Had argument with MB and could use perspective. Lengthy.

[Anonymous]

I made a post a couple weeks ago iirc, about which position would be the best for me, and I decided with the family with 2 kids/no housekeeping/20 an hour.

We went over a few things on Monday and I started Tuesday. My timings are 3:30 to 6:30. I go to 5 year old's bus stop, pick up, then go and pick up 20 month old and come home. We play, then give a bath and have kids start on dinner. Well, this week MB has been home because she is pregnant and has been having some issues, so doctor told her to take it easy. She told me about the pregnancy Tuesday. While it has been awkward with her home, since the kids keep going to her and I'm trying to just in general not do the wrong thing, she hasn't been micromanaging or bossy.

It's 6:30 and I ask MB if she would like to give me a check today and start direct deposit next week since I just gave her the form yesterday and she tells me she needs to check how much she needs to deduct from the paycheck and gets online. During this time I just sit waiting while the kids are playing, but have a care date at 7 so tell her not to worry about it after 5 minutes and she can just pay me later. She looks frustrated and says straight up she's sorry but hasn't been happy with my performance this week. I am flabbergasted because I feel like this just came out of left field. I ask her to clarify specifically what she's not happy with:

- 5 year old has lessons one day a week for an hour. Parents had to be in lobby to wait. I sent a text asking if it was okay if I stayed in the car. She responds that it's my choice. I ended up staying in the building because I asked and was given WiFi password, so just went on my ipad in the duration. MB told me today that I could have asked her if I should go grocery shopping during this time or run an errand and didn't take initiative. One - we didn't agree on that. 2 - I'm not a mind reader. 3 - I DON'T want to run errands even if I were asked to.

- Yesterday my phone kept making the new text sound because I was talking to MB and didn't want to check the text right then. After the third time she asks if I can turn my phone off. I apologize and put it on vibrate. I did the same thing today so she never heard the phone but she tells me that that bothered her. I admit, It was my fault as I should have never had the ringer on, but if the issue was resolved, why the need to bring it up again?

- I asked yesterday if I could leave 10 minutes earlier but if it was a problem, I understood. She told me it was fine. I ended up leaving at 6:25, but no biggie. She told me today she didn't like that I asked if I could leave earlier.

- She told me that she didn't like that I left right around 6:30 because I should see that she needs help with the kids, and her last nanny stayed if needed for a few extra minutes. I do admit, I was doing that but - 1. I have care dates scheduled in the evening and as I had mentioned in my first thread, this family is in a heavy traffic area, so me staying past the time agreed upon wouldn't work. 2- maybe because my last family always let me go before the official end time, I assumed leaving at the time we agreed upon would be fine. 3- again, not a mind reader.

Those were the main complaints but she also said ( and this pissed me off because this was the second time) along the lines of 'I'm paying you $20 an hour. 20 dollars an hour. A very high rate, especially for not going through an agency and you're not being proactive.' I told her that she was piling on all at once when she could have told me along the way her issues. I also said that she was speaking to me in such a way that I never would have spoken to her. She said that we need to see if this will work out and I said maybe I'm just not the best fit. It was about 6:50 then and I told her I have an event and need to leave. She said that's fine.

At this point, I 100% am planning on leaving because I feel like she spoke to me in a way that I can't erase away now, it's too awkward, I didn't appreciate her bringing up the pay rate AGAIN (initially they told me they would reimburse separately for gas, but on Monday she said they talked about it and since they were paying a high rate and I was driving locally, they felt they shouldn't pay separately. I was disappointed but said it was fine), and I know that her having a difficult pregnancy is not easy, but I really don't want to do extra things like run errands and tasks around the house to take up the slack because, frankly, I just don't want to. I know $20 an hour is a high rate and obviously she thinks so as well, but since I initially was contemplating the position vs a lower paying one, the money is not a big deal to me. Also, with the end time of 6:30, I have had to decline 2 care dates this week that started earlier and as I sit on evenings and weekends regularly for other families and my income from the off hours care dates makes up a higher percentage than with this family, the end time has been a detriment. What I'm trying to say - salary with family is $300 a week, but I make more than that sitting for several families when needed during the week but because frequently start time is before 7pm, me not being able to sit is bothering me, but I was going to stick it out since I gave my commitment to this family until the end of the school year.

Now, I don't know exactly what to do? We agreed upon 2 weeks notice if either party felt it wasn't going to be a good fit. So should I give notice tomorrow? And does two weeks start from tomorrow or Monday? Also, how can I tell families I am plan on meeting with about this family? Should I just not say anything and use my prior employers as the main reference? I have never had to deal with this do don't know the appropriate way to handle the situation amicably.

[Anonymous]

Give notice tomorrow. She was not being clear with issues she was having with you which NEEDS to be brought up as they happen when you first start a new position.

Also, I agree about the errands, if it wasn't part of the deal then you shouldn't be expected to offer to go do them. My positions where I take a child somewhere for an appt, let me leave and go get something to eat or read or whatever during that time, they don't make me go run their errands.

As this is a very recently started position, I think 2 weeks notice tomorrow is perfectly fine. I wouldn't be able to work for someone like her and after a talk like that either. Give her notice on the weekend to let her cool off before you have to go back next week. Maybe you will get lucky and she will tell you not to come back at all, and you can start back up with your other care dates and focus on finding something else that is much better.

The 2 weeks would be 2 weeks of work (I am assuming you don't work weekends so it would start Mon/Tue). Again, I think she might just end up telling you not to come back, no big loss. Just make sure you get your check (I would go pick it up and not have her mail it).

