Paying for food in travel month?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A member of my family like a cousin or a sibling wouldn’t present me with a bill for food. The member of the family analogy is off on this one.

Our contract says I provide her with room and board and we have always agreed to pay for a few special items during the year.

Our contract is over. She’s not watching the kids. She’s not getting paid. She’s staying free of charge and eating our food and still wanting more. Now she’s also barely speaking to us but oddly doesn’t seem to want to find someplace else to stay....or maybe her friends’ host families don’t feel like hosting another AP for weeks....

+1

Good for you for putting your foot down on this. Also, the AP is not so bright if she can't weigh the benefit of free room and board vs. a $12 lunch bill.

+1, the entitlement is amazing here, how much time do you have left, if more than one week I will ask her to find another place to stay since she doesn’t seem happy. Unacceptable behavior imo not because of the money but the principle, AP should learn from this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A member of my family like a cousin or a sibling wouldn’t present me with a bill for food. The member of the family analogy is off on this one.

Our contract says I provide her with room and board and we have always agreed to pay for a few special items during the year.

Our contract is over. She’s not watching the kids. She’s not getting paid. She’s staying free of charge and eating our food and still wanting more. Now she’s also barely speaking to us but oddly doesn’t seem to want to find someplace else to stay....or maybe her friends’ host families don’t feel like hosting another AP for weeks....

Oh come on. OP spent what, $10-$15 / wk on this special food? A real family wouldn’t bean count over a few extra bucks a week to make sure that a cousin had food that they’d eat while visiting. OP admits she doesn’t eat breakfast in the house on the weekends because she’s too busy buying overpriced avocado toast or smoothies after hitting the the gym, $10 isn’t going to break the bank. As a HM, I’d be rolling my eyes internally after being presented a bill, but did OP ever open her mouth and communicate the change in policy? I don’t bean count over $10/week and if you do, perhaps the AP program isn’t for you because you’re a cheapskate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A member of my family like a cousin or a sibling wouldn’t present me with a bill for food. The member of the family analogy is off on this one.

Our contract says I provide her with room and board and we have always agreed to pay for a few special items during the year.

Our contract is over. She’s not watching the kids. She’s not getting paid. She’s staying free of charge and eating our food and still wanting more. Now she’s also barely speaking to us but oddly doesn’t seem to want to find someplace else to stay....or maybe her friends’ host families don’t feel like hosting another AP for weeks....

Oh come on. OP spent what, $10-$15 / wk on this special food? A real family wouldn’t bean count over a few extra bucks a week to make sure that a cousin had food that they’d eat while visiting. OP admits she doesn’t eat breakfast in the house on the weekends because she’s too busy buying overpriced avocado toast or smoothies after hitting the the gym, $10 isn’t going to break the bank. As a HM, I’d be rolling my eyes internally after being presented a bill, but did OP ever open her mouth and communicate the change in policy? I don’t bean count over $10/week and if you do, perhaps the AP program isn’t for you because you’re a cheapskate.

Do you call people names like “cheapskate” IRL? I get disagreeing with Op’s approach. I don’t get being a grown up and calling people names.

[Anonymous]

Is there a better word to use than “cheapskate” when someone who appears to have a good chunk of reasonable disposable income is kvetching about $10/week for a young adult who just spent the entire last year taking care of their kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a better word to use than “cheapskate” when someone who appears to have a good chunk of reasonable disposable income is kvetching about $10/week for a young adult who just spent the entire last year taking care of their kids?

So true! (And to be clear, I am not excusing AP’s behavior. But let’s all get some perspective here.)

[Anonymous]

She spent the last year taking care of her kids in exchange for room and board, a stipend, a cell phone, etc. per a contract. She wasn't doing it out of the goodness of her heart and she is still a safe and warm place to sleep at night and not paying for it. It doesn't matter if the family has "a good chunk of disposable income", that isn't the point. The more you make the more you owe it to people to be generous when they are being flat out rude? I don't think it's about the money...it's about the attitude.

Honestly, I have had stellar Au Pairs for whom I would likely continue to purchase special items in this situation for (but those stellar au pairs would have NEVER asked). I've had a few mediocre ones who did the bare minimum....for those I honestly wouldn't have even offered to let them stay for the travel month (maybe for a few days past the end of the contract)....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She spent the last year taking care of her kids in exchange for room and board, a stipend, a cell phone, etc. per a contract. She wasn't doing it out of the goodness of her heart and she is still a safe and warm place to sleep at night and not paying for it. It doesn't matter if the family has "a good chunk of disposable income", that isn't the point. The more you make the more you owe it to people to be generous when they are being flat out rude? I don't think it's about the money...it's about the attitude.

Honestly, I have had stellar Au Pairs for whom I would likely continue to purchase special items in this situation for (but those stellar au pairs would have NEVER asked). I've had a few mediocre ones who did the bare minimum....for those I honestly wouldn't have even offered to let them stay for the travel month (maybe for a few days past the end of the contract)....

