Had argument with MB and could use perspective. Lengthy.

[Anonymous]

Is this you, OP?

"I interviewed with two families for after school care and am having difficulty with choosing which one I feel in the long run I won't regret picking and will be happy with.

Family 1:
-3:30 to 6:30 M-F but may have days I might be asked to stay later minimally if needed
-2 children, 5 years and 20 months
-Pick up one child from school, then pick up little one from pre school and come home, so about 8 miles driving on the job which would be reimbursed
-Take child to lesson one day a week 5 miles away and stay
-Give snacks, go over any homework, play with, give baths and start dinner
-Pay rate family offered is $20/hr with guaranteed pay
-Distance from my home to the family's is about 13 miles, so 26 miles roundtrip everyday
-No house related work except for picking up after kids as needed

Family 2:
-3:30 to 6:30 M-F but may be asked to stay later minimally if needed
-1 child, 10 years old
-Be at the bus stop and take to home.
-Only driving is taking to activity 3 miles away two days a week, 5:15 and 6p.m. then going home as parent will pick up
-Give snack, homework supervision, dinner prep, supervise chores, grocery shopping 1x a week
-Asked to do light housekeeping (sweep floors 2-3x a week, wipe down table and kitchen counters, laundry 1-2x wk, change sheets 1x a week, pick up in living room as needed)
-Pay rate is $10-$15/hr. Did not discuss in interview as parent didn't bring it up, but I would not be able to accept the position for less than $13.50/hr. Guaranteed pay.
-distance from my home to the family's is 6 miles, so about 12 miles roundtrip everyday

Family 1 offered me the job at the interview. I asked if I could let them know in 3 days as I have an interview with Family 2 the next day. Had the interview with Family 2 today and parent said she had one other interview but really liked me and would let me know in 2 days. Both sent me a thank you email after interview. I want to accept the position with Family 1 because they 100% want me, rate is higher, and no housekeeping, but the driving seems a bit much to me, I'm dreading being in long traffic possibly, and there are 2 kids vs 1. If Family 2 offers me the position, there would be minimal driving, but light housekeeping would be part of the job, and the pay rate would be lower.

Which would you prefer?"

[Anonymous]

I have been a career nanny for over 20 years. This , and this is my perspective.

On MB - She sounds like she is looking at every little thing right now, and since I do not know her, I do not know if she is always that way, or because she is pregnant and not feeling well. She seems to be making things larger than they are in the first week of the job, rather than to recognize that the first month or so is an adjustment period, and just to have good communication about things (tell you as they happen), keep an open mind and see where it all settles. She asked if you would mute your phone - fine. She asked and you did so - that should be over. She needed to be clear when she hired you that she wanted errands run during the class time. She also needed to be clear that your 6:30 time off was 6:30 if everything was going okay, but she wanted a few extra minutes if she needed it. I have had families negotiate both of those exact things up front with me. If you are telling someone what their time off is, that is their time off. If you want it to be flexible depending on what is going on, you say just that. "Normally, you would get off at 6:30, but I would like to have a little cushion if the kids are crazy or I need a little help, so usually 6:30, but no later than 6:45." That she did not make these things clear (leaving time and errands), is her fault. It doesn't matter what nanny is being paid. It isn't that because she is being paid x, then she should be able to read minds. They agreed on the money, the leaving time, and the duties. The bosses still have an obligation to be clear about the duties and time they leave work during the contract phase.

As a side note, in the cities I have worked (and am aware of), $20/hr isn't that high for 3 kids in a job that is only 3 hours per day. It is 3 kids, and very part time jobs like that often pay somewhat more since it is hard to get nannies who can work that, and who will stay long term.

On Nanny (OP) - In general, it does look bad to ask to leave early during the first week of work, unless it was an emergency. Also, you may have been able to anticipate needing to turn your phone to silent, but she asked and you did, so that should be over. I would not have asked the first week whether I could wait in my car rather than the building during class. I would have thought that would come across as you trying to change the "rules" right off the bat. However, the fact that you asked her rather than just did it, should actually make her feel better about you in a way. So to some extent you did come across as not very serious about the job. The other things (expecting you can leave at your scheduled time off and not offering to go to the store) were on her to be more clear to you from the get go. You were doing your duties as outlined by her, and leaving at your time off as outlined by her.

