only your kids but also your aging parents. I want to make sure that my kids do not need to needlessly suffer through financial hardships that I had to face while making sure we are giving them space to make mistakes and figure those out. Our kids grew up so differently compared to me and my husband so we struggle to try to gauge what is awaiting us in a few years.

[Anonymous]

i have a senior in high school and an 8th grader. we have a brokerage account that we’ve contributed to for years that’s for our kids adult life if they need it. That way if our kids need help it won’t impact our retirement plans.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

This is also an attitude that results in zero generational wealth. Your belief that a hard life is required for self-worth may mean your grandkids won't be able to afford college or grad school or buy a home. It means that if they get really sick, they'll be burdened by medical bills and may not be able to make rent. Having a safety net for your kids and grandkids isn't creating entitlement, it means that they can live healthy, productive lives free of crushing debt.

This

I can only repeat that I specifically mention health issues would be considered differently. I really don't understand how people can't read.

It's not just health issues, though, it could be that the car breaks down and needs replacement, or daycare costs $2K/month/child and your DD will have to mommy-track or quit her job to care for her children, or the basement floods and the bill is $20K, etc., etc. These are hardly frivolous expenses, but they are expenses that can really burden a young family and set them back.
I've noticed that a lot colleagues who are really able to succeed in their careers and in their family life are people who have family supporting them. They have parents who are happy to take the kids when a parent has to fly out of town for a work conference, or to take the family on vacations for some much-needed down time, or help with that downpayment on a condo so their kids can start building equity.
I'm not saying it's impossible; DH and I have done well for ourselves despite the lack of family help, both monetary and otherwise. But it has been unnecessarily stessful.

Folks, do what you want with your money. However, don't credit your kids' success to really anything they have done on their own when you are paying for everything. I have yet to actually meet any of the "successful" people referenced above that get massive parental welfare. It is weird when you reference the various life events above as somehow so hard for young families...did you receive a ton of $$$s from your parents for all these things?

The few I know live comfortable lives, but don't have high-powered careers, nor are any of them the type willing to start a company or really take any life/career risks. Of course, their comfortable lives are directly related to still getting allowances as adults.

Again, it's fine. I mean, nobody thinks it is weird when scions of the Disney or Johnson&Johnson families transfer hundreds millions or even billions to their kids. I guess if you have so much money that you are struggling with what to do with it, then it seems more acceptable/rational to create elaborate trusts and other tax schemes to preserve it.

You seem a bit sheltered and likely don't know many people who do have much parental financial help. I know many successful adults who had parental "assistance" because the parents have money. I know some in high-powered careers and others in careers they love that typically don't pay as much (Social Work, teaching, etc) but are essential to our society surviving. Also know some who take career risks/start a company. They are able to choose all of these more easily because they know there is a fall back. Much easier to be a Social worker or therapist when you know your income doesn't matter, so you can do what you are great at and love. You can start a small business in an area of interest because you have the seed money, and the ability to live well while/until the business takes off.

So, you basically hang around with lots of parent welfare recipients? That's weird. Sounds like you are a parent welfare recipient yourself.

Give me an example of this "high-powered career"? You do realize that 99% of social workers and teachers don't live on parent welfare, right?

I think you are also inventing the truly successful small business (vs. a lifestyle business) that somehow succeeds because of parent welfare. I mean, that's every great business story, right? Google was only founded because Sergei and Larry received generous parent stipends (oh wait, that didn't happen). I remember those scenes from the Social Network (oops maybe that's the director's cut).

“Parent welfare“?? Someone is very jealous and resentful that there are people out there who have families with money. yes, some people have to work hard to get where they are and other people have a little help.

It doesn’t make them bad people.

No, but it does often make them quite boring. There is a continuum here, and those on the most entitled end often don't seem like full fledged adults. Case in point, the lack of self awareness of the $700K income poster getting the $18K annual gift.

People can certainly do what they want, but it does have an effect whether you are dirt poor or filthy rich, lack of or abundance of money changes you. Acting like the latter can be neutral is silly.

[Anonymous]

We support our adult children through annual gifts. My DD and her husband are in their 30s and make 600-750k, my other son makes 75k. We give them the same amount, $18k.

DD’s family makes more than we ever did, we just inherited a ton from my parents so we pay it forward, just as they did.

It brings us joy as they are very grateful. I know DD uses it for a memorable family trip..and sometimes they bring us!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

This is also an attitude that results in zero generational wealth. Your belief that a hard life is required for self-worth may mean your grandkids won't be able to afford college or grad school or buy a home. It means that if they get really sick, they'll be burdened by medical bills and may not be able to make rent. Having a safety net for your kids and grandkids isn't creating entitlement, it means that they can live healthy, productive lives free of crushing debt.

This

I can only repeat that I specifically mention health issues would be considered differently. I really don't understand how people can't read.

