Au pair wants to see pictures of house. Weird? Normal?

[Anonymous]

With one kid, which is our only comparison point, we spent almost $40k for an au pair last year. This is a lot more than daycare and also more than a typical nanny share. It is a lot less than a nanny, and the care is more flexible (although the only flexibility we needed was working federal holidays, because we do). We can afford $40k, but no, it's not cheap child care, and yes, the increase to our car insurance was over $1k. What some of the privileged (and nasty) on this forum are saying is that government workers, teachers, non-litigators, and small business owners are "not good enough" to host the au pairs that make them feel like to the manor borne with the requisite German governess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With one kid, which is our only comparison point, we spent almost $40k for an au pair last year. This is a lot more than daycare and also more than a typical nanny share. It is a lot less than a nanny, and the care is more flexible (although the only flexibility we needed was working federal holidays, because we do). We can afford $40k, but no, it's not cheap child care, and yes, the increase to our car insurance was over $1k. What some of the privileged (and nasty) on this forum are saying is that government workers, teachers, non-litigators, and small business owners are "not good enough" to host the au pairs that make them feel like to the manor borne with the requisite German governess.

No. What ppl, who you claim are nasty bc they don’t agree with you, are saying is that even AP may cost more than expected. Actually, AP are cheaper than a typical nanny share unless you are looking to pay $8-$10 per family which isn’t typical. AP is a cheaper form of childcare, even if you don’t want to realize it. Also, no one is saying “you aren’t good enough.” That is your own insecurity. Maybe an AP is saying you aren’t good enough to host them bc they want the perks but they are young women coming over for the US experience. Everyone finds childcare that works for their families. That doesn’t mean you are entitled to whichever you want. If AP are too expensive you look elsewhere. It isn’t an attack on govt workers, teachers, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know I shouldn’t be, but I am shocked by the judgment here. If money is no concern to you, i urge you to be grateful and humble, because it could all change on a dime. We all make our choices. Please consider whether it’s kind and helpful for you to tell others what they should and shouldn’t be doing with their money. The ability to pay more does not make anyone a better person or morally better than anyone else.

I didn’t get this from the responses. I got that if you can not afford the extra expense(s) then it’s time to look into other childcare options. Ruling an AP out bc they want pics of the house and rooms seems super petty. You wouldn’t book a hotel or Airbnb without looking at the pics first. The idea seems to be that if an AP is asking for pics then they will want other perks. You feel bad bc you cannot offer the perks other families can and justify that by judging the AP as superficial. Then claiming that the program is expensive and act like you are doing the AP a favor by just hiring them.

This, and pretending that anyone was equating paying more with being morally superior is just your insecurity showing. The point is that people who can’t actually afford the program are putting themselves in a risky situation financially. I started a thread on how much extra people pay above and beyond the program fee and stipend in hopes would-be families who can’t actually afford all the extras would see it. I do think people get blindsided by some of it. And then they get resentful of other families in the program, which is silly.

It’s not silly when some posters find APs offline, dangle extravagant perks, and then brag they’ve snatched APs out from other families, which also was posted in another thread a few months ago.

Yes, that is silly, to be mad other employers have better comp packages. When my support staffers quit to work elsewhere for better packages I won’t whine and complain about those terrible competitors. Finding APs “offline”? Headhunters call my office phone to try to poach me! And there’s nothing unethical about it.

People on this board especially have some very silly ideas about what it means to be an employer. They hold it against APs who “compare” the benefits. Well you deserve an AP with poor judgment then. And that’s exactly what you’ll get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got that if you can not afford the extra expense(s) then it’s time to look into other childcare options.

+1
Especially if "[h]aving an au pair is about double the cost of a nanny share and triple the cost of a daycare." The only logical option would then be to chose a nanny share or daycare over the AP (of course both options come with a lack of flexibility).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got that if you can not afford the extra expense(s) then it’s time to look into other childcare options.

