Anonymous wrote:Most people I know in their late 20s and early 30s (I am 31) got their parents to either cosign mortgages in the last few years or provide the down payment. The majority of these people have graduate or professional degrees, are working and are married or engaged. This was especially true if they had a baby. The grandparents seem to be horrified by the idea that their grandchild would live in a rental townhouse.
My siblings and I are in our thirties. We all bought homes without parental help. Frankly, we didn't need it. Our parents paid for 100% of our education and bought us our first car (one of my siblings is still driving hers), and we all got graduate + level degrees and started our careers making very good money with no debt. It did not take long to save for a down payment. We also waited to have children until our early thirties, and we all married people with similar work ethic. There is so much entitlement on this board. It is antithetical to how I was raised. I am grateful that I got a free education and would never expect my parents to chip in on a down payment or fund my portion of a family vacation.
And I would never expect my parents to buy my first car nor pay 100% of my education. Everyone has different views on what counts as entitlement--seemingly usually tied to whatever their parents did for them being the "right" amount and everything more than that excessive...
+1 Mostly has to do with your income level and what happened for yourself at that age.
We pay for college, first car, setting up the first apartment with furniture (deposit), etc. Have funded/matched their Roth IRA since first job in HS and continue to give them the Roth amount plus another $10K for 401K. They are 2 years out of college, saving a ton (yes, I know they can because of us, but they'd be saving even if we didn't help, just less). We will pay for any wedding (if/when), help with downpayment for a home (when ready) and help fund the grandkids education (and our kid's grad degrees if they choose to go back). That seems like a lot for many people.
For us, it's just logical. Rather than them getting millions when we die in 30+ years, why not gift it when it will most benefit them (20s/30s). As long as they are not lazy, ungrateful brats we will continue to do that. And by that I mean, they need to have a 40 hour/week job and living within their means. If they want to rent a 3 bedroom apartment when they are single or rent a huge luxury home with 3+ bedroom or buy a 100K car, then they will be signaling that they don't need any assistance (we don't spend that much on cars and we are wealthy). So far, so good. They work hard at their job, try to be frugal and actively save and don't waste money. They are appreciative of the money we give them and it hasn't derailed them from becoming successful adults.
Sounds like you attach a lot of strings…this in my experience is the problem. Next you will meddle in their school
Choices for their kids, which house they buy (sounds like you that already), etc.
Of course their sucking at the teet which is what you want so you can continue to control them.
Nope, not too many strings. I don't think requiring your kids to have a career/be contributing to society a string. We don't care what they do, but they shouldn't be sitting at home playing video games all day and no job. We also don't want them to spend it on extreme luxury items---at this point they are in their 20s. So yes, if they decide to purchase a $100K+ vehicle, we might wind back how much we send.
We want them to thrive in life and be fully functioning adults, and they are. They largely use our contributions to Save, Save, Save and they have a great job that they are dedicated to and doing great.
You can lie to yourself all you want...but you keep mentioning strings. It's a gift, right? I mean, if they are actually doing well on their own...it's found money. Why can't they indulge?
Or perhaps...they aren't doing all that well and need the money. No shame in admitting that.
My kid has a budget and can fully afford everything needed in life with their own income. They live in a nice 1 bedroom/1 bath apartment in one of the top suburbs in their area.
Only difference is they would save less overall and in their 401K if we didn't gift them $$. We feel we pay so much in taxes already, it's only logical we want our kids to maximize tax benefits and max out their 401K from an early age. Our kid literally saves saves saves. One drives a 10+ yo vehicle (we gave them) and plans to keep it another 4-5 years, unless there are any major issues. Because they know it's the financially savy thing to do.
We take our kids and their SO on family vacations. We plan them, attempt to do it when the kids can join if they want. If it doesn't work out, no harm, they just dont come. There are no edicts that they Must join us. We all live in different areas of the country, so it's a fun way to get together (outside of the holidays), rather than just sitting at home and being together. If you gotta fly to gather, might as well fly to someplace fun.
You quite frankly sound a bit jealous that you cannot afford to gift your kids $$. We are wealthy, and feel it's much better our kids benefit from the $$$ when it matters most, not when they are 50+ and we are dead.