[Anonymous]

pp here - sorry - I was changing the fist line of my post and didn't finish - all pertinent information is there -

[Anonymous]

I am 19:50 pp. Okay, I re-read, and realized it is two children, not 3. Sorry. It doesn't really make a difference. In any case, they agreed on pay, duties and times, and MB should be fine with that. She agreed, after all. If, in retrospect, she wishes she had asked for more duties, later/more flexible leave time, less pay, for gas to be paid by the nanny, etc., she has to deal with it from there, not hold it against the nanny.

*Many people are freaking out over Nanny's part in this, and there are definitely some things she did wrong (as I said before). However, I hardly see mention of MB breaking the agreement already, coming back and saying they aren't paying for gas separately. That is big. So while Nanny didn't come across as professional and serious as she could, MB did not either. Bosses of nannies have obligations as well, and that is to be clear during the agreement phase, and not go back on parts of the agreement in the first week. That shows that they themselves are serious about the agreement with Nanny as well, shows they respect her and the boundaries they agreed upon. Seems like both sides could have done better.

I have worked for some amazing bosses, seriously. Simply wonderful people. In fact, most of them have been at least good, if not great. None of them (except the couple crappy ones) would have ever changed my pay (like about the gas) after the fact, held it against me what *they* agreed to pay, held it against me that I didn't read their minds, or held it against me that I actually expected to leave work when I was told I get off work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been a career nanny for over 20 years. This , and this is my perspective.

On MB - She sounds like she is looking at every little thing right now, and since I do not know her, I do not know if she is always that way, or because she is pregnant and not feeling well. She seems to be making things larger than they are in the first week of the job, rather than to recognize that the first month or so is an adjustment period, and just to have good communication about things (tell you as they happen), keep an open mind and see where it all settles. She asked if you would mute your phone - fine. She asked and you did so - that should be over. She needed to be clear when she hired you that she wanted errands run during the class time. She also needed to be clear that your 6:30 time off was 6:30 if everything was going okay, but she wanted a few extra minutes if she needed it. I have had families negotiate both of those exact things up front with me. If you are telling someone what their time off is, that is their time off. If you want it to be flexible depending on what is going on, you say just that. "Normally, you would get off at 6:30, but I would like to have a little cushion if the kids are crazy or I need a little help, so usually 6:30, but no later than 6:45." That she did not make these things clear (leaving time and errands), is her fault. It doesn't matter what nanny is being paid. It isn't that because she is being paid x, then she should be able to read minds. They agreed on the money, the leaving time, and the duties. The bosses still have an obligation to be clear about the duties and time they leave work during the contract phase.

As a side note, in the cities I have worked (and am aware of), $20/hr isn't that high for 3 kids in a job that is only 3 hours per day. It is 3 kids, and very part time jobs like that often pay somewhat more since it is hard to get nannies who can work that, and who will stay long term.

On Nanny (OP) - In general, it does look bad to ask to leave early during the first week of work, unless it was an emergency. Also, you may have been able to anticipate needing to turn your phone to silent, but she asked and you did, so that should be over. I would not have asked the first week whether I could wait in my car rather than the building during class. I would have thought that would come across as you trying to change the "rules" right off the bat. However, the fact that you asked her rather than just did it, should actually make her feel better about you in a way. So to some extent you did come across as not very serious about the job. The other things (expecting you can leave at your scheduled time off and not offering to go to the store) were on her to be more clear to you from the get go. You were doing your duties as outlined by her, and leaving at your time off as outlined by her.

+1

[Anonymous]

You are very lazy, OP and you should quit your job and allow the family to find a real nanny who is committed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are very lazy, OP and you should quit your job and allow the family to find a real nanny who is committed.

And if the family wants a real nanny who is committed, they should be careful how they treat her in the first week, because if they act like this MB did (already breaking the agreement), a real nanny would leave ASAP because she sees the writing on the wall. It goes both ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are very lazy, OP and you should quit your job and allow the family to find a real nanny who is committed.

And if the family wants a real nanny who is committed, they should be careful how they treat her in the first week, because if they act like this MB did (already breaking the agreement), a real nanny would leave ASAP because she sees the writing on the wall. It goes both ways.

+1 And OP seems like she's already job hunting so good for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - any interest in salvadging it? You could apologize specifically for the things that were your fault, ask her to clarify your contract and expectations and give it another couple weeks?

