Is this a reasonable request?

[Anonymous]

Hi I'm ananny of many years, worked live-in for few years and now I'm live-out only.
I'm very disturbed by what I'm reading, and glad a couple other posters brought this to attention.
I've been through my own share of cheap narcisstic bosses, and I get mad when I see how other nannies are being mistreated. Just like somebody said, if you hired her "live-in", she Has the right to stay at your house 2;/7, and you're responsible for her food, heat, a/c, water 24/7. Don't treat people like door mates, she's taking care of your children!!!
Would you like her being rude to your children? No! So treat her like animal being. I hope you told her from the beginning that you didn't want her there on the weekends and that she actually understood this. To me it's almost abuse to hire somebody live in, but not provide transportation and possibly enough food for the weekends, and trying to get her out...
Get yourself a live out nanny then!!!!

[Anonymous]

What does "stays home on the weekends by choice" even mean??? Stop a using her

[Anonymous]

Abusing*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are setting a precedent for assuming responsibility for your nanny's personal life. I would not volunteer to take her to church until she finds other arrangements. You have already offered to help her to stream the services live at your house. She can ask around at her church to see if she can catch a ride with someone. Otherwise, she will need to spend the weekend with her family or pay for her own transportation to and from church. Refrain from discussing the subject further. Part of being a household employer is learning to establish boundaries.

Op here- yes I wholeheartedly agree with this. However my husband who is a huge softie and has a hard time saying no feels as though we should accommodate her for a few weeks. Before we hired her we did inform her about the transportation situation. We are fairly close to a metro station so I've offered to take her there if she'd like to attend church in DC as she would be able to navigate easily. She has declined. Even though I was against it , my husband took her by the church yesterday to see if she could find a regular ride (church is on a Saturday ). Unfortunately, she was unable to.

She's a friend of one if his relatives so I think he feels pressured to go above and beyond. She was well aware of the circumstances and we are paying her enough so she could take an uber to another church if she chooses to. I'm trying my best to establish boundaries now as I know that this would set precedent for the future. He even wants to include her on all of our weekend outings trips. While this would be a nice thing to do I think we all need space and I'm not doing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi I'm ananny of many years, worked live-in for few years and now I'm live-out only.
I'm very disturbed by what I'm reading, and glad a couple other posters brought this to attention.
I've been through my own share of cheap narcisstic bosses, and I get mad when I see how other nannies are being mistreated. Just like somebody said, if you hired her "live-in", she Has the right to stay at your house 2;/7, and you're responsible for her food, heat, a/c, water 24/7. Don't treat people like door mates, she's taking care of your children!!!
Would you like her being rude to your children? No! So treat her like animal being. I hope you told her from the beginning that you didn't want her there on the weekends and that she actually understood this. To me it's almost abuse to hire somebody live in, but not provide transportation and possibly enough food for the weekends, and trying to get her out...
Get yourself a live out nanny then!!!!

Op here- I have never asked her to leave on the weekends or even suggest it. We do pay for everything that she needs. Even a gym membership. I've asked her to make a shopping list and I do purchase all the items that she requests. We are just not willing to drive her to church at 9am on a Saturday and pick her up at 1. That's the whole day gone. She is very particular about the church she attends I would even take her to one nearby but she has refused. We live in a community with a decent amount of stores within walking distance do she doesn't always need to rely on us. I definitely do not mistreat her so I'm a bit offended by this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you hired a live in Nanny that doesnt have a car, and you dont provide a car, and there is no transportation?

This situation is doomed to fail OP.
She is live in, so that included weekends, your home is her home. How does she get out to do other things she wants to do?

I take her out often and we live within walking distance if several stores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi I'm ananny of many years, worked live-in for few years and now I'm live-out only.
I'm very disturbed by what I'm reading, and glad a couple other posters brought this to attention.
I've been through my own share of cheap narcisstic bosses, and I get mad when I see how other nannies are being mistreated. Just like somebody said, if you hired her "live-in", she Has the right to stay at your house 2;/7, and you're responsible for her food, heat, a/c, water 24/7. Don't treat people like door mates, she's taking care of your children!!!
Would you like her being rude to your children? No! So treat her like animal being. I hope you told her from the beginning that you didn't want her there on the weekends and that she actually understood this. To me it's almost abuse to hire somebody live in, but not provide transportation and possibly enough food for the weekends, and trying to get her out...
Get yourself a live out nanny then!!!!

Op here- I have never asked her to leave on the weekends or even suggest it. We do pay for everything that she needs. Even a gym membership. I've asked her to make a shopping list and I do purchase all the items that she requests. We are just not willing to drive her to church at 9am on a Saturday and pick her up at 1. That's the whole day gone. She is very particular about the church she attends I would even take her to one nearby but she has refused. We live in a community with a decent amount of stores within walking distance do she doesn't always need to rely on us. I definitely do not mistreat her so I'm a bit offended by this.