It's not just health issues, though, it could be that the car breaks down and needs replacement, or daycare costs $2K/month/child and your DD will have to mommy-track or quit her job to care for her children, or the basement floods and the bill is $20K, etc., etc. These are hardly frivolous expenses, but they are expenses that can really burden a young family and set them back.
I've noticed that a lot colleagues who are really able to succeed in their careers and in their family life are people who have family supporting them. They have parents who are happy to take the kids when a parent has to fly out of town for a work conference, or to take the family on vacations for some much-needed down time, or help with that downpayment on a condo so their kids can start building equity.
I'm not saying it's impossible; DH and I have done well for ourselves despite the lack of family help, both monetary and otherwise. But it has been unnecessarily stessful.

Folks, do what you want with your money. However, don't credit your kids' success to really anything they have done on their own when you are paying for everything. I have yet to actually meet any of the "successful" people referenced above that get massive parental welfare. It is weird when you reference the various life events above as somehow so hard for young families...did you receive a ton of $$$s from your parents for all these things?

The few I know live comfortable lives, but don't have high-powered careers, nor are any of them the type willing to start a company or really take any life/career risks. Of course, their comfortable lives are directly related to still getting allowances as adults.

Again, it's fine. I mean, nobody thinks it is weird when scions of the Disney or Johnson&Johnson families transfer hundreds millions or even billions to their kids. I guess if you have so much money that you are struggling with what to do with it, then it seems more acceptable/rational to create elaborate trusts and other tax schemes to preserve it.

You seem a bit sheltered and likely don't know many people who do have much parental financial help. I know many successful adults who had parental "assistance" because the parents have money. I know some in high-powered careers and others in careers they love that typically don't pay as much (Social Work, teaching, etc) but are essential to our society surviving. Also know some who take career risks/start a company. They are able to choose all of these more easily because they know there is a fall back. Much easier to be a Social worker or therapist when you know your income doesn't matter, so you can do what you are great at and love. You can start a small business in an area of interest because you have the seed money, and the ability to live well while/until the business takes off.

So, you basically hang around with lots of parent welfare recipients? That's weird. Sounds like you are a parent welfare recipient yourself.

Give me an example of this "high-powered career"? You do realize that 99% of social workers and teachers don't live on parent welfare, right?

I think you are also inventing the truly successful small business (vs. a lifestyle business) that somehow succeeds because of parent welfare. I mean, that's every great business story, right? Google was only founded because Sergei and Larry received generous parent stipends (oh wait, that didn't happen). I remember those scenes from the Social Network (oops maybe that's the director's cut).

“Parent welfare“?? Someone is very jealous and resentful that there are people out there who have families with money. yes, some people have to work hard to get where they are and other people have a little help.

It doesn’t make them bad people.

No, but it does often make them quite boring. There is a continuum here, and those on the most entitled end often don't seem like full fledged adults. Case in point, the lack of self awareness of the $700K income poster getting the $18K annual gift.

People can certainly do what they want, but it does have an effect whether you are dirt poor or filthy rich, lack of or abundance of money changes you. Acting like the latter can be neutral is silly.

What's the lack of self awareness? I think they're fully aware of their finances and their gifts, in fact, recounted it quite well.

FWIW, I find it hilarious that you're suggesting that someone making 700K isn't a full fledged adult because you predict that they would be in debt but-for their 18K annual gift from their parents, which is like 2.5% of their annual income.

Does money change people? Not really, you see poor people spending their 100M winnings frivolously because they never learned how to have money. But even if it did, I highly doubt that this 18K gift changed anything about PP because they likely grew up rich and without want of money anyways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people I know in their late 20s and early 30s (I am 31) got their parents to either cosign mortgages in the last few years or provide the down payment. The majority of these people have graduate or professional degrees, are working and are married or engaged. This was especially true if they had a baby. The grandparents seem to be horrified by the idea that their grandchild would live in a rental townhouse.

My siblings and I are in our thirties. We all bought homes without parental help. Frankly, we didn't need it. Our parents paid for 100% of our education and bought us our first car (one of my siblings is still driving hers), and we all got graduate + level degrees and started our careers making very good money with no debt. It did not take long to save for a down payment. We also waited to have children until our early thirties, and we all married people with similar work ethic. There is so much entitlement on this board. It is antithetical to how I was raised. I am grateful that I got a free education and would never expect my parents to chip in on a down payment or fund my portion of a family vacation.

And I would never expect my parents to buy my first car nor pay 100% of my education. Everyone has different views on what counts as entitlement--seemingly usually tied to whatever their parents did for them being the "right" amount and everything more than that excessive...

+1 Mostly has to do with your income level and what happened for yourself at that age.
We pay for college, first car, setting up the first apartment with furniture (deposit), etc. Have funded/matched their Roth IRA since first job in HS and continue to give them the Roth amount plus another $10K for 401K. They are 2 years out of college, saving a ton (yes, I know they can because of us, but they'd be saving even if we didn't help, just less). We will pay for any wedding (if/when), help with downpayment for a home (when ready) and help fund the grandkids education (and our kid's grad degrees if they choose to go back). That seems like a lot for many people.
For us, it's just logical. Rather than them getting millions when we die in 30+ years, why not gift it when it will most benefit them (20s/30s). As long as they are not lazy, ungrateful brats we will continue to do that. And by that I mean, they need to have a 40 hour/week job and living within their means. If they want to rent a 3 bedroom apartment when they are single or rent a huge luxury home with 3+ bedroom or buy a 100K car, then they will be signaling that they don't need any assistance (we don't spend that much on cars and we are wealthy). So far, so good. They work hard at their job, try to be frugal and actively save and don't waste money. They are appreciative of the money we give them and it hasn't derailed them from becoming successful adults.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Most people I know in their late 20s and early 30s (I am 31) got their parents to either cosign mortgages in the last few years or provide the down payment. The majority of these people have graduate or professional degrees, are working and are married or engaged. This was especially true if they had a baby. The grandparents seem to be horrified by the idea that their grandchild would live in a rental townhouse.

