NF moving to Hawaii and want me to move with them

[Anonymous]

I'm writing this message in a bit of a state of shock. I had a conversation with DB and MB this morning and was told that they will be moving to Honolulu, HI this Spring because DB has a really great career opportunity there. MB will be working from home as usual. They've asked me to move with them and continue working for them there. I've been with this family as a live in for almost 3 years and this came as a complete shock to me. I had no idea any of this was going on or being considered.

They also said that when the kids, who are twins, start preschool next fall they will want me to convert to a nanny/housekeeper and take care of the house while the kids are in school.

I'm not really sure how to process all of this. In many ways, it seems like it could be an exciting adventure. I'm single and don't have any kids so there isn't really anything preventing me from moving and it could be really cool to get to live in Honolulu. I also really like the job and NF, and DB and MB both said they really like me and the kids really like me and they don't want to lose me.

But, I'm not sure how I feel about the fact that they didn't tell me this was being considered even though they clearly have known it was a possibility for at least a couple months. I'm also not sure how I feel about the changing job description for next fall. Although, I'm not opposed to doing cleaning and other house work - I do some now already - it's hard to know what the expectations will be like when I'm there. And, finally, this would involve moving really far from all my family and friends here on the east coast.

What would you think of this if you were in my place? How hard do you think it would be to start a new life there if I move with them?

[Anonymous]

I think this a great opportunity for you, especially since you are young and have no kids. This would be a big transformation for you- so, think long and hard and perhaps make a pros and cons list. If I were in your shoes, I would most definitely take this opportunity (I too am young, no kids or spouse); if you are planning to make being a nanny a career, it would look good to future families and not to mention, one hell of a experience for you!

I do have some questions and I would highly recommend you have a NANNY/HOUSEKEEPER contract (SIGNED) prior to the move.

Will your salary increase when you become nanny/housekeeper?
What duties will they want you to fulfill as a housekeeper?
Will they offer more PTO for you to visit family and friends back home?
Will they pay for you to travel back home (the flight is long and expensive)?
How long will the position be for?
Are they planning to have more children?
Will you still have the same living space as you do now?

[Anonymous]

I echo the above. Take the opportunity to travel and live in Hawaii for a few years. Not many people get the opportunity. Use your free time to explore and take every chance you have to visit the other islands and learn the history. It is paradise there. While many of us have vacationed there - few get to see Hawaii as a resident and non-tourist.

Congratulations, OP! What a cool adventure!

[Anonymous]

OP, I had the opportunity to be a live in nanny for a family in Europe and I turned it down. I regret it all the time. I would jump on this opportunity. But like the PPs said, sign the contract before you leave for the island. Have the duties written out and pay, dicusss PTO and the such. Travel from the east coast to Hawaii is expensive, so just be prepared for that, See if somehow travel would be included in your contract.

[Anonymous]

They are moving this spring, it isn't even winter yet, and you think they should have included you from the initial stages?

I think they told you at least three months before it's happening, and they are giving you a lot of notice about the job change 9 months from now, too. They have given you all the information you could possibly need to make a decision wrapped in a "we love you and want to keep you bow," and now you get quite a bit of time to decide if this is a job you want.

[Anonymous]

I would like to say that the concern “this must have been in the works for a while” is not a reasonable one. Lots of items need to fall into place for a family to make such a decision (job offer, negotiations on the compensation, giving notice to the current employer, and whatever else). I would never share with a nanny the fact that I MIGHT be looking at new opportunities. I would also not share this with many friends or extended family, either.. The only time I would share with friends or coworkers is if I need their advice or that helps negotiations. This is a small world. It is possible information might reach one of the negotiating parties and have adverse impact. So there should be no expectation that a family will share such a big decision before it is final with anyone.

[Anonymous]

Make sure that you negotiate a raise due to increased duties but also pricy cost of living. Gas, food, clothing are all much more expensive than the mainland. Costco is the busiest place on the island for a reason. My husband (and I) relocated for work awhile back and they paid for the cost of relocating our stuff and pay for 2 flights back to the US / year - that might be a little too much for this type of job, but it’s all negotiable.

[Anonymous]

I would negotiate two plane tickets a year if you are close to your family and help moving back to the states if the job ends.

I don't think the house help is unreasonable if kids are getting school aged. Otherwise you are out of a job.

HI is a great place to live. I'd do it for a few years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would like to say that the concern “this must have been in the works for a while” is not a reasonable one. Lots of items need to fall into place for a family to make such a decision (job offer, negotiations on the compensation, giving notice to the current employer, and whatever else). I would never share with a nanny the fact that I MIGHT be looking at new opportunities. I would also not share this with many friends or extended family, either.. The only time I would share with friends or coworkers is if I need their advice or that helps negotiations. This is a small world. It is possible information might reach one of the negotiating parties and have adverse impact. So there should be no expectation that a family will share such a big decision before it is final with anyone.

This really has nothing to do with the original thread. Either give words of encouragement, share your experience if you have any, give suggestions or got TF away! I’m sick of you people.

[Anonymous]

Wow! What an opportunity!! Yes, take it! Go and have an adventure.

[Anonymous]

I would go, too!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the responses everyone! (I'm the OP).

Thanks to the first PP for the suggestions about issues to negotiate. Those will be important. I worry I came off a little too critical of the way they handled telling me. I think I was just still really surprised by this whole thing and the changes it could mean for my life in the future.

I am now starting to feel excited about the idea, though. I'll just need to have some conversations with MB and DB about how this will work with issues like flights and compensation and what not.

[Anonymous]

It may have been sudden/unplanned for them too.

[Anonymous]

I think they have given you plenty of notice.
I would totally do it but only until the Fall. Go with them for approx 6 months and help get the kid situated, see what you want to see in those 6 months, then leave and come back here when the kids start school in Sept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they have given you plenty of notice.
I would totally do it but only until the Fall. Go with them for approx 6 months and help get the kid situated, see what you want to see in those 6 months, then leave and come back here when the kids start school in Sept.

Beware of this suggestion from the anonymous poster. If you dump them in 6 months after they pay for your move, don't expect a great reference. Especially if you don't disclose your intention upfront. I wouldn't want you to come if you couldn't commit for at least a year.