how many nannies is too many for a child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So a college student worked for you for two years and then left, perhaps abruptly?

That sounds to me like a very successful tenure, especially for a college student.

You were expecting what?

I really think you're WAY over the top OP. You are an employer, you had an employee whose tenure was fairly long-term given the situation. You had a stable nanny whom you now need to replace.

This is not the end of the world. If you stop making it such a massive loss then your children will also.

How many nannies have your kids had so far? How old are they?

Don't know why you think it's relevant but we hired a nanny to start when our twins were 4 mths old. They are almost 3 now. That nanny is still with us and hopefully will be for at least another year or two until we figure out preschool/kindergarten etc...

If she leaves us before we're ready to have her go it will be sad. The kids will miss her. Life will go on. When she leaves us because we no longer need her that will be sad also. The kids will miss her. Life will go on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My heart goes out to so many, many children who feel abandoned this way. Hugs to OP. At least she's sensitive to the reality of having revolving door nannies.

Most parents and nannies refuse to even consider the long-range repercussions of these early childhood experiences, just when the establishment of bonds with primary caregivers is so critical to healthy development.

And we wonder why our kids are having so many problems down the road. Strong foundations make a difference. Denial does nothing to change the sad truth.

A part-time nanny is NOT a primary caregiver. That's not to say OPs children won't miss the nanny but if they have good loving parents they most certainly will not feel abandoned. My children like their part-time nanny and are very happy with her but when she isn't around (like for vacation) they don't ever mention her. They'd much rather be with me because despite their "bond" with the nanny they are with me much more than with her. It's not denial, it's the truth.

Where did OP say the nanny was only PT?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My heart goes out to so many, many children who feel abandoned this way. Hugs to OP. At least she's sensitive to the reality of having revolving door nannies.

Most parents and nannies refuse to even consider the long-range repercussions of these early childhood experiences, just when the establishment of bonds with primary caregivers is so critical to healthy development.

And we wonder why our kids are having so many problems down the road. Strong foundations make a difference. Denial does nothing to change the sad truth.

A part-time nanny is NOT a primary caregiver. That's not to say OPs children won't miss the nanny but if they have good loving parents they most certainly will not feel abandoned. My children like their part-time nanny and are very happy with her but when she isn't around (like for vacation) they don't ever mention her. They'd much rather be with me because despite their "bond" with the nanny they are with me much more than with her. It's not denial, it's the truth.

Where did OP say the nanny was only PT?

We had one nanny share before second baby was born ( that nanny didnt want to add an infant to the mix for the last five months of the share, then transition to being our fulltime nanny) and then recently our nanny of 2 yrs left. She was bored and thought she could get 60+k rather than the 39k we were paying her. That is not the most competitive salary overall but we did give a lot of perks and she was only 22, so I thought that was a fair salary given her financial situation ( she is supported by well-off husband). I thought I was a good Mb, and she never mentioned any dissatisfaction. But the fact she left speaks for itself.

Maybe it is just too traumatic for me. I am going to stop working. I hate my job anyway, but felt like I needed to contribute to our household. I would much rather be with my kids.


Oh and I should also mention it was a part time position, 30 hrs.

I feel that two nannies for my eldest child is where I have to draw the line. My youngest has known only our second nanny and is/was deeply attached to her. I feel quite betrayed by the fact she didn't tell us she was unhappy, but at the same time, the fact that she didn't say anything suggests we could not have offered her anything to improve her satisfaction. So be it.

[Anonymous]

Please be careful how many nannies you go through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Changes in childcare can be difficult in the short term, but hardly traumatic long term. As long as you/DH are forming significant bonds with your children, that's the important thing.

Now, if you're having to hire a new 24/7 nanny every other month, that might be a different story.

So true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Changes in childcare can be difficult in the short term, but hardly traumatic long term. As long as you/DH are forming significant bonds with your children, that's the important thing.

Now, if you're having to hire a new 24/7 nanny every other month, that might be a different story.

So true.

How about 2 or 3 every year (50 hours a week)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Changes in childcare can be difficult in the short term, but hardly traumatic long term. As long as you/DH are forming significant bonds with your children, that's the important thing.

Now, if you're having to hire a new 24/7 nanny every other month, that might be a different story.

So true.

How about 2 or 3 every year (50 hours a week)?

I guess that would depend on the family. The Op of this thread stopped at two nannies. I think it is fairly common for nannies to either stick around for 3-4 yes, or be gone at one. And most families maybe hire once more or go to daycare. I don't know anyone who has had three nannies a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Changes in childcare can be difficult in the short term, but hardly traumatic long term. As long as you/DH are forming significant bonds with your children, that's the important thing.

Now, if you're having to hire a new 24/7 nanny every other month, that might be a different story.

So true.

How about 2 or 3 every year (50 hours a week)?

I guess that would depend on the family. The Op of this thread stopped at two nannies. I think it is fairly common for nannies to either stick around for 3-4 yes, or be gone at one. And most families maybe hire once more or go to daycare. I don't know anyone who has had three nannies a year.

They'd be to embarrassed to tell you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Changes in childcare can be difficult in the short term, but hardly traumatic long term. As long as you/DH are forming significant bonds with your children, that's the important thing.