+1
Especially if "[h]aving an au pair is about double the cost of a nanny share and triple the cost of a daycare." The only logical option would then be to chose a nanny share or daycare over the AP (of course both options come with a lack of flexibility).

DP, but yes, some you are super nasty and have all kinds of privilege to feel like you have any standing to opine what works for any family - and limited ideas of financial choices. With a nanny share at 45 hours per week, with paid holidays, and no flexibility, the au pair is still way more expensive at 40k, even if you are paying 13-15 hourly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got that if you can not afford the extra expense(s) then it’s time to look into other childcare options.

+1
Especially if "[h]aving an au pair is about double the cost of a nanny share and triple the cost of a daycare." The only logical option would then be to chose a nanny share or daycare over the AP (of course both options come with a lack of flexibility).

DP, but yes, some you are super nasty and have all kinds of privilege to feel like you have any standing to opine what works for any family - and limited ideas of financial choices. With a nanny share at 45 hours per week, with paid holidays, and no flexibility, the au pair is still way more expensive at 40k, even if you are paying 13-15 hourly.

You are throwing out words that don’t even pertain to the situation. I haven’t seen anyone being nasty except for you and the other poster claiming ppl are nasty. The only privilege is again by you who thinks they are entitled to childcare. Sometimes the truth hurts. If you are complaining about the cost of an AP, them wanting to see a pic of your house and room, judging them for wanting perks, etc then the simple logic is that the program isn’t for you. This isn’t being nasty, it’s the truth. If you feel the AP program is way more expensive than a nanny, then that’s something you should’ve looked into. Nannies can offer flexibility FYI.

[Anonymous]

First timer and I included a pic of the house and the AP room in our profile pictures...so this is interesting. We have shown the room via Skype on a walk through of the house for final interviews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got that if you can not afford the extra expense(s) then it’s time to look into other childcare options.

+1
Especially if "[h]aving an au pair is about double the cost of a nanny share and triple the cost of a daycare." The only logical option would then be to chose a nanny share or daycare over the AP (of course both options come with a lack of flexibility).

DP, but yes, some you are super nasty and have all kinds of privilege to feel like you have any standing to opine what works for any family - and limited ideas of financial choices. With a nanny share at 45 hours per week, with paid holidays, and no flexibility, the au pair is still way more expensive at 40k, even if you are paying 13-15 hourly.

You are throwing out words that don’t even pertain to the situation. I haven’t seen anyone being nasty except for you and the other poster claiming ppl are nasty. The only privilege is again by you who thinks they are entitled to childcare. Sometimes the truth hurts. If you are complaining about the cost of an AP, them wanting to see a pic of your house and room, judging them for wanting perks, etc then the simple logic is that the program isn’t for you. This isn’t being nasty, it’s the truth. If you feel the AP program is way more expensive than a nanny, then that’s something you should’ve looked into. Nannies can offer flexibility FYI.

DP - I think the nasties have outed themselves as bitter nannies.

Yikes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Our au pair has a separate suite, so we’re not ashamed or anything, just thought it was a weird request as it has never ever come up before. She’s entitled to ask, just like we’re entitled to count her asking against her. Another candidate said another family was offering a lot more money - we told here sounds great - every offer has pluses and minuses - you’re 20 and costing us way more than an older au pair to insure, but we offer other incentives.

"Way more". Money must be really tight for you. The monthly difference between our 20yelr old bropair vs our 23yr old female AP was $40/mo.

I'm someone who pays higher than the stipend and fully disclose that and it's more than insurance.

NP, Yeah yeah you pay more than the stipend, we know that because you make sure to post it in every thread, good for you, do you want a medal or something? Lucky you money is not tight for you!


So none of you have ever vented about any aspect of the AP program???


DP but respectfully if money is so tight that you literally could not beat the measly stipend the program is not for you.

