Tuesday's Most Active Threads

Yesterday's most active thread was titled, "is DH being an unreasonable brat, or am i stressed and being too sensitve?" and posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. The original poster has planned a celebration to recognize her husband's achievement of a personal and career milestone. Her husband has helped with one aspect of the planning, but has told her that he expects to be treated as the guest of honor rather than a co-host of the event. Therefore, he asked the original poster to plan for handling their kids and other logistics. It appears that he expects to be free from responsibilities not only during the party, but the entire weekend. This has tremendously upset the original poster who has come to DCUM to vent. All of the initial responses sided with the original poster and criticized her husband. There were some suggestions of having guests or family pitch in to help with childcare, or hiring someone to help. However, the original poster's husband has also questioned the need to pay for assistance. This caused many responders to suggest an ultimatum for the husband. Either he should help or be willing to hire people to help. Some posters took the opposite view and expressed sympathy for the husband's position, saying that his expectations were understandable. Beyond the husband's desire to be relieved of responsibilities, many questioned his entire attitude and the scale of the event. Some posters claim that the celebration is more involved than their weddings. The original posters resolutely refused to disclose the achievement that is being celebrated. This caused a few posters to suggest that the significance of the event was such that the original poster would look bad by revealing it. Others made guesses about what it was and then posters debated whether those suggestions merited such a celebration. For a few posters, this was just another battle in the gender wars in which men are portrayed as immature narcissists who demand to be babied, while women are expected to take responsibility for everything. This view is unlikely to go down well with DCUM's incel batalion if they ever stumble across the thread,

One of the threads I discussed yesterday was about Early Decision or ED, a form of college or university admission in which students are accepted early but expected to forgo any other opportunties. Yesterday the second most active thread was also about ED. Titled, "'ED is to locked down full payers'" and posted in the "College and University Discussion" forum, the original poster argues that the quote that makes up the thread's title is wrong. While some argue that ED is a method of getting commitments from students who won't need financial aid, the original poster claims this is not the case. Students that she knows who have applied for ED are expecting to get financial aid. Most of those who responded agreed with the original poster that schools were not targeting full pay students. However, several pointed out that ED does not allow students to compare financial aid offers from various schools. So, students who are hoping for financial aid might be better off avoiding ED in order to be able to choose the best aid package available to them. How ED impacts financial assistance actually is the bulk of the discussion. Some posters argue that families can use online calculators to determine their expected contribution and, if they can't afford that, they should not apply for ED. Others claim that there is nothing wrong with turning down an ED acceptance if the aid package is not sufficient. Like yesterday's thread, this discussion is really deep in the weeds. It might be of interest to those who are currently involved with or expect to be involved with college applications, but to anyone else I don't think it would make much sense.

Another active thread yesterday was also posted in the "Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)" forum. Titled, "Guy I’m about to break up with bought me an expensive gift", the original poster says that she has been dating a guy for over a year. While he wants to marry her, she wants to break up. However, she is aware that he has purchased an expensive Christmas gift for her. She asks advice about whether or not she should accept the gift. Most of those responding say that she should break up with him immediately and that it is cruel to string him along. The original poster says that she can't break up before the holidays because he will be spending the holidays with her family. Moreover, she started to waffle about whether she wants to break up or not. The DCUM relationship forum has a reputation — not entirely undeserved — of heavily favoring women. This thread is an example of the opposite. While it is not always possible to tell, most of those responding appear to be female and almost all of them strongly side with the boyfriend and the original poster gets a considerable amount of criticism. In the initial post, the original poster mentioned that her boyfriend was bipolar. Late in the thread, this aspect becomes the focus of the discussion with some posters suggesting that it is an additional reason for breaking up as soon as possible and others criticizing the original poster for being unsupportive. Regardless, there is almost complete agreement that the original poster should break up and that either she shouldn't accept the gift or give it back when she does get around to breaking up. There doesn't seem to be much concern about whether the breakup is before or after Christmas, just as long as it happens.

One of the perenial hot button issues on DCUM is the topic of being a stay at home mom (SAHM) or working out of the house (WOHM). Two threads in the "Jobs and Careers" forum take somewhat different perspectives in addressing this issue. One, titled, "Just went back to work after SAH. Crushingly tired." describes the original poster's fatigue after returning to work. The second, is titled, "Would leaving my job to SAH be crazy?" is by a poster who has a demanding job but is considering quitting in order to have more time for her family. Much of the first thread is devoted to offering advice about eating right, taking vitamins, and other ways to feel less tired. However, many respond saying that the tiredness never goes away. The thread got diverted when one poster bragged about loving being a stay at home mom because she hated working. That was not particularly helpful to the original poster and provoked many critical responses. When the original poster of the second thread revealed that she makes significantly more money than her husband, much of the discussion turned toward the suggestion that he should quit working rather than her. There is debate about stay at home dads and how they are perceived. Many posters discussed the possibility of the original poster working part time, something she said was probably not possible in her current job. What both of these threads have in common is that the women are primarily working for financial reasons. Neither enjoys their job or finds it rewarding. As such, whether to work or not is almost entirely a financial issue and the pros and cons or working or staying home are mostly practical. In contrast, many DCUM posters are women who love their jos and find them very fulfilling. For these women, becoming a SAHM often involves questions of identity and personal/professional goals. Finances are often a secondary concern if they are important at all. That leads to a much different calculus than that discussed in these two threads.