[Anonymous]

Look, I hate to be blunt, but this woman cares nothing of her prior agreements, or of you.

Your only worry should be if she's going to pay you for the work you've done, or not. Call her up or email her this morning and tell her you need to come over today to pick-up your pay. Then, you tell her thank you and you've made other arrangements for next week.

If it was me, I would only accept cash at this point.
Did you have a contract with her? Not that it really matters.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she's not honoring your original agreement after only a week? That sounds like trouble. It's probably best to be looking. Also, expecting you to run errands when not discussed and expecting you to stay after the time you agreed is very odd.

That said, as an MB and as a supervisor at work, I know that people are usually on their very best behavior for the first week to month. What I see that first week in particular tells me lots about how the person will be. If on the first week on a job, my new nanny asked to leave early, asked if she could just sit in the car when she was waiting for my kids at a lesson, and if I saw evidence that there might be cell phone use issues, I would be concerned honestly.

I don't know much about nanny rates, but if $20 an hour is a high-end rate, she is probably expecting someone proactive who will be able to hit the ground running and really be engaged and into the children. Not someone who asks if they can sit in the car playing on their phone while their kid is in a lesson, especially if she already suspects you're answering texts all day.

Just being honest. It sounds like she is being unreasonable, but it also doesn't sound like you presented yourself as the high quality nanny she was expecting.

[Anonymous]

Just read your post over again, OP. As an MB, I would be petty irritated if my nanny asked to leave 10 minutes early on like her third day. It's ok to ask to leave a little early after the relationship has developed - stuff comes up. But the first week? And especially when you tell me that it's ok if you can't, you just would prefer to? That means it wasn't even an emergency. You just had something you would rather have gone to do rather than honoring the commitment you had with me to be there until 6:30 on the very first week of work.

I reiterate that she sounds like she's broken some things in your agreement too. Plus weird not to tell you she's pregnant until you start. But OP, unless I'm missing something, I'm pretty underwhelmed with your performance your first week too.

[Anonymous]

Yeah OP, I'm going to have to agree with the previous posters. She hasn't honored your agreement, and should have addressed issues along the way. That being said, you don't ask to leave early less than a week into a new job. I'm not sure how I feel about the errands issue. On one hand you could have taken some initiative, but so early into the job it could set a dangerous precedent. They also knew going that you had this down time and should have negotiated errands during that time if that's what they wanted. Phone ringer should always be off on the job, especially with your boss around.

All in all she sounds shady, you sound a bit immature, and the two of you do not communicate well with each other. Start preparing to give notice or be let go. Try to learn from this experience. Gas reimbursement is a must, have it in your contract, very clearly define your duties in your contract, have your ringer off, and understand that if you've negotiated an awesome rate you want them to feel like you deserve it. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Think about what happened with the class incident. Your instructions your first week were to stay in the lobby while they were in class. So rather than just listening and maybe feeling it out to see if it might be appropriate down the road to sit in your car, you made it your MB's issue. You called her to ask if you could go against what you were asked to do for no real reason (and indeed, after asking and interrupting her day, you sat in the building anyway but only after you we're able to make sure you were entertained). So what MB has learned from this is that you're not going to be able to anticipate her needs, you're going to be calling her during the day for not important issues, you're going to be more concerned about your own entertainment and comfort than in following her instructions.

That may be all unfair and that may not be how you are. And certainly many MBs want to make sure you are comfortable and entertained too. But generally the first week, they're looking for performance. They're looking for how you're going to make THEIR life easier. Especially if they think they are paying you a really good rate, and you don't grasp that calling her to ask if you can sit in the car instead of the lobby and asking to leave ten minutes earlier really reflects poorly on you, she definitely is not getting the level of nanny she thought she was getting.

[Anonymous]

Of she doesn't pay you, you need to report her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of she doesn't pay you, you need to report her.

If

[Anonymous]

I can see both sides of the story here, but instead of pointing fingers I will simply conclude OP that it is not a good fit for either of you. Too much has happened already and both sides must move on.

I would give my notice ASAP.
I wouldn't be surprised if your boss lets you go sooner rather than later however. That is usually how these things end.

Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

OP. Yes, after I had time to think about it, I do realize the mistakes I made on my part. I should have remembered to have my ringer off before I got to work and asking to leave 10 minutes earlier the first week wasn't appropriate. On the asking to stay in car, I see no issue. MB is home and sent me texts throughout the week during my off hours, so I saw no issue sending her a text. We never agreed on running errands, so it never occurred to me to even ask because it was never on my radar. In my previous position, I was always asked to stay at location of lesson, so it was my impression (and was told) to do the same.

Like I said, the rate wasn't a such a big deal. I think her needs have changed because of the pregnancy and/or she needs more than specified in contract and I completely understand but obviously I'm not the right fit.

[Anonymous]

That's a very mature response OP. sounds like not a good fit. That stinks that you turned down the other job for this one though. Hope you find something else soon.

[Anonymous]

Quite often I've seen parents who don't know what they want.

[Anonymous]

Hope you get paid, OP.

[Anonymous]

Professional nannies can earn $20 an hour because they know how to behave professionally and they take initiative. Some nannies get lucky and land in a $20 an hour but it doesn't last if they behave as bare minimum only type nannies. This doesn't mean that you scrub the floors but you certainly don't turn your nose up at running to the grocery store. $20 are not paid to sit around on their rears and their phones. They know how to present themselves and take their job seriously. They don't ask to leave early on the 3rd day of work. They don't create an annoyance by making a big deal out of waiting in building vs a car. They don't race at the door the minute they get off. They prepare logs and are ready with an efficient update on the kids.