My siblings and I are in our thirties. We all bought homes without parental help. Frankly, we didn't need it. Our parents paid for 100% of our education and bought us our first car (one of my siblings is still driving hers), and we all got graduate + level degrees and started our careers making very good money with no debt. It did not take long to save for a down payment. We also waited to have children until our early thirties, and we all married people with similar work ethic. There is so much entitlement on this board. It is antithetical to how I was raised. I am grateful that I got a free education and would never expect my parents to chip in on a down payment or fund my portion of a family vacation.

This can cost a lot more than a down payment and parents need to acquire the funds a lot sooner. I'm 99.99% positive that you went to college + grad school before you considered buying real property. I'm curious how much your parents paid towards education + living expenses during that time versus the amount you put up for your down payment.

Good point. I am the PP, and my parents' business was successful early, so they were in a position to help. Between college + graduate school, they paid over $400,000 and bought me my first car, which I drove for over 10 years. As a result, I was able to save and buy a home in my twenties. I was also in a position to aggressively fund my kids' 529 plans starting at birth. It is a privilege started by my parents, and I am grateful; I plan to take the same approach for my kids (fully fund their education and first car, but no cash gifts after they are done with school).

Why don’t you see how things go before you make a decision to be just like mom and dad. Your children are unique just like all children. As long as you’re not rigid and understand that things might go differently and be prepared to change your plan if needed.

I don't plan to be rigid if there is some major issue and a child needs help, but I plan to use my money and good fortune to facilitate self-sufficiency for my children through education rather than giving them money to buy something like a house. Conceptually, it's "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime." That's the idea. Give them a great home life and education, expose them to opportunities, and let them rise to their potential. I don't intend to supplement their lifestyle because they choose a low-paying profession, for example. Frankly, I'm not wealthy, and I plan to enjoy my retirement.

I see no difference it giving money for a house vs. funding education. Either of these things will make a huge and positive difference in their lives.

+1

Also, if you were wealthy, would you help fund a lifestyle so they can work a low-paying profession that benefits society? I'm not supplementing a kid who is lazy and wants to work at Burgerking (not as a manager) and has no goals in life. But if my kid wants to be a teacher, social worker, non-profit worker that helps the poor, etc (you get the idea, a meaningful low paying profession that my kid has the drive to succeed at) why would I not help them? We need great people in those jobs and as long as they are low paying jobs it will be hard to keep enough great people in those positions.

[Anonymous]

Our kids are doing fine on their own and don’t need support from us. But for estate planning purposes we gift them a good amount every year as well as fund 529s. They will inherit a good amount when we die but they have shown they are smart with money and won’t blow the gifts on luxuries. Thankfully we don’t have a black sheep in the family because that would get complicated.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

This is also an attitude that results in zero generational wealth. Your belief that a hard life is required for self-worth may mean your grandkids won't be able to afford college or grad school or buy a home. It means that if they get really sick, they'll be burdened by medical bills and may not be able to make rent. Having a safety net for your kids and grandkids isn't creating entitlement, it means that they can live healthy, productive lives free of crushing debt.

This

I can only repeat that I specifically mention health issues would be considered differently. I really don't understand how people can't read.

It's not just health issues, though, it could be that the car breaks down and needs replacement, or daycare costs $2K/month/child and your DD will have to mommy-track or quit her job to care for her children, or the basement floods and the bill is $20K, etc., etc. These are hardly frivolous expenses, but they are expenses that can really burden a young family and set them back.
I've noticed that a lot colleagues who are really able to succeed in their careers and in their family life are people who have family supporting them. They have parents who are happy to take the kids when a parent has to fly out of town for a work conference, or to take the family on vacations for some much-needed down time, or help with that downpayment on a condo so their kids can start building equity.
I'm not saying it's impossible; DH and I have done well for ourselves despite the lack of family help, both monetary and otherwise. But it has been unnecessarily stessful.

Folks, do what you want with your money. However, don't credit your kids' success to really anything they have done on their own when you are paying for everything. I have yet to actually meet any of the "successful" people referenced above that get massive parental welfare. It is weird when you reference the various life events above as somehow so hard for young families...did you receive a ton of $$$s from your parents for all these things?

The few I know live comfortable lives, but don't have high-powered careers, nor are any of them the type willing to start a company or really take any life/career risks. Of course, their comfortable lives are directly related to still getting allowances as adults.