Now, if you're having to hire a new 24/7 nanny every other month, that might be a different story.

So true.

How about 2 or 3 every year (50 hours a week)?

I guess that would depend on the family. The Op of this thread stopped at two nannies. I think it is fairly common for nannies to either stick around for 3-4 yes, or be gone at one. And most families maybe hire once more or go to daycare. I don't know anyone who has had three nannies a year.

They'd be to embarrassed to tell you.

Umm, no. If you are friends with a family, you know who their care providers are. Your kids see their kids. All of my kids' friends know me, my mother in law, my baby sitter, our nanny when the kids were younger, etc. There is no hiding it. Its obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Changes in childcare can be difficult in the short term, but hardly traumatic long term. As long as you/DH are forming significant bonds with your children, that's the important thing.

Now, if you're having to hire a new 24/7 nanny every other month, that might be a different story.

So true.

How about 2 or 3 every year (50 hours a week)?

I guess that would depend on the family. The Op of this thread stopped at two nannies. I think it is fairly common for nannies to either stick around for 3-4 yes, or be gone at one. And most families maybe hire once more or go to daycare. I don't know anyone who has had three nannies a year.

They'd be to embarrassed to tell you.

Umm, no. If you are friends with a family, you know who their care providers are. Your kids see their kids. All of my kids' friends know me, my mother in law, my baby sitter, our nanny when the kids were younger, etc. There is no hiding it. Its obvious.

Well then, perhaps we should imagine that neither you, nor any of your friends, are one of the frequent poster on this forum, constantly jumping to the seemingly instant solution to every mb problem, of "Time to fire the nanny and get a new one."

[Anonymous]

It's business. Leaving under civilized circumstances is one thing, and of course it is important, but nannying is a job like any other. For all the talk one nanny here likes to trot out about emotional trauma, nannies will (and should) move on in a heartbeat if it's better for them. A better job, a new marriage, a move across town, a pregnancy, a change in career, a change in schedule, a start of school year, you name it. Everyone looks out for number one, and they should, because no one else will. It's business.

[Anonymous]

I know lots of families who have au pairs, and they stay only 1 year! So I think it's OK to have a few nannies over the course of many years. We've been lucky to have one nanny for four years, and a second nanny for three years. Soon we are hoping to just find after-care or I'll cut back to part-time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Changes in childcare can be difficult in the short term, but hardly traumatic long term. As long as you/DH are forming significant bonds with your children, that's the important thing.

Now, if you're having to hire a new 24/7 nanny every other month, that might be a different story.

When do you bond when both parents are gone 50-60 hours a week?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Good lord. Soooo much drama. Your kids will be fine, except that you're very dramatic. You had a nanny leave after two years and you're "disappointed that you trusted her with your children's hearts and she behaved like a callous retail employee"?!?!

Jeez.

Your kids will have issues, but not because a nanny left.

Yes that does sound pretty melodramatic, it is really funny to read. But at the same time, I expected more from her. Clearly we have different expectations, and that is okay.

It's totally fine and acceptable to be annoyed and disappointed that she is leaving when you didn't expect it. It's also fine to complain about it on DCUM (just know that because it's DCUM you will get all sorts of nasty comments in addition to those who sympathize). It's just the melodrama about your children's hearts that are making people question you. But glad you can see the humor in your melodrama. Eventually the disappointment and irritation will wear off but in the mean time it's ok to complain.

I do see the humor in my melodrama. But my kids are not taking this lightly. This woman was really part of our family, or so we thought. She was play-acting. I think she really manipulated us for all that she could, and when she got to the end of the line, she left without a minutes' notice. She was part of our emotional fabric, and I guess the true lesson is one that we have learned, in terms of not setting those boundaries better ourselves. I think that is actually what I have been reacting to, disappointment in my own ability to protect my children from someone who was unreliable.

And while DCUM is full of bat-sh(*$ crazy, it is also full of the straight truth. And I feel like I figured out the problem here, which was just how much we loved her, and trusted her, gave her... Make fun of me all you want. I am just watching my kids' form emotional scabs, and it hurts. They are so raw with loss. I don't care what anyone says.

Hugs to you, OP. I write this as a nanny who has left behind a piece of my heart with every child I've cared for. The eventual separation is the meanest part of my work. I wish more parents were like you, sensitive to the bond established. Shattered bonds aren't good for anyone.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure your kids are more traumatized than you, OP? Kids react to how the grownups are acting. If you acted like everything is OK and there are still people around who care and love them and they will be perfectly fine, they will follow your lead.

This issue is not just a nanny issue. Daycare workers disappear all the time without even saying goodbye. It is much less personal. A daycare worker may give her 2 week notice, not tell the kids while continue to work, and the kids never see them again.

The only way to keep this from happening is if mothers become stay at home. However, it's just not that big of a problem!!! Kids do not get traumatized for life. Sure, they are a bit sad, but they move on! They are resilient.

I mean, it is a bit sadder than your favorite toy being broken. Yes. But I bring it up as an example of things that happen to kids, that they learn to roll with.