How To Resign. What qualifies as cause?

[Anonymous]

In my 10 years as a nanny I have never quit a position.
Previous employers have always given me ample notice " Jill and Bobby will be in full time school next year..."
Events have occurred with my current job that have made it clear I'm going to need to resign.
My current contract like all other contracts I have had requests 6 weeks notice unless leaving with out cause.

My situation I have been working for a family since their b/g twins were a few weeks old I went from being their night nanny to day nanny.

In my view things were going well when I checked in with MB and DB there was never anything they wanted to change.

Things changed close to two weeks ago when MB's parents started their 6 week visit.
My main issue with them is MB's mother is a racist and is interfering with my job, wanting everything done her way, attempts to micromanage me.

After a terrible day on Tuesday, I spoke to MB and DB hoping to work things out, basically just wanting them to put a stop to grandmother, and let grandma know I'm in charge during the day. DB had little to say and MB excused her mother's behavior and came just short of fully backing me.
Instead she told me she now what's things done her mother's way , going against everything we had previously discussed.

I now know where I stand. I know I cannot stay. I"m sad about it as I will miss the babies.

My question is how much notice do I nee to give them?
Do I stick to the 6 weeks in the contract?


Should I tell them the exact reason for leaving, or should I keep it vague?

If it matters I've been with this family nearly 6 months.

[Anonymous]

Grandma can do babycare. Leave as soon as you are ready with next job, whatever. You don't need their reference. They are screwing you. Just leave. Say you have an emergency sick relative. Nothing to do with them. Apologize profusely.

[Anonymous]

She wants your job. I've seen this more than once. It doesn't matter if she can do it. Leave and make it about something unrelated. Smile.

[Anonymous]

Line up a new job, OP, and then give your two weeks notice. There is no reason to ever tell the truth about why you are leaving.

[Anonymous]

There is no point in telling your MB the truth - she will never take your side over her own mother. You will just look like you are inflexible.

Get another job and tell MB that you found a better fit. Even after this nightmare grandmother goes home you have to know that she will be back and the situation will never improve.

[Anonymous]

I would send her an email or text confirming what she told you, e.g., that grandmother's rules are now in place not the rules you and MB agreed to in your contract. She has breached contract and this is valid reason for quitting.

[Anonymous]

MB here.

My general advice on these kinds of things is to fulfill the terms of your contract and to act professionally - take the high road. So I would give 6 weeks notice (in writing) and I would be pretty straightforward but unemotional about it. "Thank you for talking with me about your desires to change the type of care you want for X. Given that, and my discomfort with how I am being treated by the extended family who will be here for many weeks, I am submitting my six weeks notice as per our contract."

In the best case scenario they won't want you to stay the full 6 weeks and will pay you for some portion of that time at least. For your next contract don't agree to 6 weeks - I think that's unnecessarily long. Four weeks is more than generous enough for either side to make plans and two weeks is the minimum, but certainly manageable. Life would be better for you if you didn't have to live with this for 6 more weeks probably but I do think you should start by honoring the terms of your contract.

At least you found out pretty early in your tenure OP. These parents have a long, difficult road ahead of them with this attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would send her an email or text confirming what she told you, e.g., that grandmother's rules are now in place not the rules you and MB agreed to in your contract. She has breached contract and this is valid reason for quitting.

Changing your mind about how you want your children raised is not a breach of contract.

However, I am a nanny and would never put up with the crap OPs has been forced to take from a third party.

My advice is to simply resign without reason and fulfill your contract.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would send her an email or text confirming what she told you, e.g., that grandmother's rules are now in place not the rules you and MB agreed to in your contract. She has breached contract and this is valid reason for quitting.

Changing your mind about how you want your children raised is not a breach of contract.

However, I am a nanny and would never put up with the crap OPs has been forced to take from a third party.

My advice is to simply resign without reason and fulfill your contract.

Are you confused? The contract never said nanny will obey grandma.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MB here.

My general advice on these kinds of things is to fulfill the terms of your contract and to act professionally - take the high road. So I would give 6 weeks notice (in writing) and I would be pretty straightforward but unemotional about it. "Thank you for talking with me about your desires to change the type of care you want for X. Given that, and my discomfort with how I am being treated by the extended family who will be here for many weeks, I am submitting my six weeks notice as per our contract."