Again, it's fine. I mean, nobody thinks it is weird when scions of the Disney or Johnson&Johnson families transfer hundreds millions or even billions to their kids. I guess if you have so much money that you are struggling with what to do with it, then it seems more acceptable/rational to create elaborate trusts and other tax schemes to preserve it.

You seem a bit sheltered and likely don't know many people who do have much parental financial help. I know many successful adults who had parental "assistance" because the parents have money. I know some in high-powered careers and others in careers they love that typically don't pay as much (Social Work, teaching, etc) but are essential to our society surviving. Also know some who take career risks/start a company. They are able to choose all of these more easily because they know there is a fall back. Much easier to be a Social worker or therapist when you know your income doesn't matter, so you can do what you are great at and love. You can start a small business in an area of interest because you have the seed money, and the ability to live well while/until the business takes off.

So, you basically hang around with lots of parent welfare recipients? That's weird. Sounds like you are a parent welfare recipient yourself.

Give me an example of this "high-powered career"? You do realize that 99% of social workers and teachers don't live on parent welfare, right?

I think you are also inventing the truly successful small business (vs. a lifestyle business) that somehow succeeds because of parent welfare. I mean, that's every great business story, right? Google was only founded because Sergei and Larry received generous parent stipends (oh wait, that didn't happen). I remember those scenes from the Social Network (oops maybe that's the director's cut).

“Parent welfare“?? Someone is very jealous and resentful that there are people out there who have families with money. yes, some people have to work hard to get where they are and other people have a little help.

It doesn’t make them bad people.

No, but it does often make them quite boring. There is a continuum here, and those on the most entitled end often don't seem like full fledged adults. Case in point, the lack of self awareness of the $700K income poster getting the $18K annual gift.

People can certainly do what they want, but it does have an effect whether you are dirt poor or filthy rich, lack of or abundance of money changes you. Acting like the latter can be neutral is silly.

What's the lack of self awareness? I think they're fully aware of their finances and their gifts, in fact, recounted it quite well.

FWIW, I find it hilarious that you're suggesting that someone making 700K isn't a full fledged adult because you predict that they would be in debt but-for their 18K annual gift from their parents, which is like 2.5% of their annual income.

Does money change people? Not really, you see poor people spending their 100M winnings frivolously because they never learned how to have money. But even if it did, I highly doubt that this 18K gift changed anything about PP because they likely grew up rich and without want of money anyways.

You are making a baseless assumption - no one ever said they'd be in debt. They are just moronically tone deaf when they say that gift allows them to take a nice vacation. It sounds very infantilized for someone at that income level. I'm not the only one who picked up on that. I'm not against parental help in some form, but if my kid made $700K I'd put my $18K into someone else's pocket who could really use it. Different strokes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

This is also an attitude that results in zero generational wealth. Your belief that a hard life is required for self-worth may mean your grandkids won't be able to afford college or grad school or buy a home. It means that if they get really sick, they'll be burdened by medical bills and may not be able to make rent. Having a safety net for your kids and grandkids isn't creating entitlement, it means that they can live healthy, productive lives free of crushing debt.

This

I can only repeat that I specifically mention health issues would be considered differently. I really don't understand how people can't read.

It's not just health issues, though, it could be that the car breaks down and needs replacement, or daycare costs $2K/month/child and your DD will have to mommy-track or quit her job to care for her children, or the basement floods and the bill is $20K, etc., etc. These are hardly frivolous expenses, but they are expenses that can really burden a young family and set them back.
I've noticed that a lot colleagues who are really able to succeed in their careers and in their family life are people who have family supporting them. They have parents who are happy to take the kids when a parent has to fly out of town for a work conference, or to take the family on vacations for some much-needed down time, or help with that downpayment on a condo so their kids can start building equity.
I'm not saying it's impossible; DH and I have done well for ourselves despite the lack of family help, both monetary and otherwise. But it has been unnecessarily stessful.

Folks, do what you want with your money. However, don't credit your kids' success to really anything they have done on their own when you are paying for everything. I have yet to actually meet any of the "successful" people referenced above that get massive parental welfare. It is weird when you reference the various life events above as somehow so hard for young families...did you receive a ton of $$$s from your parents for all these things?

The few I know live comfortable lives, but don't have high-powered careers, nor are any of them the type willing to start a company or really take any life/career risks. Of course, their comfortable lives are directly related to still getting allowances as adults.

Again, it's fine. I mean, nobody thinks it is weird when scions of the Disney or Johnson&Johnson families transfer hundreds millions or even billions to their kids. I guess if you have so much money that you are struggling with what to do with it, then it seems more acceptable/rational to create elaborate trusts and other tax schemes to preserve it.

You seem a bit sheltered and likely don't know many people who do have much parental financial help. I know many successful adults who had parental "assistance" because the parents have money. I know some in high-powered careers and others in careers they love that typically don't pay as much (Social Work, teaching, etc) but are essential to our society surviving. Also know some who take career risks/start a company. They are able to choose all of these more easily because they know there is a fall back. Much easier to be a Social worker or therapist when you know your income doesn't matter, so you can do what you are great at and love. You can start a small business in an area of interest because you have the seed money, and the ability to live well while/until the business takes off.

