Au pair wants to see pictures of house. Weird? Normal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our au pair has a separate suite, so we’re not ashamed or anything, just thought it was a weird request as it has never ever come up before. She’s entitled to ask, just like we’re entitled to count her asking against her. Another candidate said another family was offering a lot more money - we told here sounds great - every offer has pluses and minuses - you’re 20 and costing us way more than an older au pair to insure, but we offer other incentives.

"Way more". Money must be really tight for you. The monthly difference between our 20yelr old bropair vs our 23yr old female AP was $40/mo.

I'm someone who pays higher than the stipend and fully disclose that and it's more than insurance.

NP, Yeah yeah you pay more than the stipend, we know that because you make sure to post it in every thread, good for you, do you want a medal or something? Lucky you money is not tight for you!

DP but respectfully if money is so tight that you literally could not beat the measly stipend the program is not for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our au pair has a separate suite, so we’re not ashamed or anything, just thought it was a weird request as it has never ever come up before. She’s entitled to ask, just like we’re entitled to count her asking against her. Another candidate said another family was offering a lot more money - we told here sounds great - every offer has pluses and minuses - you’re 20 and costing us way more than an older au pair to insure, but we offer other incentives.

"Way more". Money must be really tight for you. The monthly difference between our 20yelr old bropair vs our 23yr old female AP was $40/mo.

I'm someone who pays higher than the stipend and fully disclose that and it's more than insurance.

NP, Yeah yeah you pay more than the stipend, we know that because you make sure to post it in every thread, good for you, do you want a medal or something? Lucky you money is not tight for you!

DP but respectfully if money is so tight that you literally could not beat the measly stipend the program is not for you.

I am PP and I am not the one who complained about insurance being high, however who are you to tell people if the program is for them or not? Your insurer may charge you $40/month, mine went up $120/month after I added AP maybe the Op went up even by more. My point was you keep posting on every thread about how you pay more, it is good for you, but please don’t try to bully other families who don’t pay more. Be lucky if can afford that and stop bragging about it, it is not a competition !

[Anonymous]

Having an au pair is about double the cost of a nanny share and triple the cost of a daycare. It’s cheaper and more flexible than a nanny, but it’s not cheap. The program fees and the minimum stipend are not measly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having an au pair is about double the cost of a nanny share and triple the cost of a daycare. It’s cheaper and more flexible than a nanny, but it’s not cheap. The program fees and the minimum stipend are not measly.

Daycare costs really vary by where you live.
Places like bright horizons will charge $500 more a child per
Month than in fairfax, for example.
Mainly because of property value.

We paid 24k per child in day care in n Arlington (48k - year for us).
AP costs us a little
Over 30k with car/travel/etc.

We love having APs. Best thing we ever did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having an au pair is about double the cost of a nanny share and triple the cost of a daycare. It’s cheaper and more flexible than a nanny, but it’s not cheap. The program fees and the minimum stipend are not measly.

In the District of Columbia, this is totally true.

[Anonymous]

For full time live in care without a fixed schedule (for example can choose to schedule au pair to work from noon to 9 pm if that’s what’s convenient for you this Tuesday) the price of au pairs is less than measly. $30k is a lot to spend in a year.
Most Americans can’t afford it. And a lot of families in the AP program really can’t afford it and shouldn’t be in the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For full time live in care without a fixed schedule (for example can choose to schedule au pair to work from noon to 9 pm if that’s what’s convenient for you this Tuesday) the price of au pairs is less than measly. $30k is a lot to spend in a year.
Most Americans can’t afford it. And a lot of families in the AP program really can’t afford it and shouldn’t be in the program.

For live-in care in a non au-pair in environment, there is no massive program fee, no all food expenses, no car insurance, no phone, no taking off work to go to driving test (usually multiple times), no educational expenses, no commitment to day tripping to expose them to the area, etc. Having an au pair is a lot of work if you want them to really get a lot out of this experience. We have an extraordinaire, and with the agency fees, it is a lot more than daycare (for which we have been on waiting lists for years), and a lot more than a nanny share.

