Survey: rejection

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Its not personal but not all countries are diverse so people aren't familiar with what kind of home they are going into. Would you feel ok being in a home with the exact opposite culture and not sure if the family will respect your culture, food (we've seen posts on how au pair has to eat the family dinner cooked), etc. We have family in another country who came here the first time and they were scared by the diversity - it was just the unknown.

You do not know the race of other posters. Maybe it is your home, family set up, number of kids, car, a random comment in your profile, your personality, etc. (not saying any are wrong just not their comfort)

You just described what EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE is like as an ethnic/ religious minority in the U.S. So I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who are "scared by the diversity".

Agree with all the posters saying that it's harder for minority families to match. Conventional wisdom on this board is always "get a German/ Northern European who can drive." I *speak German* and can barely get the time of day from a German au pair. I gave up and hired a local, who drives my kids in her own car, and doesn't give a sh*t what race or religion we are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Its not personal but not all countries are diverse so people aren't familiar with what kind of home they are going into. Would you feel ok being in a home with the exact opposite culture and not sure if the family will respect your culture, food (we've seen posts on how au pair has to eat the family dinner cooked), etc. We have family in another country who came here the first time and they were scared by the diversity - it was just the unknown.

You do not know the race of other posters. Maybe it is your home, family set up, number of kids, car, a random comment in your profile, your personality, etc. (not saying any are wrong just not their comfort)

You just described what EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE is like as an ethnic/ religious minority in the U.S. So I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who are "scared by the diversity".

Agree with all the posters saying that it's harder for minority families to match. Conventional wisdom on this board is always "get a German/ Northern European who can drive." I *speak German* and can barely get the time of day from a German au pair. I gave up and hired a local, who drives my kids in her own car, and doesn't give a sh*t what race or religion we are.

Ha. I’m the minority family the quoted poster is responding too and I also speak German.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Its not personal but not all countries are diverse so people aren't familiar with what kind of home they are going into. Would you feel ok being in a home with the exact opposite culture and not sure if the family will respect your culture, food (we've seen posts on how au pair has to eat the family dinner cooked), etc. We have family in another country who came here the first time and they were scared by the diversity - it was just the unknown.

You do not know the race of other posters. Maybe it is your home, family set up, number of kids, car, a random comment in your profile, your personality, etc. (not saying any are wrong just not their comfort)

You just described what EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE is like as an ethnic/ religious minority in the U.S. So I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who are "scared by the diversity".

Agree with all the posters saying that it's harder for minority families to match. Conventional wisdom on this board is always "get a German/ Northern European who can drive." I *speak German* and can barely get the time of day from a German au pair. I gave up and hired a local, who drives my kids in her own car, and doesn't give a sh*t what race or religion we are.

Ha. I’m the minority family the quoted poster is responding too and I also speak German.

Sure you are

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Its not personal but not all countries are diverse so people aren't familiar with what kind of home they are going into. Would you feel ok being in a home with the exact opposite culture and not sure if the family will respect your culture, food (we've seen posts on how au pair has to eat the family dinner cooked), etc. We have family in another country who came here the first time and they were scared by the diversity - it was just the unknown.

You do not know the race of other posters. Maybe it is your home, family set up, number of kids, car, a random comment in your profile, your personality, etc. (not saying any are wrong just not their comfort)

You just described what EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE is like as an ethnic/ religious minority in the U.S. So I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who are "scared by the diversity".

Agree with all the posters saying that it's harder for minority families to match. Conventional wisdom on this board is always "get a German/ Northern European who can drive." I *speak German* and can barely get the time of day from a German au pair. I gave up and hired a local, who drives my kids in her own car, and doesn't give a sh*t what race or religion we are.

Ha. I’m the minority family the quoted poster is responding too and I also speak German.

Sure you are

Why are you so surprised? I am a new poster and I am also a minority family who speak German! We are in DC, people speak multiple languages, sorry if you only speak English!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Its not personal but not all countries are diverse so people aren't familiar with what kind of home they are going into. Would you feel ok being in a home with the exact opposite culture and not sure if the family will respect your culture, food (we've seen posts on how au pair has to eat the family dinner cooked), etc. We have family in another country who came here the first time and they were scared by the diversity - it was just the unknown.

You do not know the race of other posters. Maybe it is your home, family set up, number of kids, car, a random comment in your profile, your personality, etc. (not saying any are wrong just not their comfort)

You just described what EVERY SINGLE DAY OF MY LIFE is like as an ethnic/ religious minority in the U.S. So I don't have a lot of sympathy for people who are "scared by the diversity".

Agree with all the posters saying that it's harder for minority families to match. Conventional wisdom on this board is always "get a German/ Northern European who can drive." I *speak German* and can barely get the time of day from a German au pair. I gave up and hired a local, who drives my kids in her own car, and doesn't give a sh*t what race or religion we are.