So, you basically hang around with lots of parent welfare recipients? That's weird. Sounds like you are a parent welfare recipient yourself.

Give me an example of this "high-powered career"? You do realize that 99% of social workers and teachers don't live on parent welfare, right?

I think you are also inventing the truly successful small business (vs. a lifestyle business) that somehow succeeds because of parent welfare. I mean, that's every great business story, right? Google was only founded because Sergei and Larry received generous parent stipends (oh wait, that didn't happen). I remember those scenes from the Social Network (oops maybe that's the director's cut).

“Parent welfare“?? Someone is very jealous and resentful that there are people out there who have families with money. yes, some people have to work hard to get where they are and other people have a little help.

It doesn’t make them bad people.

No, but it does often make them quite boring. There is a continuum here, and those on the most entitled end often don't seem like full fledged adults. Case in point, the lack of self awareness of the $700K income poster getting the $18K annual gift.

People can certainly do what they want, but it does have an effect whether you are dirt poor or filthy rich, lack of or abundance of money changes you. Acting like the latter can be neutral is silly.

What's the lack of self awareness? I think they're fully aware of their finances and their gifts, in fact, recounted it quite well.

FWIW, I find it hilarious that you're suggesting that someone making 700K isn't a full fledged adult because you predict that they would be in debt but-for their 18K annual gift from their parents, which is like 2.5% of their annual income.

Does money change people? Not really, you see poor people spending their 100M winnings frivolously because they never learned how to have money. But even if it did, I highly doubt that this 18K gift changed anything about PP because they likely grew up rich and without want of money anyways.

You are making a baseless assumption - no one ever said they'd be in debt. They are just moronically tone deaf when they say that gift allows them to take a nice vacation. It sounds very infantilized for someone at that income level. I'm not the only one who picked up on that. I'm not against parental help in some form, but if my kid made $700K I'd put my $18K into someone else's pocket who could really use it. Different strokes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

This is also an attitude that results in zero generational wealth. Your belief that a hard life is required for self-worth may mean your grandkids won't be able to afford college or grad school or buy a home. It means that if they get really sick, they'll be burdened by medical bills and may not be able to make rent. Having a safety net for your kids and grandkids isn't creating entitlement, it means that they can live healthy, productive lives free of crushing debt.

This

I can only repeat that I specifically mention health issues would be considered differently. I really don't understand how people can't read.

It's not just health issues, though, it could be that the car breaks down and needs replacement, or daycare costs $2K/month/child and your DD will have to mommy-track or quit her job to care for her children, or the basement floods and the bill is $20K, etc., etc. These are hardly frivolous expenses, but they are expenses that can really burden a young family and set them back.
I've noticed that a lot colleagues who are really able to succeed in their careers and in their family life are people who have family supporting them. They have parents who are happy to take the kids when a parent has to fly out of town for a work conference, or to take the family on vacations for some much-needed down time, or help with that downpayment on a condo so their kids can start building equity.
I'm not saying it's impossible; DH and I have done well for ourselves despite the lack of family help, both monetary and otherwise. But it has been unnecessarily stessful.

Folks, do what you want with your money. However, don't credit your kids' success to really anything they have done on their own when you are paying for everything. I have yet to actually meet any of the "successful" people referenced above that get massive parental welfare. It is weird when you reference the various life events above as somehow so hard for young families...did you receive a ton of $$$s from your parents for all these things?

The few I know live comfortable lives, but don't have high-powered careers, nor are any of them the type willing to start a company or really take any life/career risks. Of course, their comfortable lives are directly related to still getting allowances as adults.

Again, it's fine. I mean, nobody thinks it is weird when scions of the Disney or Johnson&Johnson families transfer hundreds millions or even billions to their kids. I guess if you have so much money that you are struggling with what to do with it, then it seems more acceptable/rational to create elaborate trusts and other tax schemes to preserve it.

You seem a bit sheltered and likely don't know many people who do have much parental financial help. I know many successful adults who had parental "assistance" because the parents have money. I know some in high-powered careers and others in careers they love that typically don't pay as much (Social Work, teaching, etc) but are essential to our society surviving. Also know some who take career risks/start a company. They are able to choose all of these more easily because they know there is a fall back. Much easier to be a Social worker or therapist when you know your income doesn't matter, so you can do what you are great at and love. You can start a small business in an area of interest because you have the seed money, and the ability to live well while/until the business takes off.

So, you basically hang around with lots of parent welfare recipients? That's weird. Sounds like you are a parent welfare recipient yourself.

Give me an example of this "high-powered career"? You do realize that 99% of social workers and teachers don't live on parent welfare, right?

I think you are also inventing the truly successful small business (vs. a lifestyle business) that somehow succeeds because of parent welfare. I mean, that's every great business story, right? Google was only founded because Sergei and Larry received generous parent stipends (oh wait, that didn't happen). I remember those scenes from the Social Network (oops maybe that's the director's cut).