In the best case scenario they won't want you to stay the full 6 weeks and will pay you for some portion of that time at least. For your next contract don't agree to 6 weeks - I think that's unnecessarily long. Four weeks is more than generous enough for either side to make plans and two weeks is the minimum, but certainly manageable. Life would be better for you if you didn't have to live with this for 6 more weeks probably but I do think you should start by honoring the terms of your contract.

At least you found out pretty early in your tenure OP. These parents have a long, difficult road ahead of them with this attitude.

I agree with you that OP should fulfill her contract, but I disagree that it would mean 6 weeks notice. Her contract says 6 weeks notice unless there is cause for immediate termination. Hopefully your contract defines what would constitute cause for you OP, but most states would define a major change in the nature of the job as cause. For example, a nanny hired for childcare and suddenly her employers are expecting housekeeping duties that were not previously agreed to when they send their kid to preschool. When you were hired you took the position under the impression that you would be working independently for WOH parents, reporting to this set of parents, and in an environment that you were comfortable in. The environment has completely changed, you do not feel respected (racist Grandma), and you have been told that you now have 4 bosses, not 2. This is a major change to your work environment, and it is clearly causing you emotional distress. You do not need to give 6 weeks notice because you are leaving for cause. The law in most states would back you up on this. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would send her an email or text confirming what she told you, e.g., that grandmother's rules are now in place not the rules you and MB agreed to in your contract. She has breached contract and this is valid reason for quitting.

Changing your mind about how you want your children raised is not a breach of contract.

However, I am a nanny and would never put up with the crap OPs has been forced to take from a third party.

My advice is to simply resign without reason and fulfill your contract.

Changing the nature of the job outlined in the contract likely is in fact a breach of that contract. Idk about OP but my contracts have always required any changes to the contract to be submitted in writing and signed by all parties.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure the mom changing her mind about her childcare preferences warrants "cause" for you to quit, although you're free to go anytime you want. I would have thought that cause meant she broke the contract, didn't pay you on time, asked you to do something illegal, etc etc.

What you describe is unpleasant but not abuse. So I'd try to leave on the best terms possible. You don't have to spell out for her why you're leaving - that is obvious. You have concerns, you brought them to your boss, she basically said to suck it up & take it - it's no surprise that your response is to quit, so no explanation is needed. Just line up your next job, give as much notice as you can, and let the situation speak for itself. Your boss already knows you're unhappy with the situation and she chose not to fix it.

[Anonymous]

Again, the contract never said nanny will obey grandma. Period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Again, the contract never said nanny will obey grandma. Period.

Okay, but contracts rarely spell out the exact form of childcare to be provided either, ie - you'll use CIO vs rock to sleep, you'll use BLW vs delay solids until 1 yo, etc. In OP's case, the mother's preferences have changed. That likely was not forbidden in the contract. The contract covers some basic terms for the contract, but it does not cover all. I think it is a distraction for us to be discussing the contract here. What we're discussing is that the boss is deferring to her mother rather than the nanny, the nanny understandably doesn't like it, and now wants to quit - does she owe 6 weeks notice? The answer is she is not legally required to provide it, nor is she required to detail out her reasons for leaving if she chooses to give less notice.

What she should focus on is getting her next job. That is what determines how much notice OP can reasonably provide. This discussion of the contract is a distraction from the actual next steps to be taken.

[Anonymous]

MB here - Unless you have any reason to feel that you need to use this family as a reference (which doesn't seem like a good idea for many reasons anyway), then I think that since Grandma is here and clearly eager to manage childcare that you are perfectly justified in giving only 2 weeks notice because the situation is unbearable. In your shoes I would get my next position lined up and probably base notice on when the new family needs you to start.

You do not need to go into details aside from saying that this position just isn't working out for you. You've already given MB and DB a chance to try to make it work and they're not interested in changing the situation. I'm guessing that these are first time parents and they're going to need to learn the hard way that there are things that you can't expect nannies to put up with and racist micromanaging grandparents is high on that list - especially when caring for 6 month old twins.