Paying for food in travel month?

[Anonymous]

Our Au Pair has decided to not really travel for her travel month with the exception of a couple of weekend trips. We are not getting our new Au Pair until August due to summer scheduling stuff for the kids so we told her she could stay with us until she goes home. She is not working for us at all but has continued to eat dinner with us the last week and then presented me with a grocery bill for her breakfast and lunch items for the past week (this was how we usually did the meals in our house since we are not home during the week for breakfasts or lunches as family). I don't mind her having dinner with us when we are eating as a family but I'm a bit shocked that she assumed we would keep buying her granola and such. I reimbursed her for this week but I am going to tell her that this is the last time. Maybe some of you think I'm being petty and I wouldn't mind if she continued to use some of our staples but items for HER only????

[Anonymous]

She should feel welcome to eat meals with you and use your staples. She should not present you with a grocery list--especially if she is no longer working for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She should feel welcome to eat meals with you and use your staples. She should not present you with a grocery list--especially if she is no longer working for you.

This, she's no longer working so I would not pay it. If she was working, and your agreement was to pay for a certain amount, then I would. She isn't your child.

[Anonymous]

Your mistake was basically telling her she could stay for free without working. Yes, it’s completely entitled to think she should get the same privileges as during the year, but if you don’t make the boundaries clear, the thought will never cross her mind.

Are you letting her stay on your phone plan and driving your car too? Maybe you need to think about more than just food. We let our au pair come back and stay after her travel month, but DH told AP that he took her off the insurance at the end of the year, so she would not be able to drive our cars those last few days. We let her stay on our family phone plan because she asked and offered to pay. Since she thought about it and was considerate, it was easy enough to give her the month of phone (without reimbursement).

[Anonymous]

Always discuss expectations and changed rules for travel month before agreeing to it.

[Anonymous]

You should have thought about it BEFORE agreeing for her to stay but I agree she should pay for her stuff and that having dinner with you, staying at your place is already very generous from you.

I wouldn't want to spoil the end of the experience by telling her she has to pay for her food, I mean how much will it really cost you ? Maybe it's not worth it.

BUT I would absolutely ask her for some babysitting or other things that would help you ... in exchange for room and board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should have thought about it BEFORE agreeing for her to stay but I agree she should pay for her stuff and that having dinner with you, staying at your place is already very generous from you.

I wouldn't want to spoil the end of the experience by telling her she has to pay for her food, I mean how much will it really cost you ? Maybe it's not worth it.

BUT I would absolutely ask her for some babysitting or other things that would help you ... in exchange for room and board.

Is that allowed?

I would tell her that she is no longer and AP but is now a house guest. As such, she's free to eat anything in the fridge and use the washing machine, etc. But she can't present you with a bill because that's not what house guests do.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP, You are being very generous and your AP is taking advantage of your generosity. That being said, we are talking about 3 extra weeks here. Is it worth it to you to raise the issue and save the money? If you want to make it fair, ask for some free babysitting!

[Anonymous]

To clarify she is not babysitting because that’s illegal. She is not driving because we took her off our insurance. We are paying her phone (family plan so cheap). I’m going to talk to her. I’m feeling taken advantage of...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To clarify she is not babysitting because that’s illegal. She is not driving because we took her off our insurance. We are paying her phone (family plan so cheap). I’m going to talk to her. I’m feeling taken advantage of...

I am all for playing by the rules. But this seems odd to me. I had a friend visiting from another country and she babysat. I did not pay her, but she offered and we took her up on it. Are you telling me I did something illegal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To clarify she is not babysitting because that’s illegal. She is not driving because we took her off our insurance. We are paying her phone (family plan so cheap). I’m going to talk to her. I’m feeling taken advantage of...

I am all for playing by the rules. But this seems odd to me. I had a friend visiting from another country and she babysat. I did not pay her, but she offered and we took her up on it. Are you telling me I did something illegal?

A friend visiting is a different situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To clarify she is not babysitting because that’s illegal. She is not driving because we took her off our insurance. We are paying her phone (family plan so cheap). I’m going to talk to her. I’m feeling taken advantage of...

I am all for playing by the rules. But this seems odd to me. I had a friend visiting from another country and she babysat. I did not pay her, but she offered and we took her up on it. Are you telling me I did something illegal?

A friend visiting is a different situation.

Could you please explain to me how that would be different? Honest question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To clarify she is not babysitting because that’s illegal. She is not driving because we took her off our insurance. We are paying her phone (family plan so cheap). I’m going to talk to her. I’m feeling taken advantage of...

I am all for playing by the rules. But this seems odd to me. I had a friend visiting from another country and she babysat. I did not pay her, but she offered and we took her up on it. Are you telling me I did something illegal?

A friend visiting is a different situation.

Could you please explain to me how that would be different? Honest question.

PP again. Now that I am thinking about it, when our old AP came to visit 2 years ago, she spent the whole they with the kids. How is that different?

[Anonymous]

If she offered to babysit that would be one thing. I can’t ask her to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To clarify she is not babysitting because that’s illegal. She is not driving because we took her off our insurance. We are paying her phone (family plan so cheap). I’m going to talk to her. I’m feeling taken advantage of...

I am all for playing by the rules. But this seems odd to me. I had a friend visiting from another country and she babysat. I did not pay her, but she offered and we took her up on it. Are you telling me I did something illegal?

A friend visiting is a different situation.

Could you please explain to me how that would be different? Honest question.

PP again. Now that I am thinking about it, when our old AP came to visit 2 years ago, she spent the whole they with the kids. How is that different?

Because it was her choice to help out, it was not part of any employment. OP AP is there on an employment contract as a former employee. She could and should offer to help out if OP is still feeding her and providing housing but she's not. AP should not be asking for food reimbursement.