[Anonymous]

I know I shouldn’t be, but I am shocked by the judgment here. If money is no concern to you, i urge you to be grateful and humble, because it could all change on a dime. We all make our choices. Please consider whether it’s kind and helpful for you to tell others what they should and shouldn’t be doing with their money. The ability to pay more does not make anyone a better person or morally better than anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our au pair has a separate suite, so we’re not ashamed or anything, just thought it was a weird request as it has never ever come up before. She’s entitled to ask, just like we’re entitled to count her asking against her. Another candidate said another family was offering a lot more money - we told here sounds great - every offer has pluses and minuses - you’re 20 and costing us way more than an older au pair to insure, but we offer other incentives.

"Way more". Money must be really tight for you. The monthly difference between our 20yelr old bropair vs our 23yr old female AP was $40/mo.

I'm someone who pays higher than the stipend and fully disclose that and it's more than insurance.

NP, Yeah yeah you pay more than the stipend, we know that because you make sure to post it in every thread, good for you, do you want a medal or something? Lucky you money is not tight for you!

DP but respectfully if money is so tight that you literally could not beat the measly stipend the program is not for you.

I am PP and I am not the one who complained about insurance being high, however who are you to tell people if the program is for them or not? Your insurer may charge you $40/month, mine went up $120/month after I added AP maybe the Op went up even by more. My point was you keep posting on every thread about how you pay more, it is good for you, but please don’t try to bully other families who don’t pay more. Be lucky if can afford that and stop bragging about it, it is not a competition !

DP...Basic logic, if you are complaining about insurance being high and therefore complaining about expenses then you cannot afford the program. Find a different option. AP aren’t something you are entitled to have. Plenty of ppl do without them. It’s not bullying to state the obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know I shouldn’t be, but I am shocked by the judgment here. If money is no concern to you, i urge you to be grateful and humble, because it could all change on a dime. We all make our choices. Please consider whether it’s kind and helpful for you to tell others what they should and shouldn’t be doing with their money. The ability to pay more does not make anyone a better person or morally better than anyone else.

I didn’t get this from the responses. I got that if you can not afford the extra expense(s) then it’s time to look into other childcare options. Ruling an AP out bc they want pics of the house and rooms seems super petty. You wouldn’t book a hotel or Airbnb without looking at the pics first. The idea seems to be that if an AP is asking for pics then they will want other perks. You feel bad bc you cannot offer the perks other families can and justify that by judging the AP as superficial. Then claiming that the program is expensive and act like you are doing the AP a favor by just hiring them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I shouldn’t be, but I am shocked by the judgment here. If money is no concern to you, i urge you to be grateful and humble, because it could all change on a dime. We all make our choices. Please consider whether it’s kind and helpful for you to tell others what they should and shouldn’t be doing with their money. The ability to pay more does not make anyone a better person or morally better than anyone else.

I didn’t get this from the responses. I got that if you can not afford the extra expense(s) then it’s time to look into other childcare options. Ruling an AP out bc they want pics of the house and rooms seems super petty. You wouldn’t book a hotel or Airbnb without looking at the pics first. The idea seems to be that if an AP is asking for pics then they will want other perks. You feel bad bc you cannot offer the perks other families can and justify that by judging the AP as superficial. Then claiming that the program is expensive and act like you are doing the AP a favor by just hiring them.

This, and pretending that anyone was equating paying more with being morally superior is just your insecurity showing. The point is that people who can’t actually afford the program are putting themselves in a risky situation financially. I started a thread on how much extra people pay above and beyond the program fee and stipend in hopes would-be families who can’t actually afford all the extras would see it. I do think people get blindsided by some of it. And then they get resentful of other families in the program, which is silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I shouldn’t be, but I am shocked by the judgment here. If money is no concern to you, i urge you to be grateful and humble, because it could all change on a dime. We all make our choices. Please consider whether it’s kind and helpful for you to tell others what they should and shouldn’t be doing with their money. The ability to pay more does not make anyone a better person or morally better than anyone else.

