I am honestly devastated and completely lost...

[Anonymous]

OP here. What a 24 hours this has been! I took care of my charge today as usual and will stay with him and help him though his daycare orientation at the request of the parents. They are also moving to another part of town about 20 minutes away so it would be too hard on my charge to have everything change at once. I will do what is best for my charge all the time. Today was tough but he never saw me struggle. I would never do that to him. I will make this a positive change for him.

I was his nanny for 44 hours a week for the last two years. I am just very sad.

Thank you all for responding. Even those of you who were very harsh and critical - I learned something from your posts so thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These parents are nuts. I feel sorry for that poor child.

+1 a very poorly thought out move for their child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Just a few minutes ago, the parents told me they are putting him in daycare. THis has been in the works - the preparation for daycare for awhile. When they told me, I was stunned. They both said that I was fantastic and that their child would not be the great and smart kid he is had it not been for me.

I lost it. First, all day daycare is a huge mistake for this particular boy at this time in his life. Second, because they just sprung it on me.

How could it have been "in the works for a while" and yet you feel they "sprung it on you"? Which is it?

Anonymous wrote:
I don't know what to do now. I said my peace and told them my truth - that I have never been more disappointed in two people in my entire life. I walked in and kissed my beautiful charge and told him that I loved him. I asked them to send my last paycheck and walked out. Clearly, the parents did not expect me to be done that moment and they have no care for their son until daycare starts. But I don't know what to do.

What a ridiculous, childish, utterly unprofessional reaction. You have no business telling them you're dis-anything with them. You went all psycho on them and the boy. When you walked out, you left that family in the lurch about childcare for a few weeks - all because you feel personally slighted? What are you, twelve? What's with the tantrums?

Anonymous wrote:
I cannot see spending the next two weeks (or however long they had in mind) crying every time I look at him. How would I go around to our usual story times, music class, parent & me, etc when everyone knows us and explain that I will no longer be this fantastic and polite little boy's nanny anymore...

You WAY overestimate the time "everyone" who knows you spends thinking about you. I'll give you a hint - they mostly don't. When they won't see your charge around anymore, the thought won't even cross their mind. If they see him with another nanny, they'll simply say, "oh."

Anonymous wrote:
What is the right thing to do? I honestly don't know. THis is my first longterm nanny job (although I have been a preschool teacher for twenty years so I am obviously not a kid).

I am sick about this. Please - someone - tell me what to do. I know I got too attached. I know I sacrificed far too much to stay his nanny - but I thought I was appreciated.

You probably "were" appreciated, but right now parents are just afraid of you and uncomfortable around you. The memory of you walking out of the job will be their lasting impression of you that will probably overshadow everything you've ever done for them and your charge.

Anonymous wrote:
BTW, they are only putting him in daycare to save money.

As good a reason as any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These parents are nuts. I feel sorry for that poor child.

+1 a very poorly thought out move for their child.

+2 Two-years-old is a very bad time to move a child from a home environment with one-on-one attention to a daycare setting. Stupid economy on the parents part - their poor little boy will suffer because they couldn't wait a year.

MB here and these parents SUCK.

[Anonymous]

I am sorry, OP. I know this hurts like hell and will continue to hurt for awhile. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

NP

Anonymous wrote:
Just a few minutes ago, the parents told me they are putting him in daycare. THis has been in the works - the preparation for daycare for awhile. When they told me, I was stunned. They both said that I was fantastic and that their child would not be the great and smart kid he is had it not been for me.

I lost it. First, all day daycare is a huge mistake for this particular boy at this time in his life. Second, because they just sprung it on me.

How could it have been "in the works for a while" and yet you feel they "sprung it on you"? Which is it?

I would guess that the parents had it in the works, but didn't inform the nanny. It happens all.the.time.

Anonymous wrote:
I don't know what to do now. I said my peace and told them my truth - that I have never been more disappointed in two people in my entire life. I walked in and kissed my beautiful charge and told him that I loved him. I asked them to send my last paycheck and walked out. Clearly, the parents did not expect me to be done that moment and they have no care for their son until daycare starts. But I don't know what to do.

What a ridiculous, childish, utterly unprofessional reaction. You have no business telling them you're dis-anything with them. You went all psycho on them and the boy. When you walked out, you left that family in the lurch about childcare for a few weeks - all because you feel personally slighted? What are you, twelve? What's with the tantrums?

OP clearly said that she walked out of the meeting, not caring for the child, and that she didn't quit. That is, if you read the responses, not just the initial post.

Anonymous wrote:
I cannot see spending the next two weeks (or however long they had in mind) crying every time I look at him. How would I go around to our usual story times, music class, parent & me, etc when everyone knows us and explain that I will no longer be this fantastic and polite little boy's nanny anymore...

You WAY overestimate the time "everyone" who knows you spends thinking about you. I'll give you a hint - they mostly don't. When they won't see your charge around anymore, the thought won't even cross their mind. If they see him with another nanny, they'll simply say, "oh."

He won't be with another nanny. What part of putting him into daycare didn't you get?

Anonymous wrote:
What is the right thing to do? I honestly don't know. THis is my first longterm nanny job (although I have been a preschool teacher for twenty years so I am obviously not a kid).

I am sick about this. Please - someone - tell me what to do. I know I got too attached. I know I sacrificed far too much to stay his nanny - but I thought I was appreciated.

You probably "were" appreciated, but right now parents are just afraid of you and uncomfortable around you. The memory of you walking out of the job will be their lasting impression of you that will probably overshadow everything you've ever done for them and your charge.

