My sister’s AP..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She's only 18. She's awkward and I bet you also were at her age. She's in a foreign country with strangers, give her some grace and be supportive.

If you really can't work it out, just ask your sister to please not bring her next time. I bet the AP will be happy to be by herself at home instead of your house where she's not welcome anyway.

Good perspective thanks but it’s creating tension with my nanny plus I don’t like the AP so I agree she’ll be better not to join
At 8yo my kids so please and thank you.

Your kids are 8 and you need a nanny to help you manage them when it’s you and your sister and her same age kids, and you complain that the guests don’t do the dishes?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Cultural exchange means that you learn about the manners and customs of the country you are visiting.

Hosting means be able to share your customs and to teach about the local manners and expectations.

Would you be upset if you showed up in Japan and a host's family member was immediately annoyed that you didn't know what was considered 'good manners' there? Do you know every custom and expectation about a meal in a foreign country?

This AP was set up to look like a horrible, lazy teenager. Your sister didn't make it clear whether she was working or not.
You didn't make it clear whether she was even INVITED or not.
This AP may not have known that she wasn't considered a guest and able to eat first because that may be the custom in her country and with her family.

Just because you were shy or would have not been as confident to grab a plate doesn't mean that this young person isn't. She may be doing what is 100% acceptable in her country. Did anyone tell her otherwise? You just expect her to act like she understands american family customs as if they are universal to the world?

Your sister is upset that you can't just cut this girl a break. She isn't 'the help'. She's an AP. She's a family member who provides childcare as part of her exchange to live as a family member for a year.

Your problem is not with this AP. Your problem is with your sister. This AP was set up to fail.

Kids get set up to eat first everywhere, it’s just common sense. Also if you’re not sure best to ask or wait for a cue vs serving your own needs.

Not in my family! Maybe for kids under 2.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can do that, in that you can set boundaries over whom you’d like in your home. But I think you fundamentally misunderstand the au pair program. She is supposed to be part of the family and her childcare hours are strictly capped at 45 per week. When she isn’t on duty, she isn’t providing childcare. This isn’t negotiable, it’s a program run through the State Department. Au pairs are often invited to join their family on trips and outings, and while they often do provide help in that they are another adult in the room, they aren’t in charge of the kids unless that’s part of their 45 hours. So yes - taking photos, texting - all ok. She is not a domestic servant with blurry responsibilities, and she’s not a live in nanny.
If you don’t like her you don’t have to host her, same as anyone. But if you think she is somehow a leech because she’s not jumping to watch the kids more for her $195 per week stipend, your derision is misplaced.

I don’t care about the details of the AP program. Any 18yo that’s a guest in my home is going to be expected to contribute, this kid is just rude and was raised without any manners. Even when she is on the clock my sister is running around like a dummy while the AP sits around

Why is your sister letting this happen? Sounds like she's the problem here.