“Parent welfare“?? Someone is very jealous and resentful that there are people out there who have families with money. yes, some people have to work hard to get where they are and other people have a little help.

It doesn’t make them bad people.

No, but it does often make them quite boring. There is a continuum here, and those on the most entitled end often don't seem like full fledged adults. Case in point, the lack of self awareness of the $700K income poster getting the $18K annual gift.

People can certainly do what they want, but it does have an effect whether you are dirt poor or filthy rich, lack of or abundance of money changes you. Acting like the latter can be neutral is silly.

What's the lack of self awareness? I think they're fully aware of their finances and their gifts, in fact, recounted it quite well.

FWIW, I find it hilarious that you're suggesting that someone making 700K isn't a full fledged adult because you predict that they would be in debt but-for their 18K annual gift from their parents, which is like 2.5% of their annual income.

Does money change people? Not really, you see poor people spending their 100M winnings frivolously because they never learned how to have money. But even if it did, I highly doubt that this 18K gift changed anything about PP because they likely grew up rich and without want of money anyways.

You are making a baseless assumption - no one ever said they'd be in debt. They are just moronically tone deaf when they say that gift allows them to take a nice vacation. It sounds very infantilized for someone at that income level. I'm not the only one who picked up on that. I'm not against parental help in some form, but if my kid made $700K I'd put my $18K into someone else's pocket who could really use it. Different strokes.

They would have taken 4 vacations a year with a 700K HHI but now they take 5 with the extra 18K.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

This is also an attitude that results in zero generational wealth. Your belief that a hard life is required for self-worth may mean your grandkids won't be able to afford college or grad school or buy a home. It means that if they get really sick, they'll be burdened by medical bills and may not be able to make rent. Having a safety net for your kids and grandkids isn't creating entitlement, it means that they can live healthy, productive lives free of crushing debt.

This

I can only repeat that I specifically mention health issues would be considered differently. I really don't understand how people can't read.

It's not just health issues, though, it could be that the car breaks down and needs replacement, or daycare costs $2K/month/child and your DD will have to mommy-track or quit her job to care for her children, or the basement floods and the bill is $20K, etc., etc. These are hardly frivolous expenses, but they are expenses that can really burden a young family and set them back.
I've noticed that a lot colleagues who are really able to succeed in their careers and in their family life are people who have family supporting them. They have parents who are happy to take the kids when a parent has to fly out of town for a work conference, or to take the family on vacations for some much-needed down time, or help with that downpayment on a condo so their kids can start building equity.
I'm not saying it's impossible; DH and I have done well for ourselves despite the lack of family help, both monetary and otherwise. But it has been unnecessarily stessful.

Folks, do what you want with your money. However, don't credit your kids' success to really anything they have done on their own when you are paying for everything. I have yet to actually meet any of the "successful" people referenced above that get massive parental welfare. It is weird when you reference the various life events above as somehow so hard for young families...did you receive a ton of $$$s from your parents for all these things?

The few I know live comfortable lives, but don't have high-powered careers, nor are any of them the type willing to start a company or really take any life/career risks. Of course, their comfortable lives are directly related to still getting allowances as adults.

Again, it's fine. I mean, nobody thinks it is weird when scions of the Disney or Johnson&Johnson families transfer hundreds millions or even billions to their kids. I guess if you have so much money that you are struggling with what to do with it, then it seems more acceptable/rational to create elaborate trusts and other tax schemes to preserve it.

You seem a bit sheltered and likely don't know many people who do have much parental financial help. I know many successful adults who had parental "assistance" because the parents have money. I know some in high-powered careers and others in careers they love that typically don't pay as much (Social Work, teaching, etc) but are essential to our society surviving. Also know some who take career risks/start a company. They are able to choose all of these more easily because they know there is a fall back. Much easier to be a Social worker or therapist when you know your income doesn't matter, so you can do what you are great at and love. You can start a small business in an area of interest because you have the seed money, and the ability to live well while/until the business takes off.

So, you basically hang around with lots of parent welfare recipients? That's weird. Sounds like you are a parent welfare recipient yourself.

Give me an example of this "high-powered career"? You do realize that 99% of social workers and teachers don't live on parent welfare, right?

I think you are also inventing the truly successful small business (vs. a lifestyle business) that somehow succeeds because of parent welfare. I mean, that's every great business story, right? Google was only founded because Sergei and Larry received generous parent stipends (oh wait, that didn't happen). I remember those scenes from the Social Network (oops maybe that's the director's cut).

“Parent welfare“?? Someone is very jealous and resentful that there are people out there who have families with money. yes, some people have to work hard to get where they are and other people have a little help.

It doesn’t make them bad people.

No, but it does often make them quite boring. There is a continuum here, and those on the most entitled end often don't seem like full fledged adults. Case in point, the lack of self awareness of the $700K income poster getting the $18K annual gift.

People can certainly do what they want, but it does have an effect whether you are dirt poor or filthy rich, lack of or abundance of money changes you. Acting like the latter can be neutral is silly.

What's the lack of self awareness? I think they're fully aware of their finances and their gifts, in fact, recounted it quite well.

