I'm beginning to get annoyed

[Anonymous]

One of my charges is spoiled, doesn't get disciplined- meaning no redirection, no breaks, no talks, nothing; and it's beginning to affect her behavior, badly. She yells, swings, throws things all while crying, when she doesn't get her way. Did I mentioned she just turned TWO?! She doesn't follow directions and she understands! She is super smart and right before she does something (that she knows not to) she will look at you and laugh. She runs away from me (and her parents), while in public which is extremely dangerous- we are in a busy area with lots of traffic, pedestrians and cars. Her parents laugh and chase her, but how are you teaching her not to run away, when she thinks its funny because you are laughing? I've spoken to her parents and they say "oh we notice this and that and we agree it's not okay." However, when she misbehaves while we're both around, they still do nothing. I have had to talk to her (in front of her parent) because she is yelling and throwing fits while mom is saying "what do you want baby?" Why do I have to step in to correct YOUR child's behavior? But I do it because that's not how you act and even at 2 years old, you are NOT going to treat your mom or dad that way- at least not while I'm around. I have also witness her hit her parents. She hit me once (I DON"T PLAY THAT) and I got on her level, put on my firm voice and told her "we do not hit! It is not nice and I don't like that!" She did get upset (which I shared with her parents) but she hasn't hit me since.

Some parents may say "oh, shes young and that's what they do." No! Somethings yes, but the way she acts it's simply because her parents allow her to do these things. I'm in a share and the other child who is the same age, does NOT act like this. Why? Because her parents nip that in the bud! If she throws tantrums, the parents carry on with their business and when she's done, they'll go and talk to her. They reward ONLY good behavior. The other family, they laugh at the tantrums or pick her up and give her whatever she wants or whatever will calm her down. You are teaching her that "to get your way, throw tantrums." Yes, clearly their parenting skills are different but their child needs BOUNDARIES!! She throws fits in public and it's embarrassing! I don't care if people stare because I will sit her in the stroller until she calms down but she's taking away from the other child, a lot now. I'm constantly chasing her or strapping her down (which I don't like to do but I'm not holding you kicking and screaming). Sometimes I'm scared to even let her out the stroller and anybody that knows me I'm that fun person who like to give children space for trial and error but with her, NO!

The family is really nice and I like them as people but their parenting skills in the discipline department, absolutely suck! The child is sweet when she wants to be but her attitude is really bad. Advice? Nannies have you been in this situation before? If so, what did you (and the parents) do? Excuse any errors.

[Anonymous]

You cannot win and her running is a catastrophe waiting to happen. Find a new job.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you are trying your best, OP, but it’s hard to get any message across to a child when the parents aren’t on the same page. The child is getting mixed signals.

You can maybe try sitting them down and having a serious discussion about a game plan to deal with her, but from your post, it doesn’t sound like they’re too interested in doing things the right way.

Other than that, I’m not sure there’s anything that you can do. You can discipline her the way you feel is appropriate when you’re in charge, but ultimately it is their child and they’re going to respond to her behavior the way they see fit.

Sorry, I’m not much help. I just wanted to share and tell you you’re not alone! This situation blows. Maybe some parents should weigh in and discuss what approach they would take with their nanny regarding disciplining their child.

[Anonymous]

Thank you both for your feedback. As I mentioned before, I do like the family (a whole lot) and honestly, I don’t want to start over with a new family and not to mention, I’m in a share. It’s hard finding a good family that you get along with and feel comfortable with. They don’t treat me like I’m just an employee but a person- we have a really good relationship, which is why it’s so hard. Recently, I started telling them every time she would misbehave so that they know it’s almost everyday, which I’m sure they know. Before, I wouldn’t always tell them because I hate to give a parent disappointing news about their child’s behavior, everyday. But in this case (now), they need to know.

I just don’t understand why parents allow this type of behavior. Your kid will respect you and others, so much more. And as someone who’s been in this field forever, it’s never to early to discipline your child in a way that it teaches them right from wrong and why listening is important- to prevent you from getting hurt. Aside from that, aren’t you embarrassed when you call your child to come back and they keep going? Aren’t you terrified that you may not get to them in time? I understand us nannies work for you, but you make our job so much harder, when you don’t try to work with us. We don’t know everything, but some of us, who’ve been doing this for years, knows a thing or two. I’m not trying to tell them how to parent but I want to keep their child safe and to ensure that, we need to work together! This is really bothering me and I guess I will have to do one last sit down and if things don’t change, I may have to part ways. The child’s safety is my #1 priority. However, I have to think about myself as well. God forbid a tradegy happened, that would stick with me forever.

I’m glad to know I’m not alone. I was scared to post about this because I seen how chewed up people get here lol. But I really don’t know what else to do and as she gets older, it’s going to continue to get worse- and MB is expecting.

[Anonymous]

The only solution I can think of is to keep the child inside an enclosed area where she cannot get hurt until she is more willing to listen. In public, you can never let go of her hand, for her own safety. This applies to the parents or the nanny. It's terrifying and stressful, but you can't do otherwise. Unfortunately, this means the other child's activities will also be curtailed somewhat.

[Anonymous]

You sound so naive OP. I have a 2 year old like this. Do the family a favor and leave this share. You're clearly very judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound so naive OP. I have a 2 year old like this. Do the family a favor and leave this share. You're clearly very judgmental.

What do you think of people who spoil little children?

[Anonymous]

OP sounds like she has more sense than the parents, so to the PP who said she is naive, you are obviously not very bright, and I'm sure that your child behaves like this because you do not set any boundaries. This child is an accident waiting to happen, especially in a share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like she has more sense than the parents, so to the PP who said she is naive, you are obviously not very bright, and I'm sure that your child behaves like this because you do not set any boundaries. This child is an accident waiting to happen, especially in a share.

Well said.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t sound like the parents are trying, but my oldest at age 2 was impossible. No form of discipline worked. She thought everything was funny, including being spanked for running into the street. She has turned into a much more sensitive 5 yo but at 2 we were helpless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn’t sound like the parents are trying, but my oldest at age 2 was impossible. No form of discipline worked. She thought everything was funny, including being spanked for running into the street. She has turned into a much more sensitive 5 yo but at 2 we were helpless.

Something magical happened?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like she has more sense than the parents, so to the PP who said she is naive, you are obviously not very bright, and I'm sure that your child behaves like this because you do not set any boundaries. This child is an accident waiting to happen, especially in a share.

OP is not a mother. Some children are simply more difficult. My 2 year old was this way. OP said the boy only recently turned 2. She most likely has only had easier children in the past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP sounds like she has more sense than the parents, so to the PP who said she is naive, you are obviously not very bright, and I'm sure that your child behaves like this because you do not set any boundaries. This child is an accident waiting to happen, especially in a share.

OP is not a mother. Some children are simply more difficult. My 2 year old was this way. OP said the boy only recently turned 2. She most likely has only had easier children in the past.

Some parents are simply better parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound so naive OP. I have a 2 year old like this. Do the family a favor and leave this share. You're clearly very judgmental.

Excuse my French, but “shut the hell up!” I am not judge mental! However, I am, concerned for this child’s safety and the other children around her.

You sound like a parent who would be okay with their child slapping you in the face and blame it on the child being “tired.” If you have no positive and useful advice, please go elsewhere.

-OP

[Anonymous]

Some 2 year olds are simply not wired to understand or care. That’s why I have a “backpack monkey” with a tail. The child is happy because it’s a stuffed animal combined with a backpack, I’m happy because the monkey hugs them (buckles on!) and the tail is a leash. It’s all about finding a way to give children freedom to explore and discover in ways that I can still manage their safety.