I didn’t get this from the responses. I got that if you can not afford the extra expense(s) then it’s time to look into other childcare options. Ruling an AP out bc they want pics of the house and rooms seems super petty. You wouldn’t book a hotel or Airbnb without looking at the pics first. The idea seems to be that if an AP is asking for pics then they will want other perks. You feel bad bc you cannot offer the perks other families can and justify that by judging the AP as superficial. Then claiming that the program is expensive and act like you are doing the AP a favor by just hiring them.

This, and pretending that anyone was equating paying more with being morally superior is just your insecurity showing. The point is that people who can’t actually afford the program are putting themselves in a risky situation financially. I started a thread on how much extra people pay above and beyond the program fee and stipend in hopes would-be families who can’t actually afford all the extras would see it. I do think people get blindsided by some of it. And then they get resentful of other families in the program, which is silly.

It’s not silly when some posters find APs offline, dangle extravagant perks, and then brag they’ve snatched APs out from other families, which also was posted in another thread a few months ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our au pair has a separate suite, so we’re not ashamed or anything, just thought it was a weird request as it has never ever come up before. She’s entitled to ask, just like we’re entitled to count her asking against her. Another candidate said another family was offering a lot more money - we told here sounds great - every offer has pluses and minuses - you’re 20 and costing us way more than an older au pair to insure, but we offer other incentives.

"Way more". Money must be really tight for you. The monthly difference between our 20yelr old bropair vs our 23yr old female AP was $40/mo.

I'm someone who pays higher than the stipend and fully disclose that and it's more than insurance.

NP, Yeah yeah you pay more than the stipend, we know that because you make sure to post it in every thread, good for you, do you want a medal or something? Lucky you money is not tight for you!

DP but respectfully if money is so tight that you literally could not beat the measly stipend the program is not for you.

I am PP and I am not the one who complained about insurance being high, however who are you to tell people if the program is for them or not? Your insurer may charge you $40/month, mine went up $120/month after I added AP maybe the Op went up even by more. My point was you keep posting on every thread about how you pay more, it is good for you, but please don’t try to bully other families who don’t pay more. Be lucky if can afford that and stop bragging about it, it is not a competition !

Just a heads up. That poster is not the only HF who approach the stipend as a minimum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having an au pair is about double the cost of a nanny share and triple the cost of a daycare. It’s cheaper and more flexible than a nanny, but it’s not cheap. The program fees and the minimum stipend are not measly.

Um, no. I was paying $625/week for 2 kids in daycare and this was not even high end daycare.

32,500 for daycare
Even with taking out AP on vacations, supplying her a dedicated car, $500 Christmas bonus, and all the extra food, it cost us all in $26,000/yr.

I'm not even in DC I'm in the suburbs where daycare is much cheaper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I shouldn’t be, but I am shocked by the judgment here. If money is no concern to you, i urge you to be grateful and humble, because it could all change on a dime. We all make our choices. Please consider whether it’s kind and helpful for you to tell others what they should and shouldn’t be doing with their money. The ability to pay more does not make anyone a better person or morally better than anyone else.

I didn’t get this from the responses. I got that if you can not afford the extra expense(s) then it’s time to look into other childcare options. Ruling an AP out bc they want pics of the house and rooms seems super petty. You wouldn’t book a hotel or Airbnb without looking at the pics first. The idea seems to be that if an AP is asking for pics then they will want other perks. You feel bad bc you cannot offer the perks other families can and justify that by judging the AP as superficial. Then claiming that the program is expensive and act like you are doing the AP a favor by just hiring them.

This, and pretending that anyone was equating paying more with being morally superior is just your insecurity showing. The point is that people who can’t actually afford the program are putting themselves in a risky situation financially. I started a thread on how much extra people pay above and beyond the program fee and stipend in hopes would-be families who can’t actually afford all the extras would see it. I do think people get blindsided by some of it. And then they get resentful of other families in the program, which is silly.

I think there is a demographic family who is in the program because it is cheap childcare. It's less expensive than 2 or more kids in daycare and less expensive than a nanny. They ARE in the AP program because they are financially strapped. And now they are butthurt that the APs have transparency and the APs get to pick the choice families.