NF moving to Hawaii and want me to move with them

[Anonymous]

I think they could have let you know about the possibility of moving to Hawaii when they were still deciding on whether they would accept the job offer or not.

Your willingness to relocate along w/them should have been a factor in their decision on whether or not they were going to move or not.

Yet I also can see the perspective that they are also giving you plenty of advanced notice.

I would weigh many factors before making a permanent decision on this.

• Once the kids go to school and your duties change, in all honesty would you feel 100% comfortable taking over the responsibilities of an entire house(hold??)
Family laundry, shopping, errands (maybe cooking) in addition to keeping the bathrooms scoured & the floors mopped, etc.?

• Will you miss any friends that live locally to you now?

• How much will your salary change if the COL is higher in HI than where you currently reside?

This is a big life decision.
Make sure to think it out vs. making an impulsive decision.

Good luck to you OP whatever you decide to do!

[Anonymous]

Go, OP. It is the chance of a lifetime. Billions of people visit Hawaii - very few get to experience it as a resident.

[Anonymous]

I grew up there and would not take a nanny position that involved substantial housekeeping unless I had no better options where you currently reside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think they could have let you know about the possibility of moving to Hawaii when they were still deciding on whether they would accept the job offer or not.

Your willingness to relocate along w/them should have been a factor in their decision on whether or not they were going to move or not.

Yet I also can see the perspective that they are also giving you plenty of advanced notice.

I would weigh many factors before making a permanent decision on this.

• Once the kids go to school and your duties change, in all honesty would you feel 100% comfortable taking over the responsibilities of an entire house(hold??)
Family laundry, shopping, errands (maybe cooking) in addition to keeping the bathrooms scoured & the floors mopped, etc.?

• Will you miss any friends that live locally to you now?

• How much will your salary change if the COL is higher in HI than where you currently reside?

This is a big life decision.
Make sure to think it out vs. making an impulsive decision.

Good luck to you OP whatever you decide to do!

If her decision to move or not move was that crucial to their family, they would have told her. I'm sure she's important to them, or they wouldn't be trying to get her to move. But, come on!

[Anonymous]

Personally, I would need a LOT more information to make a decision that huge.
-how long will they stay there and how long do they want you to stay there with them?
-what specific household duties will you be taking on in the fall? Explanations such as “light housework” or “errands” would not be detailed enough for me. Do you really want to do all of the deep cleaning?
-do you have a vehicle now? Bringing it over will be expensive. If you do not, what is the plan over there? Will you have access to a vehicle? If you’re sharing one with them, what will that look like in terms of sharing? Would you be bothered if you need to ask permission to use the car every time you need to run an errand?
-others have mentioned it, but flying to and from to visit friends and family is expensive.
-since you’re a live in now, do they pay for all of your food? Toiletries? Things are a lot more expensive over there.

You say you’re young and single, but what about family? My parents aren’t local, but if they needed me for health issues or something serious, they’re a short flight away. Do you have siblings?

I wouldn’t be able to make a big move like that. The cons outweigh the positives.

[Anonymous]

I would go but I love new places and adventures and Hawaii seems like an incredible place to get to know.

[Anonymous]

GO with them.

Make sure you have a contract
Makes sure you ask for a raise (everything there is expensive)
Make sure you have an exit clause, just in case you realise it isn't working out

[Anonymous]

I echo negotiating a raise based on cost of living.

Also, depending on your situation, you might want to think about how long you want to do this for. I was born and raised in Hawaii and love it. But if I were young and single and looking to find someone to settle down with, I'm not sure I would pick Honolulu. It's still got a small town feel in terms of everyone knowing each other, which is lovely as a place to grow up in and retire, but your opportunities will be limited in some ways.

[Anonymous]

Let us know what you decide to do, OP.

[Anonymous]

I don’t really think you’re entitled to a raise, the kids are in school so you’re filling the hours. Plus your cost of living isn’t going up, you’re a nanny and don’t pay for rent, utilities, groceries etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think they could have let you know about the possibility of moving to Hawaii when they were still deciding on whether they would accept the job offer or not.

Your willingness to relocate along w/them should have been a factor in their decision on whether or not they were going to move or not.

Yet I also can see the perspective that they are also giving you plenty of advanced notice.

I would weigh many factors before making a permanent decision on this.

• Once the kids go to school and your duties change, in all honesty would you feel 100% comfortable taking over the responsibilities of an entire house(hold??)
Family laundry, shopping, errands (maybe cooking) in addition to keeping the bathrooms scoured & the floors mopped, etc.?

• Will you miss any friends that live locally to you now?

• How much will your salary change if the COL is higher in HI than where you currently reside?

This is a big life decision.
Make sure to think it out vs. making an impulsive decision.

Good luck to you OP whatever you decide to do!

If her decision to move or not move was that crucial to their family, they would have told her. I'm sure she's important to them, or they wouldn't be trying to get her to move. But, come on!

Also, that's bonkers. No one is going to base a decision to move for a job opportunity on whether or not the live-in will come with them. If she won't, they'll just hire someone in Hawaii. They clearly like her and would like her to keep working for them, but be reasonable.

