Nanny asking for loans...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just going through this with our nanny now and it's very difficult. We want to help her (in a jam w/ car repairs) but we don't want to establish a dangerous precedent. She doesn't have friends or family here to support her, she doesn't manage her money well, but we care for her and want to support her.

It can be a very difficult line to draw, with lots of subjective issues on all sides.

the fact that she does not manage her money well would be a deal braker for me. one thing is a one time help to a financially responsible person who has a problem, one thing is helping somebody who has a problem as a consequence of her irresponsible behavior. a lot of nannies on this forum had said that they have been working for years and never ever asked their employers for loans, while OP's nanny, making over $4000 a month, can't apparently live without extra thousands of dollars in loans. the reality is that your nanny does have friends and family samewhere, but they chose not to help her. she is an adult, and she made bad financial choices. if you bail her out, she will never learn, and she will lean on you again next time she has a crises, because she is learning that she can do that. you are the easy way out, instead of a combination of 1. paying with a CC or getting a personal loan, and paying it back dutifully every month by the deadline with interests, or 2) working extra jobs, in the evenings, weekends to make extra money, or 3) selling jewelry or other stuff she may have, or 4) staying without the car (as long it is not needed for her job) and take the long commute by public transportation.

[Anonymous]

OP, no more loans. If she still wants your help, help her get extra side jobs. Have the conversation now, so she understands where you stand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just going through this with our nanny now and it's very difficult. We want to help her (in a jam w/ car repairs) but we don't want to establish a dangerous precedent. She doesn't have friends or family here to support her, she doesn't manage her money well, but we care for her and want to support her.

It can be a very difficult line to draw, with lots of subjective issues on all sides.

the fact that she does not manage her money well would be a deal braker for me. one thing is a one time help to a financially responsible person who has a problem, one thing is helping somebody who has a problem as a consequence of her irresponsible behavior. a lot of nannies on this forum had said that they have been working for years and never ever asked their employers for loans, while OP's nanny, making over $4000 a month, can't apparently live without extra thousands of dollars in loans. the reality is that your nanny does have friends and family samewhere, but they chose not to help her. she is an adult, and she made bad financial choices. if you bail her out, she will never learn, and she will lean on you again next time she has a crises, because she is learning that she can do that. you are the easy way out, instead of a combination of 1. paying with a CC or getting a personal loan, and paying it back dutifully every month by the deadline with interests, or 2) working extra jobs, in the evenings, weekends to make extra money, or 3) selling jewelry or other stuff she may have, or 4) staying without the car (as long it is not needed for her job) and take the long commute by public transportation.

Well, this is certainly a valid perspective, and I agree with much of what you say (although I find it pretty hard to read). But the truth is that she doesn't have family in this country and she doesn't have friends who are positioned to bail her out in a pinch, and she has worked for us for two years without asking for a penny before this. How she spends her money is not actually my business - she is free to do as she chooses. (We know, actually, that much of her income goes to support her family in her home country. It's not as though she's out gambling, she spends her money on her loved ones and doesn't put herself or her emergency fund/savings before them. Which, while I might want to counsel her on her priorities, really is none of my business.)

What I do consider my business is her ability to get to/from work, and transport my kids during the day. So when she has a major unforeseen car repair bill I think it does cross into territory where we might take a more active role and help her.

As it turns out, she will be watching our kids for a few nights when we're away so we could just pay her in advance for that without any of us feeling that she was in an uncomfortable/inappropriate kind of position. So it worked out.

This also is a function of the kind of relationship and trust that we've built with her over time. It would be a very different kind of decision if she had only been with us for 2 months, rather than 2 years, or if she had asked us for loans before. She has also bailed us out of a tough spot (whole family was sick and she helped take care of all of us for instance) so the considerations that are given have been on all sides, and aren't always financial but have been significant.

Anyway, I guess I'm just saying that while in principle I absolutely agree that lending money is a bad idea, in real life - when we have someone working for us for whom we really care, and who has cared for us beyond the purely employee level, it can be ok to be a bit flexible.

[Anonymous]

You people are all crazy, I've been nannying for almost ten years now and it's not about the "nanny" and yours relationship were people. Just like you just because you employ us doesn't mean your above us, I think it depends on your relationship with your "employer" to me there not there family and I know if I asked they'd loan me the money in a second. And they know I'd pay it back in a timely manner. If you can trust your nanny with money why are you trusting her with your child that your biggest problem right there! Stop looking at it with money look at it as people you trust or don't. Simple, would you trust a co-worker compared to someone who watched your kids or would you only trust them

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You people are all crazy, I've been nannying for almost ten years now and it's not about the "nanny" and yours relationship were people. Just like you just because you employ us doesn't mean your above us, I think it depends on your relationship with your "employer" to me there not there family and I know if I asked they'd loan me the money in a second. And they know I'd pay it back in a timely manner. If you can trust your nanny with money why are you trusting her with your child that your biggest problem right there! Stop looking at it with money look at it as people you trust or don't. Simple, would you trust a co-worker compared to someone who watched your kids or would you only trust them