Ha. I’m the minority family the quoted poster is responding too and I also speak German.

Sure you are

??? I went on exchange to Germany and that’s part of why I host at all.

The racism in this thread is out of control.

[Anonymous]

I can say that our wonderful European au pair told us after she got hear that she was afraid of moving to DC because of all of the black people. It was shocking, but then you realize that some of these women are young, sheltered, and from very small, homogeneous towns - and their only exposure to African-Americans are American films which I think we can all agree have the tendency to contain racist images where all the African American characters are all gang members, drug addicts, prostitutes, etc. Part of this exchange is to educate - and we have tried to do that, and with interacting with our African-American friends/neighbors and forming her own diverse group of friends, she's learning about herself, challenging preconceived notions, and hugely benefiting from the cultural exchange aspect. Of course au pair matching reflects the systemic racism around the world. I am not sure how the programs could address it better - but I think that they should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely no issues matching with our preferred Northern Europeans. I actually feel like we are in the drivers seat. We have APs chasing us around after interviews. Here is our profile:

2 school aged kids
Treat stipend as a minimum and pay fed minimum wage if over 27.5hrs
Dedicated car
Live in Ashburn
Fed holidays off
3 weeks in summer off
1 week Christmas off
Spring break off
Basement suite
Smartphone
Membership at lifetime fitness.


I realize our package is desirable and outside the norm. However, I want a great AP who values her job and wants to keep it. I want my pick of AuPairs and dont want to settle. I don't want drama. I want a very solid driver. We so far have had great luck and have truly had girls who value their jobs. They all know exactly how other APs are treated to the bare minimum and know via social media that our gig is a good one.

Um, WHY would that be an incentive? Ew. Sorry, but it is so far from...everything. That said, we offer the same, and I pay another $100 b/c our child has SN and can be difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can say that our wonderful European au pair told us after she got hear that she was afraid of moving to DC because of all of the black people. It was shocking, but then you realize that some of these women are young, sheltered, and from very small, homogeneous towns - and their only exposure to African-Americans are American films which I think we can all agree have the tendency to contain racist images where all the African American characters are all gang members, drug addicts, prostitutes, etc. Part of this exchange is to educate - and we have tried to do that, and with interacting with our African-American friends/neighbors and forming her own diverse group of friends, she's learning about herself, challenging preconceived notions, and hugely benefiting from the cultural exchange aspect. Of course au pair matching reflects the systemic racism around the world. I am not sure how the programs could address it better - but I think that they should.

Its not racism if they grow up in a community/culture with only similar people/families. If you go to parts of India, you will find places that have never seen a Caucasian or African-American person. If you go to parts of Africa, you will find people who have never met a White, Asian or Hispanic person. What do you want from them? You aren't being fair to slam them for how they were raised/where they live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can say that our wonderful European au pair told us after she got here that she was afraid of moving to DC because of all of the black people. It was shocking, but then you realize that some of these women are young, sheltered, and from very small, homogeneous towns - and their only exposure to African-Americans are American films which I think we can all agree have the tendency to contain racist images where all the African American characters are all gang members, drug addicts, prostitutes, etc. Part of this exchange is to educate - and we have tried to do that, and with interacting with our African-American friends/neighbors and forming her own diverse group of friends, she's learning about herself, challenging preconceived notions, and hugely benefiting from the cultural exchange aspect. Of course au pair matching reflects the systemic racism around the world. I am not sure how the programs could address it better - but I think that they should.

Its not racism if they grow up in a community/culture with only similar people/families. If you go to parts of India, you will find places that have never seen a Caucasian or African-American person. If you go to parts of Africa, you will find people who have never met a White, Asian or Hispanic person. What do you want from them? You aren't being fair to slam them for how they were raised/where they live.

Racism cannot be born of ignorance....wahhh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can say that our wonderful European au pair told us after she got here that she was afraid of moving to DC because of all of the black people. It was shocking, but then you realize that some of these women are young, sheltered, and from very small, homogeneous towns - and their only exposure to African-Americans are American films which I think we can all agree have the tendency to contain racist images where all the African American characters are all gang members, drug addicts, prostitutes, etc. Part of this exchange is to educate - and we have tried to do that, and with interacting with our African-American friends/neighbors and forming her own diverse group of friends, she's learning about herself, challenging preconceived notions, and hugely benefiting from the cultural exchange aspect. Of course au pair matching reflects the systemic racism around the world. I am not sure how the programs could address it better - but I think that they should.

Its not racism if they grow up in a community/culture with only similar people/families. If you go to parts of India, you will find places that have never seen a Caucasian or African-American person. If you go to parts of Africa, you will find people who have never met a White, Asian or Hispanic person. What do you want from them? You aren't being fair to slam them for how they were raised/where they live.

Racism cannot be born of ignorance....wahhh?