No. I plan on apologizing again for asking to leave early and having my phone on during work hours, but other than that, I don't feel too much like I did anything else wrong. She was home everyday this week. She knows I wasn't a sit on my butt nanny at all, and honestly, with her being home, I tried very hard to be constantly engaged and 'on' since boss was right there. I think the pregnancy has stressed her and I really feel for her. I do wish them the very best and if I were in her situation, I would definitely seek someone who can do housekeeping and errands since it's dificult right now. For $20/hr, she will absolutely find an appropriate fit for household and child care needs.

This bothers me greatly. You should ALWAYS be engaged and "on" as a professional nanny. You are looking after precious little children. Are you planning on being less "on" when the mom isn't there? For peats sake, you only work 3 hours a day!

[Anonymous]

You sound so entitled and lazy.

While MB is pregnant and hormonal, that's no excuse for her to be obnoxious.

BUT--big BUT here, YOU don't help matters by not acting professional. Being proactive.
For what you're getting paid, you act like an ingrate and a clueless one at that.

Great, exceptional nannies who deserve to get paid high salary, work their tale off and make the families life easier. You seem to immature and one of those typical entitled nannies, who expects to be paid a billion bucks just to sit on your ass.

Get over yourself!

[Anonymous]

you guys are cruel. all you dumbasses can focus on is the fact that she's making $20/hr for 3 hours a day. that's only $300/week but hey that is irrelevant to you idiots. do 'professional nannies' really only work 3 hours a day? i am a graduate student making $21 hour for 14 hours/week. i work 7 hours 2 days a week and have no housekeeping duties. the MB sounds like she was difficult anyway. good luck to you OP. i hope you find a really nice family to work with. are you also a student? why do you only work 3 hours days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound so entitled and lazy.

While MB is pregnant and hormonal, that's no excuse for her to be obnoxious.

BUT--big BUT here, YOU don't help matters by not acting professional. Being proactive.
For what you're getting paid, you act like an ingrate and a clueless one at that.

Great, exceptional nannies who deserve to get paid high salary, work their tale off and make the families life easier. You seem to immature and one of those typical entitled nannies, who expects to be paid a billion bucks just to sit on your ass.

Get over yourself!

Damn, you sound like a bitch. If I only worked 15 hours a week, I would expect to paid more hourly than if I were working full-time. Where dd OP say she was sitting on her ass? As far as I can tell, she did everything agreed upon, but her MB wanted to change what was agreed upon. That's ALL on the parents for paying a higher rate and not asking for anything beyond child care. Mom seems crazy.

[Anonymous]

OP might have had better responses if she didnt mention her pay!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP might have had better responses if she didnt mention her pay!

+1 apparently 20 bucks an hour means you are your employer's bitch and should expect a broken contract the first week you start.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You sound pretty nasty. At $20 an hour, you should not be sitting in your car but watching the child. For that money, knowing she is not feeling well, you could offer to do more to help out. I'd be pretty pissed at paying you that kind of money to sit in your car, not watch my child and play on your iPad/phone. I'd also be annoyed given you only work a few hours and want to leave early.

Well, I don't think I'm a nasty person, but not going to change anyone's mind. If parents aren't allowed in same room as kids, how can I be 'watching the child?' Using my ipad while waiting is not allowed???

New poster here... Op, you need to seek more then new employment... You need to seek a new career.

And when I say new career... I mean McDonald's... Because you seem very lazy and unmotivated. Nannies do light house keep. Nannies do errands and nannies absolutely wait Inside whether they want to or not. Your job is to make the families life easier - not harder.

Just to add some input, from what I remember of the positions she posted about before, it was an after school care type thing. For positions like these, errands and light housekeeping are not always part of the job. The higher pay rate is for the limited number of hours per week (well, more like each day). I can't say I have ever done any errands for my families unless I knew they needed something and went ahead and picked it up after confirming with them that they wouldn't mind (and would pay me back). I do various amounts of light house keeping with each position, that is something that is negotiated with each and how I decide the rate (along with the actual number of hours and number of children).

While I take my positions seriously and consider myself a professional (this is my job, not a side thing), many that do these positions are really just sitters and do it as a side gig to make extra money while in school etc. I disagree with her asking to leave early the first week (I try to not ask at all, ever), and I think sitting in the lobby would have been perfectly fine and see no need to have sat in the car instead (portable devices with a battery and a set of headphones are marvelous things to help you wait ANYWHERE). Suddenly expecting her to run errands, to not reimburse for gas like previously mentioned, etc are things that should have not come into to play after negotiations were done and the job was started unless it was mentioned that things might need to be evaluated and possibly changed after seeing how things go the first few weeks.