Other points are good ones--consider the change in duties, consider what it would be like to not know anyone besides the family you work for, do some research into how your cost of living might change, etc. You're single and have no kids, so this is a good time to do this, but you want to make sure that you've considered what it will mean.

[Anonymous]

Hi, Everyone, I'm the OP chiming in again. Thanks for all of your feedback.

I've had a few more discussions with MB and DB and haven't made a final decision yet, but am leaning toward going.

I think the situation will be pretty livable:

They haven't purchased a new house yet, but are searching now and plan to fly out later this winter to look at places. They say I'll have my own space like I do now and they may even try to find an option that would give me my own entrance which would be really nice.

They've offered me a slight raise ($200 per month more than I'm currently getting) which isn't huge, but I think is fine given that I won't have to pay for rent, utilities, or that much food.

They've also offered to buy a used car for my sole use if I will commit to going with the intention of staying long term (a couple years). We won't have a binding contract for that period of time, but they said they just want me to be forthright about my intentions going in.

The housekeeping expectations are regular vacuuming, mopping, dusting, de-cluttering, cleaning bathrooms, kitchen, doing the dishes, doing the family laundry, changing bed sheets, and then other tasks as assigned. This is in addition to the normal cleaning up after the kids. I'm not thrilled about these, but I think these should be doable when the kids are in school, so I don't really think it's going to be more hours.

On the whole, I think it sounds like a potentially cool opportunity that I might not get again, so I figure that I will take this adventure while I have the chance. My main worry is how easy it will be to make friends and have a life without knowing anyone there besides my NF.

[Anonymous]

I still think it's a great opportunity. Everything needs to be in writing, OP. Responsibilities and how often (I would not want to dust everyday or clean bathrooms 3x a week). If and when you decided to return, will they contribute to your travel back home (all or some)?

As for meeting new people, you can try joining groups like painting, movies, cooking, sports (dry and wet now that you're in Hawaii!), exercise etc.,). You may also meet other nannies when the kids go to school.


Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, Everyone, I'm the OP chiming in again. Thanks for all of your feedback.

I've had a few more discussions with MB and DB and haven't made a final decision yet, but am leaning toward going.

I think the situation will be pretty livable:

They haven't purchased a new house yet, but are searching now and plan to fly out later this winter to look at places. They say I'll have my own space like I do now and they may even try to find an option that would give me my own entrance which would be really nice.

They've offered me a slight raise ($200 per month more than I'm currently getting) which isn't huge, but I think is fine given that I won't have to pay for rent, utilities, or that much food.

They've also offered to buy a used car for my sole use if I will commit to going with the intention of staying long term (a couple years). We won't have a binding contract for that period of time, but they said they just want me to be forthright about my intentions going in.

The housekeeping expectations are regular vacuuming, mopping, dusting, de-cluttering, cleaning bathrooms, kitchen, doing the dishes, doing the family laundry, changing bed sheets, and then other tasks as assigned. This is in addition to the normal cleaning up after the kids. I'm not thrilled about these, but I think these should be doable when the kids are in school, so I don't really think it's going to be more hours.

On the whole, I think it sounds like a potentially cool opportunity that I might not get again, so I figure that I will take this adventure while I have the chance. My main worry is how easy it will be to make friends and have a life without knowing anyone there besides my NF.

Two points about the housekeeping:
1) If you hate cleaning bathrooms, etc., this is two years of that. So keep that in mind. I suspect, however, that you will learn to do this efficiently pretty quickly, and not care that much.
2) Negotiate for less cleaning when the kids are home, especially over long breaks. So, it might be reasonable to expect you to just shift cleaning duties on Labor Day week, for example, but you should not be expected to spend your entire summer doing two jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi, Everyone, I'm the OP chiming in again. Thanks for all of your feedback.

I've had a few more discussions with MB and DB and haven't made a final decision yet, but am leaning toward going.

I think the situation will be pretty livable:

They haven't purchased a new house yet, but are searching now and plan to fly out later this winter to look at places. They say I'll have my own space like I do now and they may even try to find an option that would give me my own entrance which would be really nice.

They've offered me a slight raise ($200 per month more than I'm currently getting) which isn't huge, but I think is fine given that I won't have to pay for rent, utilities, or that much food.

They've also offered to buy a used car for my sole use if I will commit to going with the intention of staying long term (a couple years). We won't have a binding contract for that period of time, but they said they just want me to be forthright about my intentions going in.

The housekeeping expectations are regular vacuuming, mopping, dusting, de-cluttering, cleaning bathrooms, kitchen, doing the dishes, doing the family laundry, changing bed sheets, and then other tasks as assigned. This is in addition to the normal cleaning up after the kids. I'm not thrilled about these, but I think these should be doable when the kids are in school, so I don't really think it's going to be more hours.

On the whole, I think it sounds like a potentially cool opportunity that I might not get again, so I figure that I will take this adventure while I have the chance. My main worry is how easy it will be to make friends and have a life without knowing anyone there besides my NF.

It sounds amazing and I would do it in a heartbeat. I'm strangely excited for you (internet stranger) and this awesome opportunity.

You need to work out housekeeping expectation for when the kids are out of school. You won't be able to keep up with the regular duties. Do you have a contract now? If so, I don't understand why you wouldn't have one in HI. I'm certain you will make friends!