+1000 the entitlement by the AP is unbelievable.. OMG I wouldn't have thought to impose on my host family in my 20s. Shudder to think to about Gen Zs growing up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are being petty. As hosts, you are ambassadors for your country. People overseas have enough negative things too say about Americans and now you’re the lady who wouldn’t buy her granola. You’re petty and small. It’s really quite sad.

+1
I can’t imagine getting worked up over this, or feeling taken advantage of. I assume you had an ok relationship with her until this, it’s really sad to end on a sour note for $50 of groceries! Think of what you earn v your Au pair- I very much doubt you are effected by $10-15 a week, she might be... it would be nice if she offered to watch the kids here and there but you don’t know if she was going to or not, I’m guessing she would have been fine helping with them but now you’ve made everyone uncomfortable.

I think when life is generally good and you’re happy this isn’t something you’d give this much thought and emotion to, & a teenage girl would have to do a lot more to even be a blip on my radar. Food for thought.

Well worded. NP and I fully agree. At pairs are actually not full grown adults, or they wouldn’t be in the program making $200 per week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there a better word to use than “cheapskate” when someone who appears to have a good chunk of reasonable disposable income is kvetching about $10/week for a young adult who just spent the entire last year taking care of their kids?

Annoyed? Fed up with the entitlement?

A month of free housing (and even some meals) for free is a considerable gift by itself for the departing AP. That the AP had attitude about getting even more from the family is horrifyingly bad manners because she obviously doesn’t recognize that this is not the norm or should ever be an expectation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A member of my family like a cousin or a sibling wouldn’t present me with a bill for food. The member of the family analogy is off on this one.

Our contract says I provide her with room and board and we have always agreed to pay for a few special items during the year.

Our contract is over. She’s not watching the kids. She’s not getting paid. She’s staying free of charge and eating our food and still wanting more. Now she’s also barely speaking to us but oddly doesn’t seem to want to find someplace else to stay....or maybe her friends’ host families don’t feel like hosting another AP for weeks....

+1

Good for you for putting your foot down on this. Also, the AP is not so bright if she can't weigh the benefit of free room and board vs. a $12 lunch bill.

+1, the entitlement is amazing here, how much time do you have left, if more than one week I will ask her to find another place to stay since she doesn’t seem happy. Unacceptable behavior imo not because of the money but the principle, AP should learn from this!

+1000 this and said member would probably watch kids for date night in return for free room and board. The entitlement by AP is something and those siding with her are tone deaf

[Anonymous]

OP here. We took her to the airport on Saturday, she's spending a few days on the East Coast and flying home from there. She remained "frosty" to us the rest of her stay but she was a bit frosty to begin wit

[Anonymous]

Oops, hit send too soon....

OP here. We took her to the airport on Saturday, she's spending a few days on the East Coast and flying home from there. She remained "frosty" to us the rest of her stay but she was a bit frosty to begin with. I have learned a lesson here that I will discuss this issue if an AP ever wants to stay with us for a travel month again.

I do take issue with this idea that we owe her these groceries because she took care of our kids for a year. Sure, she did, and she cared for them and did a good job with that part. But we have been a very generous host family with bonuses, gifts, and extra time off as we always are. I know so many families who wouldn't even dream of buying extra "favorites" for an au pair even during the time she was working for them, much less afterwards.

Also, she's not 19 years old, she's 23, and as far as I'm concerned, an adult. We treated her like an adult to make her own choices about things like curfew, etc. and expected adult behavior in return (which to be fair, she mostly behaved like an adult except around some of these entitlement issues).

Anyway, it's over now. I imagine we won't stay in touch as closely as we have with previous au pairs but that's ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oops, hit send too soon....

OP here. We took her to the airport on Saturday, she's spending a few days on the East Coast and flying home from there. She remained "frosty" to us the rest of her stay but she was a bit frosty to begin with. I have learned a lesson here that I will discuss this issue if an AP ever wants to stay with us for a travel month again.

I do take issue with this idea that we owe her these groceries because she took care of our kids for a year. Sure, she did, and she cared for them and did a good job with that part. But we have been a very generous host family with bonuses, gifts, and extra time off as we always are. I know so many families who wouldn't even dream of buying extra "favorites" for an au pair even during the time she was working for them, much less afterwards.

Also, she's not 19 years old, she's 23, and as far as I'm concerned, an adult. We treated her like an adult to make her own choices about things like curfew, etc. and expected adult behavior in return (which to be fair, she mostly behaved like an adult except around some of these entitlement issues).

Anyway, it's over now. I imagine we won't stay in touch as closely as we have with previous au pairs but that's ok.

Good for you OP! I am 100% with you on this. If my kid was ever to be an AP and behaved like this, I would like her HF to call her BS, I would like her to come home having learned from her experience with another family and be a better person, but I guess that I am the minority here!

[Anonymous]

You should feed her. You are her host family. That is part of the deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should feed her. You are her host family. That is part of the deal.

OP is feeding her, however she is not responsible for all the little extra when she is already providing free housing and boarding for nothing in return!