Is this a reasonable request?
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Anonymous
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We have a Mon- Fri live-in nanny who stays over on the weekend by choice. She would like to attend a service at church every weekend that is approx 20 mins from our home. She does not drive and we do not live in an area where public transport is a feasible option. My DH and I both work long hours so we only spend minimal time during the week with our infant son so I cannot see us committing to dropping off and picking her up every weekend.
The service is available online so she can stream to any device. She is very particular about the church she attends so somewhere closer isnt an option. She is also not very keen on the streaming option. I'm certain that she would not pay for cab/uber there. She does have family about 45min mins away that she can stay with on the weekend and so she could attend church there.Would it be unfair to say no to this request? |
Anonymous
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Has she actually asked you to drive her, there?
If so, I think you should explain to her that the weekends are for spending time with your child. |
Anonymous
| You didn't say what the request was. |
Anonymous
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No it wouldn't be unfair to deny your nanny's request, but I sense there is more here below the surface.
Do you secretly hope that said nanny will leave on weekends & stay w/her family so yours can have weekends to yourselves? No offense, just wondering..... |
Anonymous
| Op here- Sorry if I wasn't clear. She asked if this church was nearby and I let her know that its 20mins or so away. She hasn't asked directly for us to drive her there but I think she's assuming that we will because she talks about it as if she already has plans on going. Yes it would be ideal if she stayed with her family over the weekend so she could attend church there and we could have more family time but I do no want to be unreasonable with the person taking care of our child by asking her to leave every weekend. |
Anonymous
| Maybe she does not stay with family due to the transportation issues? Can you/she call the church and see if someone would help drive her, at least one way? Maybe offer to take her once a month as a compromise? Encourage Uber. |
Anonymous
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I think this is more complicated than you do, OP.
I'm not sure what she told you when you hired her, but when you hire a M-F live-in, who doesn't drive, and doesn't have her own home to go to on the weekends, it isn't really a choice for her to stay weekends. She's essentially homeless on the weekend. How would she get back and forth to the family home, for example? How long has she been working for you? If this is a relatively new position, it's probably time for a meeting to talk about how things are going, particularly with the living arrangements. She clearly thinks she communicated to you that she doesn't drive (therefore transportation is on you). You think that you clearly communicated that she is responsible for herself on weekends (to include transportation). What about food and other weekend expenses? Y'all need to get this out in the open. |
Anonymous
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One solution that perhaps splits the difference a bit is for you to pay for a cab or uber to take her to/from.
I wouldn't want to drive her either, but I might consider $20-40 per week a reasonable additional benefit I'd offer for a great nanny. |
Anonymous
+1. You need to have a frank discussion about this. This seems like a situation that could lead to a lot of resentment quickly. |
Anonymous
You STILL haven't said what the request is. It sounds like there actually is NOT one, but that you're anticipating one. I think you need to have a frank talk with her. One option could be that you drive her for the first month (four times) and in that time it's on her to make friends and arrange church carpooling. I agree with the poster who said you need to have a frank talk with her about weekends - is she homeless on weekends without your home? Do you pay for her food? Is she house-bound without your car? |
Anonymous
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It sounds like you don't want her there on weekends.
If she is a "live in" nanny, that is unreasonable unless it was part of the terms discussed in hiring/contract negotiation. If she IS expected to vacate during the weekends, her salary should reflect that--you can't just assume she will stay with "family." That being said, you are not responsible for providing her transportation on the weekends. Period. |
Anonymous
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A live-in means said nanny actually calls your home her own home as well.
She is not a "partial" live-in. |
Anonymous
| Op here thanks for the replies. She's been working for us for about three weeks. Yes we do pay for food and a few other minor incidentals. I will agree to take her once so she can possibly find someone who lives in the area and goes as well. |
Anonymous
| You are setting a precedent for assuming responsibility for your nanny's personal life. I would not volunteer to take her to church until she finds other arrangements. You have already offered to help her to stream the services live at your house. She can ask around at her church to see if she can catch a ride with someone. Otherwise, she will need to spend the weekend with her family or pay for her own transportation to and from church. Refrain from discussing the subject further. Part of being a household employer is learning to establish boundaries. |
Anonymous
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So you hired a live in Nanny that doesnt have a car, and you dont provide a car, and there is no transportation?
This situation is doomed to fail OP. She is live in, so that included weekends, your home is her home. How does she get out to do other things she wants to do? |