FWIW, I find it hilarious that you're suggesting that someone making 700K isn't a full fledged adult because you predict that they would be in debt but-for their 18K annual gift from their parents, which is like 2.5% of their annual income.

Does money change people? Not really, you see poor people spending their 100M winnings frivolously because they never learned how to have money. But even if it did, I highly doubt that this 18K gift changed anything about PP because they likely grew up rich and without want of money anyways.

You are making a baseless assumption - no one ever said they'd be in debt. They are just moronically tone deaf when they say that gift allows them to take a nice vacation. It sounds very infantilized for someone at that income level. I'm not the only one who picked up on that. I'm not against parental help in some form, but if my kid made $700K I'd put my $18K into someone else's pocket who could really use it. Different strokes.

They would have taken 4 vacations a year with a 700K HHI but now they take 5 with the extra 18K.

This^^^

Plus if the parents are wealthy, why shouldn't they give some of the wealth to their kids/grandkids? Who is to say they are not already "giving a lot into someone else's pocket who could really use it"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are now paying daycare expenses for our first grandchild. My daughter carries their health insurance and her husband has 2 kids from a previous marriage that he has to pay child support for.

I'm not happy about it but I'm not sure what to do about it.

Do you mean like, you feel you can’t say no or you disagree with your spouse about it?

Well, the kids can't afford it. And they can't afford for one of them to stay home. I guess I'm angry that they didn't think this through and just figured it will all work out. And of course, it has. Mom and dad have solved the problem. She's 27 and he's 37. It's easy to say that we shouldn't pay daycare but then what? They make too much money to qualify for daycare vouchers but not enough to pay the monthly fee.

Um, I couldn't afford it either when I had my first kid at 28....guess what I did? I figured it out. The kid gets what he/she needs first and we get what what's left over....at 27/37 you should not be enabling this. Seriously.

PP here...btw....my parents didn't pay one dime towards my college education. I did all of it myself and although it took me 6 years I still did it. The more enabling you do, the more helplessness you encourage. I get it's hard but it's always going to be hard...throughout your life. I'm 50 and sometimes it's still hard but I don't ask my parents (they're not here anymore but even when they were I didn't) for a dime). There were sometimes in my marriage when daycare was more than my mortgage. Those were tough years but you pull it together and get through it.

My child is nowhere near the age to be on his own but posts like this make no sense at all. You suffered so everyone should?

If I have the means, and I can help my child out, I will. Period. Now PP is clearly doing it begrudgingly and I understand why, but people like you just annoy me. I paid for my own college too, but I also got lucky in a lot of respects. I'm not pushing unnecessary hardship on my kid to prove some stupid point.

DP here, but PP, you really aren't helping your child by constantly being there for them. They have to develop the skills in life to survive, and create a life of their own. I get if there are health issues, but you not wanting your child to struggle like you did is the very reason we are raising kids who don't know how to make it in life. And that creates entitlement and lack of self-worth.

This is also an attitude that results in zero generational wealth. Your belief that a hard life is required for self-worth may mean your grandkids won't be able to afford college or grad school or buy a home. It means that if they get really sick, they'll be burdened by medical bills and may not be able to make rent. Having a safety net for your kids and grandkids isn't creating entitlement, it means that they can live healthy, productive lives free of crushing debt.

This

I can only repeat that I specifically mention health issues would be considered differently. I really don't understand how people can't read.

It's not just health issues, though, it could be that the car breaks down and needs replacement, or daycare costs $2K/month/child and your DD will have to mommy-track or quit her job to care for her children, or the basement floods and the bill is $20K, etc., etc. These are hardly frivolous expenses, but they are expenses that can really burden a young family and set them back.
I've noticed that a lot colleagues who are really able to succeed in their careers and in their family life are people who have family supporting them. They have parents who are happy to take the kids when a parent has to fly out of town for a work conference, or to take the family on vacations for some much-needed down time, or help with that downpayment on a condo so their kids can start building equity.
I'm not saying it's impossible; DH and I have done well for ourselves despite the lack of family help, both monetary and otherwise. But it has been unnecessarily stessful.

Folks, do what you want with your money. However, don't credit your kids' success to really anything they have done on their own when you are paying for everything. I have yet to actually meet any of the "successful" people referenced above that get massive parental welfare. It is weird when you reference the various life events above as somehow so hard for young families...did you receive a ton of $$$s from your parents for all these things?

The few I know live comfortable lives, but don't have high-powered careers, nor are any of them the type willing to start a company or really take any life/career risks. Of course, their comfortable lives are directly related to still getting allowances as adults.

Again, it's fine. I mean, nobody thinks it is weird when scions of the Disney or Johnson&Johnson families transfer hundreds millions or even billions to their kids. I guess if you have so much money that you are struggling with what to do with it, then it seems more acceptable/rational to create elaborate trusts and other tax schemes to preserve it.

