Is this a reasonable request?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you hired a live in Nanny that doesnt have a car, and you dont provide a car, and there is no transportation?

This situation is doomed to fail OP.
She is live in, so that included weekends, your home is her home. How does she get out to do other things she wants to do?

I take her out often and we live within walking distance if several stores.

You take her out? Sounds like you are talking about a dog.

So when someone says they want to take you out, pp, do you bring your own leash or assume they already have one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The nanny took the job knowing its location and her own transportation issues so it is on her to find her way around.

I don't drive and I don't expect my employer to arrange my transportation to and from work to anywhere.

No, this got more complicated when OP said it was a friend of a relative. This could mean many things, including that the relative said, "Oh! I know someone who needs a place to live. She could be your nanny," and it came with all sorts of expectations that the husband understood but OP did not.

I'm guessing DH doesn't want to upset the relative by doing anything that would make the nanny unhappy, and it's possible the nanny thought of this as more like "joining the family" of her friend.

Just sounds like a huge mess waiting to happen with lots of hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you hired a live in Nanny that doesnt have a car, and you dont provide a car, and there is no transportation?

This situation is doomed to fail OP.
She is live in, so that included weekends, your home is her home. How does she get out to do other things she wants to do?

I take her out often and we live within walking distance if several stores.

You take her out? Sounds like you are talking about a dog.

So when someone says they want to take you out, pp, do you bring your own leash or assume they already have one?

Thank you I thought this was a bit dramatic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you hired a live in Nanny that doesnt have a car, and you dont provide a car, and there is no transportation?

This situation is doomed to fail OP.
She is live in, so that included weekends, your home is her home. How does she get out to do other things she wants to do?

I take her out often and we live within walking distance if several stores.

You have nothing to apologize for, OP.

Thank you for understanding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? Does your nanny drive them on weekdays?

Is she homeless on the weekends? I agree with others that this is a bigger problem than just a ride to church.

DS is 6 months old. She doesnt know how to drive so everything they do together is within walking distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a long time live in and this is a disaster waiting to happen. After a while, you all will need space from the live in on the weekends, (her from you and your baby and you from her). If she can never leave on the weekends because of no car, then she will be trapped and bored and you DH will feel badly but that is not good. She needs a break from your baby and a way to get places.

So, either find a ride on bus to the metro so she can leave (run errands, see friends, family, go to church) or you all need to get her a car. I promise you that will be cheaper and better in the long run. Fine if you buy it for yourself in case nanny doesn't work out.

My live in stays with us on the weekends and we do pay for her food etc. But she is not trapped here -she has a car and comes and goes and we do not hang out with her on the weekend since she is not working.

I can't imagine if she was trapped here all weekend. Imagine if you were trapped at your work or even at your own home all day everyday on the weekends. A car will be cheaper than resentment.

This isnt an option. She doesnt know how to drive and isnt willing to learn. We have an extra car here if she were interested. This would not be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old are your kids? Does your nanny drive them on weekdays?

Is she homeless on the weekends? I agree with others that this is a bigger problem than just a ride to church.

DS is 6 months old. She doesnt know how to drive so everything they do together is within walking distance.

Will that work when your child gets older? Do you need a live-in? This whole situation sounds disastrous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are setting a precedent for assuming responsibility for your nanny's personal life. I would not volunteer to take her to church until she finds other arrangements. You have already offered to help her to stream the services live at your house. She can ask around at her church to see if she can catch a ride with someone. Otherwise, she will need to spend the weekend with her family or pay for her own transportation to and from church. Refrain from discussing the subject further. Part of being a household employer is learning to establish boundaries.

Op here- yes I wholeheartedly agree with this. However my husband who is a huge softie and has a hard time saying no feels as though we should accommodate her for a few weeks. Before we hired her we did inform her about the transportation situation. We are fairly close to a metro station so I've offered to take her there if she'd like to attend church in DC as she would be able to navigate easily. She has declined. Even though I was against it , my husband took her by the church yesterday to see if she could find a regular ride (church is on a Saturday ). Unfortunately, she was unable to.

She's a friend of one if his relatives so I think he feels pressured to go above and beyond. She was well aware of the circumstances and we are paying her enough so she could take an uber to another church if she chooses to. I'm trying my best to establish boundaries now as I know that this would set precedent for the future. He even wants to include her on all of our weekend outings trips. While this would be a nice thing to do I think we all need space and I'm not doing this.

You have to stand firm on this one, OP. I have a huge softie DH too and he means well but doesn't realize the repercussions of his offers until he is either overextended time- or financially and becomes resentful. Already, when the weather turns bad or isn't feeling well, she will probably expect you to drive her to the places where she would normally walk to.

Yes this is exactly what Im afraid would happen. I know he doesnt really want to but he isnt sure how to say no