Not jealous at all. I actually have tons of money I could gift. It's funny how everyone likes to say "your just jealous"...maybe my kids are actually successful vs. fake successful like yours? However, this isn't about maximizing tax giving or anything else...this is you continuing to try to control your kids through money. I mean, if you are really so wealthy, then why does it matter if your kid uses your gift to buy a fancy car? You are really wealthy, right?
Because we don't want our kids to be spoiled brats, at age 25 they don't need to be living life of luxury. Our jump from HNW to UHNW happened recently, so they definately did not grow up spoiled, as we have always lived well below our means. FYI===we are not really concerned they will blow the money, as I stated they are fiscally very frugal and focus on investing/saving.
Why would you call mine "fake success"? They are employed by a great company, in the top 10% of their team each year and advancing well in their career. They have fully launched as an adult and we are extremely proud of them.
Your adult children are in the top 10% of their teams? At work? I bet you were one of those insufferable parents who always announced your child’s GPA, top percent in school, best athletes in their school. You should be proud but they are adults stop bragging unless they do something worthwhile.
Nope, just demonstrating they are successful, since you can't seem to understand that a kid can be successful and still get some financial gifts from their wealthy parents.
Only know their "ranking" because they work for a company that intakes new hires as a large group (once per month) and then you train together and are actually ranked yearly for performance within your "onboarding group"/people with exact same experience. My kid tells me that because they are thrilled they are doing so well and this ranking translates to your yearly raise amount. Doesn't mean I'm telling everyone in real life about the numbers.
But you do you, don't gift your kids $$$ and let them be. Meanwhile, my kid will continue maxing out their 401K and Roth IRA and by time they are 30 will have equivalent of $2M+ for retirement at 65 if they didn't invest anymore. Their 30s/40s once they start a family will be so much easier because retirement wont be a massive financial drain on their life.
Anonymous wrote:Most people I know in their late 20s and early 30s (I am 31) got their parents to either cosign mortgages in the last few years or provide the down payment. The majority of these people have graduate or professional degrees, are working and are married or engaged. This was especially true if they had a baby. The grandparents seem to be horrified by the idea that their grandchild would live in a rental townhouse.
My siblings and I are in our thirties. We all bought homes without parental help. Frankly, we didn't need it. Our parents paid for 100% of our education and bought us our first car (one of my siblings is still driving hers), and we all got graduate + level degrees and started our careers making very good money with no debt. It did not take long to save for a down payment. We also waited to have children until our early thirties, and we all married people with similar work ethic. There is so much entitlement on this board. It is antithetical to how I was raised. I am grateful that I got a free education and would never expect my parents to chip in on a down payment or fund my portion of a family vacation.
And I would never expect my parents to buy my first car nor pay 100% of my education. Everyone has different views on what counts as entitlement--seemingly usually tied to whatever their parents did for them being the "right" amount and everything more than that excessive...
+1 Mostly has to do with your income level and what happened for yourself at that age.
We pay for college, first car, setting up the first apartment with furniture (deposit), etc. Have funded/matched their Roth IRA since first job in HS and continue to give them the Roth amount plus another $10K for 401K. They are 2 years out of college, saving a ton (yes, I know they can because of us, but they'd be saving even if we didn't help, just less). We will pay for any wedding (if/when), help with downpayment for a home (when ready) and help fund the grandkids education (and our kid's grad degrees if they choose to go back). That seems like a lot for many people.
For us, it's just logical. Rather than them getting millions when we die in 30+ years, why not gift it when it will most benefit them (20s/30s). As long as they are not lazy, ungrateful brats we will continue to do that. And by that I mean, they need to have a 40 hour/week job and living within their means. If they want to rent a 3 bedroom apartment when they are single or rent a huge luxury home with 3+ bedroom or buy a 100K car, then they will be signaling that they don't need any assistance (we don't spend that much on cars and we are wealthy). So far, so good. They work hard at their job, try to be frugal and actively save and don't waste money. They are appreciative of the money we give them and it hasn't derailed them from becoming successful adults.