I am PP and I am not the one who complained about insurance being high, however who are you to tell people if the program is for them or not? Your insurer may charge you $40/month, mine went up $120/month after I added AP maybe the Op went up even by more. My point was you keep posting on every thread about how you pay more, it is good for you, but please don’t try to bully other families who don’t pay more. Be lucky if can afford that and stop bragging about it, it is not a competition !

DP...Basic logic, if you are complaining about insurance being high and therefore complaining about expenses then you cannot afford the program. Find a different option. AP aren’t something you are entitled to have. Plenty of ppl do without them. It’s not bullying to state the obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got that if you can not afford the extra expense(s) then it’s time to look into other childcare options.

+1
Especially if "[h]aving an au pair is about double the cost of a nanny share and triple the cost of a daycare." The only logical option would then be to chose a nanny share or daycare over the AP (of course both options come with a lack of flexibility).

DP, but yes, some you are super nasty and have all kinds of privilege to feel like you have any standing to opine what works for any family - and limited ideas of financial choices. With a nanny share at 45 hours per week, with paid holidays, and no flexibility, the au pair is still way more expensive at 40k, even if you are paying 13-15 hourly.

You are throwing out words that don’t even pertain to the situation. I haven’t seen anyone being nasty except for you and the other poster claiming ppl are nasty. The only privilege is again by you who thinks they are entitled to childcare. Sometimes the truth hurts. If you are complaining about the cost of an AP, them wanting to see a pic of your house and room, judging them for wanting perks, etc then the simple logic is that the program isn’t for you. This isn’t being nasty, it’s the truth. If you feel the AP program is way more expensive than a nanny, then that’s something you should’ve looked into. Nannies can offer flexibility FYI.

DP - I think the nasties have outed themselves as bitter nannies.

Yikes.

Why would a nanny be bitter bc you chose to get an AP and then complained about the cost?

That doesn’t make sense.

Yikes.

[Anonymous]

I am the poster who made a statement about insurance being high. It was not a complaint--merely a statement. I was trying (albeit now well) to communicate that this is a "hidden perk". Host families who put the AP on their insurance do pay a higher premium. It' s a hidden cost (one of many) that APs may not be aware of--so when they compare perks--they don't realize that families are investing in different ways.

Now, some families do not put the AP on the insurance (which I don't quite understand), but that is a different issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am the poster who made a statement about insurance being high. It was not a complaint--merely a statement. I was trying (albeit now well) to communicate that this is a "hidden perk". Host families who put the AP on their insurance do pay a higher premium. It' s a hidden cost (one of many) that APs may not be aware of--so when they compare perks--they don't realize that families are investing in different ways.

Now, some families do not put the AP on the insurance (which I don't quite understand), but that is a different issue.

They don’t need AP to drive, so AP doesn’t need insurance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the poster who made a statement about insurance being high. It was not a complaint--merely a statement. I was trying (albeit now well) to communicate that this is a "hidden perk". Host families who put the AP on their insurance do pay a higher premium. It' s a hidden cost (one of many) that APs may not be aware of--so when they compare perks--they don't realize that families are investing in different ways.

Now, some families do not put the AP on the insurance (which I don't quite understand), but that is a different issue.

They don’t need AP to drive, so AP doesn’t need insurance.

I am specifically referring to families who do have the au pairs drive as part of their duties.

[Anonymous]

It could also be that AP wanted to see if your house was clean and well kept. She might be scared to go to a new place for a year, sight unseen, and I can’t blame her!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the poster who made a statement about insurance being high. It was not a complaint--merely a statement. I was trying (albeit now well) to communicate that this is a "hidden perk". Host families who put the AP on their insurance do pay a higher premium. It' s a hidden cost (one of many) that APs may not be aware of--so when they compare perks--they don't realize that families are investing in different ways.

Now, some families do not put the AP on the insurance (which I don't quite understand), but that is a different issue.

They don’t need AP to drive, so AP doesn’t need insurance.

I am specifically referring to families who do have the au pairs drive as part of their duties.

The new it’s part of your childcare costs, not a perk.