You seem a bit sheltered and likely don't know many people who do have much parental financial help. I know many successful adults who had parental "assistance" because the parents have money. I know some in high-powered careers and others in careers they love that typically don't pay as much (Social Work, teaching, etc) but are essential to our society surviving. Also know some who take career risks/start a company. They are able to choose all of these more easily because they know there is a fall back. Much easier to be a Social worker or therapist when you know your income doesn't matter, so you can do what you are great at and love. You can start a small business in an area of interest because you have the seed money, and the ability to live well while/until the business takes off.

So, you basically hang around with lots of parent welfare recipients? That's weird. Sounds like you are a parent welfare recipient yourself.

Give me an example of this "high-powered career"? You do realize that 99% of social workers and teachers don't live on parent welfare, right?

I think you are also inventing the truly successful small business (vs. a lifestyle business) that somehow succeeds because of parent welfare. I mean, that's every great business story, right? Google was only founded because Sergei and Larry received generous parent stipends (oh wait, that didn't happen). I remember those scenes from the Social Network (oops maybe that's the director's cut).

“Parent welfare“?? Someone is very jealous and resentful that there are people out there who have families with money. yes, some people have to work hard to get where they are and other people have a little help.

It doesn’t make them bad people.

No, but it does often make them quite boring. There is a continuum here, and those on the most entitled end often don't seem like full fledged adults. Case in point, the lack of self awareness of the $700K income poster getting the $18K annual gift.

People can certainly do what they want, but it does have an effect whether you are dirt poor or filthy rich, lack of or abundance of money changes you. Acting like the latter can be neutral is silly.

What's the lack of self awareness? I think they're fully aware of their finances and their gifts, in fact, recounted it quite well.

FWIW, I find it hilarious that you're suggesting that someone making 700K isn't a full fledged adult because you predict that they would be in debt but-for their 18K annual gift from their parents, which is like 2.5% of their annual income.

Does money change people? Not really, you see poor people spending their 100M winnings frivolously because they never learned how to have money. But even if it did, I highly doubt that this 18K gift changed anything about PP because they likely grew up rich and without want of money anyways.

You are making a baseless assumption - no one ever said they'd be in debt. They are just moronically tone deaf when they say that gift allows them to take a nice vacation. It sounds very infantilized for someone at that income level. I'm not the only one who picked up on that. I'm not against parental help in some form, but if my kid made $700K I'd put my $18K into someone else's pocket who could really use it. Different strokes.

They would have taken 4 vacations a year with a 700K HHI but now they take 5 with the extra 18K.

This^^^

Plus if the parents are wealthy, why shouldn't they give some of the wealth to their kids/grandkids? Who is to say they are not already "giving a lot into someone else's pocket who could really use it"?

Why does it matter if one kid makes a lot of money? They chose a lucrative career and they deserve it just as much and my other child who chose an honorable, less lucrative career. Both kids are very thankful and it brings us joy to be equitable and see the money benefits both of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most people I know in their late 20s and early 30s (I am 31) got their parents to either cosign mortgages in the last few years or provide the down payment. The majority of these people have graduate or professional degrees, are working and are married or engaged. This was especially true if they had a baby. The grandparents seem to be horrified by the idea that their grandchild would live in a rental townhouse.

My siblings and I are in our thirties. We all bought homes without parental help. Frankly, we didn't need it. Our parents paid for 100% of our education and bought us our first car (one of my siblings is still driving hers), and we all got graduate + level degrees and started our careers making very good money with no debt. It did not take long to save for a down payment. We also waited to have children until our early thirties, and we all married people with similar work ethic. There is so much entitlement on this board. It is antithetical to how I was raised. I am grateful that I got a free education and would never expect my parents to chip in on a down payment or fund my portion of a family vacation.

And I would never expect my parents to buy my first car nor pay 100% of my education. Everyone has different views on what counts as entitlement--seemingly usually tied to whatever their parents did for them being the "right" amount and everything more than that excessive...

+1 Mostly has to do with your income level and what happened for yourself at that age.
We pay for college, first car, setting up the first apartment with furniture (deposit), etc. Have funded/matched their Roth IRA since first job in HS and continue to give them the Roth amount plus another $10K for 401K. They are 2 years out of college, saving a ton (yes, I know they can because of us, but they'd be saving even if we didn't help, just less). We will pay for any wedding (if/when), help with downpayment for a home (when ready) and help fund the grandkids education (and our kid's grad degrees if they choose to go back). That seems like a lot for many people.
For us, it's just logical. Rather than them getting millions when we die in 30+ years, why not gift it when it will most benefit them (20s/30s). As long as they are not lazy, ungrateful brats we will continue to do that. And by that I mean, they need to have a 40 hour/week job and living within their means. If they want to rent a 3 bedroom apartment when they are single or rent a huge luxury home with 3+ bedroom or buy a 100K car, then they will be signaling that they don't need any assistance (we don't spend that much on cars and we are wealthy). So far, so good. They work hard at their job, try to be frugal and actively save and don't waste money. They are appreciative of the money we give them and it hasn't derailed them from becoming successful adults.

Sounds like you attach a lot of strings…this in my experience is the problem. Next you will meddle in their school
Choices for their kids, which house they buy (sounds like you that already), etc.

Of course their sucking at the teet which is what you want so you can continue to control them.