Survey: rejection

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no issues matching with our preferred Northern Europeans. I actually feel like we are in the drivers seat. We have APs chasing us around after interviews. Here is our profile:

2 school aged kids
Treat stipend as a minimum and pay fed minimum wage if over 27.5hrs
Dedicated car
Live in Ashburn
Fed holidays off
3 weeks in summer off
1 week Christmas off
Spring break off
Basement suite
Smartphone
Membership at lifetime fitness.


I realize our package is desirable and outside the norm. However, I want a great AP who values her job and wants to keep it. I want my pick of AuPairs and dont want to settle. I don't want drama. I want a very solid driver. We so far have had great luck and have truly had girls who value their jobs. They all know exactly how other APs are treated to the bare minimum and know via social media that our gig is a good one.

Um, WHY would that be an incentive? Ew. Sorry, but it is so far from...everything. That said, we offer the same, and I pay another $100 b/c our child has SN and can be difficult.

Oh, and we live in Bethesda and are white. No rejections even with SN child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can say that our wonderful European au pair told us after she got here that she was afraid of moving to DC because of all of the black people. It was shocking, but then you realize that some of these women are young, sheltered, and from very small, homogeneous towns - and their only exposure to African-Americans are American films which I think we can all agree have the tendency to contain racist images where all the African American characters are all gang members, drug addicts, prostitutes, etc. Part of this exchange is to educate - and we have tried to do that, and with interacting with our African-American friends/neighbors and forming her own diverse group of friends, she's learning about herself, challenging preconceived notions, and hugely benefiting from the cultural exchange aspect. Of course au pair matching reflects the systemic racism around the world. I am not sure how the programs could address it better - but I think that they should.

Its not racism if they grow up in a community/culture with only similar people/families. If you go to parts of India, you will find places that have never seen a Caucasian or African-American person. If you go to parts of Africa, you will find people who have never met a White, Asian or Hispanic person. What do you want from them? You aren't being fair to slam them for how they were raised/where they live.

Racism cannot be born of ignorance....wahhh?

It isn't racism. It is exposure. And, look at the other thread where the host mom insisted her au pair eat meals with them nightly and it had to be what she cooked, not something au pair choose. That's exactly why someone might not be comfortable in another home of a different culture. Is that host mom racist for not liking the food of au pair's culture?

Why do you continually misinterpret that thread? It's about insisting the AP try "American" food, not rejecting the AP home country's food. Why would an AP even come to another country if they're not willing to try new things, yet they do...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no issues matching with our preferred Northern Europeans. I actually feel like we are in the drivers seat. We have APs chasing us around after interviews. Here is our profile:

2 school aged kids
Treat stipend as a minimum and pay fed minimum wage if over 27.5hrs
Dedicated car
Live in Ashburn
Fed holidays off
3 weeks in summer off
1 week Christmas off
Spring break off
Basement suite
Smartphone
Membership at lifetime fitness.


I realize our package is desirable and outside the norm. However, I want a great AP who values her job and wants to keep it. I want my pick of AuPairs and dont want to settle. I don't want drama. I want a very solid driver. We so far have had great luck and have truly had girls who value their jobs. They all know exactly how other APs are treated to the bare minimum and know via social media that our gig is a good one.

Um, WHY would that be an incentive? Ew. Sorry, but it is so far from...everything. That said, we offer the same, and I pay another $100 b/c our child has SN and can be difficult.

Oh, and we live in Bethesda and are white. No rejections even with SN child.

Wow really? NO straight rejections? I posted upthread. We are a nonwhite family. Our job is:

20-25 hrs/week split schedule
Two kids but AP only responsible for older child
Available car
AP suite with bathroom
Pay minimum wage
I speak German
Live close to amenities (and not Ashburn lol)
No weekends, all federal holidays off, AP picks all vacation days

We got, literally, dozens of rejections without an interview. Several months of rejections.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no issues matching with our preferred Northern Europeans. I actually feel like we are in the drivers seat. We have APs chasing us around after interviews. Here is our profile:

2 school aged kids
Treat stipend as a minimum and pay fed minimum wage if over 27.5hrs
Dedicated car
Live in Ashburn
Fed holidays off
3 weeks in summer off
1 week Christmas off
Spring break off
Basement suite
Smartphone
Membership at lifetime fitness.


