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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm just going through this with our nanny now and it's very difficult.  We want to help her (in a jam w/ car repairs) but we don't want to establish a dangerous precedent.  She doesn't have friends or family here to support her, she doesn't manage her money well, but we care for her and want to support her.

It can be a very difficult line to draw, with lots of subjective issues on all sides.[/quote]

the fact that she does not manage her money well would be a deal braker for me. one thing is a one time help to a financially responsible person who has a problem, one thing is helping somebody who has a problem as a consequence of her irresponsible behavior.  a lot of nannies on this forum had said that they have been working for years and never ever asked their employers for loans, while OP's nanny, making over $4000 a month, can't apparently live without extra thousands of dollars in loans.   the reality is that your nanny does have friends and family samewhere, but they chose not to help her.  she is an adult, and she made bad financial choices. if you bail her out, she will never learn, and she will lean on you again next time she has a crises, because she is learning that she can do that. you are the easy way out, instead of a combination of 1. paying with a CC or getting a personal loan, and paying it back dutifully every month by the deadline with interests, or 2) working extra jobs, in the evenings, weekends to make extra money, or 3) selling jewelry or other stuff she may have, or 4) staying without the car (as long it is not needed for her job) and take the long commute by public transportation. [/quote]

Well, this is certainly a valid perspective, and I agree with much of what you say (although I find it pretty hard to read).  But the truth is that she doesn't have family in this country and she doesn't have friends who are positioned to bail her out in a pinch, and she has worked for us for two years without asking for a penny before this.  How she spends her money is not actually my business - she is free to do as she chooses.  (We know, actually, that much of her income goes to support her family in her home country.  It's not as though she's out gambling, she spends her money on her loved ones and doesn't put herself or her emergency fund/savings before them.  Which, while I might want to counsel her on her priorities, really is none of my business.)

What I do consider my business is her ability to get to/from work, and transport my kids during the day.  So when she has a major unforeseen car repair bill I think it does cross into territory where we might take a more active role and help her.

As it turns out, she will be watching our kids for a few nights when we're away so we could just pay her in advance for that without any of us feeling that she was in an uncomfortable/inappropriate kind of position.  So it worked out.

This also is a function of the kind of relationship and trust that we've built with her over time.  It would be a very different kind of decision if she had only been with us for 2 months, rather than 2 years, or if she had asked us for loans before.  She has also bailed us out of a tough spot (whole family was sick and she helped take care of all of us for instance) so the considerations that are given have been on all sides, and aren't always financial but have been significant.

Anyway, I guess I'm just saying that while in principle I absolutely agree that lending money is a bad idea, in real life - when we have someone working for us for whom we really care, and who has cared for us beyond the purely employee level, it can be ok to be a bit flexible.[/quote]

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