Again. She didn't walk out on the job, she walked out of a meeting. Btw, i've done the same thing, for a similar reason. Of course i wasn't then expected for work for weeks without letting anyone guess that i was upset...

Anonymous wrote:
BTW, they are only putting him in daycare to save money.

As good a reason as any.

Actually, it's not. It's a reason, but I would consider the child's growth and development, family or nanny issues meaning that they need the reliability of institutional care, or practical concerns including saving time during the day to all be more of a concern that saving money for a vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These parents are nuts. I feel sorry for that poor child.

+1 a very poorly thought out move for their child.

+2 Two-years-old is a very bad time to move a child from a home environment with one-on-one attention to a daycare setting. Stupid economy on the parents part - their poor little boy will suffer because they couldn't wait a year.

MB here and these parents SUCK.

+3 Anyone who knows anything about child development knows that the transition is hardest between 1.5 and 3. Why would do it then, just for vacation?! Makes no sense to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These parents are nuts. I feel sorry for that poor child.

+1 a very poorly thought out move for their child.

+2 Two-years-old is a very bad time to move a child from a home environment with one-on-one attention to a daycare setting. Stupid economy on the parents part - their poor little boy will suffer because they couldn't wait a year.

MB here and these parents SUCK.

+3 Anyone who knows anything about child development knows that the transition is hardest between 1.5 and 3. Why would do it then, just for vacation?! Makes no sense to me.

+4 Horrible mother to do that for a child just to save money. You beg, borrow and steal to do what is in your child's best interest. This mother should have sacrificed her vacations for one more year and started her DS in daycare at three.

And I'm sorry, OP. I am an MB and I hate what your MB is doing to the child you clearly love. You are right (and good hearted) to do everything you possibly can to support him.

[Anonymous]

As a parent, I hate to see another parent make the mistake of sticking a two-year-old, who has only known the comfort of a one-on-one caregiver, in daycare - even a great daycare. I can understand OP's turmoil over this as I am sure she learned in school how devastating this can be. Of course the child will adapt - but is that all we really want for our children?! If the child was suddenly orphaned and sent to a state-run orphanage he would "adapt" too. Daycares are fine for two-year-olds if they have been going to daycare since infancy and know no better. A huge mistake that should have been avoided for OP's charge.

I, too, am sorry for your "loss", OP. I am an MB and I wish my DD's nanny were as bonded to her as you are to your charge. I understand your emotional outburst when they told you - I am sure you were stunned. I am glad you apologized and are on track to help your charge. Keep the lines of communication open - hopefully your employers will see how horrible this decision is and take their toddler out of daycare after a few weeks - and hire you back.

I wish you all the best.

[Anonymous]

how many of these sympathetic MBs are actually OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:how many of these sympathetic MBs are actually OP?

PP of an above comment and I am not OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These parents are nuts. I feel sorry for that poor child.

+1 a very poorly thought out move for their child.

+2 Two-years-old is a very bad time to move a child from a home environment with one-on-one attention to a daycare setting. Stupid economy on the parents part - their poor little boy will suffer because they couldn't wait a year.

MB here and these parents SUCK.

Agree! I did this at age 3 and my son freaked out. He lasted in daycare 2 days. Yes, 2. I could not do that to him, he was so distraught. We ended up (thankfully) being able to bring our nanny back and kept her through Kindergarten, as I'm in Loudoun and we have half day. We now do APS now that our kids are school aged. I think institutionally based daycare are terrible unless the kid started out in that environment. It is a harsh environment foe children and I firmly believe in a small home based daycare or nanny attention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how many of these sympathetic MBs are actually OP?

PP of an above comment and I am not OP.

I'm extremely sympathetic and I think this family has a marvelous nanny on their hands and it too stupid and cheap to see it. In my world, my kids come first. I don't economize to their deteiment.

Flame away, I think daycare is horrible. I'm a MB and the OP is the kind of nanny we had for our kids for many years. She is still very close to our kids am I'm secure enough in my role as a mother to allow another woman to hold a high place in my kids hearts.

Some mothers are terrified of people like the OP, too insecure to allow a woman in their lives who might love them as much as she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:how many of these sympathetic MBs are actually OP?

PP of an above comment and I am not OP.

I'm extremely sympathetic and I think this family has a marvelous nanny on their hands and it too stupid and cheap to see it. In my world, my kids come first. I don't economize to their deteiment.

Flame away, I think daycare is horrible. I'm a MB and the OP is the kind of nanny we had for our kids for many years. She is still very close to our kids am I'm secure enough in my role as a mother to allow another woman to hold a high place in my kids hearts.

Some mothers are terrified of people like the OP, too insecure to allow a woman in their lives who might love them as much as she does.

Thank you, PP! YOU are the MBs that good nannies want to work for. Your children are blessed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These parents are nuts. I feel sorry for that poor child.

+1 a very poorly thought out move for their child.

+2 Two-years-old is a very bad time to move a child from a home environment with one-on-one attention to a daycare setting. Stupid economy on the parents part - their poor little boy will suffer because they couldn't wait a year.

MB here and these parents SUCK.

Agree! I did this at age 3 and my son freaked out. He lasted in daycare 2 days. Yes, 2. I could not do that to him, he was so distraught. We ended up (thankfully) being able to bring our nanny back and kept her through Kindergarten, as I'm in Loudoun and we have half day. We now do APS now that our kids are school aged. I think institutionally based daycare are terrible unless the kid started out in that environment. It is a harsh environment foe children and I firmly believe in a small home based daycare or nanny attention.

I agree 100%! Hopefully OP's MB will see the light and not be afraid to admit her mistake.