I realize our package is desirable and outside the norm. However, I want a great AP who values her job and wants to keep it. I want my pick of AuPairs and dont want to settle. I don't want drama. I want a very solid driver. We so far have had great luck and have truly had girls who value their jobs. They all know exactly how other APs are treated to the bare minimum and know via social media that our gig is a good one.

Um, WHY would that be an incentive? Ew. Sorry, but it is so far from...everything. That said, we offer the same, and I pay another $100 b/c our child has SN and can be difficult.

Oh, and we live in Bethesda and are white. No rejections even with SN child.

Wow really? NO straight rejections? I posted upthread. We are a nonwhite family. Our job is:

20-25 hrs/week split schedule
Two kids but AP only responsible for older child
Available car
AP suite with bathroom
Pay minimum wage
I speak German
Live close to amenities (and not Ashburn lol)
No weekends, all federal holidays off, AP picks all vacation days

We got, literally, dozens of rejections without an interview. Several months of rejections.

There has to be more to it, such as child has special needs or something you are saying/doing is turning people off. Maybe it isn't race and something else like personality. Or, if you are saying responsible for older child only, people suspect you are lying as where is the younger child and what happens on a no school day/sick day, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can say that our wonderful European au pair told us after she got here that she was afraid of moving to DC because of all of the black people. It was shocking, but then you realize that some of these women are young, sheltered, and from very small, homogeneous towns - and their only exposure to African-Americans are American films which I think we can all agree have the tendency to contain racist images where all the African American characters are all gang members, drug addicts, prostitutes, etc. Part of this exchange is to educate - and we have tried to do that, and with interacting with our African-American friends/neighbors and forming her own diverse group of friends, she's learning about herself, challenging preconceived notions, and hugely benefiting from the cultural exchange aspect. Of course au pair matching reflects the systemic racism around the world. I am not sure how the programs could address it better - but I think that they should.

Its not racism if they grow up in a community/culture with only similar people/families. If you go to parts of India, you will find places that have never seen a Caucasian or African-American person. If you go to parts of Africa, you will find people who have never met a White, Asian or Hispanic person. What do you want from them? You aren't being fair to slam them for how they were raised/where they live.

Racism cannot be born of ignorance....wahhh?

It isn't racism. It is exposure. And, look at the other thread where the host mom insisted her au pair eat meals with them nightly and it had to be what she cooked, not something au pair choose. That's exactly why someone might not be comfortable in another home of a different culture. Is that host mom racist for not liking the food of au pair's culture?

Why do you continually misinterpret that thread? It's about insisting the AP try "American" food, not rejecting the AP home country's food. Why would an AP even come to another country if they're not willing to try new things, yet they do...

If AP doesn't want to try new foods, its ok. Forcing isn't a good way to get someone to like something. Gradual exposure is. To say they have to eat with the family, the meal provided/no substitutions multiple times a week is a very good turn off. I wouldn't take a job like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can say that our wonderful European au pair told us after she got hear that she was afraid of moving to DC because of all of the black people. It was shocking, but then you realize that some of these women are young, sheltered, and from very small, homogeneous towns - and their only exposure to African-Americans are American films which I think we can all agree have the tendency to contain racist images where all the African American characters are all gang members, drug addicts, prostitutes, etc. Part of this exchange is to educate - and we have tried to do that, and with interacting with our African-American friends/neighbors and forming her own diverse group of friends, she's learning about herself, challenging preconceived notions, and hugely benefiting from the cultural exchange aspect. Of course au pair matching reflects the systemic racism around the world. I am not sure how the programs could address it better - but I think that they should.

Its not racism if they grow up in a community/culture with only similar people/families. If you go to parts of India, you will find places that have never seen a Caucasian or African-American person. If you go to parts of Africa, you will find people who have never met a White, Asian or Hispanic person. What do you want from them? You aren't being fair to slam them for how they were raised/where they live.

This is ridiculous. It is racism. Host families are being discriminated against because of the color of their skin. No one is simply staring at us; APs are rejecting the idea of living with us due to their discomfort with our non-whiteness. Sure, APs should make a decision based on what will make them comfortable, but please don’t whitesplain the meaning of racial discrimination.