Sounds like you attach a lot of strings…this in my experience is the problem. Next you will meddle in their school
Choices for their kids, which house they buy (sounds like you that already), etc.
Of course their sucking at the teet which is what you want so you can continue to control them.
Nope, not too many strings. I don't think requiring your kids to have a career/be contributing to society a string. We don't care what they do, but they shouldn't be sitting at home playing video games all day and no job. We also don't want them to spend it on extreme luxury items---at this point they are in their 20s. So yes, if they decide to purchase a $100K+ vehicle, we might wind back how much we send.
We want them to thrive in life and be fully functioning adults, and they are. They largely use our contributions to Save, Save, Save and they have a great job that they are dedicated to and doing great.
You can lie to yourself all you want...but you keep mentioning strings. It's a gift, right? I mean, if they are actually doing well on their own...it's found money. Why can't they indulge?
Or perhaps...they aren't doing all that well and need the money. No shame in admitting that.
My kid has a budget and can fully afford everything needed in life with their own income. They live in a nice 1 bedroom/1 bath apartment in one of the top suburbs in their area.
Only difference is they would save less overall and in their 401K if we didn't gift them $$. We feel we pay so much in taxes already, it's only logical we want our kids to maximize tax benefits and max out their 401K from an early age. Our kid literally saves saves saves. One drives a 10+ yo vehicle (we gave them) and plans to keep it another 4-5 years, unless there are any major issues. Because they know it's the financially savy thing to do.
We take our kids and their SO on family vacations. We plan them, attempt to do it when the kids can join if they want. If it doesn't work out, no harm, they just dont come. There are no edicts that they Must join us. We all live in different areas of the country, so it's a fun way to get together (outside of the holidays), rather than just sitting at home and being together. If you gotta fly to gather, might as well fly to someplace fun.
You quite frankly sound a bit jealous that you cannot afford to gift your kids $$. We are wealthy, and feel it's much better our kids benefit from the $$$ when it matters most, not when they are 50+ and we are dead.
Not jealous at all. I actually have tons of money I could gift. It's funny how everyone likes to say "your just jealous"...maybe my kids are actually successful vs. fake successful like yours? However, this isn't about maximizing tax giving or anything else...this is you continuing to try to control your kids through money. I mean, if you are really so wealthy, then why does it matter if your kid uses your gift to buy a fancy car? You are really wealthy, right?
Because we don't want our kids to be spoiled brats, at age 25 they don't need to be living life of luxury. Our jump from HNW to UHNW happened recently, so they definately did not grow up spoiled, as we have always lived well below our means. FYI===we are not really concerned they will blow the money, as I stated they are fiscally very frugal and focus on investing/saving.
Why would you call mine "fake success"? They are employed by a great company, in the top 10% of their team each year and advancing well in their career. They have fully launched as an adult and we are extremely proud of them.
Your adult children are in the top 10% of their teams? At work? I bet you were one of those insufferable parents who always announced your child’s GPA, top percent in school, best athletes in their school. You should be proud but they are adults stop bragging unless they do something worthwhile.
Nope, just demonstrating they are successful, since you can't seem to understand that a kid can be successful and still get some financial gifts from their wealthy parents.
Only know their "ranking" because they work for a company that intakes new hires as a large group (once per month) and then you train together and are actually ranked yearly for performance within your "onboarding group"/people with exact same experience. My kid tells me that because they are thrilled they are doing so well and this ranking translates to your yearly raise amount. Doesn't mean I'm telling everyone in real life about the numbers.
But you do you, don't gift your kids $$$ and let them be. Meanwhile, my kid will continue maxing out their 401K and Roth IRA and by time they are 30 will have equivalent of $2M+ for retirement at 65 if they didn't invest anymore. Their 30s/40s once they start a family will be so much easier because retirement wont be a massive financial drain on their life.
I’m not the one you were posting to. I was just wondering about what kind of company takes in massive amounts of new workers every month and yearly performances are graded against your co-workers. I understand yearly performances and bonuses but ranking them seems odd. Are they sales? What is the job ?
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