It isn't racism. It is exposure. And, look at the other thread where the host mom insisted her au pair eat meals with them nightly and it had to be what she cooked, not something au pair choose. That's exactly why someone might not be comfortable in another home of a different culture. Is that host mom racist for not liking the food of au pair's culture?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can say that our wonderful European au pair told us after she got hear that she was afraid of moving to DC because of all of the black people. It was shocking, but then you realize that some of these women are young, sheltered, and from very small, homogeneous towns - and their only exposure to African-Americans are American films which I think we can all agree have the tendency to contain racist images where all the African American characters are all gang members, drug addicts, prostitutes, etc. Part of this exchange is to educate - and we have tried to do that, and with interacting with our African-American friends/neighbors and forming her own diverse group of friends, she's learning about herself, challenging preconceived notions, and hugely benefiting from the cultural exchange aspect. Of course au pair matching reflects the systemic racism around the world. I am not sure how the programs could address it better - but I think that they should.

Its not racism if they grow up in a community/culture with only similar people/families. If you go to parts of India, you will find places that have never seen a Caucasian or African-American person. If you go to parts of Africa, you will find people who have never met a White, Asian or Hispanic person. What do you want from them? You aren't being fair to slam them for how they were raised/where they live.

Sorry but it is racism. If you can't handle *ALL* Americans, than don't do an exchange program that is in the United States. What I want from an Au Pair is to not be like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can say that our wonderful European au pair told us after she got hear that she was afraid of moving to DC because of all of the black people. It was shocking, but then you realize that some of these women are young, sheltered, and from very small, homogeneous towns - and their only exposure to African-Americans are American films which I think we can all agree have the tendency to contain racist images where all the African American characters are all gang members, drug addicts, prostitutes, etc. Part of this exchange is to educate - and we have tried to do that, and with interacting with our African-American friends/neighbors and forming her own diverse group of friends, she's learning about herself, challenging preconceived notions, and hugely benefiting from the cultural exchange aspect. Of course au pair matching reflects the systemic racism around the world. I am not sure how the programs could address it better - but I think that they should.

Its not racism if they grow up in a community/culture with only similar people/families. If you go to parts of India, you will find places that have never seen a Caucasian or African-American person. If you go to parts of Africa, you will find people who have never met a White, Asian or Hispanic person. What do you want from them? You aren't being fair to slam them for how they were raised/where they live.

What we want from them is not be negative about other races, that is what we call racism. Curiosity is something else and it can be cute as you see in those African documentaries where a white person comes and black children run after them while laughing, racism is assuming the worst out of the other race and that is what you are trying so hard to defend!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can say that our wonderful European au pair told us after she got hear that she was afraid of moving to DC because of all of the black people. It was shocking, but then you realize that some of these women are young, sheltered, and from very small, homogeneous towns - and their only exposure to African-Americans are American films which I think we can all agree have the tendency to contain racist images where all the African American characters are all gang members, drug addicts, prostitutes, etc. Part of this exchange is to educate - and we have tried to do that, and with interacting with our African-American friends/neighbors and forming her own diverse group of friends, she's learning about herself, challenging preconceived notions, and hugely benefiting from the cultural exchange aspect. Of course au pair matching reflects the systemic racism around the world. I am not sure how the programs could address it better - but I think that they should.

Agree 100%. Unfortunately, I don't see programs addressing this. Like most other institutions, the racism is systemic within the agencies as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can say that our wonderful European au pair told us after she got hear that she was afraid of moving to DC because of all of the black people. It was shocking, but then you realize that some of these women are young, sheltered, and from very small, homogeneous towns - and their only exposure to African-Americans are American films which I think we can all agree have the tendency to contain racist images where all the African American characters are all gang members, drug addicts, prostitutes, etc. Part of this exchange is to educate - and we have tried to do that, and with interacting with our African-American friends/neighbors and forming her own diverse group of friends, she's learning about herself, challenging preconceived notions, and hugely benefiting from the cultural exchange aspect. Of course au pair matching reflects the systemic racism around the world. I am not sure how the programs could address it better - but I think that they should.

Its not racism if they grow up in a community/culture with only similar people/families. If you go to parts of India, you will find places that have never seen a Caucasian or African-American person. If you go to parts of Africa, you will find people who have never met a White, Asian or Hispanic person. What do you want from them? You aren't being fair to slam them for how they were raised/where they live.

This is ridiculous. It is racism. Host families are being discriminated against because of the color of their skin. No one is simply staring at us; APs are rejecting the idea of living with us due to their discomfort with our non-whiteness. Sure, APs should make a decision based on what will make them comfortable, but please don’t whitesplain the meaning of racial discrimination.

[Anonymous]

Just because it doesn’t indicate they have ugly KKK lynching type hate in their heart doesn’t make it not racism. It’s absolutely racist not to consider a family because of their race. That’s the definition of racism. If you don’t get that PP you need to wake up.