You sound pretty racist and who wants to live with someone who is just going to jump on them for anything they do as racist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no issues matching with our preferred Northern Europeans. I actually feel like we are in the drivers seat. We have APs chasing us around after interviews. Here is our profile:

2 school aged kids
Treat stipend as a minimum and pay fed minimum wage if over 27.5hrs
Dedicated car
Live in Ashburn
Fed holidays off
3 weeks in summer off
1 week Christmas off
Spring break off
Basement suite
Smartphone
Membership at lifetime fitness.


I realize our package is desirable and outside the norm. However, I want a great AP who values her job and wants to keep it. I want my pick of AuPairs and dont want to settle. I don't want drama. I want a very solid driver. We so far have had great luck and have truly had girls who value their jobs. They all know exactly how other APs are treated to the bare minimum and know via social media that our gig is a good one.

Um, WHY would that be an incentive? Ew. Sorry, but it is so far from...everything. That said, we offer the same, and I pay another $100 b/c our child has SN and can be difficult.

Oh, and we live in Bethesda and are white. No rejections even with SN child.

Wow really? NO straight rejections? I posted upthread. We are a nonwhite family. Our job is:

20-25 hrs/week split schedule
Two kids but AP only responsible for older child
Available car
AP suite with bathroom
Pay minimum wage
I speak German
Live close to amenities (and not Ashburn lol)
No weekends, all federal holidays off, AP picks all vacation days

We got, literally, dozens of rejections without an interview. Several months of rejections.

You are dealing with APs who are not coerced to accept you in a time where hosting APs is quite competitive since people are offering perks well beyond what the program requires (including you). Some (not all) APs are apprehensive about other races just like some (not all) Americans are based on their life experience, upbringing, and media portrayal. Have you tried matching with a black AP from South Africa or elsewhere? Maybe you would have an advantage if they are equally race sensitive. I've probably been rejected from a lot of jobs because I'm not attractive in spite of the rest of what I bring to the table. Such is life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no issues matching with our preferred Northern Europeans. I actually feel like we are in the drivers seat. We have APs chasing us around after interviews. Here is our profile:

2 school aged kids
Treat stipend as a minimum and pay fed minimum wage if over 27.5hrs
Dedicated car
Live in Ashburn
Fed holidays off
3 weeks in summer off
1 week Christmas off
Spring break off
Basement suite
Smartphone
Membership at lifetime fitness.


I realize our package is desirable and outside the norm. However, I want a great AP who values her job and wants to keep it. I want my pick of AuPairs and dont want to settle. I don't want drama. I want a very solid driver. We so far have had great luck and have truly had girls who value their jobs. They all know exactly how other APs are treated to the bare minimum and know via social media that our gig is a good one.

Um, WHY would that be an incentive? Ew. Sorry, but it is so far from...everything. That said, we offer the same, and I pay another $100 b/c our child has SN and can be difficult.

Oh, and we live in Bethesda and are white. No rejections even with SN child.

Wow really? NO straight rejections? I posted upthread. We are a nonwhite family. Our job is:

20-25 hrs/week split schedule
Two kids but AP only responsible for older child
Available car
AP suite with bathroom
Pay minimum wage
I speak German
Live close to amenities (and not Ashburn lol)
No weekends, all federal holidays off, AP picks all vacation days

We got, literally, dozens of rejections without an interview. Several months of rejections.

There has to be more to it, such as child has special needs or something you are saying/doing is turning people off. Maybe it isn't race and something else like personality. Or, if you are saying responsible for older child only, people suspect you are lying as where is the younger child and what happens on a no school day/sick day, etc.

Ha! Riiight. #whitesplaining

[Anonymous]

So you think it’s okay to screen out au pairs based on their race if it makes you uncomfortable? Well it’s not. And to be clear, I don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no issues matching with our preferred Northern Europeans. I actually feel like we are in the drivers seat. We have APs chasing us around after interviews. Here is our profile:

2 school aged kids
Treat stipend as a minimum and pay fed minimum wage if over 27.5hrs
Dedicated car
Live in Ashburn
Fed holidays off
3 weeks in summer off
1 week Christmas off
Spring break off
Basement suite
Smartphone
Membership at lifetime fitness.


I realize our package is desirable and outside the norm. However, I want a great AP who values her job and wants to keep it. I want my pick of AuPairs and dont want to settle. I don't want drama. I want a very solid driver. We so far have had great luck and have truly had girls who value their jobs. They all know exactly how other APs are treated to the bare minimum and know via social media that our gig is a good one.