OP, you will want to make sure your next live-in has her own car. In the meantime, DH can drive her to church every Sunday and pick her up until she finds other arrangements and then he will only need to do it when those people are unable to do either the drop off or pick up or both. She may need him to also transport her if there is a special event at her church.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you hired a live in Nanny that doesnt have a car, and you dont provide a car, and there is no transportation?

This situation is doomed to fail OP.
She is live in, so that included weekends, your home is her home. How does she get out to do other things she wants to do?

I take her out often and we live within walking distance if several stores.

You have nothing to apologize for, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are setting a precedent for assuming responsibility for your nanny's personal life. I would not volunteer to take her to church until she finds other arrangements. You have already offered to help her to stream the services live at your house. She can ask around at her church to see if she can catch a ride with someone. Otherwise, she will need to spend the weekend with her family or pay for her own transportation to and from church. Refrain from discussing the subject further. Part of being a household employer is learning to establish boundaries.

Op here- yes I wholeheartedly agree with this. However my husband who is a huge softie and has a hard time saying no feels as though we should accommodate her for a few weeks. Before we hired her we did inform her about the transportation situation. We are fairly close to a metro station so I've offered to take her there if she'd like to attend church in DC as she would be able to navigate easily. She has declined. Even though I was against it , my husband took her by the church yesterday to see if she could find a regular ride (church is on a Saturday ). Unfortunately, she was unable to.

She's a friend of one if his relatives so I think he feels pressured to go above and beyond. She was well aware of the circumstances and we are paying her enough so she could take an uber to another church if she chooses to. I'm trying my best to establish boundaries now as I know that this would set precedent for the future. He even wants to include her on all of our weekend outings trips. While this would be a nice thing to do I think we all need space and I'm not doing this.

You have to stand firm on this one, OP. I have a huge softie DH too and he means well but doesn't realize the repercussions of his offers until he is either overextended time- or financially and becomes resentful. Already, when the weather turns bad or isn't feeling well, she will probably expect you to drive her to the places where she would normally walk to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi I'm ananny of many years, worked live-in for few years and now I'm live-out only.
I'm very disturbed by what I'm reading, and glad a couple other posters brought this to attention.
I've been through my own share of cheap narcisstic bosses, and I get mad when I see how other nannies are being mistreated. Just like somebody said, if you hired her "live-in", she Has the right to stay at your house 2;/7, and you're responsible for her food, heat, a/c, water 24/7. Don't treat people like door mates, she's taking care of your children!!!
Would you like her being rude to your children? No! So treat her like animal being. I hope you told her from the beginning that you didn't want her there on the weekends and that she actually understood this. To me it's almost abuse to hire somebody live in, but not provide transportation and possibly enough food for the weekends, and trying to get her out...
Get yourself a live out nanny then!!!!

Op here- I have never asked her to leave on the weekends or even suggest it. We do pay for everything that she needs. Even a gym membership. I've asked her to make a shopping list and I do purchase all the items that she requests. We are just not willing to drive her to church at 9am on a Saturday and pick her up at 1. That's the whole day gone. She is very particular about the church she attends I would even take her to one nearby but she has refused. We live in a community with a decent amount of stores within walking distance do she doesn't always need to rely on us. I definitely do not mistreat her so I'm a bit offended by this.

Your are definitely going above and beyond already. I think the church request is too much. If she really only has to have that church, then she can really find her own way there. TBH I think the situation will fail because eventually she will stop seeing herself as a nanny and see herself as a family member give the relative connection with your DH and things will likely go downhill.

[Anonymous]

Most big churches have ride shares set up. I'm thinking like McLean bible church. She needs to reach out to the pastor for arranging rides ect.

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? Does your nanny drive them on weekdays?

Is she homeless on the weekends? I agree with others that this is a bigger problem than just a ride to church.

[Anonymous]

I have a long time live in and this is a disaster waiting to happen. After a while, you all will need space from the live in on the weekends, (her from you and your baby and you from her). If she can never leave on the weekends because of no car, then she will be trapped and bored and you DH will feel badly but that is not good. She needs a break from your baby and a way to get places.

So, either find a ride on bus to the metro so she can leave (run errands, see friends, family, go to church) or you all need to get her a car. I promise you that will be cheaper and better in the long run. Fine if you buy it for yourself in case nanny doesn't work out.

My live in stays with us on the weekends and we do pay for her food etc. But she is not trapped here -she has a car and comes and goes and we do not hang out with her on the weekend since she is not working.

I can't imagine if she was trapped here all weekend. Imagine if you were trapped at your work or even at your own home all day everyday on the weekends. A car will be cheaper than resentment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you hired a live in Nanny that doesnt have a car, and you dont provide a car, and there is no transportation?

This situation is doomed to fail OP.
She is live in, so that included weekends, your home is her home. How does she get out to do other things she wants to do?

I take her out often and we live within walking distance if several stores.

You take her out? Sounds like you are talking about a dog.

[Anonymous]

The nanny took the job knowing its location and her own transportation issues so it is on her to find her way around.

I don't drive and I don't expect my employer to arrange my transportation to and from work to anywhere.