Thank you for bringing up a two year old post to babble incessantly with poor grammar and punctuation. You've enlightened us all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You people are all crazy, I've been nannying for almost ten years now and it's not about the "nanny" and yours relationship were people. Just like you just because you employ us doesn't mean your above us, I think it depends on your relationship with your "employer" to me there not there family and I know if I asked they'd loan me the money in a second. And they know I'd pay it back in a timely manner. If you can trust your nanny with money why are you trusting her with your child that your biggest problem right there! Stop looking at it with money look at it as people you trust or don't. Simple, would you trust a co-worker compared to someone who watched your kids or would you only trust them

Thank you for bringing up a two year old post to babble incessantly with poor grammar and punctuation. You've enlightened us all.

Totally agree!

[Anonymous]

OP, your situation is so much like ours I could have written it. We also helped our nanny with lawyers fees for her work permit. It was a loan and, at the time, she could not pay us back but she was supposed to let us know when she wanted to begin deductions from her paycheck. It's been a year now and she has not brought it up. Most recently, something else came up and she needed a cash advance. Again, no mention of pay back. We will have to bring it up in the New Year. There's a fine line between helping someone and truly wanting the best for them --- to feeling taken advantage of. Our nanny is wonderful and has been with us for 4+ years. I feel for her situation as she has multiple family members she takes care of, but we can't be responsible.

[Anonymous]

I have never asked my employer for a loan, no matter how close we may be. A PP said that she asked for loans for phone and car because they were necessary to her duties; my opinion is that anything necessary to duties should be provided to the nanny, and anything for her personal life should be kept separate.

[Anonymous]

Bonus is a noun not a verb. Please stop mutilating the English language.

As for your problem, no, it is not appropriate for nanny to keep asking you for loans. This is what banks are for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just going through this with our nanny now and it's very difficult. We want to help her (in a jam w/ car repairs) but we don't want to establish a dangerous precedent. She doesn't have friends or family here to support her, she doesn't manage her money well, but we care for her and want to support her.

It can be a very difficult line to draw, with lots of subjective issues on all sides.

the fact that she does not manage her money well would be a deal braker for me. one thing is a one time help to a financially responsible person who has a problem, one thing is helping somebody who has a problem as a consequence of her irresponsible behavior. a lot of nannies on this forum had said that they have been working for years and never ever asked their employers for loans, while OP's nanny, making over $4000 a month, can't apparently live without extra thousands of dollars in loans. the reality is that your nanny does have friends and family samewhere, but they chose not to help her. she is an adult, and she made bad financial choices. if you bail her out, she will never learn, and she will lean on you again next time she has a crises, because she is learning that she can do that. you are the easy way out, instead of a combination of 1. paying with a CC or getting a personal loan, and paying it back dutifully every month by the deadline with interests, or 2) working extra jobs, in the evenings, weekends to make extra money, or 3) selling jewelry or other stuff she may have, or 4) staying without the car (as long it is not needed for her job) and take the long commute by public transportation. [/quote you not even cleaning your ass very well you think you can help others you're running your mouth for sure loser

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bonus is a noun not a verb. Please stop mutilating the English language.

As for your problem, no, it is not appropriate for nanny to keep asking you for loans. This is what banks are for.

thank you I agree with you she just a loser perhaps they

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love my nanny. I pay her well. I bonus her well. I pay for extras when she needs them, like prescriptions, or lawyer fees or other "things" that come up. She has now asked me for a 3rd loan. Thousands of dollars. I have loaned her money in the past and took a small amount out of her paycheck each week (unless she asked me not to) but it would take a really long time to pay back. I just wonder if anyone else is in this position and what I should do about it. My husband is started to become really annoyed by it and I'm starting to see why.

Just say NO!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, your situation is so much like ours I could have written it. We also helped our nanny with lawyers fees for her work permit. It was a loan and, at the time, she could not pay us back but she was supposed to let us know when she wanted to begin deductions from her paycheck. It's been a year now and she has not brought it up. Most recently, something else came up and she needed a cash advance. Again, no mention of pay back. We will have to bring it up in the New Year. There's a fine line between helping someone and truly wanting the best for them --- to feeling taken advantage of. Our nanny is wonderful and has been with us for 4+ years. I feel for her situation as she has multiple family members she takes care of, but we can't be responsible.

Kiss the money goodbye. You should never have hired someone illegal to work in the first place; just consider this the "fee" you paid to make sure you were both following the law.

If you wish to make a point, you could deduct a token amount from each check (like $5), but I don't see where it gets you to pile on to someone already in a bad position. You made a choice a long time ago to help her; you could have made a different choice and let her go at that point. But, you didn't. It was a bad loan, but at least you have a good nanny out of the deal, right?

[Anonymous]

Fire her and hire me. I would never do that to any employer especially if I was making that much.

I have 20 years of childcare experiences and have never made that much as you pay her , she should be grateful.

[Anonymous]

Ancient post. Please let it die.