Um, WHY would that be an incentive? Ew. Sorry, but it is so far from...everything. That said, we offer the same, and I pay another $100 b/c our child has SN and can be difficult.

Oh, and we live in Bethesda and are white. No rejections even with SN child.

Wow really? NO straight rejections? I posted upthread. We are a nonwhite family. Our job is:

20-25 hrs/week split schedule
Two kids but AP only responsible for older child
Available car
AP suite with bathroom
Pay minimum wage
I speak German
Live close to amenities (and not Ashburn lol)
No weekends, all federal holidays off, AP picks all vacation days

We got, literally, dozens of rejections without an interview. Several months of rejections.

There has to be more to it, such as child has special needs or something you are saying/doing is turning people off. Maybe it isn't race and something else like personality. Or, if you are saying responsible for older child only, people suspect you are lying as where is the younger child and what happens on a no school day/sick day, etc.

Nah no special needs kid (and former AP was offered to vouch for how pleasant the job is). You're correct that younger child needs sick day care, but that's disclosed. I doubt APs even read carefully enough to glean all of that.

[Anonymous]

Geez people. Stop arguing this is not what this topic is about...

FWIW many rejections from girls who didn't want to be au pair for family with SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Geez people. Stop arguing this is not what this topic is about...

FWIW many rejections from girls who didn't want to be au pair for family with SAHM

Actually that is what this topic is about... if you’re not white. To pretend that race/religion/ethnicity doesn’t factor into automatic rejection is to be ignorant or in denial of your own privilege. Not up to you to silence the voices of the people of color on this thread who are dealing with this because it doesn’t affect you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no issues matching with our preferred Northern Europeans. I actually feel like we are in the drivers seat. We have APs chasing us around after interviews. Here is our profile:

2 school aged kids
Treat stipend as a minimum and pay fed minimum wage if over 27.5hrs
Dedicated car
Live in Ashburn
Fed holidays off
3 weeks in summer off
1 week Christmas off
Spring break off
Basement suite
Smartphone
Membership at lifetime fitness.


I realize our package is desirable and outside the norm. However, I want a great AP who values her job and wants to keep it. I want my pick of AuPairs and dont want to settle. I don't want drama. I want a very solid driver. We so far have had great luck and have truly had girls who value their jobs. They all know exactly how other APs are treated to the bare minimum and know via social media that our gig is a good one.

Um, WHY would that be an incentive? Ew. Sorry, but it is so far from...everything. That said, we offer the same, and I pay another $100 b/c our child has SN and can be difficult.

Oh, and we live in Bethesda and are white. No rejections even with SN child.

Wow really? NO straight rejections? I posted upthread. We are a nonwhite family. Our job is:

20-25 hrs/week split schedule
Two kids but AP only responsible for older child
Available car
AP suite with bathroom
Pay minimum wage
I speak German
Live close to amenities (and not Ashburn lol)
No weekends, all federal holidays off, AP picks all vacation days

We got, literally, dozens of rejections without an interview. Several months of rejections.

There has to be more to it, such as child has special needs or something you are saying/doing is turning people off. Maybe it isn't race and something else like personality. Or, if you are saying responsible for older child only, people suspect you are lying as where is the younger child and what happens on a no school day/sick day, etc.

Nah no special needs kid (and former AP was offered to vouch for how pleasant the job is). You're correct that younger child needs sick day care, but that's disclosed. I doubt APs even read carefully enough to glean all of that.

Or, maybe they are reading carefully and concerned that the description is not accurate.

[Anonymous]

My 3 APs were very attracted to the amount of freedom I gave them. They worked 45 hours a week and I encouraged them to take my baby/toddler daughter out -- on the bus, on the metro, to their friends house, or to bring their friends to my house. I had no luxury to offer -- even just 1 bathroom in the house. But I had no shortage of takers for the freedom to do whatever they wanted with their 45 hours. Everyone got fed, bathed, (tiny) house stayed clean. Even APs friends loved hanging out with daughter and I (single mom). You've gottta find the personalities that fit your what have to offer.

[Anonymous]

^^
Probably didn't hurt that my daughter was adorable and they wanted to show her off wherever they went